Ep #71: How I Structure My 33-Hour Workweek

Episode Summary

Jenna shares her weekly routine that supports her business, self, and family.

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Show Notes

I love my routine, and recently a client asked me exactly what it is. It's smart to learn from others and see which of their approaches could work in your life. That's why I’m so excited to break down my week for you, day by day and hour by hour.

In this episode of “The Uncommon Way”, I share my ideal schedule and the choices I make for it to unfold as gracefully as possible. With that, I know how easily life can get in the way. I’ll discuss daily approaches for reducing your cognitive load so that when disruptions do occur, you don’t feel overwhelmed or stressed.

Your mindset is key to making your routine work. The structure I have created around myself is a reflection of the structure I have created within my mind. Listen in to learn how you can build a structure that allows for professional, creative, and personal development.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• My weekly routine.

• Approaches for cutting down your cognitive load.

• Why improving our mindset is the first step to building a schedule.

• How to make choices that support both your business and personal life.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Today, I'm pulling back the curtain on what my life looks like running a multiple six-figure service business, with the nitty-gritty details of how I structure my weeks and the practices that work for me after years of trial and error.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your Clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hi, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Today, I'm bringing you a topic by listener request. Somebody asked me if I could share what my days look like, and I said, “Yes, I am an open book.”

I love topic requests, and love being able to help you out with wherever you are needing my perspective or inspiration or you're just stuck at a certain place in your business. I know that if one person's asking someone else needs to hear it, as well. So, please keep the topic requests coming.

You can find me on any of the socials at The Uncommon Way. I may not respond immediately, since I'm not on social every day but I will respond personally. You could also email us at info@theuncommonway.com.

All right, I completely and totally get the request to see how somebody else lives their life. It's very smart of us to learn from others, and stretch our brain into new ideas so that we can come up with really what works for us and our uncommon way.

When it comes to this particular topic, I still remember when my first coach sent out an email, and she was talking about how she has the same breakfast every morning. I can still remember it; I'm still thinking about it. At the time, I thought, “Oh, this is so interesting.”

She said that she was working with a health coach specifically, who helps entrepreneurs maximize their energy and their mental acuity so that they could hustle harder, basically. And when I think back on it, tap into higher levels of thought leadership, was another one, and maintain their energy. So, it was such a mind opener, to be so focused on your business that even your breakfast choices are supporting your business.

Now, it might seem obvious to some of you that, of course your nutritional choices support your day. But we're going way back in my journey here. I mean, I had thought about nutrition, maybe for fertility or some sort of physical thing you were doing, or to avoid a certain health condition. But to boost my performance as an entrepreneur? Never.

What specifically stuck with me about her story, was that the reason she wanted to have the same breakfast every day was to reduce her cognitive load. When she thought about the decision making capacity that she had in a day, she didn't want to be spending some of those muscles or some of that brain space on her breakfast.

While I obviously don't take on all the practices of the entrepreneurs that I look up to, I'll often grab one little nugget. And so, that really is my hope for this episode. That there is some nugget here that will serve you, or something that you can bounce off against your own thoughts and realize, come to clarity, about why this isn't for you and what you want to do instead.

I realize now that I do have a similar way of running my daily choices and rhythms through the filter of what supports my work in the world. And of course, vice versa. Wanting the choices I make in my business to best support my life.

I think the biggest one, is that I have a digital online service business. I can take it anywhere in the world with me because travel is so important. That was a very strategic decision from the very, very beginning because I had had more brick-and-mortar style models of businesses in the past, and I knew that that was something I really wanted to move into.

I am also thinking about how to reduce my cognitive load. How do I increase efficiency so that I make space for joy and ease and satisfaction in life? I have a strong belief now, I didn't always, but I do now, that any moment of time throughout the day is very valuable, and that my mind is very powerful. And so, my decision supports both of those.

I've created a very disciplined structure. But I will say, and I have proven this to myself over and over, is that while that tactical stuff is important, the systems, the schedules, the allowing yourself to be supported, that mindset has to come first.

Many of you are going to hear me say these words right now, but you won't really hear them yet. I remember being there hearing coaches talk about this, and my brain would just jump to, “Yes, but you don't have kids. Yes, but you have a team to support you and I'm still a solopreneur. Yes, but… Yes, but… Yes, but…” So, I do get it.

Again, I'm not completely discounting that, there is some truth, of course. But I'm adamant about this, and I'll be talking about it again and again, throughout this episode. So, I'm just going to repeat it: The mindset has to come first.

You can duplicate the schedule I have, with the level of support I have, but if deep down you're still attached to hustle culture, or to proving yourself to some imaginary challenger, or you have money scarcity, or simply you haven't relaxed with the pattern of heightened nervous system activation, you will have a completely different experience of your life than I do. You'll feel stressed, and most likely, you'll fall out of the schedule and you'll start working nights or something; ask me how I know.

On the other hand, there will be some of you that perceive that I'm working a lot. You might find yourself thinking, “Ugh, that sounds like a lot. So, I never want to grow my business beyond $100,000.” Of course, that's totally fine, you do not have to. In fact, that's what I used to think.

But I'll tell you that my days feel less hard now than they did at $100,000. I actually have more clients now than I did then. That's because of capacity building. I have now built the capacity to handle things that would have totally fried me before.

Sometimes I have five hours of straight calls in a day. That's an anomaly, but it happens, and I'm okay with it. I can produce more in a shorter timeframe than I ever could have been. So, the reason that I can describe myself as a busy working mom, and yet not feel the overwhelm and burnout of that statement, is again, the mind.

My interior monologue around the things that I'm doing creates peace and flow. And by the way, when I say things I'm doing, I mean, the things I'm doing to keep myself out of the stress response, which points to the other side of the whole mind body equation. Right? The body. And I could do just a whole episode on this, but, tactically, here's what that looks like.

Here are the things I'm doing throughout the day that make my experience so different. So sometimes it's just like 5 seconds of mindfulness. Those really add up throughout the day because your brain and body then start to just do it for you. Sometimes it's just 60 seconds of moving my body or closing my eyes and taking some deep breaths or stepping outside and feeling the sun on my face. Sometimes it looks like a bubble bath in the middle of the day. Sometimes it looks like choosing a book by the fire instead of TV at night.

But I'm in perpetual monitoring of what's going on in my body and then resettling it. And I combine that with the mindset side. And then together, it creates a very different experience that I used to have. And for any of you that feel threatened by slowing down, who feel that gut hit of “but then everything else gonna fall apart, and I won't achieve my dreams and everything.” Or if you are in the space where you're like, “Yeah. You know, 60 seconds of breathing deeply, that doesn't even feel that great to me. Like, why would I do that?”

Just really listen to me when I say this. It's the total experience that ends up changing for you. It's not about the 60 seconds. It's about the way your body starts to feel and think and perceive so differently. And so I'm saying this with love, but you just have no idea how much. The opposite is true, that, actually, you then can speed up so much more and how much a better life is here on the other side when this becomes your new normal.

Would I like to create even more whitespace in my week, and produce even higher levels of output? You betcha. The steps are being put in place to create more of that.

But am I stressed out that I'm not there at this precise moment? No. Whether or not they ever shift, I'm good. My life satisfaction isn't dependent on the external. And I'm in full control of my time, if I did want to change it. I know exactly why I'm doing what I'm doing, and I'm in love with what I'm doing.

We all have the same number of hours in a day. There will always be people who can do more in a day than you, and who won't be able to do as much as you. People who work more, and people who work less. I love to remind myself that people like, I don't know, Neil deGrasse Tyson, for some reason I think about him frequently as a point of reference.

He works at the Natural History Museum, he writes books, he has a podcast, he speaks all over, on and on and on. Yet, he has the same number of hours as me. What matters for your quality of life is how you experience your time and your routines and your choices.

The thing that I'm most proud of when it comes to this episode isn't the schedule that I've created for myself, although I've made some very smart choices and it suits my current needs, but what I'm most proud of is the experience I've created for myself.

And the consistent evidence I see of an upward trend in the things that matter in my life. How relaxed and joyful I am as I move through my day. The kinds of results my clients are getting. The amount of time that is spent in my zone of genius, versus outside my zone of genius. How mindful I am, and how I prioritize the things that really regenerate me. How much I treat myself like someone I love and adore. Those are the kinds of things I'm tracking and that I'm optimizing for.

It's very important that I make one caveat here at this point, which is when I say all of this that I've just said about my experience, this is my usual experience. Yes, there are days, or even a week, where I'm in the space of ‘this is too much and I just can't,’ or I blow things off and time flies and it seems like nothing gets accomplished. Totally. I have a human brain.

But my typical experience is what I'm talking about, and that's what I think all of us need to focus on. That's what's most helpful for us all to focus on, rather than the times when we kind of “fall short.”

So, let's break it down. I wake up at 6:40 every weekday. If I didn't have a child, I'd probably be up working until 2:00 each night, and then I'd be sleeping in and having a leisurely morning. I'm a night owl, and I really feel my creativity and focus kick in right around 10pm. For those of you familiar with ayurveda, I definitely tap into that pitta dosha right around then. I wake up and just zoom, come online.

But that is not my current reality right now. It's 6:40 on weekdays and 8am on weekends. If you're wondering how is that possible, if I have a six-year-old, that I can sleep in until 8:00, it's because Dylan stays up in his room until those times. He plays with Legos and things if he wakes up early. That definitely happens on weekends. We leave some little snacks up there for him.

We do have a monitor, in case of nightmares or if he's sick, and just so that I can know what time he's waking up. I know if he wakes up really early we're going to have a little more crankiness throughout the day. But when the monitor flips on, when he wakes up, I just turned it off and I go back to sleep.

Because when I don't sleep well, I really notice it. I, myself, am more cranky, I have brain fog, and I just have more of a negativity bias. I'm less optimistic about life, and I judge others more. So, as soon as we brought Dylan home from the hospital, we started working on great sleep habits. I personally believe that the habit of good sleep is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child. Another great gift you can give your child, is a well-rested mama. I believe that so fully.

So, we read that it really comes down to getting enough calories in them when they're infants. And of course, their stomachs are small, so they have to eat frequently and regularly, including during the night. If you do that, rather than just having them eat when they wake up and are hungry, then they'll be able to sleep and they develop the pattern of sleeping.

Maybe that's true, or maybe it's totally been debunked and we just got really lucky with Dylan, but he started sleeping well within a few months, and still sleeps very well and very soundly through the night. When he did wake up, we just kept it very low energy and calm, with few words, so there wasn't lots of snuggling or play time to really incentivize him to stay up or keep waking up.

For those of you wondering, Dylan and I are very touchy and affectionate, so I don't see a negative effect from not co-sleeping with him. But I'm not a child psychologist, so this is obviously for information purposes only.

Anyway, I get up, well rested. Dylan gets up, well rested, and I help him fix his breakfast. I let my dog, Sky, go outside, and I load up her automatic feeder, so we don't have to think about feeding her for the rest of the day. My husband and I have a very good division of labor now.

There's one other thing that we do, Dylan and I. So, I have this eye condition where I need to put warm compresses on my eye twice a day. I use that as a meditation time, as well, kind of a grounding and settling time. Well, Dylan has become drawn to this, so he'll finish his breakfast and he'll come in the room and snuggle up in bed with me.

And so, we started doing kid meditations on Insight Timer. They have all these kid meditations that are really cute. Right now, our current favorite is a dinosaur meditation. We'll just sit there like, imagine being on the back of a dinosaur, swaying steps, and it's just very relaxation oriented.

The adult meditation that I love doing is just an intention setting meditation. Where we sit and really realize what are our thoughts and fears, potentially, about the day? What do we fear might happen? Then, can we shift that and start thinking about what we desire to happen? Really getting into that energy, that will create new results for our future, rather than just repeating the past.

So, Dylan and I will do one of those two. We’ll lay together, do that little meditation until he starts fidgeting, because he's Dylan. At some point, we definitely get the small patterns of a few moments or a few minutes of quiet time. I know it is so great for him.

Anyway, yeah, I kind of have that initial morning time with him, but then Ben is the one that takes care of loading up Dylan's backpack and getting him out the door in the morning. He is a genius, you all, when it comes to gamifying things that Dylan needs to do.

They'll have this big race and competition to see who can do all the things; eat the breakfast, drink water, brush teeth. And whenever I try anything like that, Dylan is like, “Mama, I only play that with daddy.” We used to have such unpleasantness every morning, and I am so grateful to Ben for just taking that over and gifting the all of us this loving morning experience.

So, Dylan leaves just before 8:00 to catch the school bus. And my mom, she lives nearby, she's also a huge help to me. She comes to walk Dylan to the school bus, and then walk Sky and throw the ball for her. Shy’s and active breed, she's a Border Collie, and she needs to exercise at least two times a day.

That used to just add another component of in our life, but now, even if I didn't have mom, I would send Dylan to the bus stop by himself. We can do that; we live on a military base. And I would have a dog walker. I would not be taking away from business time to walk the dog.

Old me would have thought, “I'm not going to pay that much for a dog walker each week.” But nowadays, again, I value my hours, whether in or out of business, at my hourly rate; even though I don't have an hourly rate. But still, as if what I could earn in that hour.

Honestly, my mom loves the morning exercise, and loves seeing Dylan and being close to us, so it's really a win for everyone. I get ready in about 30 minutes, sometimes more if Ben had an early meeting, and I was the one getting Dylan out the door. Or if I'm answering Voxer messages, which I do a couple days a week, it can lead into a longer time. But typically, it's about 30 minutes.

I do that by only styling my hair once a week. I've trained my scalp to produce less oil. And then, sometimes on a Wednesday or Thursday, I throw in some dry shampoo. Maybe sometimes I'll wash my hair, but I really only style and straighten it once a week.

I keep the makeup really simple, I just have a tinted sunscreen, mascara. And then, when I'm feeling really fancy, I'll do my brows. But that is the work uniform. Speaking of uniforms, I wear a lot of black. So, simple mix and match.

Though sometimes, maybe I'll throw in a top with color. But for me, it's really about the texture of the materials and the craftsmanship, versus the color or the patterns. So, I don't have to spend a lot of time deciding on clothes.

This really speaks to the importance I place on this concept of “the rock.” Giving yourself that simplicity and that stability, which helps with your nervous system regulation, so that you can then stretch yourself and take risks, be more present and engaged, and be more creative in other areas. Dress, I believe, is one reflection of that.

I can say that I was very influenced by designers in New York City in the early 2000s. When I was there, I was working in jewelry design. I was very tapped into the design world. I noticed how people at the top of their game, thinking of Donna Karan and Vera Wang, and even Calvin Klein or Steve Jobs really, would wear simple uniforms day in and day out, and then have a wildly vibrant and creative outward expression.

It speaks to how much I value the life of the mind, and how I want to use my mind for very creative, bold, brave, thought leadership in the world. But now, I've trained my brain to question everything so I can come up with so many counter examples of people who express through their clothes, as well as their work.

But right now, I love dressing in this way. Except for some of my summer beachy clothes or ballgowns for military balls, I don't have a whole lot of color. I keep things very easy and simple for dressing.

The one place where I might place some thought is with my jewelry. I used to have a jewelry design company, and like I said, I worked in the industry for years, so I have several of my own pieces that I've made, plus others that I've collected from travels and whatnot. I do love me some precious metals and gemstones, especially if they have really clean lines.

Alright, move away from apparel and into meals. Again, not a lot of variety. I'm not quite like my coach, who ate the same thing every day. But what’s interesting, is we have a cookbook on Blue Zone cuisine. Those are the areas of the globe where there are more centenarians, and people are living longer and healthier lives.

In the foreword, they were talking about how they've noticed in these cultures that they really kind of tend to eat the same ingredients over and over in different ways. There's a hypothesis that that might help their immune system better recognize, I want to say intruders but it's not intruders, just basically recognize foreign pathogens I guess, that the immune system would need to attack.

Because they have such a regular input into their bodies, it's very apparent when something is not self, or not normal. Again, just interesting anecdotal evidence that made me think’ hmm.’ But really, it is again, just for cutting out the cognitive load.

And so, I have about three breakfast choices that I choose from. And just so you know, my decisions are never, ever based on what's fattening, I don't diet at all. In fact, I look for ways to add more healthy fats in my diet. And even if I'm consuming dairy or sugar, it's always full fat, real sugar, and not a sugar substitute or a fat substitute, or anything like that. So, I don't usually snack, and therefore my choices are more about what fills me up and sustains my energy until the next meal.

The reason I don't snack is just because I don't remember to snack. Potentially, there's some neurodiversity, some ADHD, and when I do start working I tend to hyperfocus, and so I'll just stay in there. Often, I'll skip meals. I have to remind myself to eat a meal.

I'll eat mostly vegetarian, plant-based, for breakfast and lunch. Sometimes at lunch, I'll have fish or dinner leftovers, because they usually do tend to have meat. So, for breakfast, again, I will choose from either a bean burrito if I have a tight morning. I want to have my burrito as I'm, for instance, doing my hair or getting ready. That's kind of a very convenient, easy choice for me.

Or I will have eggs and Ezekiel bread with peanut butter, and then apple butter on top of that. Or I'll have oatmeal with some sort of coconut oil or butter and nuts mixed in and a little bit of honey, and some fruit with yogurt.

A typical lunch is something like stir fried veggies with tofu, and maybe brown rice, or Indian food, something of that style. Kind of like a Mexican bowl, that type of style, where there's some sort of rice base, usually brown rice base, and then some veggies.

So, many of these meals do come from delivery services. We currently live in the middle of cow country, rural Pennsylvania, and we have to drive two hours to get to a Whole Foods. And really, the only healthy takeout around here is Chipotle. So, a lot of it is delivered so that I can just throw together what I need to throw together.

When I have calls starting at 9:00, obviously I start at 9:00. Other days, I may start at 9:30 or 10:00, if I've maybe been answering Voxer messages. Or maybe I get a hit about some podcast idea that I want to jot down before breakfast. Sometimes I love having breakfast while I'm watching a training video or something, that's really fun when I can do that.

But you'll see that other than my really very brief morning meditation, I don't have the kind of morning routine that others prioritize and swear by. I tend to just get right into it. At this point, I still have a fair amount of one-to-one calls. I still do all of my own sales calls.

I only work until 3:30, when Dylan comes home. Plus, I often take a half hour or 45 minutes to make lunch and have lunch with Ben. So, I move at a fairly healthy clip, let's say.

I tend to have my client calls on Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Typically, two to three a day. I have sales calls on Mondays and Fridays. And then, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, that's when I have calls for my own development.

So, at any given time, I always have a coach. I have some sort of business development. Like, I'm working with a designer for the website and that requires me thinking and making decisions or creating copy, right? Or I'm working to launch a podcast, or now I'm working with someone to help with podcast growth, etc. So, some sort of business development.

I have my therapy, as well. I've been doing EMDR therapy for about a year. I highly recommend it to anybody that has kind of trauma responses, or anything going on where you are triggered and you're like, “Whoa, that did not seem like a measured response.”

Then, there is also, typically some type of professional development, some training to broaden or to deepen my skills as a coach. So, four things that I'm doing at any given time for my own development. With the remaining whitespace, I may be reviewing client work, or meeting with an accountant, or responding to an email, or there's something that I want to post myself on social.

But I spend very little time on social. I have a team that does that for me. They repurpose the podcasts clips, and I have a VA that posts all of it for me. So, I'm often going days without even opening the apps. But with things like this, I purposely don't leave myself tons of time to do them, because otherwise I know it will expand and just consume more time.

I try not to schedule anything at all on Wednesdays, so that I can have some concentrated space for creating content or the business development that I was just talking about.

You might have heard me talk about mindset and manifestation, and you might be wondering now, “But when do you sit down and journal about your subconscious beliefs? Or declare your desires or do visualizations?” There was a period where I needed to do a lot of that stuff, but now it just happens while I'm walking the dog or I'm brushing my teeth.

I've had clients say, “I've created so much transformation here, in the Clarity Accelerator, and it's been amazing. But now, I just need to take a break for a bit. All this personal development stuff, it's kind of grueling.” But I don't think of it in that way. For me, it's a very comfy, happy space to be in communion with my higher Self.

And so, when I approach my limiting beliefs, or belief building, I do so from a place of curiosity and anticipation. It's actually something fun for me to do, daydream as I walk my dog, for instance.

And as I'm uncovering things about myself, I'll be like, “Oh, interesting, I guess I was thinking that. Oh, that's so good to know. Oh, I can see how this idea seems a little sticky. But I'm recognizing progress and evidence. And that's so exciting to think about, what's going to unfold as I release more and more of this thing that's been holding me back.”

It feels very good. But it's happening all the time. I no longer have to create the space for my brain to do that, thinking that otherwise, it won't happen. I'm just always doing it.

I realized, funny enough, I forgot to talk about social media. I know a lot of you are spending a lot of time on social media. Of course, I've said that I have a team that will repurpose my podcast excerpts and put that out for me, but I do look over all of it. I rewrite a lot of the posts, to make sure it's something that I would actually say and something that I actually believe in.

But starting a habit that I began when my son was a newborn, I really only do that in a focused way, about once a month. So, once a month, I'll go and I'll review everything, I'll batch it together, and then I'm done for the month. That's something that I started doing long ago when I was creating my own content. And I've continued that pattern now, as I am reviewing content.

If I'm going to spontaneously take the dog for a walk or do some yoga or journal or anything, I do have the space to do that. If I want to get a massage or have lunch with mom, I have the space to do that. But mostly, that's when I do my newsletter, and anything proactive that I want to do in my business.

So, when I say proactive, here are the things that I'm currently focusing on for my business growth. I've brought on a new operations manager. So, I'm spending more time with her now to get her on boarded. I'm looking to diversify my lead acquisition; the way that I bring people in to know about us and hear about us.

My people tend to spend a lot of time with the podcast, so I'm placing particular focus there. And you'll probably see some changes coming up in the podcast in the future. I'm looking to create highly effective ways of getting my clients results, without needing the personal time with me. But I am not jumping into anything. I'm doing that very carefully and methodically, monitoring client results.

Then, of course, my long-term vision hinges on creating a very strong community of women who are creating these uncommon businesses and lives. So, I'm always looking for ways to enhance that experience and help my people develop even tighter bonds in the collective.

All of the business activities that I do, or that I invest in, need to support those pillars. Again, it's helping me with decision making. I also stagger all of them. So, even though they're things that I would love to do, they're just not on the calendar for a while.

Last thing about the work week, I also work Sunday mornings. Dylan goes to my mom's. I believe it's very important for him to have time with older generations. And Ben finally gets some alone time. He's an introvert, but his job, and his extrovert son, currently don't allow him much introvert time. So, I'm by myself during those Sunday mornings, and that's when I create my podcast episodes for y'all. Right now, it is Sunday.

If I were working all of the time, Monday through Friday, from 9:00 to 3:30, and then Sundays for a few hours, I'd probably be at about 35 hours a week of work, but it rarely works out that way. I'll talk about that in a second.

But yes, on weekdays, I stop work at 3:30, I get ready to pick Dylan up from the bus stop, then we'll walk home, he'll decompress a little bit, I'll make him a snack, and when he's ready, we'll often play a bit or color or something until Ben comes home.

Then there's this very highly orchestrated maneuver. I'm laughing at my description of this, but it's pretty accurate actually, where we take care of business. Like, one of us walks the dog while the other plays with Dylan. And then we switch off, so the other person works out, and then the other person's with Dylan.

Unfortunately, we don't live around other kids. One of the greatest benefits of a military base, is that the kids are safe to just run around in little packs and have tons of unstructured, unsupervised play. There aren't any fences so the kids have big open fields and things. That's a big reason why we chose this assignment. Why we chose specifically to live on-post rather than off-post, which we frequently do.

But unfortunately, the housing is divided by seniority, and so most of the people around us who are older, like us, have older kids. Dylan's friends live within a bike ride, but he's still not always looking both ways when he crosses the street, or with cars backing out of driveways.

He just gets really distracted, and so that's not an option yet, for us to just send him down there. And so, he really considers us his best friends and playmates. He's very, very active, so really exercising him and exercising the dog and exercising us, that's really the focus of our afternoons.

Ben and I switch off each day with the working out and the dog walking, like I said, and also with cooking and cleaning up dinner, and putting Dylan down.

For my own workouts, I have pretty short, concentrated workouts. I'll do either yoga, or I'll do something that is more kind of like circuit training, but here in the house, using body weight. So, lots of squats or lunges, and kind of high-intensity circuit training, where you're going for a short amount of time, Not necessarily full high-intensity training, because my specific game really is more of the strength building, although there's a cardio component to it, but I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm trying to build muscle and tone and strength.

Then, of course, have my yoga to keep myself flexible, and not just get all tight and bubble muscle, where I can't even get down on the floor with my son anymore because I'm just so inflexible. During the week, there's usually some kind of sports practice for Dylan. Again, Ben and I'll switch off taking him there, or sometimes my mom will take him.

In the warm weather we have a little more to do. There's a farmers market with live music that we’ll often go to once a week. There's another little outdoor kind of bar area here on-post, where they typically have a bouncy house. Again, that’s one day a week. The kids all get together and play together, so we'll go there.

But those things drop off in the winter. Like I said, we do not live in a vibrant city. We will soon, starting next summer, so we'll see how things change. But right now, there aren't really restaurants we want to go out to, or events that we want to be a part of. So, our life is very, very quiet.

After Dylan goes to sleep, Ben and I like to catch up on our day. I don't know if I mentioned it, but Dylan goes down at about eight o'clock at night. Then, Ben and I like to catch up on our day a bit, and once a week we sit down and we sync all of our schedules. We think about meals for the next week. We get that all planned out and ordered, and usually make one run to the grocery store, only on the weekends.

Then we relax maybe, and watch a show from 8:30 to 9:30, sometimes to 10:00. At which point, I get ready for bed. I put on all my night creams and do all the things, and then do a final nighttime meditation. I try to get to sleep by 11:00pm.

I just described the ideal scenario. I say I like spontaneity and adventure in life, but the truth is, I only like it sometimes. I love my routines. Also, I have a 2 line in Human Design, a profile line, which is The Hermit. And I do love to hermit. Part of the reason is, because I haven't yet told you about all the things, all the reality, that disrupts the schedule I just mentioned.

So, there are doctor's appointments. There are doctor's appointments for my son, and sports physicals, there's getting the dog groomed. We’re thinking of moving to Spain, so now we have to hop on a call with an attorney, or we need to research the schools over there. Or it's time to create the yearly Christmas Calendar, so the grandparents can see Dylan's best pictures from the year. Or Ben has a conference, so now I'm a single mom this week, etc. etc., right?

Living where we do, we don't have a lot of domestic help. We can't hire a house manager to make sure that the carpets are getting cleaned, and the laundry gets washed and folded. So, there are many things that I'm still doing that I don't plan to be doing forever.

Because I understand that managing a child and running a house is a job. Our way of living was really designed for a single breadwinner, and then the other spouse, usually the woman, taking care of everything else. We don't have that anymore. And yet, the number of hours in the day has not increased.

In fact, the New York Times published a pretty famous article showing that working moms now spend more concentrated time with their children than stay at home moms did in the 70s. So, I used to have drama around all of that. Like, “Well, I should be able to do it all.” But I've released a lot of that. I should not be able to do it all, and I want my house manager, dammit. So, to be continued on that front.

Now, quick note, you might be thinking, “Wait, but how many doctor's appointments are you really going to?” When I was younger, I'd go once per year, maybe have a mammogram, go to the dentist once, and that was it. But now, there's more things that crop up. I don't want to play into the stereotype of things start breaking down when you're 50, or anything like that.

But I do go to an eye doctor. There are different kinds of laser appointments and micro-needling, and maybe physical therapy, and several dental appointments. In my experience, more things have accumulated now than I used to think about. Now I try to only schedule one or two of those extra things a week, but they do invariably take away from the ideal of this complete work week.

And, we do travel frequently. We were in Spain for all of July. We were getting Dylan enrolled in kindergarten in August, and there was some drama so it took a fair amount of my time dealing with the district, and all the different things. I had surgery in September. Then, in October, we had the Clarity Collective retreat in Mexico. We celebrated my husband's birthday in the Turks and Caicos.

We do have this blissful period in November to regroup, but then, in December, we're taking Dylan out to see Ben's parents in Texas, and then going to see my dad and stepmom in California. In January, Ben is going to be a visiting professor at Johns Hopkins for a couple of months. So, he'll be gone for a half week, and I'll have some juggling to do being alone here.

Plus, I would really like to take Dylan to Disney World, since we might be leaving the States in the summer. We'll see. Because in February, Ben and I are headed back to Majorca to checkout schools in person, and really make that final decision for ourselves.

And then, if we do end up deciding to leave after Ben retires, leave the States, I will need to take another trip there in the spring in order to secure my Digital Nomad Visa and be able to bring the family over. Of course, in March and April we'll be prepping for Ben's retirement and our move.

So, because of things of that nature, I used to work almost every night to compensate for everything I'm describing here. Because not only do some of those things, like the research, bleed over into the day… For instance, the only time we could meet with the attorney is during my work day. But also, whenever I'm traveling, my client calls get moved to the weeks before and after. So, those are busier weeks too.

And so, again, I used to work almost every night. In fact, I would only take nights off because I felt guilty about not giving Ben any “me” time. Luckily, that has changed. Maybe I'll work a night if I haven't finished my podcast, or I didn't plan well, or something kind of comes up out of the blue. But it is more and more rare.

When it does happen, I don't beat myself up about it, or even really have any big thoughts about it. I just kind of get it done. That really goes back to the mindset work that I talked about at the beginning. Because what keeps me sane isn't the schedule, it's the mindset.

Although, of course, my schedule is a reflection of my mindset, right? In the way that I'm able to make choices. And what makes things feel crazy, isn't all the to-dos of life, at least not 100% the to-dos, it's your reaction to them. What you make it mean, if you do or don't do those things.

I've built up a tolerance for, and really a compassion, for the part of me that wants to work so much, that does have big dreams, that wants to move things forward and get things done. And because I can manage that, I'm not needing to react to it. I'm not letting it drive me in the way that it used to.

All of the mindset things I mentioned earlier, the fears about money, the needing to prove myself to people, needing to prove myself to myself, what it would mean if I did or didn't accomplish this thing, what it would mean if someone had a negative thought about me, if I didn't get this thing to my contractor on time and I would, in some way, disappoint them...

All of those things really used to drive me and take me out of my agency. The structure that I've created around myself is very much a reflection of the structure I've created in my mind. That structure and routine, which really represents the masculine energetic, is what allows my creativity and my downloads and my playfulness. And in essence, really the feminine energetic, that is what allows it all to flow so easily and regularly and to manifest powerfully.

All right, you all, I hope that that was helpful. Again, please reach out to me if you have any more topic ideas, or even any questions about this one. As you make your way through this journey yourself, just remember that deep down you know who you are, and each day you're stepping further into what you're here to create. Have a great week.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #70: Drop the Fear: Your Guide to Selling and Marketing Attachments-Free

Episode Summary

Jenna explores the complicated feelings of attachment and how to deal with them when they arise.

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Show Notes

Attachment, fear, and trust: what do these words have in common? They are all chain reaction feelings that we experience when we’re too attached to our business.

Attachment is the desire to control the future. Fear is the result of avoiding a perceived negative outcome. Trust is what we lose when we become fearful.

In this episode, I share my holistic approach to remaining unattached when it comes to your business and goals. I teach you how to reframe your mindset in a way that allows for more hope and less fear. By looking at the bigger picture and understanding the micro-steps that you can take along the way, you will gain a sense of gratification and control. Tune in to gain the clarity you need to stay on the right track for your business.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to remain unattached in your business.

• Tactile practices for when you’re experiencing the immediate feelings of attachment.

• How being fearful creates a lack of trust.

• How to question your desires and the way desire has been taught to us through the media.

• Why looking to outside sources will never satisfy your needs.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Ep #55: Setting Uncommon Goals and Taking Uncommon Actions

Full Episode Transcript:

It's not that you want to feel so attached to those numbers, or to what that person says or does, or to anything else really in your business, but you do. You know it's not just getting in the way, but it's making your experience of the business that much more unpleasant, so it's like a double whammy. Well, stick around, because I have been there and I want to help you create a new experience and different results starting today.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, everyone, welcome back. Today, we're going to talk about remaining unattached in your business. And in true Uncommon Way fashion we’ll take a holistic approach with the big picture mindset and energetics; I'll call that the macro side. But also, the down and dirty tactical how-tos; the micro side.

This episode was inspired by a conversation I had with one of my clients recently. She had been marketing to her audience with some great content and no one had booked a sales call. She was feeling angry and bitter. So, I want to thank her for bringing it up, and inspiring this great topic that we all feel from time to time.

I also thank her and my other clients, because without them we wouldn't have this podcast, which lets even more women hear about what we're doing at The Uncommon Way, and then begin stepping into their own Uncommon Way.

One thing my clients have in common is that they care a lot about joining together and helping others. That's why they're attracted to being part of a strong sisterhood like this one. I know they love thinking of their money going out into the broader world and helping people that they may never even meet.

And of course, supporting an amazing production crew with very aligned values. I want to highlight them, and make sure that all of us are all feeling the love for them.

So, speaking of this broader world, we just got back from celebrating my husband's birthday in the Turks and Caicos. I have to tell you, there was this boat driver, who was just this kind of person that's on his way to becoming a true sage.

He was in his early 20s, but he had a very uncommon way of thinking. He didn't believe in being on social media. Not that that's the only way to live, but I thought it was a very unusual choice for somebody in their early 20s. He’d tried all different jobs, and he says he loves to learn something to mastery, and then move on and keep growing and keep learning.

He was telling me about all the different jobs he's worked in. He just really had that desire for personal growth and experience, and finding his own way. He was just dropping all of these little nuggets that you just really wanted to soak up.

It was funny, because this other boat driver, when we first approached the marina, had said that he was our driver. But it turns out there had been some sort of mix up and he actually had a different set of clients. We kept passing that boat, and they just had a totally different vibe.

I love that I just seem to draw my people into my orbit, right? How would I have even imagined that I would go there and then spend all the time on the boat talking to this boat driver about life, the life of the mind, and finding your way.

But most of all, what I love, is that it's just beautiful to see how many people around the world, from all walks of life, are following their own path and being brave enough to walk their path. When I did that myself after college, almost 30 years ago, it was so uncommon. But now, less and less.

Anyway, we are home now after a busy but amazing October. First we had the retreat, and then my husband's birthday trip, and I'm just really looking forward to staying home and bundling up under some blankets and having a cozy November. So, I hope that you all are also very happy with where you're at.

Alright, let's talk attachment, shall we? Specifically, attachment in marketing, sales and results. So, that might look like you finding it hard not to feel bitter towards your audience when not even one person books a call after those amazing emails you just wrote, those amazing posts you just wrote. I mean, come on.

Or it might look like a convincing type of energy coming through when you're on a sales call, or tons of obsession after the sales call regarding whether or not they're going to sign. Maybe you find yourself getting distracted when someone's talking to you. Maybe your partner is talking to you, and you're like huh? And you realize you've been obsessing about what choice this person is going to make.

Or maybe it shows up as lots of disappointment and self-criticism when your business has a downswing. Or maybe the numbers haven't really fallen, but you don't have any sales calls on the books. And so, I mean, this is probably the beginning of the end.

Now, tell me none of those things sound familiar? I know that I've probably felt all of them. What do they have in common? There are a few different things, but what we're going to focus on today, is how they all show a strong attachment to specific outcomes.

That is generally unhelpful for your business, so we'd like to lessen that beginning today. But let's acknowledge that this is tricky stuff. Yes, we're going to try to conceptualize it in the space of a podcast episode, but there's a lot going on here.

I mean, on the one hand, business is inherently tied to external markers. A business needs sales. It needs money flowing in. Those are tangible things that you can see and you can measure. Now we're saying, don't get attached to that though. It's like, jeez, do you want me to pat my head or rub my stomach? What's going on?

You need intention, right? You need some direction, some desire to move forward towards the direction that you want to go. So, how am I supposed to desire but not desire too much? If this is something you've been noodling on, I believe a lot of the confusion comes from how we're taught to think about desire and how it's often portrayed.

We listen to so much of the music, so many movies, and we’re shown that when you desire, for instance when you desire a person, you desire them so deeply that you go out of your way to sweep them off their feet, because they must be yours. So, of course, desire and attachment have become entwined in our minds.

Desire might even feel dangerous. Like, watch out, that's where all the trouble starts. When I desire something too much, that's when I get disappointed. As women, we are socialized to keep our desires in check. Women's desires are wrong and dangerous, and shouldn't be felt.

So, if the concept of desire, or the feeling of desire, is problematic, it might be helpful for you to substitute the word “interest” in your mind, or the feeling you have when you're interested in something.

Maybe think about someplace you've always wanted to travel to. It's not really consuming your every thought or anything, but you definitely know you're going there someday. Maybe you're even saving up for it already, and there's some excitement, but it's not such a dopamine suck that it makes your everyday life seem annoying and unsatisfactory in comparison to what you're dreaming about. Okay, you got it? You got that feeling? Great.

So, let's talk about how to create more of that energy in your business, and to release some of the darker aspects. It all starts with clarity. Yeah, with clarity. Because on the macro, big-picture side, attachment is about wanting to control an outcome.

Why do we control? Think about it for yourself. The last time you were trying to exert control over a situation, what might have happened if you didn't step in? I'm going to give you a second to think about that. All right, in some it may be less than an optimal thing, right? You might be even feeling worry or fear just thinking about it. That, at its core, is why we attempt to control fear. So, we're fearful.

We definitely don't want that perceived negative thing that we're imagining, so we become very attached to the perceived positive outcome, and we try to do everything we can to move closer to that positive and to distance ourselves from the negative. Notice the one thing we lack when we're fearful, it's trust. Trust, y'all.

This all comes down to trust. We have to get clear on the fact that we are not trusting something when we're in that state. We're not trusting ourselves, our abilities, or our audience. And at the heart of everything, we're not trusting that the universe is generally supporting us. Without trust, you're like an animal ready to bare its teeth, always watching, always on the lookout. So, you want to get clear on: What is it that I'm not trusting?

Maybe I'm afraid that if I don't sign this client, I won't get any more. It'll be a long time until I get the chance to try again. Put another way, I don't trust that more clients come to me. Ask yourself why. Is it about not trusting your magnetism? Or is it not trusting your audience? Is it not trusting your abilities? Where are you lacking trust? And then, what are you going to do about it? How are you going to move forward from that point of clarity?

Now, completely moving into trust, and of course, unraveling the things that keep you from trusting, is beyond the scope of this episode. We would need to talk in person. But even though it can be a little more complicated, it's essentially like any other belief building, in that it is possible.

I am definitely living proof of this. I have gone from really thinking that the universe was often out to get me. That life really is a vale of tears. It was definitely more painful than pleasurable. That my audience was out to use me, and my clients were here to underappreciate me. I couldn't trust myself because I always let myself down. All of the things. All of this, while being a high performer. No one would know this from the outside.

Now, I'm at a point where almost always, not 100%, but almost always, when something “negative” happens… quote, unquote, negative of course… I deeply believe it's happening for me. That I am being nudged very purposefully towards some next iteration of my life or business or motherhood, or what have you.

If you’d would like to learn more about this kind of reinvention, and/or you would like support as you move through this work, because you're just too close to the issue, then come join us in the Clarity Accelerator. Because this is the most important thing you'll ever learn when it comes to creating change in your life. It's just one of the many important things that we learn and practice.

Okay, moving into some tactical things, I'm going to give you three powerful tips. Actually, I guess four, because just learning to frame that question, in terms of ‘what is it that I'm not trusting when I'm afraid?’ that, in and of itself, can just be a game changer for you.

But these things are going to help when you're in the immediate experience of attachment, when you're noticing it for yourself, and also, when you're forward planning about how to not be in attachment. That sales call comes in, it's happening in a week, you can feel yourself becoming more and more attached, and you know that you want to redirect before you actually get on the phone with a person.

So, the first tip that I gave my client, and inspired this episode, is to really take a long-term view. Then, think about reverse engineering the steps that will get you where you want to go.

When we think about the long term, especially in the work we do here at The Uncommon Way, the reason why we're even doing all this is about the expression of who we are and our work in the world. That is such an important key to getting out of the weeds and really keeping our eyes on the prize.

But regardless, if your jam at this point is about self-actualization, or right now you are working on something like security, and you just want to build this business out for your security or your family's security… I say “just,” but I don't mean “just,” of course, these are all very important human needs... you still have the ability to reverse engineer towards your goal.

Here's what I mean. When you're bringing on a client, there are so many micro skills along the way that you're going to build, and there are also so many growth moments that you are going to pass through. Most of us enter this game with a fair amount of impostor syndrome, with a lot of thoughts about salesmanship and what that means ‘to be selling,’ and charging money for our services.

Specifically, things that feel good to us, that feel easy. Because we've been told that you need to work hard and basically need to suffer your entire life so that then you can retire and die having lived a good and virtuous, hardworking life.

Now, there's nothing wrong with hard work, again, but we don't want to hold it up as the pinnacle of a life well-lived. It's just another possible avenue for reaching your dreams. And so, as you're thinking about all of these growth moments for you, all of this stretching, all of these micro stretches, all of these micro skills you'll be building... And I'll give you an example in a minute…

As you're thinking about all of those, you get to have little mini dopamine hits whenever you accomplish the next one. You know it's on the way. You know you're going to do it. Then, when you do it, you get to feel really proud of yourself and really excited, and that gives you a nice little dopamine hit.

You know what else happens? You can very easily enter into a state of gratitude, because often there's a person on the other side, a human on the other side, without whom that stretch wouldn't have been possible. But the really big thing this does for you, and maybe you've guessed already, is it helps you release attachment.

Because the goal of this specific conversation, or maybe email interchange, or you're in the DMs with somebody, whatever interaction you're having, you're not necessarily thinking five steps ahead to when that person becomes a client, you're focused on your next step.

Which for you, at that point, might just be saying your price out loud, or asking if they'd like to hop on a call to talk about working together, or getting through a sales conversation, or trying out some new way of explaining something. That's usually where my brain used to go. How can I try explaining this differently, and see what kind of response I get?

Now, further on in a business, your growth edge might look different. It may not even be having a direct sales call with somebody, it may be having a launch, it may be raising prices, or calling out to a different type of client. But no matter what it is, you can break it down into its smallest common denominator parts.

Know that if you just do that, you have won. You've won, and you get to be really excited and really grateful and happy, and clean whenever you go into a call or a conversation with somebody. You have to be really grateful for them being there. You have to be very unattached to the outcome, because the goal, really was just this thing. And you get to have just a much easier experience whatever stage you're at, whatever you're working towards.

I probably don't have to tell you that when you are in that energy, your learning timeline does tend to collapse. It makes people feel much safer to say yes to getting on that call with you, because they can feel that either way, you're good. So, again, I would call this one taking the long-term view, then reverse engineering your growth edges and concentrating on those.

So, if you want more information about growth edges and what they might look for you, we have a podcast called “Setting Uncommon goals and Taking Uncommon Actions” that I recommend for you.

The second tip, is to think through, “What do I really want right now? I'm attached to something. What is that, that I really want? I'm not in full trust that it'll happen, but I really want this thing. What am I yearning for here?” Or another way you could ask it is, what does the child in me want?

Then recognize that getting that is your job. Meaning, nobody but you can give it to you. It's not your business's job, or your audience's job, or any other human’s job. You're a powerful being, perfectly capable of imaginative ways to satisfy your needs and desires.

I remember back when I was dating, whenever I would get my heart broken... sounds like it was frequent. But there are ups and downs in the dating game. Right? And so, whenever I would feel that hit, I could recognize that what I wanted, really was to feel cherished and desired, loved.

And so, I started finding ways to do that for myself. Sometimes they were just token little things. Like, I'd go out and I'd buy myself really expensive lipstick. I was a broke working girl living paycheck to paycheck, so my splurges, they were modest. But spending that much on lipstick was something I never treated myself to, until a breakup.

I'd go buy lipstick and I'd let myself do whatever I wanted to do, as if I were my favorite person on the planet. I would treat myself to a lazy morning in bed, or whatever floated my boat. I used to live in Miami Beach, and so I would go get Cuban coffee and a little pastry, and I would have breakfast on the beach. That was another thing, the big splurge. It got to be that my friends would see me in a new shade of lipstick, and they'd be like, “Oh, no. Did you and so-and-so break up?”

But the point is, that whenever we wait for something outside of us to make things better, then we are abdicating all of our power. That is when we can get into victim mode, which is that energy of helplessness. “I am only satisfied or joyful if this thing outside of me makes me so. It's not happening, so I can't do anything about my incompleteness.”

No, no, no, no, no. No one on my watch is going to get into that no-win situation. I just recently was speaking to somebody on a discovery call, and it was a man actually; it's unusual to have men reach out to me. But he was saying that he had had situations in the past that made him feel a bit hesitant about investing in the business.

I was sharing this philosophy with him, that you really need to decide beforehand what you are working on internally, first and foremost, when you're going to make an investment or hire a coach. And you definitely want to set goals for the things you want to accomplish. We love goals in the collective, and we set them at least every three months.

But you don't want to make the fact that you didn't reach a goal, of something that you don't know how to create yet, you don't know how to do it yet, you don't want to let that be the barometer of whether or not that investment was successful.

Since you've never done it, you're not sure how long it's going to take. You're going to try, and then, from that you're going to learn a ton about how to get there. Then you'll try again, and then you'll finally get there. But in the meantime, what you do know for sure is that you can be, for instance, learning a skill.

So see, it's like skill versus result, or internal development versus result. You want to focus on what you can control. Just you growing, just you working on whatever growth edge is motivating you to seek support, is how you need to measure your success.

So, for instance, if I join a Facebook ads program of some sort, I'm not going to measure the success of that program immediately on the number of clients I bring in through ads, because I am unskilled running ads. Actually, I'm not, but this is just the example. So, what I'm going to think about, is that this was the time in my life when I was building my skills around ads.

Do you see the difference? It is subtle, but so powerful. It will create a beautiful unattachment in your investments and your coaching. But the same applies for any kind of result that you are hoping for in your business. Again, the beauty is that the results follow, right? They end up aligning with that internal growth, because you're now able to think thoughts and take actions and show up in new ways that you weren't before.

You're becoming that person who gets those results. That is the byproduct of everything you've stepped into. Nothing is wasted if you are clean and intentional about your decisions in this way.

And lastly, is to take a somatic approach. We've been talking about the mind a lot here, but let's go into the body as well. Imagine feeling the things that you want to feel, and practice feeling that more often during your day. For those of you who are thinking, “Feelings-schmeelings,” stay with me here. This is Neuroscience 101. Neurons that wire together, fire together.

It's your repeated experience of stress that is making this so stressful. If you're feeling stressed with sales calls, if you're feeling stressed with launches, if you're feeling stressed with anything in your business, chances are there's also something in your past, and you're getting triggered.

It's reminding your brain of a situation in the past that it didn't like. You can begin to rewrite that by starting to change the kinds of feelings you're having in certain situations. But the beauty is in even just thinking about those situations.

You want to practice it in a safe way, in a safe space, so that those neurons have a chance to fire rather than the other ones that are creating such blockages for you. If you're saying, “Jenna, I don't know how, when I think about this stressful thing, I could ever get myself to feel easeful and relaxed.”

Then, I would say think about a time in your life when you have felt that way. Feel that in your body. How is that showing up for you? What do your shoulders do? What is your breath doing? Are you feeling sensations in your stomach? What is the lived experience of that feeling in your body?

Then bring in the thought of what has been challenging you, and start letting those different neurons kind of meet each other. The part of your brain that's firing with this image or visualization, of this thing you're imagining in the future, together with the body experience and the chemical slush that's moving through your bloodstream when you're thinking about the past event that felt so good. Is that clear? I hope so.

All right. Any questions, hit me up. That is it for today. It's a big one. I recommend listening to this episode twice.

Remember, you know who you are down deep, and each day you are stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #69: Creating Clarity in a Creative Business with Gabi Anderson

Episode Summary

Jenna and Gabi Anderson discuss the importance of clarity when it comes to artistic and creative work.

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Show Notes

Finding opportunities in the art and design world can be both thrilling and overwhelming. There are so many roads to take and ways to express yourself, but which option is the best for you? This week, Gabi Anderson joins me to discuss how creating focus and a clear message will bring you more success and joy in your creative work.

Gabi Anderson is one of my clients and an outstanding artist and creative director. She began her career in the world of book publishing and eventually went freelance. Now, she runs Gabi Anderson Studio. In this episode, Gabi shares her career transition experience and how coaching helped her find her place in the art and design space.

Learn what led Gabi to choose a non-creative coach and how an outside perspective helped her hone her creative voice, point of view, and plan. If you’re a creative individual who feels uncertain about how to truly step into your way of being, then this episode is for you. Gabi’s story is a perfect example of how my process works across industries, and how aligning to your secret sauce is the road to success.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• Things to consider when picking a coach.

• Why not being everything for everyone will help you as a creative.

• How coaching can help creatives step into their true identity.

• How being decisive will benefit your marketing, business, and financial plan.

• How being unclear in your work and point of view can hurt your income and sense of self worth.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Gabi Anderson: Website | Instagram | Shop

Full Episode Transcript:

Creatives nowadays have it better than ever when it comes to their financial situation and to their autonomy of artistic expression. However, they are still carrying the legacy of the starving artist, and that can lead them to make decisions like trying to be everything to everyone just so they can bring on the work. Today I'm bringing on my client, Gabi Anderson, to talk about how her business has transformed and to share some inspiration with you.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I'm so happy you're here, because you're going to love this interview. Last week, you heard from my clients at the Clarity Collective retreat, and one of them was Gabi Anderson. Gabi hasn't been on the podcast before, so I'm really excited that now you're going to get to know her more in this episode.

I'm also excited because I haven't had any of my clients on who are creative. You might be wondering, “But wait, wouldn't someone who's a creative go to work with a coach who helps creatives?” Well, today, Gabi's going to talk about why she made the decision to come work with me, and how that has led to so many changes in her business.

If you're a creative who has hit a plateau, or isn't bringing in the money that they know they dream about, or is struggling to get clear on what their unique point of view and voice even is, you're going to be so inspired hearing from Gabi, who is just so grounded and centered and exactly who she is, and has such an amazing attitude about the possibilities ahead of her.

Now, if you're not a creative, this episode is also for you because it touches on all the themes. All of the potential scarcity about how much is available to us. The things that we need to do to be smart business people. To take on clients based on what we think they'll want. How scary it can feel to really step out into our way of being and believe that that's a desire in the marketplace. And on an even deeper level, that that is worth expressing into the world.

Now in the last episode, I really plugged Gabi's Instagram and her website. Unfortunately, we had the wrong handle for her on the show notes. So, definitely check out the show notes now. Go follow her on Instagram, and also check out her website because she just revamped it. It is amazing.

If you're a creative and you want to see what's possible. Or if you're just looking for website inspiration, it is just so gorgeous. The most beautiful thing. And hey, if you want some of her magic in your branding, you might just want to hop over there, too. All right, friends, enjoy this episode, and I'll talk to you next week.

Jenna Harrison: Hey, Gabi, thank you so much for coming on today.

Gabi Anderson: Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Jenna: I'm so excited to talk about the creative experience within this container. Because we've had a lot of coaches on and some other alternate businesses, and there's a huge population of creatives that will benefit from our conversation.

So, I thought we would just start at the very beginning and have you talk about what was going on with you when you decided to come in. I know a lot of people that aren't creatives will relate, as well. And then, people that are creatives will be like, “Yes, that's exactly what's going on with me.”

Gabi: Yeah, yeah. I am in year three of my business. The first two years, they didn't feel smooth at the time, but looking back I'm like, “Oh, that was so smooth.” In both of my first two years I hit my financial goals, which were six-figure goals. I did that just through referrals, basically.

I had continuous business, and I'd be finishing up a project and then another lead, or another two leads, would be coming in serendipitously, right at the time a project was ending. They would be very motivated leads that would sign on pretty quickly. And so, things just kind of kept rolling and kept going.

In my third year, everything just kind of dropped off, and that cadence really stopped and really shifted. I realized that I had just been going with the flow, and relying on all of these networks to come to me, without doing any outbound marketing. Without really thinking about the future long-term part of my business.

In that, I decided, okay, I need to figure out how do I market myself? How do I hone in and focus? That's the mind space I was in when I started looking for a coach.

Jenna: So, let's also talk a bit about what you were doing at the time, because that'll help people with the total context. You had worked as a designer, tell us all the things, and then you started to freelance.

Gabi: Sure. Yeah. I have been in the design industry for about 12 years now. I was full time in-house for 10 of those years. I started off in book publishing. I did book covers, mostly was my focus. Then I switched to the E-commerce space. In that, I was a designer and then got promoted to the art director level.

My most recent job was at Shutterfly, where I was art directing a team there focused on digital channels. And then I started my business in 2021, at the very beginning of the year. It was basically a freelance design model, where I was kind of doing everything. I was doing a lot of website design, doing brand design. Basically, anything that anyone brought to me I was doing.

That's actually, I feel like, a lot of what we've worked on is me kind of letting go of my… I have a lot of perfectionism tendencies and a lot of tendencies to just be like, “I can do that,” because I can do it. So, it's hard for me to say no to stuff.

So, my business was really a freelance model, doing all sorts of design and not really having any focus, just being a jack-of-all-trades.

Jenna: Yes, yes, I remember those words. I remember you saying, “I don't know how I would even talk about what my thing is, because I've survived up until this point by being a jack-of-all-trades,” by being able to do anything, by being so versatile.

And that's the kind of thing where it's serving us so well to be in this one way, then when we start to think about what would we want to do, all of a sudden, it's just gridlock. Our brain’s, like, “Wait a minute, this is how we've survived and what worked for us, why would we change?”

Gabi: Yeah, so true. I think pretty early on, in discussing all of that, it made me realize, too, that even though I was working for myself, I was still continuing a lot of the habits that I had from working for companies. Because I think to be a designer in-house, or to be an art director, Creative Director, you sort of have to mold a lot of what you do to the business, and you have to kind of flex your design skills to fit what is needed.

So, without realizing it, I was kind of continuing the habits, and not really changing my ways from being in-house.

Jenna: I just want to stop here and point out for anyone that isn't seeing the same connection I am, that this plays out in every business. It is. It's from our training as employees, it's from our training as women. We think that this is the way that we've survived until now, and this is what the market would want, right?

Our brain comes up with really intelligent ways to describe to us why we should keep being everything for everyone, rather than being us, and really shining in our way. Not that there's anything wrong, if that is really aligned for you, to be the chameleon and that's what you love; great.

But for some of us, there's a different expression waiting to come through. And a very unique and powerful place for us to hold our own. And that's kind of what we've seen with you.

Gabi: Yeah, yeah. I think for the very beginning, I probably held on to being that good at everything person for a couple of months. I feel like it was very hard for me to let go of, because I am such a perfectionist and overachiever, I guess.

Jenna: Gosh, I really want to dive into that. But before we do, since we're in the beginning timeline right now, I’m curious about what were your thoughts about working with a coach who wasn't a herself a creative, or had built a creative business?

Gabi: Good question. I have a lot of thoughts on this, I feel like. When I started looking for a coach, I noticed that I got a lot of ads for creative coaches, and I still do. I think one of the drawbacks for me was it felt like the creative coaches really had a sort of formula for ‘this is how you make money as a creative.’

And, I've always been kind of averse to a formula because I just want to see myself as this unique butterfly. I want everything to feel unique and fun and like I can figure out a different way. So, I think something feeling formulaic was not what I was looking for. Not that all creative pitches are like that, I just was seeing that as a trend.

I also, in my network, have a lot of creatives. I have been in this business for 12 years, so I have a lot of mentors that are former creative directors, friends that are creative directors, and really talented designers and artists. And so, I sort of felt like I have a big network of people that I am able to tap into for creative feedback, and for questions I have in that space.

I also have a very specific point of view when it comes to creative work, as well. So, I think that when working with another creative, I can get very focused on the design elements, I can get very focused on looking at their portfolio versus just thinking about a business objectively.

Jenna: And so, maybe, this was a space for you to just focus on the business. Is that what I’m hearing?

Gabi: Yeah, exactly. I also find a lot of value in working with people that are not necessarily creatives. Because I think you, and the people in the Collective, have been really helpful at showing me how things come across to someone that's not designing or painting every day.

I like to see that objective feedback. It's a voice for the audience that my work will be seen by, versus when you have a designer looking at something because they know the tools and stuff. I think that they jump closer to the piece.

When I'm working with another creative there is that designer created bias that comes into play, where they try to think of the audience but that's not as close to the audience necessarily, as someone that's not a creative.

Jenna: You knew somebody that had also benefited from the work, so you had a little bit of social proof coming in?

Gabi: Yes, that is very true. Yeah, Kat recommend you, and had very high praise, so that was very helpful.

Jenna: Going back to when we were talking about how it was hard for you to give up being the jack-of-all-trades, and there maybe was a little bit of friction in your head, cognitive dissonance in your head, for a couple of months as you were moving into it, would you say there was some call kind of moving you towards that? Or do you think of it as a business decision? What was it that got you from where you were to where you are now?

Gabi: I would say it was a call. I am someone that really follows my gut with a lot of things. I think it's hard for me to… and that's in my Human Design, too… it's hard for me to do things that I don't feel in my gut. I can sort of ignore it for a little while, but it just never works out. I kind of always steer back to what is in my gut.

So, I think that I just hit this wall, where I was testing out some freebie offer or something, and had had a call with the lead for that freebie offer. I just hit a wall, where I was just frustrated by trying to fit into these formulas that I felt like I was supposed to fit into. And so, I just kind of threw everything out the window at some point then.

Jenna: I just love that there are so many people that will have heard you on last week's podcast. And just how clearly and decisively all of us were, talking about your art based on what we see and how you were as well, to now get this backstory about how there was this time where you kind of weren't that, when you were the chameleon and the jack-of-all-trades instead of having this very defined personality.

Gabi: I've noticed too, because I've been trying to be more present on social and other channels for sharing things, I've noticed that it's much easier for me to post and share now than it used to be. I used to feel like, okay, what am I putting on my marketing calendar for this week? What silly tips am I going to share?

Now, it just feels like maybe I am doing something silly, but it feels purposeful. And, I'm trying to be silly.

Jenna: Yeah, yes. And you know who you're calling to, and what you're about. I mean, that really is everything. I was going to ask, this leads in perfectly, how do you think clarity work, and reinvention work in particular, which are the two things we were working on, how do you think that has helped your business and/or helps creative businesses?

Gabi: So, I think it's really helped me lean into elements of my work that I've always wanted to lean into, but have been very afraid of. I've been very afraid of wanting to own my art, and really wanting to hone in on my style and focus in on that, because I had all these years of molding myself to people and, you’re right, I had all this social proof that that works.

Without the reinvention, I think that I would have just been continuing to do that and going along the same path. I think I would have been very unhappy. I feel like it's really helped me have a lot more joy in my work. I feel much more joyful and confident about everything.

Versus, I feel like when I started working with you, I was in this kind of negative, sort of sad headspace about everything. I kind of felt like giving up, but didn't feel like giving up. It was sort of wishy-washy. Now I feel very clear and focused.

Jenna: Obviously, I've seen you step into your own and your secret sauce with the art. But I've also noticed, for you, how productive you've become. I remember when we first started working together, one of the things or even a little bit later on, but one of the sticking points was ‘I really need the accountability.’

I always think it's fascinating… It's funny, I still have in my calendar, ‘check in with Gabi,’ on certain days, since we decided to do that. But the thing is, that every time I talk to you on a call, you've already gone above and beyond what we’d planned for that week.

Just the fact that you are so fueled and you're doing so many things, and you're so productive, really speaks to how much I believe clarity work fuels us, right?

Gabi: Yeah, actually, I love that you said “fuel” since my whole website and brand is gas station focused. But yeah, I feel much more focused. I definitely feel more action oriented.

I think when we first started working together, I'd wake up every day feeling very unmoored, and very indecisive about what to do. I had a lot of ideas, but I didn't know really how to focus and hone in on them. And now, I feel like I have kind of a thesis statement, I like to think of it as. I'm moving towards that, and everything I do is aligned with that. And, I have action items, it's very helpful for me.

Jenna: Yeah. I'm so glad you brought that up, because I'm sure so many creatives are like you, that they just have so many ideas, and they're like, “Where do I start? What do I focus on?” I've seen that in so many people that have maybe coaching businesses or education businesses.

But they are that type of person. Right? They have no problems coming up with the ideas, it's really about the implementation and just knowing, deciding, how to choose. Because they all seem like amazing opportunities or amazing ideas, but how do you constrain? How do you focus and choose what to focus on? But you have.

Gabi: Yeah, it's been very helpful. It's weird, because when I was in that indecisive, sort of frozen state, it felt very foreign because I am usually so action oriented and so goal oriented. But I think it was just too many things were happening, and I was feeling so unsure. It wasn't even, “Well, my motivation is plummeting,” but I just didn't have this greater vision that I was moving towards.

Jenna: Which makes sense. People have used this analogy before, but it's like you have Google GPS on, but you haven't put a destination in and so you're just driving around randomly. There are so many different streets you could take; you could take the highway; you could double back and go the opposite direction. But where are you really going? If you just knew, then you'd plug it in, and you'd go there.

Gabi: Yeah, I love that analogy. I think we've talked about this a lot. But as someone who also really loves running, and playing sports has been a big part of my life, I was always sort of craving having a training regimen, as a hypothetical race of running a business.

It's not as black and white as training for a marathon, or something where you have very clear cut steps. But I do feel a lot more like I have these steps, and I am working on them, I feel like I have more of a plan now, which is nice.

Jenna: Oh, I love that. So, for anyone considering coaching, what do you think they need to know, knowing what you know now? And maybe what you would have said to pass on? Gabi, you can be absolutely candid, the good and the bad.

Gabi: I think to get the results out of it, you have to be willing to do the work and you have to be open to change, especially with the reinvention stuff. I feel like when I started with you, almost wanting kind of a black and white solution.

And then, I got something so much more than that. I don't think I was really expecting my business to change as much as it did. So, I don't know if that was an openness or it just sort of happened, but I guess being open to change would be beneficial.

Jenna: Or maybe also, you're kind of giving permission to the people that are just like, “Hey, things are hemorrhaging right now. I just need help, right now.” So, that might be really interesting. Because I do, I spend a lot of time on this podcast talking about the great big vision, and moving into your secret sauce. Maybe there are people who are thinking, “Yeah, that's great for another time. But right now, I need help with this thing.”

I think what you're sharing, that I'm thankful for, is that we’ll help you, regardless, right? You can sit on a hot seat, which you have a couple times, and get so many direct tactical ideas for the exact problem at hand, or moment at hand. But then we'll also start nudging you towards your future.

Gabi: Yes, that's a good way to put it. It's a lot of bigger picture work, and really thinking about your business. I think you do have to be pretty open to your business changing a lot. Maybe it's not the best fit if it's someone who is very clear headed about what their business is, and they just want someone to help them figure out, okay, your audience is on Facebook so you should be doing Facebook ads. That kind of stuff.

I think for creatives, if you are maybe more junior and need more actual creative feedback, or you need someone to kind of help you with your portfolio, maybe going for a creative coach would be good.

I like working with you because I already felt strongly about my work. So, you helped me envision my business as a business, which is weird to say. But I think because I had been running this freelancer model, and didn't really want to keep running it that way, I really needed someone to help me level up and help me market myself and be more objective about business too.

Jenna: And show up as the artist you are, I think was a big one as well. I do think it's right; you were there, where you definitely had your point of view and you had all this wanting to emerge and evolve. And me just asking the questions of you helped you finally articulate what it was that was your secret sauce. That's so good.

Before we sign off, is there anything, maybe epiphany, you've had, or different ways of thinking that you've gained now, that you could share with creative people who are in your place? Things that you've learned, things that you think of differently, that would really serve them?

Gabi: Yeah. I really believe now that there is opportunity, a lot of opportunity, in the art and design space if you niche, and you really lean into who you are as a creative, and lean into your very specific point of view.

I have found so much more evidence since I've been looking about for wealth generation and profitability in that space, once you are able to really own who you are as a creative. Versus, I think when you are trying to be everything to everyone, then it's very easy as a creative to get knocked down price wise; everyone's trying to find the cheapest option. Everyone is trying to sort of use you for exposure or whatever.

But yeah, I now really believe in the possibility for success and wealth building. And just being able to really thrive in the creative industry.

Jenna: I would add design the business you want. Because you've come up with some really cool things, cool business models, cool things to do with your business to also generate income.

Gabi: Yeah, very true. That is something that I've also realized too, there is possibility to generate revenue through so many lanes. So, that's one of the things I've been very excited about recently, just kind of choosing the lanes that feel right for me. Seeing all that possibility out there is very exciting. Just design the business you want, I like that.

Jenna: Gabi, thank you so much for coming on and sharing everything that you've learned over these months. Where can people get in touch with you?

Gabi: They can find me on Instagram @gabithecreative. They can also email me through my website, which is GabiAndersonStudio.com.

Jenna: So good, so good. I'm sure that when I go back and record the intro… but I just want to mention, again, you also have an amazing shop. So, anyone that just wants to make their home or their wardrobe a little bit cooler, should definitely check that out.

Gabi: Yeah, thanks. That's also on my website, GabiAndersonStudio.com.

Jenna: So good. Thank you, Gabi for coming on.

Gabi: Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #68: Uncommon Perspectives: Keeping Your Name

Episode Summary

Jenna shares why she decided to keep her name when she was married.

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Show Notes

In this episode, I unpack my choice to keep my last name when I got married along with how this decision has affected me. I’ve found that honoring my authentic perspective in all aspects of life allows me to proudly live my Uncommon Way.

Join me as we investigate cultural norms, historical context, and methods for questioning one's identity. I’ll share my experience of discussing the idea of a name change with my husband before tying the knot and how we reached a decision regarding our children's names.

Learn about the significance of authentic decision-making, the value of examining all options, and the importance of looking beyond cultural norms. May my journey in decision-making offer insight and clarity as you navigate your own path.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• What a thought game about your name could look like.

• Why autopilot decisions can always be reexamined.

• Who historically benefits from a name change.

• The importance of making authentic decisions.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• What’s been the most helpful episode? Comment on our Podcast Thread or DM me on Instagram.

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

Full Episode Transcript:

Most women in the U.S. and many other countries change their names when they marry. When I married my partner 15 years ago I chose not to, and I'm going to share the why behind that decision and how it has affected me.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, everyone, welcome back. I am home from the Clarity Collective retreat and feeling amazing. I don't even care how coachy this sounds, but it was truly transformative for all of us, including me. If you listened to our last episode, you know that the theme was creating quantum leaps. Mine turned out to be a huge heart opening.

I never really knew what that meant. I'd heard the term; I heard it a lot in yoga when you're doing back bends. People would say, “Oh, this is a great heart opening pose.” I'm like, what the fuck does that mean? But the way I felt it over those few days, was vastly expanding my ability to love.

It started out being about leadership, and stepping into a new level of leadership, both with my team and the movement that I'm leading through this community. It was amazing, because without knowing that the woman who was leading our Cacao Ceremony, cacao bean, chocolate…

I guess the difference by the way, PSA, the difference between cacao and cocoa is that cocoa comes from a roasted bean. But cacao comes from the raw fermented chocolate bean. It has just this really amazing earthy flavor. They often drink it without sugar. I think it's going to be my new coffee because you don't have that level of caffeine, but you definitely do have some very feel good chemicals in that, well, they call it medicine, but in that plant.

So, the woman leading this ceremony gave me a blessing for heart centered leadership. And then, more and more things happened throughout the time there that really helped me tune in to what was going on and how I was starting to feel.

It was, of course, loving every woman that's heeding the call to an Uncommon Way of living, and building their own Uncommon Way in business. But also my love for my son and my husband, and my mom who lives close to us. I've just carried that back, and really still feeling it very powerfully today.

Anyway, while there, we got into some great conversations about uncommon living and making intentional choices; everything from polyamory to shorter work weeks. One thing I shared that I haven't talked about here yet, was my decision not to change my name when I married my partner 15 years ago.

Since I haven't added to the uncommon perspective series in a while, I decided to record this episode. So, this is for you if you're wondering about this for yourself should you decide to marry, or are thinking maybe about a hyphenated last name. Or maybe you already have adopted your partner's name, but you just want to thought game a decision that you never considered.

This is something that I have my clients do when we do reinvention work. Not necessarily about the name they chose, but about decisions in their lives that they made and might want to reconsider, think about reconsidering. Because it's great practice if you're trying to think of new ideas for yourself and new ways of being.

To look to your past and practice on decisions that have already been made. Now that you have a different perspective, you can see where you weren't making that very intentionally and you could have made a different decision. Then you get to try that on for size to see how that might have landed for you or felt for you.

So much of our lives are spent on autopilot, doing the things we've been taught or that everyone else does, or that are based on decisions we made long ago, and then we just haven't bothered to reconsider. But to live an uncommon life, we need to be intentional, and we need to be committed to reexamining our choices as we grow and change.

Today, I'm just going to share my thoughts about this, which I still align with today, in case they're helpful for anyone else. The point of this episode is not to make a strong case for right versus wrong, or shaming anybody in any way.

There are so, so many ways each and every day that I act in ways that don't make a lot of sense from a feminist perspective. Just look at any picture of me and it's obvious that I'm a product of the society in which I live and was raised. I have long, wavy hair, I wear makeup, all the things. So 100% no shame.

But I know I appreciate it when someone has been able to clear their head on a certain topic, and then present me with thoughts that I maybe never considered, or am working on building up for myself. Then I get to think about them and redecide.

Sometimes there's something that doesn't sit with me really well anymore, but I'm just not ready to make the change. Like coloring my hair, for instance. I think it is so amazing, and I am so grateful to the many women who are growing out their grays, and even the young women who are normalizing that aesthetic by coloring their hair gray. It's great. I'll actually be talking about this topic more in a future episode, about why I don't.

But the point is, we are all on our journey. None of us are making decisions in a vacuum. I always trust that you are doing what's right for you in this moment. Okay, in no particular order, here were some of the things that influenced my decision.

Not all countries do it, and because of that, the fact that we do made it so completely arbitrary. In the Islamic world, the Spanish speaking world, China and Korea, there are even countries now that have laws against a woman taking her husband's name. So, I really never saw it as this glorified joining together of two parts.

I remember always thinking that it was a really strange custom. Now that I'm older and have looked into it, I can see it more within the historical context. I can see that it's not just a custom, it's actually the legacy of a pretty ugly chapter in history, when women were considered the property of a man, always, either their father or their husband.

In English common law, in the ninth century, there was this doctrine developed called the Doctrine of Coverture, which said, specifically, ‘you have no legal sovereignty. You belong to your husband.’

Even the term “maiden” name, think about that. It's the name you have when you are a maiden, which is steeped in the idea of chastity, another patriarchal concept; then your married name. Even before I knew about the historical context, it struck me that this was really showing that the primary rite of passage for our lives was marriage.

Because there's no greater marker of who we are than our name, and yet who we are changes when we marry. But of course, in a heterosexual relationship, a man's identity does not change. Unless you are famous as a woman, or well known in some professional context, because then, somehow, you have earned the right to be who you are.

But it's not a default state for a woman. A woman has to earn this, which also points to worthiness through doing or accomplishing, which is, again, endemic in our society. That's a whole other conversation. So, for me, it seemed like lots of strikes adding up here.

I remember when we were engaged and talking about this at one point, my husband said, “So, you're keeping your dad's name for [inaudible] than mine?” That's a good point. It's not as if I was free from any patriarchal legacy by not taking my husband's name. But of course, how far back could I go in my matrilineal lineage?

Because my mother had her father's name, and my grandmother had her father's name, and on and on and on. So, I at least figured, okay, but the buck stops here.

Which brings up another issue, what name to give your children? Now, I used to think… I, of course, had an answer for this because at about 12 or 13 years, I knew everything. Right? So, I thought it made a lot of sense for boys to inherit their dad's names and girls to inherit that their mom's names.

But something I was not thinking about at 12 or 13, I can now see how that really demonstrates a heteronormative bias. So, the solution seems to be that you choose your own last name when you're 18, or when you legally emancipate.

Now I have heard some women express concern about confusion that that would cause in the community, maybe at their child's school or among them acquaintances, friends, family. Or that it would hurt their partner's feelings. My husband, Ben, was always supportive. He said, “If that's the way you feel, that’s what you're going to do.”

Maybe I picked up on a little confusion from my husband's family, but that might have just been me projecting it. I don't know, they never said anything to me directly. But honestly, nobody else. I just say, “This is my son's name, this is my husband's name, and I have a different last name,” Then I give the mine.

Or if I give my husband's name first, then I'll just say, “My last name is Harrison.” I have never gotten anything more than ‘okay,’ as they're typing it in. There's never been an issue. If someone calls me by my husband's name, which is very common because we live on military bases, so everyone knows me through him and his role, I just answer. It's not a big issue for me.

Then if, of course, I'm going to know them more, if we're closer or if we're going to be working together in some way, then I'll say, “Oh, and by the way, my last name is actually Harrison.” Again, people just go, oh.

Now, this episode is not meant to be a comprehensive discourse on the pros and cons of this decision. Because for me it really didn't require a lot of thought. For me, it was something that never sat well with me, and I knew I wouldn't be doing it.

But since I did have a defined perspective on it, I thought I would just come here and share it, in case it was helpful for any of you. And since I did have a defined perspective on it, and for those who know human design, I do have a defined Ajna, which means that I have a pretty clear perspective on many things.

And so, if that is helpful for you to solidify your decision in either way… maybe just through pretend-arguing against me, you've come up with exactly why you do want to take your partner's name. Either way, fantastic. Go live your uncommon life, make your intentional choices, and I don't know, maybe drop me a DM or something, or an email and let me know.

All right, you all have a wonderful week, and I'll talk to you next time.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #67: Revelations from the Clarity Collective Retreat with Amanda, Gabi, Ale, and Kat

Episode Summary

Jenna invites 4 clients onto the show to share insights from a recent retreat.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

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Show Notes

The Clarity Collective Retreat was a resounding success, marked by outstanding achievements in a safe atmosphere. This week, my clients are reflecting on the significant insights gained, the quantum leaps taken, and their plans for moving forward.

I'm thrilled to introduce Amanda, a vibrant and insightful life coach hailing from Buffalo, New York; Gabi, an artist and designer based in Atlanta, Georgia, a fierce advocate for artists with an eye for the unconventional and extravagant; Ale, representing Charlotte, North Carolina, a wise guardian of knowledge and awakened orator; and last but not least, Kat from the Netherlands, the CEO of Convive Collective, a beacon of leadership in the mission to safeguard our world.

Discover what my retreat experiences have in store for you. Learn about the profound benefits of coaching within a supportive community, and understand the pivotal role that a secure environment plays in opening up to new opportunities and innovation. I invite you to tune in to the collective wisdom of this entrepreneurial sisterhood!

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• The importance of building rest into retreat experiences.

• Some of the surprises from the retreat.

• How safety allows innovative ideas to flow.

• When to take quantum leaps.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

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• What’s been the most helpful episode? Comment on our Podcast Thread or DM me on Instagram.

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

• Amanda Popovski: Instagram | Website | APCS | Little Miss Minimalist | Amanda on Ep #54

• Gabi Anderson:  Instagram | Website | Shop

• Ale Garnica: Website | Instagram | Ale on Ep #30

• Kat Haugh: Convive Collective | LinkedIn | Kat on Ep #56

• Palmaïa, The House of Aïa

Full Episode Transcript:

Today I'm bringing on four clients who have experienced a massive uplevel in both clarity and ignition, that has primed their businesses for a quantum leap. We recorded this at the end of our recent Clarity Collective retreat in Mexico.

They have generously agreed to share their takeaways and insights in order to serve those of you who weren't able to come. Who knows, maybe because you've never even heard of me, and you're just listening to this a year from now. You will still receive so much value, and I'm so excited for you to be able to share in the wisdom that was generated.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, hello, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I have such a special episode for you today. I'm joined by some of my clients to really bring out all of the wisdom and insights that we generated during our recent Clarity Collective retreat.

So, this is for you if you just get inspired and fascinated by women who bet on themselves, invest in themselves, treat themselves to things like this and really step into their power, and you want to marinate in that for the next half hour. Or if you want to absorb all the tips and ways of thinking that you can.

This is for you if you've ever thought about holding your own live event and you want to hear about what matters to the people who attend, and you want to expand your vision of what's possible. Or if you're just curious about what goes on at these things anyway.

Maybe you've been feeling a little jaded thinking that all live events are just another selling opportunity, and you want to expand your mind and see what else is true, what else might be true. Or you're just really curious about the Clarity Collective retreat, specifically.

Maybe you are thinking about coming on board with us. Whatever your interests, you are so welcome here, and you will be hearing about a very uncommon experience.

I've been to other retreats at high-end resorts that give you this opportunity to uplevel yourself concept, the way you see yourself, and really stretch your ability to receive more. I know those things are important for those of us socialized as women, who are taught to be humble, and to not ask for too much, and to put others ahead of ourselves and to deflect, deflect, deflect.

But one thing I knew on a gut level, and what was confirmed to be true in this retreat, is that when you're stretching yourself like that… Of course, so much is getting triggered for you when you stretch, right? Who am I to deserve this? Is this right and ethical? Who will I be if I become this? Will I alienate my friends and family? All sorts of things are getting kicked up.

And so, if you're in an environment where there's also a lot of stress and tight timelines, mental exhaustion, social anxiety, what you're doing is you're kicking up your nervous system even more, and therefore you're wiring in a lot of extra unsafeness around this luxury and the receiving. So, when things start to feel too good later on, those neurons start firing the danger signal and you back off.

One of the things that made the Clarity Collective retreat so different is that amidst this stretch in receiving and luxury and support, we built in so much safety and a very relaxed relationship with time. And other things that allowed us to condense about a year's worth of coaching into just a few days.

Because we were so open, we were so expansive, so tapped into our higher selves and our highest ability to think and intuit. The theme of the retreat was Creating Quantum Leaps, but we created one already. That kind of magic needs to be shared.

If you are tuning in here, I believe you're ready to receive at least some key part of it. Even if it's just to hear the tonality and the frequency of the way women are talking, and to believe on some deep level for yourself, through that vibration, that it is safe for you too.

So, we all agreed to create this for you with love, to share key takeaways and insights in the hope that they serve you. If you're new to these parts, first of all, welcome and strap in because you have stumbled into something very special.

You know, my clients were creating clarity around a new vision and really activating that, getting a plan in place to open the doors for that sooner rather than later. But I was actually stepping into a vision that I had created long ago and that I have been working towards diligently. To create an in person retreat of this type with these clients.

Simply put, I have created the most unique sisterhood. Women of the highest caliber that have put so much work into themselves to get to the point where they and their businesses are ready to ignite. This is a true coming together of powerhouse women who are creating a better world, and unique uncommon lives of their choosing, of course.

If you're hearing this, and there's a little voice of ‘less than’ kind of making itself heard in your mind, “Oh, I'm not quite ready for that. I wouldn't fit in at that level,” that's what some of these people used to think, too. So, if you are being called to join us, you should apply.

You and I will have a candid conversation about whether you are ready now, or whether there's something else that I can recommend for you in order to be able to fully take advantage of this space when you do join us. Because if you are being called chances are you have something that desperately wants to express and it's just waiting.

Speaking of my amazing clients, I want to take a moment and thank the sponsors of this podcast, which are my clients. Through their investments, we are able to create this. We don't have any ads, any sponsors, it comes directly from them, through me, to you. I'm so grateful for their support and for allowing me to broadcast and share this very important message with so many people we will never even know or speak to, but who need it.

Okay, what you're about to hear is a conversation that took place on our last night when we were debriefing with each other. We decided to just turn on the mic and capture it all in real time. So, you won't hear any introductions or anything, which is why I want to introduce them to you now. I'll introduce them in the order in which they come on and speak.

The first up is Amanda. She is our powerhouse quarter centenarian, in human years, who brings many lifetimes of wisdom in soul years. We had exactly a 25-year spread of age on this retreat, and she was representing the youngest. She could definitely hang and contribute.

She is a life coach currently based in Buffalo, New York, who helps women open their minds to what they really want to do, and how they want to be in life. Then actually do that, and manifest that. In the process they rewrite their relationships with their bodies, their cell phones, their relationships, and themselves.

Sound ambitious? Well, maybe for some people, but Amanda is the kind of woman you see featured in one of those “30 under 30” articles. She is positively effervescent. In fact, part of our problem right now, is that her day job keeps throwing money and responsibilities her way to try and distract her from her own business.

But we know that they won't succeed, because she has a big mission to fulfill and nothing's going to stop her. She is truly leading the way for the better world and the better human that we hope for in the younger generations that will inherit the world. Simply put, the world is inspired and renewed because of Amanda.

Next, you’ll hear from Gabi, who is an artist and designer currently based in Atlanta. She is here to disrupt the status quo and also help her clients disrupt. Her work is weird and bold and maximalist, and often elevating the everyday items that we overlook. It’s just very, very cool.

You have got to check out her shop, which we'll link to of course, in the show notes, and our Instagram too. Because her feed is everything you want in a visual platform like that, and from a cool best friend. She's an inspiration for many reasons.

Just one of those is that she's picking up the torch of super successful but highly conscious artists. Artists who feel the world is their oyster when it comes to the many ways to make and sell their art and design. Simply put, the world is more weird and beautiful because of Gabi.

You'll also hear from Ale who's a coach and true modern day sage, currently based in Charlotte, North Carolina. When she talks the world sits up and they listen and they pay attention. You'll see, you'll feel yourself do it. I guarantee you will find yourself waiting for the next time she's going to speak.

It's something that you'll have to wait for, and it's worth waiting for. Because she will sit back and watch and observe before speaking. But hearing from her, and I can only imagine being coached by her, is a privilege. It's these precious gems of wisdom that tumble from her lips. I personally am always grabbing my notebook and pen to immortalize her wisdom, which she sources from both ancient and modern traditions, and Source, of course.

She is the embodiment of a Projector… that's Human Design, for those of you catching the reference... and is really here to guide all of us Generators and Manifesting Generators. But she's also the nicest, most fun, most fashionable, and elegant girlfriend you'd ever hope to have. Simply put, the world is awakened and reconnected because of Ale.

Then you will hear from Kat. Her company, The Convive Collective, is currently based in the Netherlands. It helps philanthropies and foundations, and the people who founded them, make sure that their funds are being channeled in the most effective ways to create the most profound effects.

In so doing, they also help the organizations themselves transform in how they move through their work days, in how they treat their employees, and in how they disseminate information. It is a world of influence and impact and billionaire donors, who are on the front lines of the world's key change initiatives, including climate interventions.

Kat is an absolutely brilliant leader and guide, a master communicator and strategist, and is like a true north. She is a powerful guiding presence for ethics and morals. Simply put, the future is brighter and safer because of Kat.

All right, I hope that you enjoy this episode, as much as we enjoyed making it for you.

Jenna Harrison: All right, so let's talk about what we loved most. Or not even what we loved most, but what some of the highlights were that we want to reflect on about this time.

Amanda Popovski: I have to say that there is such a different energy meeting everyone in person. That was probably what I was most excited about. It's like I've known these people for years and years. We joked about the fact that typically, when you meet someone, you ask them what is your name? What do you do? But we already know so deeply about each other that we found, out on this retreat, “Oh, what's your boyfriend's name?”

Jenna: “What state do you live in?”

Amanda: Because we know this deep vulnerability about each other. So, to be in everyone's presence, hear their voices, be in the collective energy that Jenna facilitated so beautifully, that was really special to me.

Gabi Anderson: One of the things that I've been most pleasantly surprised about is the meditations and the stuff that's more woo, I guess, for lack of a better term. I really loved it. I was worried coming into the retreat that I would not be able to relate to that as much, and that I was maybe not as spiritual as the rest of the group. You guys are very amazingly intuitive and great at manifesting, and I feel like I am still learning that stuff.

The Cacao Ceremony was amazing. Everything that we've done, that's been more meditative, has consistently given me the same feedback and information, which has been really cool.

Jenna: That’s been crazy. All the people we've had to guide us have looked into you and said yes, we can do this now.

Gabi: Yeah. That's been very cool. I feel like I'm leaving this experience more spiritual, and kind of wanting to explore that more.

Jenna: I think it's so lucky how things turned out. Because part of the, I guess, vulnerability of bringing people to a retreat, where the wellness resort is hosting some of these experiences, I had to release control. So some of them, I didn't really fully know what they would be like.

I think it just worked out so perfectly that our very first experience was sort of the cleansing separation of all the energy we brought with us. So, that then we could move into our initiation of what we want to bring forth. Everything seemed to happen in just this perfect order for us to come up with the amazing vision of our futures.

Ale Garnica: That's exactly what I was thinking, because I felt like everything was perfect. Thinking, “Jenna would have planned it exactly this way.” I mean, it would have been perfect. Because also, every ceremony we did was kind of removing certain layers. The last one we did together, well, almost all of us were there, I think it was the deepest one, the constellation one.

So, I just feel like even when I saw you in person, I felt like I already met you. I think that everything, absolutely everything, the ones that the hotel provided, and also what you offered for us, Jenna, helped us get deeper and deeper and deeper and feel closer to each other. It has just created a lot of safety to really be ourselves, which I think is what I actually need the most to step into my higher self, and step into my best self, and my future self. You guys provided that.

It's all because everything was perfectly aligned. It shows how much really is in control, and can create perfect things.

Jenna: It's like it was peeling off the layers, or something, to allow what needed to come through in this thing. I believe so strongly that we all chose to be here, and not everyone in the collective chose to be here. Some had some legit scheduling issues. But others had just made a conscious decision not to join, which we completely respect.

But those of us that chose to be here, we're here to step into something that is next for us. We needed to be here to kick off that energy. I'm just curious, we did have amazing experiences that were helping to facilitate all that.

We also had some time where we were getting kind of nitty gritty, really meeting together in sessions, making plans, and asking deep questions to call out what we needed. What do you think, and be completely honest, what do you think about the balance of the time that we spent structuring those two… Not structuring, living into those two things?

Kat Haugh: In my opinion, and my experience of having gone on one self-facilitated retreat before coming on this one, the time to dream big and do the emotional processing and the clarity on what we want, is the most valuable thing about coming together in a space like this.

I think, like I articulated earlier, I have a little bit of how will I take this mega dream and reconcile it with the feelings that I have about my day to day and my business as it is? I think that's kind of for the next couple of days, and for the plane ride home, to figure out the steps.

I feel personally very grateful to have had this experience, and to also know that we get to take it forward in our coaching, me and Jenna, and in our group as well. I think that's really special, because I could imagine going on a retreat like this, maybe where you don't know anybody, you come for a cathartic incredible experience, and then you go home singular.

I really appreciate being like we've like blown our own minds. At least that's how I feel; blown the ceiling off. Now we get to kind of chart the way forward, and all of us are holding the threads for each other. Gabi had said on day one, this accountability of once it's vocalized, it's out there.

So, I guess I feel right about the balance. I still feel like, okay, what am I going to do now? But I trust, in the same way of kind of letting go control, that it will unfold as it should.

Gabi: Yeah, I think there's part of me that wishes it was a day longer or something. Wishes that we had tomorrow to maybe… Because I'm very plan oriented. Write a business plan, or literally write out a six-month plan, and kind of present that to everybody and get feedback to hold us accountable.

Jenna: Yeah. Well, I don't know if our listeners know, but we got together... Amanda, you weren't yet with us… but we got together and we brainstormed. It was very collaborative. Where do we want to go? How long do we want it to be? The truth is, we didn't know all the time. I think that's something to think about for the for the next one.

I think that's been a big theme, all the flow that we've allowed ourselves. We changed the schedule… Ale was like, “I really wanted to go to that experience.” We're like, “I was kind of curious about it, too.” So, we decided not to continue the session, then we went off and had this experience.

I was explaining earlier to the ladies that that was very intentional on my part because I wanted us to… Of course, we're in this place where we're just being so pampered and everything is taken care of for us, we have amazing meals whenever we wanted, food all around this.

I wanted that experience of deep safety for our souls, and our bodies then to relax enough to allow the magic to happen. I didn't think it would be possible if we were like, “Must stick to this schedule. No, you can't take the time now to go rest.” So, we needed that fluidity. I'm so grateful that all of you are down with that. Yeah.

Amanda: I love the intentionality that you put behind choosing this location Jenna. I don't know how much research you did, or if it was just like an intuitive hit, but for us to have access to literally being in the jungle, on the beach, well fed, well rested, having all of these heart opening transformations and experiences.

I don't think that I could have accessed this vision that feels so right for me, A, without the container that we're in. And B, without that day and a half beforehand of really relaxing and getting the best massage of my life, eating the best food, and just really taking care of myself and allowing myself to decompress.

Like we've talked about, the somatic experience of safety is what creates the ability for the universe to come in to you and to channel what you want. And so, I appreciate that, and the experience to treat myself as this like six-figure, seven-figure earner first, and then for that idea to really solidify. That was huge.

Kat: I could not agree more with that. I was going to say that also. A milestone, or a beautiful memory, was waking up on day one in this gorgeous bed and having the most like luxurious day ever, before we had our first session at three o'clock. I loved that. Even on the plane ride here, I was really stressed and really tired, because I had just moved and all this stuff. And, it just was erased.

By the time three o'clock rolled around, I was like, “Whoa, I feel like I'm a whole new person,” from the time in the space. That cannot be understated, because I think if I was in a different hotel or I had to work to get food or support or figure things out more, I might have come to the beginning of our ceremony in a more tired or frustrated energy.

But when I arrived, I felt totally relaxed. I now love all-inclusive places. I’ll be accompanying Ale, because she needs to be going too now, we've learned. This location was meant for us and was so perfect. And I love that it came from that first session, where you were like, “I'm thinking jungle. I’m thinking beach. I’m thinking ‘active’.” And that you found it was just so incredibly perfect.

Jenna: I think we should also touch on some other really fun things, right? Because right now, we're so zen-ed out y'all. I just have a feeling that people listening to this, back in their modern, real world lives, will be like, “They just sound like they've been smoking pot.” We really haven't.

There's no chemical enhancement right now, except for cacao. Except for chocolate. But there's also been a lot of fun. You all discovered a shared love of reggaeton, you're all out dancing coming back just drenched in sweat. The pictures are hilarious.

Amanda: The first night we went to dinner, and at this point we had done some of the work, but not the juicy work, and we just had the best girly time, talking about the music that we love, getting advice from each other. I feel like that's where the friendships really formed. That was so fun. So many inside jokes about Gabi's liquids.

Ale: Yeah, there were a lot of fun things like that. But I want to add something in regards to being pampered here, and also the food. Because as I was sharing with you earlier, I have not felt this good, like in terms of my digestion and all that. I also know that what we eat has a lot to do with how we connect with our higher self.

So, I really think that the food that is provided here helped also for us to really align with our higher self and bring this creativity and all these beautiful ideas to share with each other.

Also, I was wondering if I was going to feel awkward. Whenever I travel for work, I think, “I might meet my colleague at breakfast,” but I never felt like that. Whenever I saw you, like if we bumped into each other, or we saw each other at breakfast, I was like, “Oh, yeah.” I felt this warmth. “Yes, let's sit down and talk.” There wasn't any kind of corporate agenda behind it. It was so easy to interact with all of you, with each other. It was really, really beautiful.

Jenna: Isn't that really what every woman longs for, in a sense? That we all deserve to have a sisterhood, and to just be around people that love us and recognize us. We haven't done it yet, but we're going to close off with a recognition ceremony. Because we've learned so much about each other, and we've also intuited so much about each other, and we're just going to share that.

The person will take a turn receiving all of that love from all of us as we go around the circle, which I know will be very, very powerful. It's just all been leading up to that. To be seen in that way, is how we all should be living.

Kat: I even feel like though, the good vibes we've created and the warmth has helped me kind of feel like I'm even extending it to other hotel guests here. Like we kind of have created this warm cocoon that's reverberating out.

Even in some of the exercises where there's been other people there, I've looked at them and I give them a little heart. Like every person. That's such a nice feeling. I think that's supported by everybody here, also kind of smiling and being. But I just feel very loving towards perfect strangers, and I don't often feel that way in my day to day hustle and bustle. So, it's nice to just have that openness to people and that kind of loving vibe.

The other thing I wanted to say was, the permission that we gave each other to take alone time when we needed it. I feel like that has connected. Because I think, I sometimes get a little bit afraid in group settings because I'm like, “What if I need to be alone?” Because I need to spend a lot of time alone and I need a lot of rest, particularly these days.

Sometimes I feel like oh, what if I'm tired? Or what if I feel overwhelmed and I need to be by myself? I felt totally supported and comfortable to be, “I'm going to go take alone time.” I’m curious if you all felt that way, too? But I think that created, as much as we had this loving container, it was also porous and flexible. That we could be like, “Okay, we have the perfect amount of separateness and togetherness.” Which I really appreciated.

Ale: Yeah, totally agree. I didn't even feel bad about saying, “No, I’m not joining.” Or even with my food restrictions. Whenever I travel with someone, I'm like, “Oh, I don't want to be impertinent,” or whatever. With you, I feel like I can say, “Hey, I need to go and eat,” or whatever, and I know you're going to be totally okay with it.

Jenna: So, thinking back about the Gabi, Amanda, Ale, and Kat of three days ago, and now, how have you changed? What's changed for you? I know it's a big question. But where is your transformation? What are your insights?

Amanda: I feel like a lot of times in the hustle and bustle of our lives, especially as CEOs of our companies, we know that it's really important to take time to plan and dream. But very rarely, especially as women, do we give ourselves the permission to do that. Because of perfectionism and everything that we've covered.

For me, to not only take myself seriously enough to wine and dine myself, like I talked about, but to also receive the coaching of seeing my highest vision from a Master Life Coach, like you, Jenna, is so invaluable. I feel like I walked into this retreat knowing a certain level of my power, and this has just amplified it from like a 3 to a 10.

As we've discussed, I'm a bit nervous to reconcile, like you said Kat, my grand visions and my life back in Buffalo. I couldn't feel more supported or integrated by all of the questions and the ways that you've helped us facilitate and see our own awesomeness. Thank you for that, Jenna, from the bottom of my heart.

Jenna: I receive that, Amanda. It was like last night when the session finished, the day finished, you're like, “Who feels like they're ready to tip over a car?” That was such a great summary of the energy.

Because that was when we had spoken it. That's what when we had spoken it. We'd been clearing, we'd been downloading, and those were the sessions where we're saying, “What is it? What is it going to be? Can I speak this out loud, first in this group? And now, to our audience, in our own world, and our clients and our families.

Ale: So, what has changed for me, many things, many things. But one is how I'm going to dress. How I see myself, that has changed a lot. Another thing is, that I feel like I've healed. With all the activities that we've been doing from the hotel and with you, I feel like I've just healed so much that I can't even see how much it is. I feel at so much peace and so grounded and really, I can say empowered, because of all that healing process that happened.

The last thing is, I feel closer... Which is crazy, because I didn't think it was going to happen. But I feel closer to my ancestors because of everything that happened. I even see how my business is going to shift because of everything that I experienced here. It's something I never thought about.

This opened a window of possibilities and opportunities, because of what I experienced. I don't think I would have seen it if I wasn't here with you.

Jenna: Aren’t we lucky? Because we know Ale’s gold. That we played any small part in that...

Gabi: I think what shifted for me, is I just view my company very differently. I view it as this brand that is very cool, very high end, interesting, different and unique. Versus, before it was an agency/vessel for me just contracting with clients.

Now, I have this vision of making it my own and just putting my work out there. I think in that shift, I see it as a true company. Which is weird to say. Before, I think I just thought it’s me just kind of figuring stuff out and freelancing.

Jenna: Which I think so many people listening can relate to.

Gabi: Yeah.

Jenna: When does it grow up?

Gabi: Yeah, exactly. I see that grownup version of me in the future, now. I think with all the information I've been receiving, I have a lot more confidence to just kind of keep going, to just keep pushing through. Because I think as entrepreneurs, we can all relate to being scared and hitting walls with what we're doing.

I feel like I have so much more of the strength and conviction in what I'm doing, and to just keep doing it. Keep doing it, and thinking about how to do it more authentically.

Kat: I think what has changed for me is that I feel deeply rejuvenated on a cellular level. The food, the conversation, the sun, the spiritual work, the exercise, the yoga, that whole part of the experience, I feel like I've extended my lifetime by five years. We created a Blue Zone environment and they're going to study us later.

“Those women, I don't know what happened, but the five of them lived to be 130 yrs.” We're going to be like, “It was because that retreat, and then how we took it home with us.” I feel like I've been telling people, my friends and my partner, “I feel born anew. Because I feel so well rested, and so nourished from all of these experiences.”

That is so amazing. Because the level of clarity that is been possible to me on this retreat is directly connected to that; the restfulness, the sleep, the nourishment. I just feel like a new person. Actually, I feel like the snake imagery of shedding an old skin and being a new person. I feel really different after these past couple of days, my conception of myself, how powerful I see myself.

The role that you all played in me, still playing small in some moments, and you guys being like, “Kat, go bigger, go bigger, go even bigger.” And I'm like, “Oh, my God.” The power that I feel now, I feel like I'm walking around these halls with my shoulders held back. This presence that feels like it's coming from a greater good, and not from my ego of needing to prove or speak. But just more like, I have a higher purpose here.

It's like I can feel it already coursing through me, like something has shifted. So, it's the best feeling. I would have never anticipated it, and I'm just so grateful for that.

Jenna: Kat showed up to the session today and she's like, “I've got to tell you what's been coming to me. I wasn't expecting this, but here we go.” And all of us were just like, “Yeah, makes sense.”

Ale: All there are quantum leaps, everything that we've talked about. Quantum leaps.

Kat: I would say, on quantum leaps, having that as a theme was really helpful. I even made our WhatsApp group, the Clarity Collective does quantum leaps. Because I was like, “It's happening.” That theme, and even you opening with that was really game changing for me. Because I felt myself being like, “I didn't know that. That historically, we do quantum leaps.”

And even just this, I'm moving my hands, showing how quantum leaps, on a chart, has helped me a lot to be like, it is possible to completely unlock something. That translates to business, because then I think about it for all of us. Like, one relationship, one speaking engagement, one product design, and what that could unlock, also with wealth. I loved that theme, and I felt like opening with it was really helpful.

Jenna: Thank you. I think that it is a theme, especially in the coaching space that can be overplayed, or it can be kind of mystified or magicalized, if that's a word. And so, you saying that, I will do a podcast episode on some of the structure and the insights both that we had, so that people can understand what we're talking about, when we are talking about how much we've changed.

Gabi: That theme, I agree. I love that it was set up for us because that also built on my confidence to keep moving. Because it's like you just keep taking steps, and then one day the step is that huge change. So yeah, it builds on the hope, I think, of the work.

Amanda: And we totally, on day two, we already quantum leaped, I feel. Quantum leapt in our own sense of self-belief, and any Manifester knows that you have to believe it before you see it. Right? And so, I feel like this retreat alone, even just booking in, was a huge leap for me.

And so, to actually be here and to rejuvenate, that was a quantum leap. Then everything we talked about is a quantum leap. And I'm sure that at the receiving ceremony, something you guys say will unlock something in me. And, it's so powerful. I didn't know that there was a strategy to quantum leaping until you showed it to us.

I feel like we've all leapt like little leapfrogs, every single day, every hour, becoming who were meant to be.

Jenna: Huge and blowing our minds. There's always been attention for me with you all, because I can see the golden you and I can see a possible future. I need to always make sure that I need to be enough of a supporter and I need to be able to call it out, but not drag you along to a future that A, you're not ready for. B, you don't want. C, as my own human, who knows what baggage I might impose.

The beauty of this, in this group, is that I could just kind of sit back and it just all unfolded, you did it for each other. You did it for yourselves. And I just kind of sat back nodding. Just one little thing here and there. But you all were like, “I'm going!” And when you weren't going big enough, then the rest of the group was like, “You're not going big enough.”

Kat: Yeah, I have to say that was very special. We were talking about it just before we started recording the podcast, that we ended up being each other's coaches, too. I feel like we, even in being each other's coaches, were like teachers to ourselves, too.

Because even some of the things that I was saying to you all, and feeling like I was using my gifts, or my downloads and all, acting into this next level version of me already on this retreat, was very servicing of me too. I feel like we all kind of took your wisdom and it felt like something from you, a gift that we then shared with each other.

I could imagine in a different setting kind of not wanting that, and being like, “Wait, I want Jenna. I want coaching from Jenna.” And this time, I was like, “No, I want, I need to hear what everybody has to say.” I don't know how that magic happens, but I think that was crazy useful.

I also wanted to say that I feel very special that we are the pioneers of the first Clarity Collective retreat. That makes it 10 times as special somehow, to me. I feel like, “Oh my gosh, this is the first of hopefully many, in this generation, that's going to be coming.”

Jenna: How many more women can step into that clarity, that power, and support each other? Because I know so many times… and I think of you Amanda, who was offered to be CEO of a company. Everyone on that call was like, “I'm not feeling it.” Do you know in how many spaces would people 100% channel and know a person's alignment, and see their truth, and support their truth, rather than seeing the best thing on the paper.

If more women in the world can do this, and be supported to do this, and be in a safe space where they can even speak these things that before would have been like, “Oh, who are you to say that? Don't you think you're getting ahead of yourself? Oh, sit here, little lady. I'll show you how it’s really done.” So many of the things that we've been patterned with and conditioned with.

What can happen if we bring in even one more woman, two more women, five more women? What will they create? Because I'm getting shivers thinking of each of your individual businesses. And yes, Gabi so much you, what your role is, and how you will touch everyone, and the change that you will make, Kat.

The deep work that you are here to speak to, Ale. The wisdom that you have to channel. Right. And Amanda, oh, my God, is just beginning. That's the thing, we've talked, we all know, but we've scratched the surface with Amanda. Yes, she has big dreams and we're supporting her. But I mean, we were only looking at five years. What's Amanda in 15 and 20? I mean, we’re all going to say, “We knew her when.”

Kat: It’s wild. Yeah.

Jenna: Anyway, sorry. Tangent. Sorry, I was just feeling the flow. But from this small room right now, we're sitting in the small room, the way that we will touch and change lives and change worlds. And that's just us. Imagine more and more women stepping into their truth, living their uncommon way. What is going to be created in the world?

Gabi: Yeah, something about what you just said reminded me of… I feel like the positivity in this group is so infectious and very helpful. I think sometimes, with success, there can be other people being jealous or sort of acting like there's not space for all of us to be successful. I just feel very supported, and we all feel very strongly that we can all build wealth and be super successful, which is really powerful.

Jenna: If that's part of our uncommon way, we can have it.

Kat: I even see us contributing to each other's wealth. Being like, “Oh, I'm going to make connections. I'm going to buy products, and things like that. That felt really cool to be like, “Yes, there's more than enough space for all of us to… Just because I have it doesn't mean you don't have it,” or vice versa.

It's not like a pie that you everybody takes a piece. It's like we can all have it. It's abundance math. It doesn't really make sense, but it is what it is. Also that we’ll be contributing to each other's acquisition and cultivation of wealth felt really cool.

I also wanted to say something about the group size. I felt that this group size was perfect. I think that if it were bigger, I might have struggled to feel that I had enough space to do my whole spiel, and the coaching, and the hot seat, and also to get to know everybody intimately. I felt that that was really, really special.

I think it could have also been nice... I'm picturing somebody sitting there, and somebody sitting there, and be like, “Yeah… Hey…” It will would have been different. Beautiful in a different way. But I really appreciate the intimacy of our group. It felt like we didn't have subgroups, if that makes sense.

I think, sometimes when you reach six and above, you start to break. Which is fine, that's just human connection. But it really felt like we were one entity the whole time. And that feels very special.

Gabi: I do really like the group size, too. I was thinking about that. I'm a big fan of odd numbers. It feels magical to me that we are an odd number. I think for me, in small group, the conversation is so much better facilitated. When it's a large group, I get very distracted by other conversations. It’s hard for me to think.

There are other life coach schools here, and they feel like… In meeting those people, they're very nice. But it feels more preachy. Kind of like, “We're going to have these speeches,” and it's not going to be in this sort of dialogue and back and forth. I just appreciate that I’m not being sold to here. There’s this dialogue, and it’s very powerful to me.

Jenna: Yeah. I think it's a great point. Amanda, you'd brought it up too. You’re like, a lot of the retreats, it’s just where you go get sold the next thing.

Gabi: Like a pyramid scheme, or something.

Jenna: I was like, there will be no selling going on at this retreat. There's also no charge for the retreat. Because the sole purpose… Of course, I want to help my clients amplify and think bigger and have a space to create a long term vision. But the purpose for me, in creating this community, is to bring everyone together in person so that you can all really develop those bonds that will facilitate your business, like Kat was saying. So, that is like, goal accomplished.

Speaking to the larger groups, I'll be honest, it is something that I think about a lot. I do, as you all know, I sell on this podcast that this is a boutique container. That's something very special about the Clarity Accelerator. And I just want you all to know, that as it grows, it is my job, my job, to find a way for it to still be powerful and magical and feel good.

I don't know exactly how that will happen. I'll probably fail at some points along the way, to be continued, right? But that's my work, and I would never want you all to worry or doubt me because I'm powerful too, like you all are. And that is exactly where I'm going now.

Because we need more women stepping into it. And so, I haven't figured out all the details. But there's got to be room maybe for both, or we do have smaller retreats. I'm not sure. And of course, I'm always open to further downloads, and for any of you listeners as well, as they come along. It's like how do we hold both?

Kat: You have such a strong vibe check, I would say, of knowing, of bringing people together, that I have full trust and confidence in who you are like selecting to be part of your team. I'm excited to learn from them and learn from you, and new configurations through different people. I think that's going to be so cool.

Also, I feel so grateful for your generosity in having this trip and your coaching be cost free. I think that made it accessible to all of us to be here. When you told us that on the first call, I was like, “That is so generous.” And I feel very, very grateful for that, so thank you.

Jenna: I receive that. Any last words, ladies, that you want to digest for yourself or for listeners to know?

Ale: Well, I just want to add that this is a very diverse group too. Diversity brings richness. Because we're from different businesses, different ages, as well. We are based in different places, as well. Different countries, and even different languages. I think that has made the experience even more beautiful and more rich.

Also I kind of see the perspective of each one of us. Like, two of us are coaches, and then the others are two different businesses. But to just listen to those perspectives are amazing. It's amazing because it opens also different points of view and different ways to see our own business, if that makes sense.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #66: Will My Offer Sell? Creating Proof of Concept

Episode Summary

Jenna shares how to create clarity around your offer to ensure success. 

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Show Notes

Creating a proof of concept for your business is a crucial step in refining your offer, identifying your target market, and bridging the gap between the two. This week, we delve into some case studies highlighting instances where both major corporations and individual entrepreneurs faltered due to missteps in their proof of concept.

A proof of concept provides assurance that your ideal client will resonate with your offer. Join me as I explore common pitfalls in offer development and share why having clients in the early stages of offer formation is indispensable.

In this episode, you’ll learn the significance of acquiring clients while constructing your business. I share strategies to guarantee the success of your offer, three essential steps for a thriving service-based business, and more.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to ensure that your offer will be a success.

• Some ways to identify your offer.

• Three secrets for a successful service business.

• Why your belief in your business won’t ensure success.

• How to shorten the timeline of getting your business off the ground.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• What’s been the most helpful episode? Comment on our Podcast Thread or DM me on Instagram.

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

• Ep #1: The Clarity Gap

• Ep #5: Knowing Your People 101

• Brené Brown

• Brooke Castillo

• Tony Robbins

Full Episode Transcript:

Wouldn't it be great to know before you even explain your offer to someone or put your offer on your website that it would sell? That's actually possible. I'm not talking about manifesting here. Jen’s business best practices, it's called proof of concept. It's how you validate your offer, and it's important whether you're a billion dollar corporation, or just starting out. It's what we'll be talking about today.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, everyone, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Today, we're talking about creating certainty that your offer will sell. How can you be clear beforehand that this thing will even be successful? This is especially important for those of us that are creating businesses that have really never been done before, but it's necessary for all of us.

This is for any income level in business. For anyone launching a new offer. You might have launched offers before, or you might have been really successful with launching offers before, I still recommend you listen to this episode because I'm going to highlight a person who was in that exact circumstance and the offer didn't go so well.

As I'll share, I have seen new entrepreneurs that have gone years without selling an offer, or maybe they just had a sale or two. I was once one of them. I've seen some of the largest companies in the world having complete product flops, and everything in between. But nine times out of 10, all that happened was they skipped the crucial step of creating proof of concept. Meaning, that they've validated their offer and proven that their offer will sell.

But before we go into that, I want you to know that I am wrapping up my time in Mexico now, after our amazing Clarity Collective retreat. I really want you to visit me on Instagram. You absolutely have to, because it was so beautiful. I know, I know, I'm supposed to share right as things are happening, but when I'm traveling I want to be in the moment.

So, I don't think anybody's world will end if I waited a week or so to share the pictures with you. I don't know exactly when it'll be, probably the end of this week or next, we'll get them up. Seriously, this place was out of this world.

Also, a second bit of news, we are hiring. I am hiring a virtual assistant, who will be my personal assistant as well, and will hopefully grow into our COO one day. This will start out as a part time position, but it's perfect for somebody that harbors secret dreams of running a seven-figure or multiple seven-figure company one day, and they're willing to kind of work in a startup environment where you're building it as you're going.

You're willing to get your hands dirty. You'll never have a dull day. You'll be doing all sorts of different things, and will be really working collaboratively with the owner. Because my business now, is really at the stage where instead of it being my business baby, where I'm feeding it, it is starting to stand on its own. It's a beautiful thing.

But whoever comes on board with me, we are breathing our energy, putting our stamp on this business that is becoming its own thing, so that it is supporting us. This person I'm looking for is organized, but also has a love of the written language and words.

If it's starting to sound like someone you know, I have the job description posted on the website. So, check out TheUncommonWay.com/jointheteam. Alright.

So, again, having an offer that doesn't really land with your clients can happen at every level of business. Typically, it's because they've completely skipped creating proof of concept, or they've missed some part of that. That means they've missed making sure that it's an offer people actually want to buy and will buy.

Saying to your three best friends, “Hey, do you think this would be a great offer?” And they say, “Yeah, absolutely.” Or even not three best friends but three people you know, or three people that have even kind of been interested in what you've been talking about, and you're like, “Hey, do you think this would be a good offer?” And they say, “Oh, yeah, I'd be interested.” That's not proof of concept. It's a good sign.

But proof of concept means that people actually buy it. You're assured that they'll buy it, because they have already told you they will pay money for this. We'll get into that a little more. Of course, in order for them to buy, they need to understand that it's the right solution for them. Meaning, you need to understand what they think that right solution is.

If you've been with me a while you know that I believe the secret to a successful service business lies in just dialing in three things. So, let's talk about where this whole proof of concept thing fits in with that. Now, again, the three components are: Know yourself, know your people, and then know how to speak about the connection between those two things, between you and your people.

So, number one, when you need to deeply know yourself. That is so you know what's aligned for you, and will bring the most satisfaction. Also, so that you can talk about your secret sauce and believe it.

This is the part that makes sure you're headed in the right direction, that you're not veering off track to people please or because you believe that's what the best offer will be. Or because you believe that that's what will sell the most. But because this is what you are about, what your business is really about.

That's going to give you the resilience and the motivation to stick with it, to help other people understand it, and be motivated to actually do all of this work, like taking some time for proof of concept, because you are so determined to get it right.

All right, number two, then you need to deeply know your people. So, that you can create a killer offer that makes them say, “That's exactly what I've been dreaming about.” Understanding what truly motivates them, this is the beginning work of proof of concept. It is an act of extreme love for you to take this time to actively listen and talk to and get to know your people on a deep level.

All right, number three, you need to know how to speak about the connection between you and your people. So, that you're articulating the value of working with you in ways they'll understand, and creating deep resonance. Hopefully, that's both conscious and subconscious resonance. I've talked about those in other episodes.

When they are moved by that and they actually buy, and you've had… I believe the magic number is three… when you've had three people buy, given the same type of language, with the same offer, that is true proof of concept in my opinion. I think one person might have been lucky. Two, who knows? Could be a coincidence. Maybe I'm just a bit risk averse in this area, I like to cross all my t's and dot all my i’s. But I'm like, “Let's go for three.”

When three people say yes to the same offer, with the same understanding and the same language, that's when you know that you're onto something, more people will buy, and you can start rolling out that business. That is viable for you.

Whenever there's a problem in your business it's because you're lacking clarity. Maybe you've moved out of alignment in one of these three areas. That's it. So, if you're missing number two, you'll struggle with number three. If you don't really know your people and what they think they want, then you're not going to be able to message to them.

If you haven't created the strong offer in response to your precise type of person, then the way you talk about it won't really land, or people will feel uncertain and you'll struggle to sell.

In the Clarity Accelerator, we develop expertise in all of these areas, and we revisit them whenever we develop a new offer, or even have a slight pivot in our niche; polarities and evolution. I still use these materials myself, because they're timeless and based on very sound business principles.

I'm just realizing, as I'm talking in this way, I just slip into this vocabulary so easily, but I'm realizing how left brained this episode is, which is good. We need the balance of left and right. We need agile ways of thinking that can flow from one to the other.

So, who knows? Maybe in the next episode we’ll go completely woo. We'll see where the wind takes me. But right now, strap in. We're thinking like business people in the 3D material plane, and we are going to talk about how to rock this.

Okay, I'm going to break down for you how this shows up in three different phases of business. Because it does look different, even though the ultimate result is the same, the ultimate result of no sales. So, let's start with one of the largest companies in the world, Coca-Cola.

In 2004, they launched a product called C2. They launched it with a $50 million advertising budget. Why am I mentioning that? Because sometimes we start thinking, “The reason that this didn't sell is because I'm not advertising it in a broad enough way. I'm not flashy enough on social media. If I had this kind of support, then the offer would sell.”

But here, even a $50 million advertising budget didn't make it sell. What happened was, Coca-Cola had been selling Diet Coke very well. But Diet Coke didn't really taste like Coke. It also had kind of a girly image. So, the execs decided they needed to have a comparable type of product for men. Because men also don't want all the sugar, and all the calories and carbs from regular Coke. “We need to give them something.”

They gave them a product which was half the carbs, and did tastes like Coke. They package it in a way that, I guess, would look more manly. But lo and behold, men didn't want half the cards, they wanted no carbs.

You might think, “How did Coca-Cola miss that?” These big companies, they do market research. Where businesses go wrong here, at this stage, is often a bit of arrogance or groupthink. They are so good at what they do, they're so big, and their drinks and their products are so loved, that they overlook the foundational principles. They know the principles. Like I said, Coca-Cola spends tons of money on focus groups and market research.

But they were kind of phoning it in. They were going through the motions to fit into what they already believed. So, apparently, it had started to take on a life of its own within Coca-Cola. People believed in this product so much internally; there was all of this hype. The market researchers, or those analyzing the market research, were looking for what they wanted to believe.

It even filtered down into the types of questions they were asking people, kind of leading questions. We've got to ask people very, very clean questions to make sure that we're not influencing.

So, now let's talk about an example of somebody at over $300,000 in business. I sat on a call recently, and this person had just launched a new offer but it wasn't selling and she couldn't figure out why. In careful detail, she explained why her people needed this offer, how it would change their lives, and why she believed in it so much.

Which showed me exactly why it wasn't selling. Because she couldn't explain in equally careful detail, why they think they need this offer, and how they think it will change their lives and why they believe in it so much. So, what I've seen with entrepreneurs in these stages, is that they never really learned the foundational principles of business, let alone set up their own strong foundations in their business.

Now, sometimes you can get lucky with a first offer, especially if you're selling to exactly who you were a few months ago or a year ago. Or exactly the people that you've already been serving in your day job, and then you, for instance, start freelancing.

You have a high level of understanding and a high level of the language that's used and you kind of fall into it. You don't realize that at the time. You think you're really great at business. No offense, you are in many ways, but not in this one. But it's only because you never learned it. How would you know what you don't know?

Just because you've been making good money doesn't mean you can transfer that success to another offer. You need to really know what makes service businesses work and what makes offers work. If you want a flexible business that you can grow with as you evolve, and where you know you can adapt to any market changes, you need to get really good at determining proof of concept and creating compelling offers and messaging.

Okay, now let's talk about business owners launching their first offer. Obviously, they don't know what they don't know. We're not taught this in school. I don't even think a lot of business coaches talk about this; maybe there are sexier topics, I don't know.

I think that it's really sexy to develop this level of understanding about your people, and this level of certainty for yourself, and really create a resonant offer, something that's so you and so them. I find that just so mystical and amazing that that's possible.

Well, that's another thing, I think it's just amazing that we can even create things out of our head and offer it, with no inventory or no other business structure, and earn money from that. I mean, this is amazing. But maybe that's just me.

So, this is how it typically shows up when you're starting out. Maybe you'll get paralyzed because there are just so many things you think you could be doing or maybe you should be doing, that it would just be impossible to do everything. You don't feel any clarity or certainty that your offer will sell. You don't know what steps to take in what order.

It's like, you know what you want your business to be eventually, but you don't know how to get there. How do we get from here to there? So, maybe you start one thing, and then you try a different thing, and maybe throw some spaghetti at the wall over here, and you just keep spinning, but you're not really going anywhere.

Or maybe you feel exhausted and demoralized with all of the work you've been putting in; you should be seeing some damn results by now. I spoke with someone in this situation. She had spent a fortune on a website, and it took quite a long time to develop. She also had invested in a pretty high-end email system for herself. She had a personal assistant that was pushing out social media posts across several platforms. But she still wasn't seeing the clients coming in.

What's going on in both of those things that I just described, is that you're focusing on everything but what you really need to be focusing on. You aren't constraining yourself to what's most important and the best use of your time.

My clients, and me, we're all multi-talented and big thinkers, so we work on the beauty of constraint quite a lot. It will change your life. When you're starting out in business, the only thing you need to focus on is getting clients.

Now, I can just imagine people saying, “Well, duh. That's exactly why I'm building this website, getting the glamor shots, posting on Instagram, and building the funnel. I'm trying to get clients.” But I would challenge you on that, because of what you're doing, and each step of what you're doing, is that the most direct way of finding clients?

I think the most direct way is to say to a person, “Do you want to work with me? Do you want this offer?” Meaning, you should be spending your time figuring out what your people actually want to buy and will actually pay for. Because otherwise, what are you putting on your website? Do you know what colors and images work for your brand and your offer, and what your people need to hear, including the tone of how you're delivering that in your emails and social media posts?

I was talking with a client the other day, and she had always imagined that the tone of her words needed to be very empathetic because her people were in a lot of pain. She had been there before, but also, deep down it felt heavy for her to be using that tone all the time, when she really was no longer in that place.

As we started laying into possibility of a different type of client, that still on the outside has the same circumstances, but really is more feeling the excitement and thrill of what's next rather than what is behind her, she felt that very kind of inspirational, aspirational, tone start to come about. She just said it felt so good. Right?

Those are the people that she really wants to talk to, ask some very important questions to hear how they answer, and really get into their thought process. Because I have a feeling those might be her ideal clients.

Then, this is just the beginning because there are so many other pieces of your business that layer on top of this. But you need to know this first. Your offer is the cornerstone. Usually, what I think is really going on is that people don't want to have the single focus of creating proof of concept for their offer. Another way you could say that, is creating sales for one particular thing.

So, our brains create distractions or complications; ask me how I know. I hung out there too, in the beginning. It's really uncomfortable to think, “Well, how am I going to find these people to talk to? I don't even know how to invite them to talk. Won’t it be intrusive if I ask them these kinds of questions? Won't they think I'm being salesy? I can't put myself out there because I don't have a website, so they'll definitely think A or B, or C.”

“When I do get to the point of offering something? Can't I just do that in a call to action or on a website? Because I do not want to risk rejection.” Which are all totally natural things to think. Oh, and I know another one, it just feels uncomfortable to be putting your eggs in that basket, right? We want the extra activity of doing multiple things rather than just spending more time doubling down on the one thing we need to be doing.

I had a coach who talks about the very uncomfortable feeling from moving from a manual transmission car to an automatic car, it just feels like you should be doing more shit. It would feel safer to be moving levers and doing things.

That's how it is in our business. It's very uncomfortable, very vulnerable, to be starting a business. Especially for women, because of how we've been socialized. But all of the extra time, money, and brain space you spend on things other than this in the beginning, just elongates the time that it will take to get past this point.

Although, I never feel like I will finish with the market research. It becomes a way of being in that I am always actively listening. We have another podcast, we'll link to it, but I'm talking about some of the thoughts you need to build around this.

One of them is the understanding that even if you have a solid offer that is selling, that market still evolves. Customers become more sophisticated; all different things happen. So, I am always actively listening. I'm actively listening to the people that come on sales calls with me. I'm listening to my current clients, especially when they first start.

I'm very actively listening to their language. I'm listening to the themes and the pulse of what's going on in other entrepreneur groups that I'm in. So, I would never want to be done with this, but there is a moment in which you do start working on other things in your business rather than just this.

Despite all of that good rationale, our brains will cleverly keep us in avoidance. It's like when my son was learning to ride a bicycle. It was challenging for him, so I would hear him saying things like, “No, I just really feel like riding my scooter. I do.” But now, of course that he's gained mastery on the bicycle, we can't get him off the bicycle. The scooter just isn't as interesting.

But in the moment, if I would say something like, “Well, honey, I'll help you. Honey, this is how you're going to get really great at the bicycle,” or whatever I would say, hinting that maybe he was avoiding the bicycle, he would always come back with, “No, Mama, I really like the scooter.”

Those are the things that our brains will do. “No, I just really enjoy the graphic aspects of Canva. I just really think that this is the better way to build it out. That my people will, of course, really want that type of thing. Where it's this standalone product that they can buy off the internet rather than working with me.”

So many people that I speak to, right in the beginning, they want to go straight to a course. It's possible, can absolutely do it. But a lot of times it's really avoidance. We just want to be clean on that before we build an entire business around it. We don't want our business to be built on avoidance or fear or conditioning from our past or any of the other things.

We want to be clean and moving in alignment towards the best use of our gifts in this world. And in the way in which it will most benefit our future clients.

When we're in that place of either doing lots of things and creating busyness for ourselves, so we don't have to face the discomfort or the vulnerability or the uncertainty, or we're not taking any action at all because then we're not risking the discomfort that we're afraid will happen, we think in those moments that we're saving ourselves from discomfort.

But we're just postponing it, because wait until you have been seeing the lackluster results for long enough. That is going to create a very, very high discomfort. Those of you who are there, or were there, you feel me when I say that, right? Those of us who have been there we know.

The alternative is that we lean into this growth edge, we learn to manage our minds around discomfort and rejection, so that we can evolve as women. Again, entrepreneurship is the single greatest personal development journey for a woman.

You start wondering, “Why does this sting so much? Why does this ‘no’ sting so much? Why am I feeling rejection? What am I making it all mean?” When we lean into that we evolve as women, and we drastically shorten our timeline for getting our businesses off the ground.

We also become so skilled and comfortable with the work of deeply understanding our people, the connection between us and our people, and how to translate that into an irresistible offer and into powerful words, that we become extremely agile entrepreneurs. Who are not only rich, but we know that we can always shift into other offers, if necessary. Like, if market conditions change.

Here's another thing that happens. If deep down you're feeling like a bit of an imposter, your brain will direct you to compensate for that, to put up all the trappings in order to seem legit. But that's usually unnecessary complication. I've seen this at all different levels.

I've had clients that are very successful in business, but now they're launching into some new level, right? It's an even bigger offer. All of a sudden, those same things come up again. “Am I legit enough to do this? What will those people think of me? Do I need to be more credentialed? Do I need to present myself in this way?”

For people starting out, I've seen they need this certification, or this website, or these regular social media posts. But those things most frequently are a reflection of what you think makes people look legit, rather than what actually is legitimate. So, what I usually see is that the website, or the certification or degree or whatever, is something you do so that you can feel legitimate. But it is never what makes you legit.

Maybe I've used this example before, but pick your favorite coach or virtual mentor, maybe Brené Brown or Tony Robbins or Brooke Castillo. Imagine you met them in a conference or on the street or in line at Starbucks. You've never heard of them, but you happen to say something that they respond to. Then, after a little bit of time spent with them, you just know you want to work with them.

Now think, what did they say to create the result of you wanting to work with them? How did they show up? How did you come up with the thought, “They're the real deal, they can definitely help me?”

None of that had to do with the things you're currently busying yourself with in your business. You need to talk to real people. You need to ask them smart, strategic questions that pertain to the kind of business you're building. You need to be willing to sit with them and dig deeper, and question; why, what made you think that, have you actually tried something else, and what happened?

Then you need to take everything they say, making sure that they are someone that you really want to work with, and you need to overlay that with your way of thinking about their problem. Come up with ways that you can both use their words and their way of thinking, but still be aligned with your integrity.

When you create your offer, it will be because ‘they have told me this is exactly what they want.’ It's such an act of love to meet them exactly where they are. Then of course, help them go all the way, that you are capable of helping them go, and beyond that.

Okay, my friends, if you would like to learn how to work through these things methodically for your specific business, so that you have both a solid foundation that allows your business to flourish, but also the solid skill set so you have true business acumen and can create new offers that will actually sell? Come and join us in the Clarity Accelerator.

It doesn't matter where you are in terms of business revenue, this group is very, very different in this way. All that matters is that you want to work on what is truly key and important and foundational in your business. Because you understand that that's what everything else builds upon. And, that is what will truly bring the simplicity and the security that you're ultimately looking for.

That's what saves you headaches and detours and unnecessary expenses, because you've built your business so seamlessly. Then, when you're not seeing the results that you want in business, you'll know how to problem solve quickly and without drama by revisiting these fundamentals and getting clear on where the breakdown is happening.

That is the foundation, the structure that allows for this life of flow and ease that you want. Honestly, if you're just in flow all the time, it can end up looking like a shit-show. We don't do shit-show businesses at The Uncommon Way. It's that structure, it's that masculine, a logical, left brain energetic, that then allows our intuition and our spontaneity and our creativity, and all of the other things that we shine in, right? It's what really gives it the weight of flourish.

“How can I be creative…” about what? We need some constraints there. Some structure in order to channel our creativity through to something else. That, all together, all of it holistically all together, that is what lets us receive and create ease, and ultimately manifest such uncommon businesses and lives.

If you are called to create that, then why aren't you in the Clarity Accelerator? I think it's time we talked. Yeah? It's so easy. You just open up the show notes on your phone, you scroll to the link, and you book a call. Before long we'll be talking in person about your business.

And even if we don't end up working together for some reason, you'll walk away with so much more clarity and direction than when you first got on the call. I love being on your side of the call when I'm talking to a new coach. I always learn so much. Someone asks me a question, I answer, then I'm like, “I’ve never expressed it in that way before.”

That's what I want for you, too. I want us to combine brains, combine energy, with this focused time on your business; these calls are 90 minutes long. We're going to focus in on your business, your truth, and decide where we go from there. So, that is awaiting for you, my friends, right at your fingertips. I can't wait to talk to you.

Remember, you know who you are. And each day, you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #65: Reflections on a $100k Month

Episode Summary

Jenna shares all that she’s learning from earning $100K this month.

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Show Notes

I know that anyone can earn $100K a month. There is no perfect timeline, no perfect way, but it's possible for every entrepreneur to accomplish this. This week, I discuss all the things necessary to receive a financial milestone, why it’s important to discuss money success, and more.

Learning to celebrate your accomplishments and lean into successes (financial and otherwise) is essential for cultivating gratitude and welcoming your next level of business. Join me as I dig into how our brains work, why monetary success is for YOU, and how to develop your way toward success.

Discover what will help you find your secret sauce, how to celebrate your successes, big and small, and why your way to financial freedom can only be dictated by your personal business model and values.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to identify what you have to overcome.

• The importance of evidence and belief.

• When to celebrate your successes.

• Invisible and visible barriers to debt.

• How to know who your ideal customer is.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• What’s been the most helpful episode? Comment on our Podcast Thread or DM me on Instagram.

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• Ep #43: How to Win at the Game of Entrepreneurship

Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, friends. Throughout my years in entrepreneurship, it has been so wildly helpful for me to hear from others who have the results that I want to have, and listen to how they think. To hear their reflections so that I could mine that for any nugget that would serve me in that moment.

It's from that place that I'm bringing you this episode today. It's my heartfelt wish that I can provide those same nuggets to some of you and help you get where you're going faster, better and easier.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, everyone, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Thank you for joining me as I celebrate a $100,000 month in my business. I've been reflecting deeply on this for the last week, and I want to share some of those reflections in the hopes that they will help you, serve you, in some way.

But before I do, I have to share my excitement with you because the week that you listen to this episode will be the week that we are having our Clarity Collective retreat in Mexico. I know that I will be spending a few days with some of the most wonderful women on this planet. I know that collectively, we're all going to be taking ourselves to the next level, and I believe that that actually ripples out into the universe.

In one very tangible way for you, I know that I'll be so inspired with new ideas and new concepts to bring back to this podcast. But in so many other ways, as well, a rising tide just lifts all boats. And so, I really feel tingles.

Almost as if, I don't know, it's weird, almost as if I were going to meet a star, a famous person that I really revere and really admire, and I know I'm going to meet them. Or I know I'm about to be awarded some big honor and I'm going to be standing up and just receiving. I just feel the tingles and the anticipation about how amazing this week will be.

Of course, I mean, come on, we're going to be at an amazing, amazing wellness retreat in Mexico. Even if we weren't meeting as a collective, it would just be an amazing way to spend a week. But since we're combining it all, as we should in our businesses and lives, it will just be beyond amazing.

In the gratitude that I'll be holding during this week, I'm also very grateful for the broader community that we have here with you, dear listener of this podcast, and this coming together of so many women that want a different way of doing life and business, and are willing to do the work of finding their way.

Alright, as I head into this episode, I want to let you know how meaningful this $100k milestone is. Some of you have heard me talk about this on the show before. There was a point in my business where I had been investing for quite a while it felt like, without seeing the explosion in my business that I assumed would happen.

I was feeling really heavy emotions; dejection, shame, failure. It was time for me to reinvest, and as I was having that kind of conversation with myself… I must have gone for a walk or something. That seems to be where all of my epiphanies happen; there, or in the shower.

But it finally dawned on me that in my perception for where I was at, at that moment, that level of debt and investment felt like a big idea, but someday I would have my first $100,000 year. And so, not only would that be a return on that investment, would I have fully amortized that investment, but I would go on for the rest of my life making $100,000 a year. I would no longer think about that.

And then, someday, I would have $100,000 quarter, and then I would have $100,000 month. And so, for my present to be what my future once was, to be sitting in that moment and having that conversation with my former self and saying, “Yes, you were not wrong to keep betting on yourself,” is a very beautiful place to be.

Now, I'm not saying that investing at the level that I did is the right decision for all of you. I can't know that for you. But I do want to recommend for those of you that are feeling those emotions, that are wondering… It may not be about money; it may be about time. Maybe you feel like you've invested time in a business and you're still not as far ahead as you thought you'd be.

Whatever angle your brain is looking at this from and feeling disappointed about, I encourage you to take the long view. I do have an episode on this very topic, taking the long view, which I'll ask the team to link to in the show notes.

Very related to this, I am going to acknowledge the amazing privilege I had to even be able to have that credit and invest. Or to even be able to spend this time on my business. I am so, so grateful for all of the many privileges I've had.

The wonderful upbringing that I've had from parents who believed in me and told me I was worthy, which I've been talking about in my Uncommon Story series. So many things. I'm also going to take a stand here and say that I believe people with less privilege also have these opportunities.

Meaning, these opportunities to create $100,000 month. I have many colleagues and clients that had fewer opportunities than I did. Maybe they're women of color, or they did not have access to credit, or they were raised by a narcissist or an abusive parent, etc., who have created amazing results.

Some have surpassed my results and they've grown their businesses more quickly. But most of them have taken longer. And so, while I put myself in the place of having had such an amazing leg up, I also want to stand by my belief, which may be naïve, may evolve over time, but at this point in time I absolutely believe that this is available to everyone who wants it.

In the end, no one cares how long it took you, or what your path to success was. They care about what you create, and you should too, my friends. Because if you're listening to this, I know you want to create something meaningful and with deep integrity.

There will always be people who have more privilege than us, and others that have less privileged than us. I've talked to so many women that wonder if they even have a right to move forward with their businesses, or if moving forward with their business is even ethical given that there are people of less privilege in the world.

For some of you listening to that, you may be thinking, “What?!” That may be the farthest thing from your mind, but I know so many others are resonating with that. Because I have felt that way sometimes. I have clients that are still going through this now, in some way, shape, or form.

My advice is, keep focused on what you're creating. With eyes wide open about the challenges that you will have in front of you, because of the places in which you have less of a leg up, more obstacles to overcome. Knowing that keeping your eyes wide open gives you a roadmap of exactly what you have to overcome in order to get where you're going.

If you've always been told that because you have brown skin you are less than, and you are definitely less of an authority than, that is what you know you have to work to overcome in your mind for yourself, so that you can lead.

If you've been told that you're not good at math, or you weren't the smart one in the family, whatever else we've absorbed from family, peers, the world around us, that is your work. Have eyes wide open about systemic problems that you'll be facing. You want to know what they are and you want to be clear about them.

Will it be more difficult, more costly, for you to acquire credit? Are you entering an industry where there are very few people who look like you? Is it going to be more difficult to get placed in certain podcasts if you're trying to pitch yourself as a guest? What are those obstacles, so you can confront them head on?

At the same time, having eyes wide open about the many things that are helping you, that you can be so grateful for, that you don't even have to work on because you just believe it in your bones. Use that as evidence. If you can believe so fully in this one way, you can create belief and believe fully in some other way, that feels challenging for you at this moment.

This is our work, as souls in this life, to do this level of healing, to carry this level of responsibility, to still breathe and still go, in order to create the women and the businesses and the lives that we desire.

All right, another point of reflection is that I am choosing to declare this and to talk about… Because, of course, all of my socialization tells me don't get all braggy, don't talk about money matters, that's gauche, and all the things. But I believe in the importance of this conversation. Of helping this become so normalized to our brains that we can more easily step into it for ourselves.

Another point, along the choosing to declare this, is that my actual revenue was $95,000. You'll notice the title of this episode says $100,000. That's not because of a simple rounding up, it's an extremely conscious act. I'm rounding up because of gratitude.

One of the most toxic, self-sabotaging things that we do to ourselves is to downplay our accomplishments and tell ourselves that it's not good enough. To tell ourselves that it doesn't really count. Because in our human brain, it's $3 off, or it's $5,000 off. Or in the case of a client of mine who is so, so, so close to a million, but still feels that stickiness about declaring that she has created a million dollars this year.

I will never forget an experience I had when I was trying to get my first 100 people into my Facebook group. I had to stretch myself in ways that I never had before, going into other groups and promoting this Facebook group and this challenge that I was going to run. I worked so hard on it.

It's the kind of thing when you're already rundown, you're working really hard on it, and stretching yourself emotionally. When I got to the end, the final day before the challenge, the evening before the challenge, the numbers were 99 people, instead of 100. Ninety-nine people.

Do you know what I did? I broke down sobbing, that is how low my resilience was. But also, how much of a perfectionist I was. I broke down sobbing, on the floor, actually hit the floor, pounded my fists a couple times, tears streaming down my face, because I was off by one person. I'd like to say I woke up the next morning and realized the error of my ways, but I didn't. It took years.

To a part of our brain, that seems like you're being a person of integrity, right? It seems like a good idea. It's you're not getting ahead of yourself, and so many other things. But what it's really doing is saying ‘not quite there.’

When someone gives you a present, you don't say, “Oh, this sweater is kind of good enough, but I really wanted it to be cashmere. Yes, I brought in this $20,000 month but it doesn't really count because they were referrals. I didn't actually go out and convert cold traffic.”

These are the little games we do to ourselves. This is how we tell the universe, “No, I'm not really grateful. Don't bother giving me anything else. I believe the universe could care less.”

We have these arbitrary little pieces of paper that we call “dollars,” or whatever currency you're thinking about. That value fluctuates day to day. We get our human brains so stuck on a specific number that we're willing to sacrifice gratitude.

As a Canadian friend of mine reminded me, I made well over $100,000 Canadian. So, really, if you can take one nugget from this episode, this might be it. Play with selling yourself even higher on what you've done. If nothing else, so you can see all the emotions it brings up and all the thoughts it brings up, that then you can start looking into.

Trust me, you've spent decades downplaying your accomplishments. One month of playing with being your biggest cheerleader? It ain't gonna kill ya. You'll be fine. Just try it, and see if it starts to shift your outlook. See if it starts to open your receiving muscle. See what fun little synchronicities come into your life.

All right, that said, at the level now of having created a $100,000 month, you still have a human brain. It is true, what they tell you when you're just starting business, “New level, new devil.” What seems like a big amazing goal at a certain point in your life, later on it doesn't seem that amazing. Your brain would want more or different or something. Your brain has a lot of thoughts about it.

I noticed the part of me, that negativity bias, that wants to be a little disappointed that it was 95, rather than 100. It's still there. Just like I mentioned the parts that are still there that say ‘don't talk about it, keep it to yourself.’ And so many other parts having opinions and saying all sorts of things.

But it doesn't mean I'll let those parts make the decisions, or consume the majority of my brain space. I am fully compassionate for the part of me that has strong opinions. I’m fully compassionate for the parts of me that have things to say. I'm still open to hearing what they have to say because I know where it's coming from.

I know that's how we're taught to adult, how we've been socialized, and all the things. I know that it's ultimately protective and trying to help me, but it's legacy thinking. It's incongruent with how I've intentionally decided to think, and whom I've intentionally decided to be.

There's such a tendency for us to project, that at some certain level, some mystical set of circumstances, we will feel… fill in the blank. We’ll feel at peace. We’ll feel financial security. That would all be true, if we didn't have human brains.

But yes, I can sit here looking at $100,000 in the bank, and still feel money scarcity. If I allow my brain to go that way, I can hear that. “My husband is retiring next year. We have to buy a house. We're possibly moving to Spain. I'll be taxed at such a higher level there, or my business will be taxed at such a higher level there. This could all dry up tomorrow. This feels very precarious.” All the things, they're still there. I'd say the difference is, that now I'm very, very used to this and it doesn't bother me at all.

Another reflection, I'm still the same person. Of course, we change day by day, and there's the parts of us that stay the same. It's like when you have a birthday and people are like, “Well, do you feel different? Do you feel like you're 16?” No, I actually feel like I felt when I was 15 years and 364 days old.

I once heard a coach saying that when she hit seven figures in her business she expected everyone to have a parade for her or something. But nothing changed, and no one seemed to appreciate it. The kids were still like, “Mom, you're such a dork.”

I love this about us. I love that we set these goals for ourselves. We create all these thoughts and feelings around these goals, and at the end of the day, it's just us. I can ask you all to celebrate with me, but only I can create the feeling of celebration for myself in me.

Just like my son, who's five, came home and told me that he's not cool. He's upset about that. I guess someone told him that. I told him the same thing... Actually, I asked him. Get this, the kid’s five, right? I asked him, “Who's the only one who can decide whether or not you're cool?” He said, “Me!” I just wanted to give him a major high five.

But hey, yes, only we can decide to feel the celebration. Only we can decide whether the goals are worthwhile. Only we can decide if those things are worth it to us, even though we won't become different people.

Only we can decide if they're worth it to us, even if we won't become other people. When we can hold that, when we can be comfortable with that, it lets us enjoy the present more. It lets us actually enjoy the ride.

All right, another reflection I have to bring up is that there's no one route. There's no one way to grow your business. What's important is to find your way.

When I was starting out, if someone had told me that I would rise through the ranks of Google, be on the first page for all of these searches, that I would start meeting random people and having single conversations with them, inviting them into this world with me and to engage in this work with me, I would have thought you were crazy.

Because all I knew at that point were webinar funnels. But it's just not true. We all have our secret sauce. We all have areas in which we shine, and we all have areas that we believe are believable for us. Therefore, it will more easily allow us to step into that and shine in that area.

But if you ever catch yourself thinking, “I should do this. I know it has to be done this way. I have to get good at social media,” or whatever it is, that is absolutely not true. You may still choose to become a master of social media, that may be very strategically aligned with the kind of business you want to have. But don't do it because you think you have to.

Grounding deeper into that, it's okay to do it in your way. It's okay to have the kind of business that you want. I do it. I run my business; I accept my abundance through premium pricing. Lots of people have very strong thoughts about premium offers. About how, by their nature, they are unethical.

There are very well-known coaches who are deeply anti-debt, that don't think anyone should go into debt in order to fund their dreams. I couldn't disagree more. This is very normal in the business world. Meta, Berkshire Hathaway, guess what? They also choose to take on debt. They'll issue bonds, and then use it to make an investment.

Companies leverage current capital to accelerate their timeline, because then you can reap the rewards of that future state for a longer period of time.

Okay, let's say a company sells bonds worth $100 million, and then they invest it to create a new factory, which brings in $20 million yearly. So, they pay back their investment. In essence, they buy back their bonds in six years. That would be five years of repayments, plus a sixth for interest.

Although for us, of course, if your credit is good, then you just Google ‘credit cards with a 0% APR’ and you'll see all the promotions out there. But back to our factory story, the company has issued bonds worth $100 million, and they're paying them back over six years.

But now let's take Company B. Company B does not issue the bonds, they save their money, over time, until they can create the factory on their own without taking on debt. It takes them 10 years to do that. So, they missed out on four years of $20 million each; ten minus six. It doesn't make business sense.

Yet, for some reason, we think that women starting service businesses shouldn't burden themselves with debt. Oh, that just gets my blood boiling. This is an invisible barrier to credit. We're not in the 70s, where we have to have our husband sign for credit for us, but we are in a place where we really shouldn't be taking on debt. We really shouldn't be acting like business owners.

Now, of course, some of us have more tangible barriers like high interest or even no credit, based on where they fall in actuarial tables. But if you can get access to credit, and you can manage the debt repayment responsibly during that interim period until you pay off the balance, then you're just playing like an entrepreneur, my friend.

So, I encourage you not to shame yourself over it. It's okay to do it your way. I wish I had had someone talk to me in this way when my brain was floating all sorts of labels like, self-indulgent and irresponsible and stupid and unrealistic, around my head.

My actions were so responsible back then, that I'm now the highest earner in the history of my family. My husband can retire next summer with zero financial worry at only 28 years in the Army rather than 30.

Again, I’m not saying debt is right for everyone. I’m not saying that there's no risk. Of course, there's risk and opportunity cost. That happens too, with Meta and Berkshire Hathaway.

But it was right for me. If you decide that it's right for you, then make yourself right for it, rather than making yourself wrong for it. Same thing, going back to your business model and my decision to have high touch offers and charge of the prices that I want to charge.

I love having my boutique containers, where I know each of my clients and I know their businesses inside and out. We have such a strong collective where everyone knows everyone, and we're able to share our strengths. I love having all that and supporting my life and my goals and my family at the same time.

I give away so much free content on the podcast here, and through my newsletter. And, I have a very strong premonition that in my future at some point, there will be a more accessible, lower-priced offer here at The Uncommon Way. But I refuse to feel shame for how I've chosen to build my business.

I can't imagine a situation where I would shame anyone else for how they choose to build theirs. Well, I guess that's not true. As I'm saying that, I'm thinking about, of course, that I have many strong opinions about how businesses have been built in the past. But if I hear a business owner say, “This is how I'm choosing to build my business. This is why I have thought intentionally about this. This is why…” then, respect.

I've seen people have thoughts about, for instance, someone growing their business in a way that maybe will be a slower climb for them, instead of doing all of these other things. Again, as long as you have eyes wide open, and these are your intentional choices, more power to you, woman. This is your business; you get to decide.

Another reflection. I've heard many people talking about the economy this year, and how much more difficult it is to sell this year. How that's just kind of the truth of 2023. I personally haven't experienced that. I wouldn't call this a gangbuster year, there are years that I've doubled my business, we're not going to do that this year, but my business is continuing to grow. And, I always expected it to grow.

Here's why, people, at least women, which are the people I know, that I work with, that I sell to, women still want to create new results. As long as people want to create new results, there will be businesses. There will be growing businesses. There will be thriving businesses. As long as people still want to solve problems, there will be businesses, growing businesses, and thriving businesses.

Some of you were not fully engaged in your businesses yet, when COVID hit. But when it did, there were a lot of people having a lot of worries and thoughts about what that would mean. And, there were also a lot of businesses that were thriving during that time.

So, my recommendation is to always stay focused on why your business makes sense. Not that you shouldn't pivot, of course, if you see that. Not that you shouldn't be listening to your people, always be listening to your people. But your offer should be predicated on the work of you believing that this is the most amazing solution for your exact people; that your people exist, that they absolutely want this thing.

If those are all true, then it makes sense that your business thrives. Again, this is something I have to keep reminding my client, is that your ideal people are the ones that want to pay you. They want to pay you. They want to create these changes, whether that's in their life, in their business, in their company. Whatever type of service you sell, you are selling to people that want to create a change.

I had a client who's a landscaper. Her clients want to create a change in their environment. Where we get into trouble is we start thinking, “No one wants to pay to cut their bushes.” This isn't about cutting the fucking bushes; this is about the true result they want in their lives. And, as long as you can connect with someone over why they want that, in language that resonates, people will still say yes to your offer.

It's this thought that I encourage you to take on, which is, “This is not surprising. It's not surprising that people are buying this offer. It's not surprising that my business is still flourishing during a ‘down economy.’”

With that, also taking on the understanding that this is not a function of time. Right? This makes sense because I've done the work, not because I've spent five years in business now. But because I've deeply…

Again, what is it, the three points of a service business? I have deeply understood myself and created very aligned offers. But I can 100% put my sword in the sand and say, “This. This is what we're about.” And two, I know my people, I've done the work to know my people. That doesn't necessarily take time. Although for some of us it does, no shame.

But for other people, I've seen this happen with three really in-depth conversations, it's all clicked for them and they've understood what was happening in their messaging, in their marketing, that wasn't allowing their people to connect.

Because finally, ultimately, how do you talk about those two things, yourself, aka your offer and your people? Why do those two things go together like peanut butter and jelly? It's not about time. It's about epiphanies, realization, value. As you connect those dots everything clicks into place. It's not surprising. This $100k month, it didn't surprise me. It makes total sense.

The last thing I'll say, slightly related, is that alignment still works. Meaning, as you create an aligned business, in all the ways. When you are in alignment as a person, when your lifestyle supports your values, when your offer deeply supports your clients, when your belief system supports you in receiving the money, the amazing clients, the growth, it's not just one thing, it's all the things.

It's holistic, right? This is why I teach in a holistic way, and I coach in a holistic way. I don't believe that there's any one thing, any golden key, that you can rely on to grow your business. Or even any one coaching method you can use to help people level up. I have seen people who are super confident, not sell. I've seen people who are fantastic at social media, not sell. I've seen people with the most amazing mindset, not sell, yet.

Because if they have the amazing mindset, they'll get there, right? But I've seen them not sell, yet. I've seen people who are totally, spiritually in tune, with an extremely high level of consciousness that even I would want to emulate, not sell. Just because they were still missing a piece. They are really strong in one area, but not in another. And, that's okay.

That's what is there to be developed. We need the tactics and strategy. We need the mindset and thinking like a CEO, and reinventing yourself into a person who isn't held back by that faulty conditioning that isn't serving you. It is the woo, too. It is the alignment. It is dropping into receiving. It is creating trust. It's so many things.

That is beautiful. Why? Because look who we get to become by working on all of these things? How multifaceted, how deeply human. Entrepreneurship is the greatest personal development journey for a woman available on this planet. It always brings up the things that we need to learn. They just come to us.

If you've been grinding yourself into the ground, guess what? You're going to be given an opportunity to see the error of those ways. Then the question will be, okay, but how do I have this business and create an aligned a lifestyle? Where I do feel deep peace. Where I do have regenerative time. What do I have to work on to do that? How will I create comfort with setting boundaries, when I haven't been setting boundaries?

These are little gifts that we’re given, little lollipops that are dropped from the sky, to help us create the most amazing lives. And so, wherever you are in your journey… Maybe you're well past $100k month, and you just like listening to these types of episodes because you like hearing other people's ways of thinking, right? It helps you ground into your own. Great!

Wherever you are in your journey, enjoy it. There is so much amazing work to be done, that on the other side it will be so much more valuable in the course of your life than whatever goal you accomplish, that had you stretch into creating that change.

I'll say that again. The results that you get from the work you did to create the goal, will end up being more valuable and change your life more drastically, than will the actual goal. The work that I have done on myself and the woman I have become, to get to $100,000 month, is so much more valuable than $100,000 or the million dollars or whatever, that I've earned over the course of my business. It's probably not a million dollars; I don't know, maybe it is.

But you could not pay me a million dollars to go back to being the woman that I was when I started my business. Such a strong inner critic, so much perfectionism, so much fear and doubt, distrust and scarcity, and oh, my goodness, all the labels. I feel bad throwing these labels on her because she didn't know what she didn't know, right?

But in hindsight, I can be like, “Wow, girl, you had it tough.” The circumstances in my life were reflecting all of that. I would create these things and just dig myself deeper into the hole. I'd be worn down and take on more shit.

“Honey, thank you for the journey you went on. Thank you for the sleepless nights. Thank you for the tears. Thank you for the doubts, and the times when you kept going anyway. Thank you for stretching yourself and all of the discomfort every time you did. I am so, so grateful to you, former Jenna.”

I’m grateful to my clients who have given me the best job in the world. I’m grateful to my parents, my upbringing, the creditors who loaned me money, so much gratitude. And, to you. Thank you, for tuning in. Thank you, for sharing the celebration with me. I hope I'll have the honor of connecting with you next week.

Remember, you know who you are. And, each day you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #64: My Uncommon Story: Sex, Drugs and Flamenco

Episode Summary

Jenna shares stories of her early adulthood, partying and living vibrantly on the beach in Formentera, Spain.

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Show Notes

In this episode, we continue My Uncommon Story series to give you some context on how I developed my current perspective toward life and entrepreneurship. Today, we jump back into my early 20s where I was finding my way post-college, exploring rebellion, and more.

After graduating from college, I zipped back to Spain, partied, and enjoyed the summer season in Formentera. Discover the moments of this time that have really stuck with me, why exploration is so important, and why I am so excited for young entrepreneurs today.

Enjoy this salacious tail battling the beauty and dark moments of youth. Learn how this time helped me to identify strengths and interests and ultimately, how la buena vida, the good life, forced me to claim my values and goals.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to identify work environments that work for you.

• Why it takes time to find your path.

• How to notice identity curiosity and shifts.

• How I won over my Spanish mother-in-law.

• How I found my values and goals.

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, this is a new series where I'm giving you the context behind what I share in this podcast; i.e. what went on in my life to get me here. Think of this as part entrepreneurial mindset building told through stories, part historical nonfiction, and part audacious, salacious, beach read. I hope you enjoy.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey there, and welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I am going to take you today through one of my favorite periods of life, and one that I get asked about most often. So, it's what you might have seen on the About Me page of my website, or I’ve mentioned having run away to Spain after college to be a hippie and working on a nudist beach.

Again, what I mentioned when I first began this series, is that what you hear in these episodes, they may not jive exactly with the perception that you have of me, which might be a good or bad thing. But it definitely is more fully me in all of my human complexities.

So, last episode, we left off when I was halfway through college. I left my temporary summer home of Formentera, Spain, after having fallen head over heels for a Spanish man. He, Paco, had just pulled off his miraculous feat on my very last day there. He spontaneously bought an airplane ticket in Ibiza’s airport, and then flew to Madrid with me to stay overnight.

It filled me with hope that somehow we would defy the odds, and we would make this work. So, I landed back at school for my junior year just like a lovesick puppy. I was missing him and the sun and the Spanish lifestyle.

I can't remember if I mentioned this earlier, but you might be familiar with this song by The Mamas and the Papas called “California Dreamin’.” It says, “All the leaves were brown, and the sky was gray. I went for a walk on a winter's day.” It's all about how just dreaming of the sunshine in California, this California lifestyle, and they're stuck in all this gray rain.

Well, that was actually written at my college, at Swarthmore, by Mama Cass. So, this is the exact same environment that I'm returning to after being in Spain. And, what's truly ironic, is that right now, we're living in Pennsylvania and it's a very cold, gray, rainy, fall day. So, it's bringing me back.

On top of that, I hadn't been able to choose my roommates for the year because I'd been gone the year before, and I had a super heavy Course Load making up for the year that I'd spent in Spain. I now know about myself that I really get hit by seasonal affective disorder.

I don't think I noticed that the first time when I moved from Washington State to Pennsylvania, because it's drizzly in Washington all the time. But when I'm in a place that’s sunny and then I go somewhere dark, it hits me. Like, when I moved from Florida to Germany. It's just like ouch, especially that first year. Ouch.

So, there I was missing him, feeling sorry for myself. But even though Paco was in sunny Spain, he was also feeling the separation. So, we hatched a plan where he would come and live in the States for a few months. Swarthmore is right outside of Philadelphia, so we got him a really cheap studio apartment in West Philly. The poor guy. Remember, he does not speak English, so he was just so bored the whole time.

Now, at this point, my parents still had not met him, and they were convinced that he was just with me for the U.S. Green Card, which was insulting to both of us, but I guess they were being protective. But the thing is, he was like, “I hate this. I don't like it here. Spain is amazing. Why aren't we living in Spain?” That was my first awareness that he really wouldn't be happy in the States.

There was also such a divide between the conversations that I could have with my college friends, versus the ones that I could have with him. Now remember, a few months before, when I had met him in Seville, my Spanish wasn't that hot either. But during those months in Formentera when I couldn't speak English, it vastly improved.

That also improved our communication. I could start to pick out subtleties. We could have more in-depth conversations. And, I could see where we weren't able to have conversations, things that we couldn't converse about.

All of those things probably started to form the belief for me that this isn't going to work. I didn't have the tools, or the awareness, to even question that. This just points to the life changing aspect of this work, of life coaching. I mean, what is the value of it? Well, what's the value of one decision? Like, a life partner, of being able to stay with someone or leave, or the value of not second guessing that decision for the rest of your life.

Learning how to become aware of your brain, question your thoughts, and then get to a point where you can make clean decisions, or at least the cleanest decisions possible, that's everything. This is what we should be taught in school. But I didn't have that, and I felt myself withdrawing emotionally.

So, through the rest of my college years, we dated other people. Now, in between my junior and senior year I won a scholarship to start my MBA at the University of Chicago. This was a pilot program. They were known as a very quantitative heavy school, and they were looking to round out their student body with students from liberal arts colleges.

And so, they went to all the best liberal arts colleges in the country, and they set up a special scholarship for one student from each college to come and take their first quarter of work, of their MBA, in between the junior and senior year, totally paid for. Then they'd be guaranteed admission to come back after their senior year of college to complete the work. So, it was a fantastic opportunity, and I won the spot from Swarthmore.

A couple of important things happened there. One is, that I truly came to understand what it means when people say ‘your MBA is so much about the connections.’ Because compared to the academic rigor of Swarthmore, and to be fair, I was not enrolling in any of the quantitative classes. Yet, at Chicago, I was doing business law and marketing and things like that, some of the softer subjects, and yet, the rigor wasn't there. I didn't feel challenged.

So, I realized that really, I was potentially going to pay all of this money, for my MBA, for courses that didn't feel challenging to me, in order to gain some connections. But the even more formative memory, and some of you who have been with me for a while might have heard this story before.

But because we were in this pilot program, and it was very interesting, we were being recruited by some of the “top companies” at that time; the Goldman's and the McKinsey's. I remember we had an event at the top of the Sears Tower, which is what it was then called, and Goldman was hosting it. They were having people from their organization stand up and talk about why they loved working for Goldman so much

A woman stood up, and she, after working as an investment banker for several years, had become pregnant and ended up piloting their daycare program for employees, throughout Goldman globally. She was talking about that work being fulfilling. And then, she kind of paused.

She mentioned how it was so different than when they would be pulling those all-nighters, and she just have a change of shirt that she'd have to put on for the next day, after working so hard on a project. She kind of paused for a moment, her fingers grazed the pearl necklace that she was wearing, and she looked sidelong at a coworker of hers. Let's just call him Larry. I don't remember his name.

But she's like, “You remember that Larry?” There was so much longing in that, that it felt almost sexual in nature. The thing is, you all, I resonated with it. I resonated with the hit of that adrenaline, of working all night, of pushing yourself, of being the best.

That exact same second, when I felt that hit of adrenaline, I also felt a deep resistance to that. Like a deep warning within. A warning bell going off within me saying, “Jenna, this is the path that you will go down if you're not careful. Where you're thinking back on the glory days of how fun that used to be, that kind of lifestyle of pushing yourself that hard.”

And so, even though I felt the call… Of course, I'd been in competitive spaces my whole life and I wanted to be the best of the best. And, even though I felt that call to take on one of those coveted jobs, there was that little bit of doubt that I'm so grateful for; it was inserted at that moment.

That might have formed some of my decisions about what kind of classes to take when I got back, because my senior year was amazing. For the first time, I really got to experience the true beauty of a liberal arts education. Where you can just take a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

My first year had been filled with a lot of required introductory classes. Then, of course, I was in Spain. My junior year was filled with all of the requirements for my major, my economics major. Which, why I was an economics major, I have no idea.

It seemed like the only decision at the time. I believed that that was the career track, and the only way to go if I were going to work in corporate coming from a liberal arts school.

Otherwise, they'd say, “We don't want someone that majored in art history. We want someone with more of a business background.” I think that companies are a lot more open nowadays. Maybe they were then, but I just didn't have the mentorship to know that.

This was the year I could truly just take whatever I wanted. I took an amazing Spanish and Latin American literature course. I took Feminist Critical Theory. There was a class called Wisdom in the Healing Arts, which was all about non-western medicine modalities for healing illness, that completely opened my mind and just helped me start questioning things.

I just have to throw in. I actually took this my first year of school, but my very favorite class was called Physics for Poets. It was all about how modern physics, modern at the time; chaos theory and quantum electrodynamics; how those realms contain so much mystery.

Now, in the second half of the year, of course, I was still in communication with Goldman and McKinsey. I was still potentially thinking about working for USAID (United States Agency for International Development). I can't remember how it happened, but somehow, somewhere, in my senior year, Paco and I, still in contact, we started floating the idea of getting back together and really making a go of it in Spain.

This was a huge decision for me. Everyone was saying, “You have got to jump on these prestigious jobs right after college, if you want to set yourself up for future success. You have to work at McKinsey when you get out of college, and then go back for your grad school. Then do… That's the only way you'll make partner,” and I mean, all the things.

I knew my parents had sacrificed for this expensive college with the expectation that I would get a “good job.” But I very much saw myself as the heroine of my own novel, wondering what the next chapter would be. Thinking about what I would want to read. Like, what is the book that I would want to read?

Again, I'd grown up among deaths at any moment in the pilot community, so I wanted to live a life well lived. I didn't want to have regrets. Probably highlighted by this story I told you about when I was in Chicago, a very deep part of me rejected that way of living and wanted to find a different way, my own uncommon way.

And so, I asked myself the granddaughter question, which I've shared here before. Imagine some day, when you're sitting with your granddaughter telling her about this exact moment in time what you decided and why, what would your answer be?

As soon as I asked myself that question, I knew I was going back to Spain. I just had two words for myself, “Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I'm really going to do this.”

Our first stop was Barcelona, otherwise known as “Barna” back in those days. But I thought that would be a fresh start for us. It's a vibrant city, and maybe there would be more work opportunities for me. And so, when we first got there, we just crashed with friends that we knew from Formentera until we could get some cash accumulated.

But there were challenges. Like maybe in any big city, there were people who would prey on the less advantaged, on people who needed money, on people who didn't have the work permit. And so, I ran into lots of shady schemes.

Several friends suggested that I put up fliers for teaching English. But I got a lot of weirdos, I have to say, who were taking me up on that offer. I also was kind of the resident English speaker for an English social club where everyone would get together and speak English, and I would just be one of the native English speakers floating around for them to talk to. So, that was one of my gigs.

I also was selling English courses at one point, and this was where I've had several, as we all have I'm sure, several different moments that stand out in our mind that have moved us towards wanting businesses of integrity. This is definitely one of mine.

We were given this very regimented sales script to follow. It included all of these… You would sit down with a person, person to person, and there would be all of these hand movements and things that you would be drawing on a piece of paper as you were talking to them, that somehow added legitimacy.

Places that you would have them say yes throughout the conversation, to get them more willing to say yes at the end of the conversation. It was all very much about how to manipulate a person into making this decision.

The people who were applying or were interested in these courses, the way of selling them was always about ‘how it would help you get a better job.’ And so, they tended to be very down and out. I don't know if they were going to get results from this study-at-home course. I think there were, I can't even remember, CDs, cassette tapes, I don't even know back then.

It was something like that.

They were going to kind of try and learn English in a vacuum. I had, of course, spent years studying Spanish in school before I came to Spain to study, and realized I really couldn't converse in the language. It took immersion. It took me being on an island where no one spoke English for me to really learn it.

So, I felt terrible about these courses, or this job. And, I felt even worse when someone bought from me. So, that quickly came to an end. I just couldn't stomach it anymore.

I worked as a jewelry model at one point. I started to work… There were all of these ads in the paper for young women, I forget the exact wording, but basically what it turned out to be, is that they wanted us to basically put on these bathing suits and have wet t-shirt contests or something, modeling contests at bars.

I really think I went into my fawn response there, because I was there throughout the whole morning rehearsing the stupid dance number or something; it wasn't dancing.

But it was how you move around the stage. I went home at lunch and I was just like, there is no way I'm going back to that, and I just didn't ever return. It just amazes me that I even stayed through the beginning part. I think it was because I was just too shy or speechless to leave.

There were just all sorts of different schemes where young women were promised money if they only did this, and things where it turned out it was porno, or everything; all the things.

My favorite job by far, while we were in Barcelona, was that of peona. Peona is like when you play chess and there's the peon, well, the peona is the person who is an assistant in a construction project. They're the peon, they're the lowest person. They're the ones that are told to go fetch bags of cement or mix this manner; just the gopher.

But Paco was very… He'd worked in construction for many, many years as well, in Formentera. That's what people do in the winters as they get ready for the tourist industry again in the summer. And so, he had a lot of experience and he would manage to get himself gigs or get hired out for renovation projects.

Then he would get to hire a peona, a peon, and of course, he would hire me. So, I was the peona in these jobs. It was so much fun. I loved it. I loved working with my hands.

There was this place we used to go to, it was called Piolindo. I'm going to post some pics on Instagram of this timeframe. But they would serve… You’d walk into this long, skinny restaurant, and it was only workers. It was only workers in this restaurant, and me. I, of course, was one of the workers.

It was this long bar, you'd sit up on bar stools with all these gruff workers there, and all they served was rotisserie chicken, french fries, and champagne. And, Cava, which is the Spanish sparkling wine from the Barcelona region.

And so, for 3 euro… Well, no, it wasn't euro, it was pesetas back then. So, for 350 pesetas, which is about $3.50, you'd get a quarter chicken, some french fries, a glass of Cava, and I think some bread. It was just so fulfilling. It was so fun.

We were also so poor. We were, in between jobs, scrounging for coins in our sofa so that we could buy bread that day. Pasta with salt was a normal dinner that we ate, because it was so cheap and filling. I really very much entered into a dark night of the soul during this time, and really for the next years. Which you wouldn't expect from this fun, lighthearted story of bravery and adventure.

But I think I'd always had an idea that I would just get through college, and then somehow, in college, I would know what I wanted to do. That hadn't happened for me, so I very much questioned, what am I here to do? What am I doing with my life? And, I entered into some depression.

But there were a few bright spots. One, of course, being with Paco. Another, being an adult. Now, that is fucking fun, right? When you first come out of college, and you are getting to live your own life and walk around like an adult rather than a student, I found it very liberating.

We also got a dog during this time. She was a Border Collie from the Pyrenees region. I just really wanted a puppy, a little mascot, and she was so sweet. You might have seen her in a picture on my website, on the About Me page, from this time in my life. She was a little ray of light.

It was also really fun living a cool life. I know that may sound strange, but I had never lived in a place like Barcelona before, that just had so much going on with art and culture. I was like a sponge for coolness. These people were so cool, doing cool things, with cool looking bars, and cool art galleries. I loved it.

Everything there was a speakeasy at that time, you needed to know the secret knock to get into the fill in the blank, the club or the bar. I remember there was one club buried deep in a metro station, in the outskirts of Barcelona, that we would go to. Inside, it was just wild.

I was also fascinated by this other culture, kind of the counterculture there. There was a very strong anarchist movement. They were kind of like rockers as well, where they had decided that they just weren't going to participate in the capitalist system.

They would live as squatters in different buildings until they’d eventually get kicked out of that building, then they'd move into a different building. Those just happened to be some of our friends from Formentera, some of Paco’s friends.

And so, I was sitting down and having lunch in these environments. It was fascinating to me. It was so funny, because later on, when I moved to New York City, I was looking for a place to rent and one of them was a place in the East Village. The young boy, I guess, man, came out to interview me, he's like, “You know that we share bathrooms here, right?” I don't know if he thought I was from the Midwest or something, but he alluded to something like it’s not like the little, pristine living arrangements that you're used to. I just had the laugh.

I've always had this effect on people, where they look at me and I can definitely pass as the good girl, I pass as the responsible person. I'm like, you don't even know that I've been living with anarchists in Spain. In buildings that didn't even have toilets, necessarily. We'd have to go out, and all sorts of things. Never judge a book by its cover.

Another bright spot there, I have to say, were the drugs and nightlife. We partied like rockstars, but on the cheap, of course. Often, people would be inviting us. Until some money came in for us, and then maybe we'd invite our friends.

Later on, I met people in the military who were in their 20s. Their only vice was alcohol, because of course, there are drug tests in the military. I remember thinking, “Oh, you're going to be able to remember your 20s. That’s going to be a trip.”

But in my 20s, I mean, if someone in the group had money, we would be doing “lines,” that's lines of cocaine, for those of you who are uninitiated. And if we got too high, then we would smoke hash, or we'd smoke lines of coke on the top of our cigarette to come back down. That's how you could maintain the perfect buzz.

If we were poor, we would be doing “Molly,” because then you wouldn't need to pay for alcohol, you'd be fine with just the pill all night. We called Molly “X” back then, we didn't call it Molly.

If we were really, really poor, we'd buy a couple of pills of Molly and then we'd smash them up and snort them like cocaine. Obviously, I’m not recommending that to any of you, ever; keep your brain cells intact. But I'm just sharing the full picture of life there.

We'd come back, we'd sleep, we'd be very hungover, and Paco would make us, and I say us, the whole group of friends, he’d invite everyone back over and make us an amazing chicken soup for the hangover. This would be at maybe 4pm, 5pm.

Then, invariably, somebody… this didn't happen all the time, but frequently, somebody would start being the instigator for the “hair of the dog.” “Let's just have a beer, that will make us feel better.” Things would escalate, and we'd end up partying again the whole next night.

Now, what I didn't know until much later, is that what I loved most was actually the music and dancing in the clubs; it wasn't the drugs. Later, in my 30s, when I was living in South Beach, in Miami, I could dance all night without anything. Even alcohol, sometimes.

I love to dance; I have language for it now. It's such a deeply embodied somatic experience, where you're out of your head and you're into your body. It's amplified by the energy of everybody else around you, all these other bodies around you.

For me, it really is a spiritual practice. It's as if something moves through me. I don't know where or how my body's going to move next. But I didn't know that them, all I knew was that I really liked it.

I liked shifting, if I'm honest, I liked shifting myself concept towards being bad, or at least rebellious, after growing up as the good girl, top of her class, always doing everything right. With that identity shift comes a feeling of ungrounding that can be uncomfortable, as my clients know very well.

Because if I'm not this, who am I exactly? What is inherently me? What has just been conditioning? How can I make clean decisions about who I want to be and what I want to believe, and then build back towards that intentionally? Create that intentionally. So, there was definitely some ungrounding there. Then, for me, really the overriding question of, what do I want to do with my life?

Well, in the early winter, a month came along where we ran out of money. We were trying to make rent for the next month. My parents were not interested in providing a loan. His parents said they couldn't give us a loan, but why didn't we come down there, to Seville? They were in Seville. Why didn't we come down there and work the Semana Santa? Which is a two-week period, I think, yeah, two weeks total.

It's a period of extreme in the restaurant industry, where people are just up all night. It's a very, very busy time, and they needed some extra help. Now, those of you who heard my last story, about the first time I went to Formentera, may remember how the mom really didn't like me. She told Paco, “If you walk through that door with her, if you walk out with her, you're never coming back into this family.”

I realized I forgot to follow up with an important point there, which is that by the end of summer, Paco really was trying to get a reconnection going. And of course, his mom adored him and couldn't actually disown him.

One of those reconciliation attempts was when we were going back to their house for a meal. Paco had tried to tell his mom that I just didn't know the norms there in Spain, and so of course, I'd be willing to help in the kitchen or help serve or help clean up, all the things, but I just didn't know what I didn't know.

So she was, again, trying to make an effort. She was going to teach me some Spanish dishes, so I was in there in the kitchen with her, learning. It came time to make the mayonnaise. Now, supposedly, comes from one of the other Balearic islands, Menorca. It comes from their main town of Mahón; Mahón-aise was the…

Anyway, it's made with egg, olive oil, some salt, and maybe some lemon juice. You would just beat it by hand with a fork. As you beat this fast enough, it will finally coalesce into mayonnaise.

Well, as she's there showing me this, she starts beating, and she looks at me. She says, “Do you know, that if the cook has a troubled heart, the mayonnaise will never turn out.” I guess curdle is the word or something. It'll cut, it'll separate, it won't come together. She's like, if the cook has a heavy heart, meaning if people have given her a heavy heart, or something, or are taxing her.

And so, as she is whipping this, she's looking at me, and I'm praying, “Please, make the mayonnaise turn out. Please, make the mayonnaise turn out.” It did! It was like divination, the clouds opened, and everything will be well between us now because the mayonnaise turned out.

That is why, because of the successful mayonnaise, a couple years later, we were so easily invited to come down and work with them for Semana Santa in Sevilla, which is around Easter.

Now, it is difficult work, working day and night and serving people. There was an interesting experience there, where we were taking a break and talking to a worker from the next-door restaurant, who was complaining about his boss. He was saying that the boss wasn't even buying them cocaine to keep them going. He just expected them to be doing this. Like, with their own humanity.

Again, I found that just so fascinating, that this would be a normal expectation of a worker, that your boss would buy you cocaine. It really speaks to what I talked about in the last episode about how drugs were prolific there, but also really crossed class barriers. It wasn't something that only the degenerates do, or only the super rich do.

So, after Semana Santa, we decided to go back to Formentera for the summer season. We knew that we could at least make money there, there was plenty of work. Paco got a job as a cook in a restaurant, and I got a job as a server in the restaurant bar of a friend of his. He was kind of very quiet and mellow.

It was attached to a condo building where tourists would rent out these apartments. And so, it wasn't super, super busy. Although, it was maybe 10 tables, or so, at night. I had never worked as a server before, so it was a leap. But I was down for it, of course, and I was happy to be earning money again. Even though some of the patrons weren't necessarily happy that I didn't have experience.

In Spain at that time, they were very particular about, for instance, what glass you use with what kind of beverage, and exactly how things have to be done, and have always been done. So, I got scolded a couple times by my glass choice.

But I loved my boss. She was really my first initiation into the “woo.” She gave me a book called The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, which is still one of my favorites. I think it's such a beautiful story of clarity and the clarity journey. If you want to read that it's very short read. And so, I really credit her with that.

The other point that was really driven home while I was working there, was the very kind of open and sharing culture in Spain. Of course, they're a socialist country, as well. I would get into conversations where people would tell me yeah, they would rather pay higher taxes than to live in a place where there are homeless people. Or where there are people that don't have access to medical treatment.

I think that idea is more kind of common and talked about nowadays, but it felt different to me that people would willingly pay money just to live in a better and more equitable society. Maybe that philosophy, or that way of thinking, really filtered down on the individual level as well.

One of the only times that I was kind of chastised by my boss is because I would work the evening shift, which, like I said, was the busiest, it’s when we had all the tables. I'd be running around, the only server there for all the tables, and I would collect tips.

Now, tips in Spain aren't that big, but they'd be like, $1, $2; it added up. It turns out, at the end of the night, I would take it home. Because those were my tips, those were the tips I earned. Meanwhile, there was another woman who worked in the morning and she'd have smaller tips, far fewer tips, but she'd been putting that in the tip jar. So, apparently, all tips get shared even if you're working at a different time of day. That's the fair thing to do.

So, again, you don't know what you don't know, but it’s a different way of thinking about things. I remember back when we were in Barcelona, sometimes we would celebrate and we'd buy ourselves a bottle of expensive rum, for instance. I would want to hide that because that's our rum, right? We're only going to have a little bit on special occasions, and it's going to be an extra special treat.

Well, invariably, in these times where we’d have everybody over, one of Pacos friends would wander into the kitchen or something, and be like, “Hey, you have Cacique! You have that. Great, let's bring it out!” I would just glare daggers at Paco, being like, “Tell your friends to back off. Tell them to get their hands off our stuff.”

ut he was like, “Why wouldn't we share the best of the best with our friends? Of course, I want them to feel at home.” So again, just some major perspective shifts and mind openings going on here, in that summer.

At that point, we lived in a house. We weren't living up on the Mola anymore, on the plateau. We were living down near town where we were working. But we did still live in a house with no running water. We had a well, and we would go pull the water out of the well each morning for everything we were having to do.

Later, we moved into a beautiful country house, which Paco remodeled and made even more beautiful. A traditional, little stone whitewashed house; so pretty. Even though it was so beautiful, we had this view of Es Vedrà; which is this very unique, gorgeous, huge rock formation off the coast of Ibiza. It is so striking.

It's kind of like the Bermuda Triangle of that area, where people say that it has very strong, spiritual activation and things like that; boats will go missing. There's just this very potent energy around this rock. So, I had that as my view. It was a gorgeous countryside.

But we were getting into winter, and winters are very hard, it turns out, in this beautiful island. It clears out. All of the people that are there working in the tourist industry for the summer leave, all of the tourists leave, and there's only a few hundred people left on this island. It's cold and it's windy.

In fact, they have a saying that people go crazy living in Formentera just because of these long winters, long, windy winters, and the sound of the wind coming through cracks in these old stone buildings. My job really, during the winter, during this time, was housewife. Which triggered all of my demons.

In the morning I would need to go buy the food, and then I’d make the food for lunch because Paco was the one paying all the bills, and he was working in construction jobs. Which again, is what the men do in the winters there. And so, he would come home ravenous. He couldn't just grab a bite to eat, he wanted, he was craving really substantial hearty stews, right? Things like that.

The thing about him is, he never asked me. I mean, he would ask me if I would do something, but he would never, of course, tell me to do anything or expect me to do anything. But if I didn't do it, because he was so hyper efficient, he would just go do it himself.

So, when he'd come home at the very end of the day exhausted, he would then be going to buy the fresh ingredients, and then making himself the stew for the next day. Which, of course, I didn't want him to do. So, I ended up, yes, buying groceries and cooking meals for lunch.

After lunch, after he'd leave, that's when I would clean the house. That wind brings in all of this dust. It's an arid island so there's just all this dust and dirt that comes in. Again, if I didn't clean it up, Paco would come home, grab the broom, and start cleaning, because this is just the daily ritual of how they live there. It was second nature to him.

Finally, there would be one point… Of course, I had the make whatever we were having for dinner, as well. But there would be one point in between there where I would grab my book, grab a book for an hour, and read. That felt so luxurious.

But mostly, in between, as I'm doing all of the rest of these things, I'm left with the thoughts in my head of what the fuck am I doing with my life? Right? What would I even want to do with my life?

Again, dark night of the soul. It was one of my most difficult periods ever. Because in our society, of course, we buffer away our emotions. We find ways to not feel them so deeply, and to not think our thoughts so deeply, often. We go to the movies theater, we go to the mall, we watch TV, we get together with friends. I didn't have any of that. It was just me, alone with my crazy, or not so crazy, thoughts, and the wind.

Until finally, it was spring, and then late spring, and then summer. We got a great gig running a restaurant together, being our own bosses. Yes, on a nudist beach. Although, really, any beach on Formentera could be a nudist beach. People were fine if you wanted to take your clothes off. There was very much a ‘you do you’ type of attitude for everything.

It was such a beautiful, beautiful cove. It was such a privilege to be able to work there every day and see that gorgeous, crystalline water. Now, in order to get this gig, we had to get married. Yeah. Because the person who was renting us, who owned the restaurant and was kind of renting it to us for the season, he just didn't want any problems with the law.

And so, we decided we really wanted to see what this is like, where we're both earning money while together, working together. The whole point of this was to really give it a shot, and so, we're not going to let this piece of paper stand in the way.

So, we went down to the justice of the peace. I'm now entered in the Old Town Hall of Formentera. My name is there in their official books. Then we could proceed with our life, which was pretty glorious in summer. We would get up, we'd buy the groceries for the restaurant, and we'd open it up.

Our dog, Johnny, she would just wander the dunes keeping an eye on the flock. She's a Border Collie, so she just loved to sit up there watching everybody coming and going. I would take the food orders and the payments, and Paco would cook. No, we did not work in the nude; only when we took breaks for a dip in the ocean.

When it was my time for a break, I’d just whistled for Johnny, and she'd come running from wherever she'd been. We’d just go for a swim together. And then, at night, we'd hang out with friends. Sometimes we'd take the ferry to Ibiza to dance all night.

Which, by the way, can I just rant about this just really quickly, about the pronunciation? So, in the dialect of the language, and when you come into the airport there, you'll see that it's actually spelled E-I-V-I-S-S-A. There's none of this Ibitha stuff that people like to use.

I think what happened there, is that when so many Brits were coming to the island, they heard people that spoke Castilian Spanish, which is from Madrid; but of course, it spread throughout the country.

They heard people with that way of speaking, where they do make a lisp, a TH sound with their SS and C's, and with some of their sounds. They must have heard them saying the name of the island and thought that was how it was pronounced. So, instead of saying E-B, I don't know, they said E-Y-E-biza, because that's how they would say it.

I really would love for us all to make a choice. Say the name of the place the way that the locals say the name of it. Or just read it phonetically as we would in our own language. For instance, when we say Paris, that's the phonetic reading. We don't walk around in normal conversation, here in America, talking about Paree, right? We just say Paris.

So, just say, Ibiza, the way it’s spelled. Or if you want to get really local about it, then at least use the real way that they pronounce it there, which is Eivissa. Okay. Off my soapbox, little pet peeve of mine, that’s so unimportant for your daily life, but I’m compelled to bring it up.

So, Eivissa in the 90s was amazing. It was a boho, beautiful; there was this deep joie de vivre. We would always come in, to Eivissa town, the main port, main town of Eivissa. This is different than what you might have seen in some of the areas that were kind of colonized by people from England. Where they have these flat sandy beaches on the other side of the island.

But what I'm talking about was the area that has the hills and the sweet, little winding streets leading up to the castle. It's more well-to-do. It's the biggest harbor, where all the yachts are. So, we would come in at about midnight after we'd closed down our restaurant, because people eat very late in Spain.

We'd grab some dinner, because midnight is a completely normal time to eat dinner in Spain, especially during the summer. After that, there's what they call a “bar de copas.” That's a cocktail bar. That would be where you would go from maybe 2am to 3am or 4am. Which is when you would then go to the clubs, the nightclubs.

Then, there were after-hours clubs that might open at around 7am. Finally, a place like Space would open at noon for the revelry to continue. Of course, there are the famous sunset bars where a lot of the, if you've heard of the chill Ibiza music, that's where all of that was going down, in the sunset bars.

So, there was never a time where there wasn't a time for you to find the exact vibe and the exact level of fun that you wanted. There were foam parties at Amnesia. There was a place called Coup, that then became Privilege, but it was just this huge mega club. It was wild. They had boutiques inside. They had a bakery inside for when it was breakfast time. They had restaurants, all sorts of different things.

But we were regulars at Pacha because it was closer to the ferry. So, you'd see me there on many nights. I'd be one of the ones up on the pillars in the spotlight. It was very easy for me to claim the spotlight when dancing. In a way that it was not easy for me to do, and still isn't really easy for me to do, years later, when it comes to business.

Now, Formentera had a scene of its own. I mentioned last time about how there were all sorts of different people partying together; the people coming off the yachts, to the restaurant workers like us, to the tourists, of course. It was also, in a way, kind of more exclusive because there's no airport on Formentera.

So, people with yachts would tend to sail over and have special parties on beaches or different areas of Formentera. There was one really famous one where everyone was dancing, it was getting near sunrise, the music was building to a crescendo, and we're just out on this plateau that leads right to the cliffs in the middle of nowhere.

Then, right as the sun breaks and then the music breaks, this helicopter surfaces from below the cliffs, by the ocean, and just rises up above everyone. I mean, these parties were just beyond; with animals and dancers, and like I said, foam or bubbles, and all sorts of things. It was just a beautiful hedonism.

As I mentioned last time, there was an absence of middle-class morality. Everything was ‘do what you want.’ Don't hurt others, do what you want, and don’t cast stones. By then, I really wasn't surprised by, for instance, an older man hitting on me. Or some man that I wouldn't have normally have expected to hit on me was then hitting on me. That didn't surprise me.

But I remember the first time an older man and his wife hit on me, that was new. I certainly had the opportunity to liberate myself fully, sexually. Because it was all free love. No hard feelings, want to come over on Thursday for an orgy?

In fact, there's a Spanish movie called La Isla, which is really bad. Don't look it up. Don't bother watching it. But it's all about the special spiritual energy and people on Formentera, and the island’s ability to liberate and change you. But it didn't fully liberate me, I guess, if you want to describe it that way. Because while I did try kissing and fooling around, it always just felt awkward and weird to me to kiss girls. So, it wasn't my thing.

In the fall, it was the best time. Things start to slow down. It's not so crazy for us, but we can still enjoy the warm weather and warm water. That's when it really makes sense to maybe close one day a week.

I remember, once, we were sitting for lunch with a big group of friends at this very famous restaurant called Juan y Andrea, where they serve very fresh fish from that day. Normally, there wouldn't have been a spot for us in the summer. But in the fall, we were able to get in.

Everyone, as is the way, orders in kind of a sequence. For instance, you'd always have an aperitif before you begin the meal. Then, you would order different appetizers, and you'd have maybe a first and second plate. And after your meal, you're going to have a coffee.

Specifically, a coffee with maybe a little bit of brandy in it. It is so delicious. It's called Carajillo. What they do, if it's done right, is they put the brandy on a spoon and they light it so it burns the alcohol off, but you still have that wonderful brandy taste. You put that in the espresso, with a little rind of a lemon just for a tiny, little bit of flavor. It is delicious.

So, you'd have a Carajillo, and after that you would have something for the digestion. Which is a shot, of course, a shot of alcohol. Often, herbal, usually a local one. But it could be whatever; Schnapps or Jaeger Meister. But you need to digest your food, so you must have this, because this is what is done. Finally, only after that, do you order something like a Rum and Coke or some sort of copa, some sort of cocktail.

So, we're going around the table each time ordering in sequence, and it's just like, “Carajillo, Carajillo, Carajillo, Carajillo.” The waiter walked away, and one of the people smiled. Well, the thing is, I remember, he had a girlfriend who was French, who did not want Carajillo or didn't think to order it. I think she ordered an herbal tea or something.

Which I know nowadays, because as we continue as hippies, the hippie/boho contingent is just so much more health conscious. So, it was an odd experience that a couple of the people did not order the Carajillo; didn't do the thing.

He looked around and he said, “Wow, you can really, definitely, tell who the locals are.” I just remember feeling so pleased by that. I felt so local. I knew everyone. I spoke Spanish, of course. I knew the way that things get ordered. But also I felt it in my bones.

I had such a relaxed nervous system, even after doing the work seven days a week, for months on end. Usually it's about a six-month period, and only in the final month are we starting to close certain days a week. But it was like healthy work. It was good work. Active.

I was moving my body, I was on my feet, I was talking to different people from all different countries around the world. And, I never felt in a rush. It didn't matter if we opened a little late. It didn't matter if we got to the restaurant a little late. Nothing ever mattered.

There was no social climbing, there was just the good life, la buena vida, or you might know the Italian, La Dolce Vita. It was all about what really mattered, right? Being with friends and family, breaking bread, loving the land and the natural beauty, and being in love. Isn't that what life is about?

All of this was set to the beautiful background music of Paco’s flamenco guitar. Every spare minute he'd be strumming and practicing chords. It was so beautiful. How the music would just float through him was so beautiful. He was completely self-taught, and he would rarely play any songs that were known. He would just riff the entire time.

At that point in my life, I think that because I didn't have “a thing,” I would always find men that had some very unique and apparent genius, and I would be a kind of muse to further their careers.

I remember, in college, my boyfriend was a physicist. I really got all into the physics world. Of course, here was Paco with his flamenco guitar, and I was encouraging him to practice and telling him you could do it. Maybe thinking about going to attend a conservatory. But he really didn't have any ambitions for that; those were mine. He just enjoyed art for art's sake. He had such deep artistic taste.

We would watch movies, and it just amazed me how anything that I could analyze from the left brain, that had really great character development and had themes and interesting visual motifs, he wouldn't have language for any of that. But he'd just be like, “Oh, yeah, that's a great movie. No, this other movie, I don't like that.”

Nine times out of ten, the movies he didn't like were the American movies. There's a word, I've mentioned this before as well, but it's called an Americanada, which meant something that had an unduly happy ending, like an unrealistically happy ending. They call it like an Americanism. So, those weren't the movies. He really loved these deep arthouse movies.

He wasn't alone. I noticed this from so many of the people there. They were all just like Projectors walking around; if you're familiar with Human Design. They all just know things.

Someone would say something so profound, and I would say, “What book was that from? Who said that?” They'd be like, “I don't know, it's just the truth. It's just the way it is.” I know that knowingness of clarity. That is the kind of clarity that I want to help my clients find.

Where it's just like, “I just know this to be true. I don't need to support it. I don't need to back it up. This is truth, this is my truth, or this is the truth.” But there's a moment where you just don't analyze, you know. I love and respect that so much.

This is why, if the timing had been different, I think I would have stayed forever. But you know what a few years out of the rat race had finally taught me? Living amongst people that did not value upward mobility in any way? Who thought that the job of postal worker was the pinnacle of all you could achieve, because you'd get the most time off?

You know what it taught me? That it tore at my soul not to do work that I found meaningful. It turns out that, for me at least, working in a restaurant on a nudist beach isn't that much different than working as an investment banker for Goldman or a consultant for McKinsey. All of those things are just trading my time for money. They're not truly me. And, that was something I deeply cared about; was finding out about me.

There were no opportunities in the island. Maybe I could have gotten a job as a clerk, or a secretary in an office. I definitely could have continued to run restaurants. I don't know, even if we'd moved to a city, the educational system is so different in Spain. They actually train you in school to be proficient in your job. Whereas in the States, of course, they train you how to think and then expect you to get on the job training in your company.

So, I really wasn't qualified, or wouldn't have been invited, to join a corporation in Spain. That's why, when I meet women that have the call towards digital entrepreneurship, a career that they can make into whatever they want, and take with them anywhere in the world, and they hit some speed bump and say, “Aww, this is too hard. Maybe I don't want to do it.” I'm like, “Are you serious?”

This flexibility and autonomy changes lives, right? Not to mention generational paradigms. But here I was, in a time when the love of my life and I couldn't find fulfillment and be together. I couldn't work in Spain in a fulfilling way for me. There wasn't the internet, yet. I mean, it existed, but no one used it or knew what it was going to become.

And, he was miserable when he was in the States. But that would never need to happen nowadays. We are living in an amazing, amazing time. Again, like when I was talking earlier about what is the value of being able to make clean decisions?

Well, what is the value of building a business? A business that's aligned to you, that expresses your gifts, and what you are here to express in the world. It goes so far beyond the income that you'll earn in that business, although that is, of course, limitless and fun.

I had a recent client who decided to invest on the private client level with me because she thought that the intensive nature of that program would yield results more quickly. She suggested that one of the questions I could ask people in the future, to help them clarify their decision, is, how quickly do you think you'll create a financial return in one program versus the other?

I have to smile, because she has no fucking idea how much her life is about to change. Yes, a few dollars, or a few hundreds of thousands of dollars, or whatever, that's nice. But the value of being able to create life on your terms? Having that, and that life outside of your business, that matters so much. To step into that kind of power is truly invaluable. It just might be the difference between being able to be with the love of your life, or not.

Alright, that might sound a little melodramatic to some of you. But again, this is just me sharing the context, behind all the things I say on the podcast; all of my stories, and why I think the way I do.

Somehow, I must have known all of that back then. Or at least, I was brave enough to hope. Because I did end up leaving Formentera that winter. We came home to see my parents for the holidays, and I stayed. At the time, I was hoping to get clarity in a couple of years, or try some different types of things out. Get established in something and then be able to transfer back to Spain.

But it was scary. It was jumping from something I knew I didn't like, and there being no promise of return. There was no business course to join that said, “Hey, you can start a digital nomad business. You could be a life coach,” none of that. I just had to believe in myself that I would figure it out, and that all of this, and these hard decisions, would be worth it for me.

That quest for clarity, and all the twists and turns that I went through in finding it, is what we can talk about next time.

Have a great week, my friends. Remember, deep down, you know who you are, and each day you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #63: The ONE Real Problem in Your Business

Episode Summary

Jenna shares why clarity is the most important element for your business's success.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

Show Notes

There’s one non-negotiable for any business leader: clarity, which just happens to be the foundation of my offerings. I help others find clarity at any stage of their business in order to grow, evolve, and harness their greatest power. It's fun, dynamic work!

Cultivating clarity is essential for finding your offer, your people, and your next steps in business. If you have a sneaking suspicion that something is holding you back, it’s time to get clear, do some deep dives, and identify your own inner knowing.

This week, I share with you three essential elements to move with confidence in your business. Discover how clarity affects your business results, how to implement 3 keys to success, and my path to finding clarity in my business.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• What three things are needed in your service business.

• Why all the marketing in the world won’t make up for a lack of clarity.

• Examples of mindsets that keep you from getting clarity.

• Why purpose is power.

• How to identify and implement clarity in your business.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

• If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

• Click here to sign up for my newsletter and find out how the Connect The Dots Method has helped clients in all stages of their business.

• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

• The 4-Hour Work Week: Escape The 9-5, Live Anywhere And Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss

• Ep #2: The Decision Tree

• Clarity on Demand: Three free, instant downloads for you

Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, my friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I have got something special for you today. We are bringing back a most valuable episode. I've got two reasons for that. One is if you are a longtime listener, and the other is if you're new.

If you're a longtime listener, what I've found for myself, and I always suggest for my clients, is to listen to something more than once. Because it just sinks in in a different way, and whenever you listen to it you are a new person, basically. So, you will absorb it in a different way. It will apply to your life in different ways.

This episode in particular, is what I think the best overview of the work that we do here at The Uncommon Way. It really talks about why we do this, what our philosophy is, and of course, what it means. This three-part system that I talk about for service businesses is know yourself, know your people, and speak to how those two things connect. That is the true secret of a service business. But what does that really mean?

This episode really covers it all, and will hopefully get you really grounded again back into your focus of exactly why you're here and why you've been listening.

If you are new… we have had such an influx of new listeners… what I've realized, is that some of the later episodes aren't really talking about the core basics. You probably all can relate to this yourself, when you're posting content for your audience; you tend to assume they've heard it. You assume that they know exactly what you're talking about.

But what I've noticed with some of the people that I've been talking to recently, is that they really don't know, and they would really love something where they can listen to it ahead of our call, and really be primed for when they come into a call, to talk about how this works applies to them and their business. So, this is why I resurrected in this episode. Whether you're a longtime listener or a new listener, I hope you enjoy it. It is honestly one of my favorites.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, and thanks for tuning into this episode. I'm dying to get straight down to business; you game? Okay, we're going to do a quick quiz, it's based on five different stages in business. Things I've seen from clients that are just starting out, up through seven-figure earners. If something doesn't apply to you yet, just skip it. Focus on what applies. Ready?

Are you uncertain about exactly who you want to work with, what you want to offer, or how to articulate the value of what you actually provide in a way that makes people say, “I want that?”

Do your clients come in unpredictably, they're not all necessarily the ones you choose to work with, and overall, it feels hard to find and get clients?

Is your business going great on paper, but deep down, you wonder if this is really it? But on the other hand, you're afraid of breaking anything because you've gotten really used to the lifestyle it supports?

Are you exhausted trying to do everything you're supposed to do and make things happen, rather than trusting that your results are available to you in uncommon ways?

Do you know you're capable of more and you've figured out that really, you are the one holding yourself back, but you still keep reverting to old patterns and playing small?

If the answer to any of these is ‘yes,’ I've got some good news. There's only one thing going on here; it's a clarity gap. It might be clarity on what's really going on in your brain and in your heart, or how you best create results, or what your people really need from you. But it all boils down to an inability to see what's there, to see your uncommon way. That manifests in so many ways.

Sometimes we know that a lack of clarity is getting in our way. We know that we haven't decided on our niche and that's why we're not putting up the website. We're fully aware that we're holding back rather than leaning in.

But other times, it's not so obvious. For instance, we think we're not bringing in clients because we have lousy Facebook Ad skills. When the truth is, that if you knew how to bring in cold traffic clients, if you knew what helps accelerate your people's movement through their buyer’s journey, then the actual delivery vehicle wouldn't matter. Right?

You can do it with Facebook ads, or on Instagram, or waiting in the line at Starbucks. Until you know that, those Facebook funnels of yours aren't going to be converting anyway. All the marketing in the world won't make up for a lack of clarity. I'll say it again: All the marketing in the world won't make up for a lack of clarity.

Hats off to Geeta Nadkarni for phrasing it like that, it's so well put and so true. Yes, ads can help you speed up your clarity process, but you need to be strategic about them, and you have to know what data you're prioritizing. Otherwise, and I've seen this so tragically often, you're paying to bring all these people onto your list that might not even be compatible.

Facebook is showing your ads to the people most likely to click, but maybe they're just random grandmas that like clicking on ads and think, “Oh, maybe I'll get some info here to help my daughter.” But they'll never become a client, and you'll use that as evidence that you're not a good business person and you're just not likable, and it's obvious you're a terrible coach, too.

This very thing happened to someone I know. I can't make this stuff up. She was super happy about low ads cost, disappointed about zero conversions, but then drilling into the data, she's like, “Oh, wait, they're mostly 60- to 65-year-old women and I know my offer is not a fit for that group.”

For both of those examples, holding back on the website or misdirecting your energy and resources with ads, there's a very high cost. Of course, the frustration and beating yourself up; never fun. And the actions you take from that negative place; rarely productive. Definitely not showing up as your best, most powerful self.

But there's opportunity costs too, which isn't something our brain naturally thinks about because we're just not wired that way. If you're bringing in $0 in revenue, and you hold off on putting yourself out there for one month, it's like, “Well, I'll just go another month with zero revenue.” But two years from now, you're making six figures, so if you had a one extra month of that income in your bank account, that's almost $10,000. What about what you're making in five years, or ten? What's that monthly revenue?

So obviously, we want to course-correct as quickly as possible, and we can. In fact, you already have so much more clarity than you realize about what will work for you.

But before we dive into solutions, we have got to address the elephant in the room; shame. It comes with the territory. If you're like my clients, you're smart, independent, accomplished, and very embarrassed that you can't figure things out on your own.

I've been there; looking around when it feels like everyone else seems to have their shit together. But there's nothing shameful about where you are. You know what? Even a surgeon can't do brain surgery on herself. You're just really close to the problem.

Besides, confusion can be a superpower. Yeah, you heard me right. Sure, lots of times we confuse ourselves, it's a form of procrastination; that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about when something within calls you to reorient closer to your purpose. You can actually pick up on that.

Do you know how many people go through life completely out of touch with their internal guidance system? And, how many others pretend they don't hear it, and just bulldoze their way ahead? Your Higher Self’s like, “Come on, we need to go right,” and you're here, “No, shush. We're going left.” Been there.

But kudos to you if you're not in either of those camps. It's super easy for shame to come up, when there are so many strong opinions out there about exactly how you should be making decisions. Early on it's, “Just pick something. Just charge people for a skill you already developed in your day job. Just teach whatever people come to you for naturally,” etc., right?

Then, later in your business, you hear things like, “Just double down on what's already working. Don't overthink it. This is a proven business model.” Now, I'm not saying that advice is wrong, many people are well served by it every day. It just might not be right for you, right now. Maybe there's something deeper that needs to be revealed.

I mean, that kind of advice is great, and maybe exactly what you need to hear if your focus, above all else, is money or speed-to-market. Right? Because you really want to enjoy time-freedom, or location independence, or a job that's marginally more pleasant than your old day job was.

But maybe, you could already create all those things for yourself without having your own company, staying a lot more comfortable and stretching yourself far less than an entrepreneurship. I mean, the Great Recession is giving talented people some pretty nice bargaining power nowadays.

So, maybe the biggest driver for you is, I'm just going to go there, purpose; true self-expression, finding your thing, and never, ever going back to giving away your talents and energy to something that isn't a ‘hell yes.’ Or, even worse, makes you want to poke your eyes out.

When you think about it, a question like ‘who am I really here to help,’ is directly related to the questions that humans have asked forever. What am I here to do? And, who am I? Those are valid fucking questions. Which is why I hate the term “niche drama.” Is it being dramatic? I don't think so.

I think of it like Maslow's hierarchy of needs. At a certain stage, we're focused on survival. We need the security, the money. At another stage, it's more about recognition or power. Right? There are all these different stages, and this is all perfectly human. Of course, no judgment for any of them.

But once you've kind of got those things, then you have the privilege, but also, the natural human inclination to set your sights on the top of the pyramid, on self-actualization. So, here's what you don't have to do. Just pick a direction. Just wait for the answer to come. And, you sure as hell don't have to get somebody else's opinion or permission.

I remember when I was trying to figure out what kind of business to start and somebody told me to just help people with something I'd already overcome myself. I was like, “Well, I got myself out of financial debt. But I am completely uninterested in devoting the rest of my life to that.” That was a clear ‘no’ for me.

The same kind of thing happens at all different stages in business. You get the call to go deeper. To more fully align with a part of you that wants to be realized. Though, sometimes, you wouldn't express it that way, right? It's more subconscious.

I remember once, I was telling my husband, Ben, about my latest business idea. This is when I was transitioning out of corporate and we were in Brussels; because we used to live in Europe. We're outside, we're eating mussels, we're drinking rosé on this perfect spring day, and I'm telling him about this idea that, I don't fully remember, but I know it had to do with sunglasses. Like, some kind of customized sunglasses.

He's there looking at me, like, why are we even talking about this? He goes, “Jenna, but is this just about making money to you, or are you in this for something more?” I told him, “The money. Yeah, the money, for sure.” I gave him this whole speech about generational change for women, and wealth distribution, power distribution, and the whole thing.

But he knew me well, because I never followed through with those ideas. Something kept leading me back to my journals to try again. I didn't know coaching was a thing, so I was just doing the best I could.

I'd been complaining to him for years, by that point, about how much I long to find “my thing.” But then I read The Four-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss, who was like, “Just find your muse business for the time being. Worry about “your thing” later,” hence, the sunglasses. I was like, “Well, maybe ambiguity is just what happens when you're good at lots of things and interested in even more.”

But the waiting drove the high performer in me crazy. I so wanted to be in action, doing, rather than being in this horrible place that felt so blocked. Plus, to be real, it filled the yogi in me with guilt. Like, why couldn't I just be grateful and focused on the here-and-now? When was it finally going to be good enough?

I own properties in Manhattan and Miami, for God's sake. I had a sexy title at a top fashion company. I even negotiated a telecommuting contract, back when that wasn't even really a thing. I had made it, right? I could work from Panama, from Morocco; and I did.

But I'm so thankful for the confusion I had then. For the part of me that kept giving me that nudge. Sure, I stayed there longer than I would have liked. But it's because it took me so long to get help. It seemed like everyone was telling me, “This is just the kind of thing you have to figure out for yourself,” which I now know is because I believed it was something that only I could figure out for myself.

Even once I got clear on my purpose, and I began turning it into a business, I was still stuck in the habit of being confused. I still had to shake off the mindset issues that had blocked the clarity in the first place. To be fair, I needed to develop the system that I created to connect all these dots; from your life, to your people, to your offer, and up through your messaging and strategy. So, that took me a while, yeah.

But I tell people this all the time, when you are on the other side, you're not going to be telling yourself, “Ugh, I wish I hadn't taken the time to get this right, and have this super aligned business that I love.” Right? I am so grateful now that I'm here talking to you, rather than drop-shipping frickin’ sunglasses. No judgement; just not for me, right? If my mission was Warby Parker's mission, then glasses would make perfect sense; but it's not.

Alright, back to the point. There is nothing wrong with you. We're not taught how to tap into our clarity. It doesn't mean you've got an overthinking problem, or are indecisive, or are a big commitment-phobe.

Look, you've been conditioned against clarity. You've got to check out Episode 2, it's called “The Decision Tree.” It spells out how we've been taught to make decisions and how counterproductive to true clarity that can be. It's going to change the way you see everything.

But it's not just conditioning and how we've been taught, your brain is wired not to see it. It's paying attention to survival, first and foremost. It believes there are far easier and more proven ways to keep you alive than to venture into the unknown. It's actually right about that, but who wants to live that way? We're here for far more than just staying alive until we die.

Finally, your subconscious may not want you to see it. Because then you'll actually have to go out and do the scary things. So, it filters the information you receive to support the objective of keeping you right where you are. Just like I kept getting the information that ‘nobody can help you figure out what you want to do.’

It amazes me that I didn't even know that coaches existed, really. Yet, I have this memory of a close acquaintance; I remember overhearing her telling someone else that she was a life coach, and it didn't even register. I think I interpreted that as an energy healer or something.

When I finally discovered my resistance to doing scary things, I was blown away. I considered myself a very confident person. I was the one who turned down prestigious jobs after college in order to run away to Spain for a few years, positive that I'd land on my feet. No problem. I even worked on a nudist beach at one point when I was there. No one would have called me timid.

But it turns out that my fear of failure was huge. My whole identity was caught up in doing things really well, and accomplishing whatever I wanted. But the only way you can do that is when you choose challenges that, honestly, aren't that much of a stretch.

So, I'd created an ideal state of affairs. My ego still got all the accolades, “Oh, Jenna’s got so much potential, she can do whatever she wants. As soon as she finds her thing, watch out world.” But I didn't have to take any of the risks. It was brilliant. I didn't have to risk failing at something I actually cared about in front of everyone. Everyone with a capital E.

I didn't have to say, “This, this is what I believe in more than anything.” Rather than, “I mean, yeah. It's a good gig that pays well and makes career sense. So, whatever.” You hear the difference? Because if I were to fail at that second thing, it would just be because, “Well, my heart wasn't really in it, anyway.”

Even when I did finally push ‘Post’ on that Facebook announcement, that fateful Facebook announcement, and was like, “Here's what I'm doing now,” I was still unraveling all that mindset stuff. I called myself a performance coach rather than a life coach, because I thought it sounded more legit.

I wasn't offering to help people with clarity. I thought, “You know, I'm just helping them accomplish their goals in their own uncommon way.” But then, since most of my clients were entrepreneurs, and I was investing more heavily in business mentorship than they were, and of course, I totally wanted them to succeed, I started sharing what was working.

Before long they were calling me their business coach. Then, I started getting these clients where I just knew they were struggling, because they were missing foundational clarity pieces. Because I remembered that from my own journey, I was like, “Okay, look, here's what worked for me. I have no idea if this will work for you, but you want to try?”

I've coached well over a hundred women now through this; it's safe to say it works. What I've seen, is that with all the stuff going on in your brain, all the analysis, conditioning, wiring, fears, doubts, and subconscious self-sabotage, we desperately need to simplify. Because that's how clarity is, it's a very simple. It's just, “I'm doing this. These are my people. This is what I'm about.” It's the mind that overcomplicates.

Now, for instance, I never waver. Just kidding, I totally get all up in my head on the regular. The difference is that now I've got a rock-solid foundation of what I'm about, I know where I'm going, and I've got some incredible tools to get me and my clients tapped in again far more quickly now.

That rock-solid foundation looks like this, are you ready? Know yourself. Know your people. Talk about how those two connect. That's it. Those three simple things are the key to business: Know yourself. Know your people. Talk about how those two connect. It works whether you're just starting out, or at seven figures.

So, let me show you how it plays out in real life. I'll use the example of a coaching business, since so many of my people are coaches. Part one, know yourself. It all starts with your mission. There's more involved with knowing yourself, like really understanding your secret sauce, but let's focus on mission.

What is it you're really here to do? Here's how you want to think about this. You know how in hindsight, it's so easy to connect the dots about how this thing led to this other thing and now you're here, but in the middle of it, it all seems so random? Well, you're in the middle of it now. It might seem random but that doesn't mean it is.

Because of your unique brain, your experiences, and maybe even your soul's desire, when it chose to be born, it's like you're wearing glasses with a special filter that helps you make meaning of things. Your filter’s totally different from my filter. It makes you uniquely primed to do your work in the world, because you've already been focusing on it your whole life.

Put another way, your life has been preparing you for it. But until you see it you can't own it, and you can't act on it either, which hamstrings your business, your lifestyle, and your fulfillment. So, whether you realize it or not, there are themes that have been showing up for you and sticking in your memory.

When we do this work, we see that the thing that happened when we were seven has a lot in common with that other thing when we were seventeen. Now, we're multi-dimensional people so there are several; I call them “meta themes.”

We're always able to narrow them down to three to five, and when we do, my clients are then always able to see the ones that stand out to them more than the rest. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. That meta theme, that mission, will drastically narrow the range of potential business ideas for you.

All you have to do is ask: Which is most likely to further that mission, and of course, meshes with my lifestyle preferences too?

Then you use the same type of questioning to lead you to your people. I have a process for this, and it has nothing to do with what have you always been good at in your day job. Because here's the crazy secret about your mission, your people are also interested in furthering that mission in the world.

Even if they've never expressed it in that way, or put much thought into it. Even if you never say it outright, just knowing it changes how you show up. And when you start sprinkling it into your copy, it creates next level messaging.

Because there's a subconscious resonance that makes you stand out compared to others. It's very powerful. This is where we eliminate the idea of competition. Imagine how you'd show up if you really believed that you and your offer were a no-brainer, and the only real option out there for your people. Game-changer, right?

If you're interested in case studies about how understanding their mission has helped clients in all different stages of business; do everything from figure out their niche to completely transforming their business model, then you have got to sign up for my email newsletter, because that's what my welcome sequence is all about.

All you have to do is go to the UncommonWay.com and then sign up for any of the helpful freebies there on the homepage.

But true clarity in business is not just about the introspective work of know yourself, even though that is where it all starts.

The second part, know your people, is about learning to understand them like the back of your hand. How do they think? How do they talk? What do they think the problem and solution is? How is that different from those other people over there?

This is what probably 85% of new entrepreneurs skip, but it makes all the difference. When you can combine the two, your knowledge of yourself with your knowledge of them, and move on to part three, which is talking about the connection in a way they'll understand, both in your copy and in your interactions with them, it is a recipe for success.

It's why I brought in over $90,000 from Google alone last year from people that had never heard of me. They landed on my website, they felt moved to book a call, and they became clients on that call. I don't have tons of persuasion copy on there, nor am I a genius with SEO. And while I know a lot about manifesting, there is more to it.

Really, it's that 70% of that site is client language, with concepts that I tested out on real people. And so, it resonates. People stick around and read. Google sees that and ranks me highly because of it, even though other sites have a much higher domain authority than mine. The people that don't resonate know right away that I'm not for them. So, the ones that do book tend to be ideal clients that I want to work with.

Just with a three-part clarity formula, I've created a six-figure business that doesn't rely on ads or social media. Until launching this podcast, I went two years without being on social, and I don't foresee it ever being my main effort. I don't do launches. I'm creating a 15-hour workweek. I’ve basically thrown out all the ‘have tos’ and ‘shoulds.’

And, I'm not alone. My clients are doing it their way, too. Nobody's business looks the same, and the results are beautiful. Even though this work isn't primarily about making money or impressing others or healing inner wounds, that's what ends up happening.

As you evolve, and you continue stretching to better and better understand, you open to more pure, more inspired output, and much greater impact. It's simply where you need to go, because it's where you've always had the potential of going.

My clients say over and over that it's clarity that gives you that confidence, consistency, and willingness to move through discomfort, so you can accomplish the results you want in your life. Of course, it's also about the mindset they developed through the process of uncovering the clarity, and then actually implementing it. Which is why, in each episode I'll always give you both the mindset perspective and the tactical steps that you can apply.

So, to recap: Clarity isn't something to get to later, it's affecting your results right now. Wherever you are in business, clarity is your work. It's not something you have to wait for, or to happen to get lucky with, or anything beyond your reach. The seeds are already there within.

All you have to do is start by deeply understanding yourself, then getting just as fascinated and curious about your people, and finally, speak simply and clearly about how you and they connect. The whole purpose of this podcast is to help you better understand and apply those three things.

Because when you continually check your business against them, and against the questions that really matter in life, you keep reorienting to truth, to your truth, which is how we create legacy.

More importantly, though, you finally get to become the woman who walks through the world knowing who she really is and what she's doing. To feel what that knowingness feels like. The real reward is you; it always was. I so look forward to seeing what comes of that and how you grow the business you want, your way, without rules.

That's it for today. I can't wait for you to listen to Episode #2, it's one of the most popular tools I teach.

Remember, deep down you know who you are, and each day you're stepping further into what you are here to create. See you next time.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in The Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

Enjoy the Show?

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Ep #62: How to Accelerate Business Growth

Episode Summary

Jenna shares methods to grow your business with speed and clarity.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

Show Notes

Navigating the path to business growth can be a formidable challenge. This week, I'll unveil three phases your business must pass through to accelerate growth. Along the way, we'll delve into the significance of discomfort and why it serves as an indispensable component of any growth journey.

As the saying goes, "new level, new devil." Regardless of where you currently stand in the world of business, there will always be a new tier of growth, accompanied by its own unique set of discomforts, to confront. Join me as we explore these three developmental stages and the strategies to navigate each one effectively.

Discover the pivotal role your beliefs play in propelling your business forward, how to master the art of selling efficiently, and learn how to accept much-needed support. Let’s embark on a journey to enhance your business and bring your vision to life with the invaluable insights found within my Clarity Accelerator program.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• Three phases to evolve your business.

• Why growth is uncomfortable.

• Signs of overload or discomfort.

• Why surrounding yourself with positive role models is paramount.

• Why emotions hold us back when left unchecked.

• How to confront inaction in your business.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

• If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

• Click here to sign up for my newsletter and find out how the Connect The Dots Method has helped clients in all stages of their business.

• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

• Ep #13: Allowing Yourself to Receive

• Ep #46: Mental Toughness (it’s a girl thing)

• Ep #55: Setting Uncommon Goals and Taking Uncommon Actions

Full Episode Transcript:

Most of us high achievers would love to see our businesses grow quickly, and maybe you even get a suspicion sometimes that you're taking the long way around. Well, after years of helping hundreds of women grow all different kinds of businesses, in all different industries, I have seen some pretty clear trends about what accelerates growth. I'm breaking those down for you today.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I have a really important episode for you if you are starting out, but you want to know ahead of time what's ahead for you so that you can hit the ground running. Or you're in the thick of it right now and you are watching others around you grow more quickly, and you're confused and frustrated about what's going on for you and why it seems to be taking longer than you want. Or you're moving along well but you are always looking for ways to optimize.

I'll be segmenting out the three phases that you need to move through. Because if not, they are like business quicksand. The more quickly that you can move through these and the more thoroughly that you can focus on them, the faster your business will grow by all measures; revenue, number of clients, ease, satisfaction, recognition and acclaim, and of course, impact.

By hearing it in this way, I know that you are going to be able to zero in on where you are, and then what to actually focus on when. It'll help you see where your biggest growth opportunity lies at this precise point in your business.

Now, for those of you who are just tuning in here, maybe a friend forwarded you this episode, or you were recently looking for a business coach on Google and you found me there; by the way, I am really excited because I just hit #1 on Desktop, for Business Coaches for Women. That's a search term that I'm really excited about.

So, if you don't know me very well yet, I run a high touch, hybrid mastermind/private coaching program, and it is called The Clarity Accelerator. This is a topic that I devote myself to day in and day out. Because I'm working so closely with my clients, and I know their businesses inside and out, I'm really able to see the trends and see what's going on with women, right now, in the business landscape.

For those of you who dip your toes in the “woo” just a little bit, I am a Manifesting Generator in Human Design, meaning I am here to bend time for myself and others. So, I've got the left-brain side, where I've been studying all of the data in my own little laboratory and figuring out what really is working today, and why it is that some businesses grow more quickly than others.

On the other side, we're combining that with the things that we know to be true with the other things that we know to be huge drivers of business growth, but are a bit more intangible, like intuition, energetics, all of the counterintuitive, or at least counter logical aspects of business growth.

It was is so fun, I had a client reflecting to me the other day that she was talking about this with a friend and she said, “You know, we've always known that there is some science to the woo, and there's also some mystery in the science.”

As we're learning more about this intersection, what we're doing in The Clarity Accelerator, is we're at the forefront of really creating the craft of this new discipline. How do we combine the best of the left brain and the right brain, the masculine energetic and the feminine? How do we study that? How do we apply it? How do we test it? How do we come up with really sound working theories that we can repeat again and again?

By the way, just to set the record straight, I have taken longer, in many respects, when it comes to my business so there is no shame with wherever you are at with yours. I have been open on this podcast about the mindset issues that held me back for years.

But then in other areas, I've also moved very quickly. For instance, in creating ease and automation in my business, and alignment and meaning, and identifying the energetic levers that work for me when it comes to creating different outcomes.

Over the past years, I've really opened up with my clients about that, and they have begun to really implement and test in their own way. Because it turns out, even though there are general principles, everyone's methods for manifesting are a little bit different. I'll be talking about that more in an upcoming episode.

But there's one thing that I see all of this revolve upon, both the left brain, the best practices of business, and the mindset pieces that allow you to show up and make powerful moves, and the energetics that let you create and receive. What all of those hinges upon is one thing, discomfort.

All areas of growth are uncomfortable when you're not used to them. This is why on my intake form, whenever somebody comes to speak with me, I ask them specifically, how committed are you in terms of effort or discomfort to creating this, 1 -10? Because you can't get around that if you want to be an entrepreneur.

Nobody likes discomfort, yuck. Our brains have evolved to avoid discomfort. It's how we stay safe and alive. One of my mentors, Brooke Castillo, says everybody wants to be a millionaire, but nobody wants to make a million dollars. Maybe your goal is not to make a million dollars, but I think the point stands.

Especially for women, entrepreneurship just has a way of bringing up all of our shit. Entrepreneurship doesn't mesh with safe and avoidant. Growth doesn't match with safe and avoidant. The only way we get to see who we can really be is by stretching, and that will always feel uncomfortable.

Entrepreneurship is the greatest personal development journey in existence, for women especially. But if you want to get from here to there, in the most effective and time conscious way, then you'll need to wade straight in and not tiptoe around the edge. Tiptoeing around the edge only delays the inevitable.

Now small caveat here, you do need to know your limits. Sticking with the water analogy, if the water is colder than you can handle and you just freeze up, then that is counterproductive, that sets you back. That freezing up can look like excessive time with Netflix, or business sabotaging behaviors, like strategy or niche pivots. Or maybe you just stopped selling.

I used to be famous for that, I would just stop selling. That's part of my job, as a coach and mentor, is to prime my clients about what's to come. Then get them grounded and decisive in why they're doing this. Then push them hard, but not so hard that it becomes counterproductive. That their nervous systems just freeze up and they go into a trauma response, or they just quit business altogether.

I want to be able to warm their toes, warm their toesies, and get them back on track whenever they get stuck or overloaded. But the best analogy is just to think of yourself wading in slowly and steadily with these little hops. The water comes up to your knees, and then to your thighs, and then to your hips, and then to your waist, and you just don't stop. You just keep going straight in. Before you know it, it feels delicious.

So, let's break down what that discomfort looks like, specifically in the three phases that we'll be working through, so you know exactly where you are and what you want to be working on.

The first one is, you've got to develop the belief that this will work, that you're capable, and that your visions will come to be. I'm talking about the space here, just to be clear, after you've decided to go for it in business. Not when you're waffling through, “Do I really want to do this?”

We're talking about the point that yes; you have that desire. You have decided you want to do it, and your next order of business is to really work on your belief that you're capable. Now, I've said in the past, we're raised to think that evidence creates belief for us, “When I see it, then I'll believe it.” That doesn't work for entrepreneurship because you haven't created your company. If you don't believe in it, and you don't believe in your ability to run it, then you never will create it. Or you’ll waste so much time in the creation of it. You'll be battling back and forth in your mind about if this could really work or if this is all a pipe dream.

We are not raised to believe in things we haven't seen. Maybe some of you have a strong religious background, you've been raised to believe in God, or Allah. But on a human plane, we're supposed to be able to see everything. We're supposed to be cynical, that means we're good adults. And so, it feels very vulnerable to lean into belief.

I spoke with a woman the other day who is a working actor and wants to start a different business. When we talked about this concept, she said, “Jenna, that just feels really hard for me to lean into. Because I don't come from a career where the harder you work, or the more you stick with it, you will see the results that you want to see. As an actor, there's just so much luck involved and so many unknowns. Sometimes our dreams don't come to pass.”

Now, I would love to dive into that with her a bit deeper, but I think we can all relate that we all have some kind of goal trauma. We have something that we really wanted, maybe even that we worked really hard for, and then it didn't come to pass. But if we're honest with ourselves, usually when we're talking in this way, in the past tense, it also means that at some point we stopped trying.

Regardless of whether that's true or not, entrepreneurship isn't like that. Entrepreneurship is just about solving problems for people, or helping them get new results. If you have ever come up with a solution to a problem that you've had, then you can do this too if you choose to stick with it. It's not for everybody. A lot of us start down the path and then decide it's not for us. But if you want it, it's yours.

Challenging yourself to move through the discomfort on this is key for all of your later business development. You start out thinking, “I don't know if I could find one person that would pay me for this service, that would actually want this service?”

But much further on in your business journey there's going to be something else that is a way bigger and once again, your brain will bring up the thought, “I don't know if this will work. I haven't ever created this before. I have no proof of this.” And the training that you went through, the lived experience of choosing to move forward, choosing to accomplish your goal, and then seeing that happen, that will be muscle memory for you.

Today is what paves the way for tomorrow. Everything happening now is an opportunity for you to step into the “you” of tomorrow. You don't think the universe wants you to learn to believe in yourselves, or to learn to create, period?

Now, throughout this stage of belief building, you may see discomfort come to you through different avenues. By the way, this happens at all different stages of business. Just because I'm describing these as sort of chronological phases, doesn't mean that they only happen at the beginning of the business, they come back to you again and again.

I have seen, maybe people with multiple six figures, when they think about what it will take to move into seven figures, they again have gaps in their belief, and they need to start with that before they can move forward into the other areas.

So, you may notice that you are very attached to others opinions, right? Your ear really perks up whenever they're giving you any thoughts about the business that you're building or the direction that you're taking. My friend, this is so natural. We are pack animals, but it is always exposing your own doubts. If it causes a charge, an emotional charge, within you it's exposing your own doubt.

I have told a story before about how, when I was in the early stages of my business, I overheard a conversation between my husband and his dad. My husband was telling him how I was redoing my website, I forget, or had launched my website or something. I heard his dad say to him, “Well, how much is that going to cost you?”

If I heard that now, it would have rolled off my back like water on oil. It would not mean anything. I would think it was someone who didn't understand my business. But then, because I really had a lot of insecurity about relying on my husband as my seed capital, and feeling so much guilt and shame about not bringing in as much money to the family coffers as he was, that weighed on me very heavily.

Look, I'm still talking about it. Even when I tell it to you, I still feel that little charge of fire, that flush of shame, anger, all the things that happen. It was such a somatic experience, like a wave of heat through my body.

I have a client right now whose parents have very strong opinions about her business, and it weighs on her. As, of course, it all does. But again, these are opportunities for us to build our belief. This is where we need to go in order to create our dreams.

So, if you were laying with a friend of yours looking up at the beautiful sky, and your friend said, “I love this pink sky,” that would not wound you to your core because you see the sky as blue and your friend sees it as pink. You would think it was a little strange. You might wonder if she had polarized glasses that were giving her a distorted perception. Or if something were going on, who knows? You wouldn't take it personally; it wouldn't sink into you that way.

And so, when it does, you can use that as insight into your own mindset. I've also seen it where someone will surround themselves with other entrepreneurs who are naysaying. They're very negative about the opportunities for the industry. Or this one coach that they bought a program from, how it doesn't really work. Or entrepreneurship is a racket, right? The whole business coaching industry is a racket.

I found myself there in the beginning. What I now think about, in hindsight, is that all of the people that were in those $2,000 programs that I was buying at the time, those were all people who were very tentative about their business, and that's why they were investing “death by mosquito,” in little courses here and there.

Again, that's where I started. That's where so many of us start. So, no shame if that's where you are. But just pay attention to the people who are surrounding you, that their thoughts are inevitably filtered through their own experience. And so, it is critical for you to get into a group of women…

You can build your own mastermind, or you can come into a paid mastermind like The Clarity Accelerator, but find a group of women who are making it work. Who can stand as examples for what's possible, and can help you accelerate your timeline. Can show you where they veered off course. Can help you stay the course when you are at the same point. Can show you how they skipped ahead, and can then give you the confidence and the tactics to do the same thing.

Surround yourself with the people who are going to help you further your belief. Because if you don't work through this, it's going to show up in every other arena; how you sell, how you make decisions, how you invest, how you notice opportunities around you, all of the things.

Speaking about investing, you will notice that when your belief is low your motivation to invest is also low. So, I've also told the story of how I hung out on Marie Forleo's list for four years. Every time she launched, I thought, “I really want to do this. I'm being called to do this.” and I didn't do it. Because my belief was so low, I just didn't see a course. I wasn't clear. I didn't know what type of business I wanted to do. And so, I just didn't believe that that would give me any return on my investment.

I now think of investments quite differently. I now think of that the long-term value of investments. In fact, I have a podcast on that, about switching your perspective into the long term. But people who believe very strongly in their own abilities to figure something out, to make something work, and that are very grounded, that entrepreneurship is absolutely possible for them.

They really just need to unlock that potential, and shift into better patterns or better ways of thinking. Those people are much more likely to invest, and then they're more likely to get the results because they have that belief work behind them.

I had a client once, who signed up with me and then went and threw up. It was so scary for her, because her belief was so low in herself that it felt as if she had just thrown all this money down the toilet. There was just this one little visionary part of her that was telling her, “Just do it, do it, do it.” But she was up against so much in her nervous system that it was screaming that this could just be a horrible mistake.

And so, I saw the notification come in on my phone, that she had purchased. I immediately saw a cancellation. And then a few minutes later, I saw the purchase. We were able to talk about it later, and she told me, “Oh yeah, that's because I paid you. I felt so horrible, I threw up. I canceled, I thought about it, and I repaid.”

I'm laughing just because so many of us have stories like this, where we're right on the edge of belief, and teetering on belief, and it feels really uncomfortable. All of this is just an indication for you, if you're there, that all this means is, “I have belief work to do.” If you don't choose to do the belief work, that's okay, but it might slow you down.

Because I've had clients also that have spoken to me and then not actually decided to move forward for a year, or year and a half, two years, even. What they've been telling themselves during that time is, “I should just be able to figure it out.” That's what they're saying on the surface.

Except that, if deep down you don't believe, very often you're not going to figure it out. Because you're not going to take the bold action that's necessary for you to fully figure it out. Or when circumstances come up in your life and that part of your brain is saying, “Oh, well, put that business aside, you don't really even have a business anyway. Let's focus on this.”

It seems like a very logical thing to do but all of that is pointing to your lack of belief. Because if you believed that you would have a successful business in six months, a year or even two years, it doesn't matter, and you knew you'd have your future self come back to you and say, “Jenna, if you work on this, and it's going to take elbow grease, it's going to take dedicated effort, but you will have this lifestyle in two years,” then you would make different choices.

I'm not saying you would hire an expensive coach. I'm saying that you would put everything into it and you wouldn't hold back. However, that looks for you. I also see women get hung up on believing that they have something worthwhile to say and to contribute.

If you notice yourself kind of repeating what everyone else is saying. Or on the other side, if you find yourself afraid to say anything that might have been said before, because you don't trust that your way of saying is valuable...

Basically, if you're holding back in any way for saying what you need to say and being unabashedly you, then probably your growth work is believing that you provide value. That your thoughts matter. That your opinions matter.

Further along those lines, when we talk about your offer, believing that you have a secret sauce, that you have something special and valuable. Even as I'm saying this, it might be triggering all sorts of fears for you about whether you're talented enough, smart enough, worthy enough. Again, I've seen this with women at all different levels of income in their business.

As we move into our next level, we have to rebuild all of these thoughts for ourselves in this belief again. We have to step into new levels of confidence. “Can I really do this? Who me? Who am I to do this? I'm Jenna Harrison, dammit. Damn straight, I'm going to do this.”

It's like the little angel and devil on your shoulder, and each one has a strong opinion. Which one are you going to listen to? Which one are you going to direct your brain to over and over and build evidence for, so that that voice can become the stronger voice within your mind?

This belief piece is huge, and it is the first hump to move through. Now, some people seem to move through quickly, and others take longer. Both of those who are fine. Again, this isn't about judging yourself or faking your belief. But being honest with yourself and knowing that if you're still struggling here, it is holding you back.

It’s a very important conversation to have with your brain. Where you say, “Brain, I see that we're repeating the self-deprecating thoughts and my inner critic is very strong. But let's have an honest assessment of what that's costing us to stay in this place.”

“It's costing us our potential. It's costing us revenue. It's a tremendous drain on our energy. It's a tremendous drain on our time, because my thoughts are constantly doing loops when I could be focusing on something else. It's costing me in my relationships, because I'm putting myself down or I'm compensating in some way.”

It's as if you are on a boat with the anchor still grounded into the sand, and you just can only move so far. That's what it's like when your inner critic is driving the boat. This is exactly why, in The Clarity Accelerator, we start with the Know Yourself phase.

Again, there are three legs to any successful service business: Know yourself, know your people, and then articulate how those two things connect. Why you're perfect for your people, and they are a fit for you. Service businesses aren't that complicated, it's our brains that make it so.

So, that Know Yourself is all about you understanding your secret sauce, really owning it, seeing it as something that is valuable, connecting the dots to see how everything has led up to this, that this is what you're about and what you're here to do, and you have such a strong “why” that it becomes both inevitable and non-negotiable.

That is the mindset that's like rocket fuel for your business. Alright, let's talk about what happens after that. After you are in the belief stage of “Yes, I can really do this. I know I can help people. I know that they'll benefit,” then it's time to create clients.

Or we can call this “establishing market viability,” because in my book, that is what confirms viability, it is sales. If you're further along in your business, you may be bringing in clients. But what this phase looks like for you, is that you're now at a place where you're not just going to bring in any old clients that will run you into the ground, but actually your best fit clients.

If you've really done the work of knowing yourself, and then making the hard decisions about who your best clients are, now is the phase where you're doing the grunt work to actually bring those people in. This is uncomfortable if you haven't created many clients before.

It's going to trigger all your buttons about being too pushy, too salesy, too exposed to ridicule, too vulnerable to haters. You'll have to confront your fears about spending money, not having enough of it, spending on yourself, spending on something others don't get or that you yourself don't see.

These things I’m mentioning, they aren't trivial. I remember once, I was doing a big push for people to join my Facebook group, when I had a Facebook group. I was promoting it in other groups and everywhere that I could.

I remember, after doing this, I needed to take a shower. I felt so dirty and so slimy. In hindsight, all I was doing is saying, “Hey, I'm offering free value in this group. You're welcome to come.” Something about that felt so triggering to me that I literally needed to wash it off of my body.

These are the kinds of visceral reactions that can hold women back for years, again, at all different levels. It may show up for you, later in business, as having a new idea, some new venture, some new idea, that you've just stalled on actually putting out into the world.

You know it would help people. You know it would serve people. And yet, you're having to show up in this new way that's different from the way you've been bringing in income, and it feels uncomfortable. All again, it's bringing up all the things.

But remember how I mentioned before: what if your future self could come and talk to you now? Well here, imagine that your future self told you that you would need to make 100 offers, and then your business would take off. Now, 100 offer seems like… Some of you will be like, “Oh, 100 offers?!” But just imagine, what if you had full certainty that you were just getting through this process of 100 offers, and then it would all take off?

Well, if you knew that, you probably wouldn't make one offer per month because that would take forever. You would want to move through it as quickly as possible. You would want to make offers left and right just to get to the good stuff. I am not saying that you need to make 100 offers necessarily, but I think it's a really healthy thought game.

Now, these people you're calling in, they could be your first clients. But they could also be your new best clients, and that can still feel uncomfortable. Because if you're in my orbit, then probably you want to create a business that is more nourishing and aligned.

You probably have some taxing clients or some situations that aren't serving you, and making the decision to work with your best clients, or work in your best way, triggers all of our scarcity, right? What if there aren't enough of those people? What if my people don't want that? What if they don't want to pay that?

I have a former client who's invited me in to do a video for the course that she's creating. To do a training on a topic that she said was so impactful for her; just one way of thinking that I presented to her that changed the course of her business. I'm so excited to do this, because I stay close to almost all of my former clients.

I love them so much. If I can contribute in any way, or spread these ideas through any means, I'm just thrilled to do so, and honored of course that she would ask me. But she was in a similar place to what I'm describing to you now.

We were on a call once, and she was talking about a conversation she was having with a client and how it was reminiscent of some of the problem clients that she'd been dealing with. They didn't want to pay as much. They were very nitpicky about what type of services, and really opening up the door to her being available for them 24/7.

She was caught up in the nuts and bolts of this offer they were discussing, and her fear that they wouldn't want to move into the new type of service that she was offering. I looked at her and I said, “Then, they're not your clients. They're just not your clients.”

This is really tough for us, when we've built our success through certain means, and then we're starting all over with a different offer, or a different group of people. But guess what? If you've done it once, you can do it again.

So, what all of this boils down to, this phase of rapid client acquisition or the rapid proving of market viability, it's really about you calibrating your nervous system for the negatives, for disappointment, for rejection, for uncertainty, financial uncertainty.

What I mean is, can your nervous system handle that? Can you continue to breathe? Can you ground yourself into what you know and what you're creating, and your value and skills, and go out there and find the people who want what you have to offer?

This is how we create the better businesses. We move towards those things that do bring discomfort, because that's how we learn what works, who we do want to work with, what messaging does connect with them, what we do stand for, and where our boundaries really are.

Obstacles or opportunities from the universe. There are opportunities for you to build these muscles, to really become unflappable. Because if you think this is scary now, at the level you're at, just wait. Just wait for two years or five years. So, let's say someone says no to you on a discovery call when you're in the early stages of business.

I remember. I remember sometimes spending two or three days in a funk. Feeling as if I've been, I don't know, rejected by a romantic partner. I know I am not alone in this. I have seen this again and again. Well, at some point in the future, in your business, you will likely have even more exposure. Maybe your rejection will be more public. Maybe you are courting some company, or some large client or something. And from more than one person you hear that no. How you move through it in the past is preparing you for the future. To handle that and be like, “Yep, it wasn't a fit. On to the next.”

Let's say you feel exposed posting some idea that you have on social media. You're imagining criticism coming from somebody lurking out there, right? But then imagine when you are well known, when you are a thought leader, if you're standing on a stage, for instance. That will feel like greater exposure than putting out one post.

Or on some month, maybe you're not sure you'll make your numbers and that feels very uncertain. But then imagine, later on, you might have a team depending on you for their salaries. Now, those may or may not be places that you're thinking about right now. You're like, “Jenna, I don't want to team. I don't want to be on stage.”

But there are going to be next levels, there are going to be bigger launches. Or whatever is going on in your business, your business will grow, and anything that you go through now that feels negative in this stage, that is giving you the skills and the tolerances for later on.

Now, if unchecked, what can happen is that instead of building your tolerance for those circumstances, and many of those circumstances, they're just part of doing business. Or building the tolerance for those emotions; which are real, they are actually happening in your body, but they're exaggerated.

So, the flood of hormones and other chemicals that get released in your bloodstream, they're from things that happened hundreds of thousands of years ago. They're not really about the event at hand, right now. Nowadays, we're not going to die on the savannah just because someone doesn't agree with us.

But they feel so uncomfortable, that instead of building our tolerance bit by bit to different circumstances and feelings, we hide behind our computer screen, or we spend time designing our websites, or watching webinars. I have so many clients say that, “I've been lurking and listening to podcasts for years and nothing's really changing. So, I'm ready.”

If you're further along, maybe you're continuing to accept just one more client of that type, or there's one more project that absorbs you, and you don't have time to do that other thing you were planning to do.

If we think back to the rowboat that I was mentioning in the first phase, where I said, it's like you have an anchor, you're in the boat, and you just aren't going anywhere. This is kind of like, you're sitting in the boat, you have the anchor up, you have your oars there, but you're not actually rowing. Instead, you are sanding and repainting that finish, and wondering why aren't I getting where I need to be?

So, I encourage you to ask: What do I have to be willing to feel to move to the next level of my business? And then, are you willing to feel that? What are the upsides? What awaits you on the other side of this difficult part? What are the benefits to building this tolerance that I talked about? This mental toughness or mental charges, which is what I like to call it.

What would change in your life if you could tolerate these emotions, rather than resist them and run from them? How much would the world change if we women could get out of our way in this area and move forward confidently and with equanimity, into the work of actually serving the clients we're here to serve? If we could really give our businesses the fighting chance to be what they have the potential of being?

This is why I am so passionate about phases two and three of The Clarity Accelerator. Which are: Know your people, and then speak to how you and your people connect. Because they are the tactics for moving quickly. But also the mindset. In every module, we start out with mindset training that pertains to exactly what we're doing and learning in that section.

Because we don't want to spend years in this phase; We want to spend months. Knowing of course, that it will cycle back again and again; new level, new devil. But really, that first time is the hardest. Then, we want to keep being more CEO-ish with every round. I’m making up that word.

Alright, let's talk about this third phase of these discomforts, of how to accelerate your business timeline. This one is about moving through the discomfort of receiving and of being supported. Now, immediately, our brains go to “What? That's not a discomfort, of course, I want to receive. Of course, I want to be supported.”

But do you? A lot of our primary operating systems are running with code that says, “good, but not too good.” Maybe it says, “Don't earn too much, or you won't have any friends. You'll isolate yourself from your family of origin. You'll become that kind of person that you don't want to become. What would others think of me?”

Or it says, “To be worthy, you need to do at all, be hyper independent, be the overworked martyr, and definitely not one of those lazy, entitled people.” There are all sorts of weird scripts running in our heads. I've shared before, I secretly feared that my husband and I would break up if I started making $100,000. It seems laughable, but it felt very possible, and very scary.

By the way, these aren't the things that you're thinking on a logical level. I would never say, “I think this is going to happen.” But I knew deep down that it was a concern of mine. After I stopped pushing it away from me and actually looked at it, of course.

To continue with the boat analogy here, it's like you're now at the point where you have the oars in hand, but you could actually turn on a motor. Instead, you're there rowing your heart out. Because, “What if that motor isn't reliable. I'm used to doing it this way, I'm used to rowing. It's good exercise for me. I don't want to be lazy. What are the other boaters going to think if they just see me turn on my little motor and skate across the lake? I'll just keep using the oars.”

If you're at the stage in your business, where you're bringing in clients regularly, this is the piece that you'll want to be working on opening yourself to the discomfort of receiving and being supported. How do I allow that? What kind of self-love and forgiveness and tolerance is required for that? You might want to start asking yourself, do you take care of yourself?

Usually, before we can allow ourselves to receive it from other people, or to receive it from the universe, we need to do it for ourselves. Do you prioritize yourself? Do you take days off work or allow other family members to help with the kids or get a massage?

Are you holding back on hiring team members because you’ll just do it yourself? Or are you hiring people, but then spending all of your time with them in the weeds, because truthfully, that's where your comfort zone is.

Our actions toward ourselves show the universe how we're ready to be treated. And if your actions don't mesh with what you've been saying you want, you're not in alignment, my friend. You go first by supporting yourself, by giving to yourself. That's how you'll begin to allow it from others.

Because, whereas, the second point I brought up was about acclimating your nervous system to the negatives, this stage is about acclimating your nervous system to the positives. It feels uncomfortable because it's different. You'll feel unsettled or restless. You might feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something has to happen to balance this all out.

I was in a mastermind where we worked on building a 15-hour workweek. I remember doing the work of “not doing.” I remember sitting in my son's room and just thinking, “I would feel so much better if I just got up and folded the laundry that’s sitting there.”

It was hard to sit. Especially in this day and age when we're so used to constant stimulation, and the dopamine hit we get a crossing off items on those lists. But you won't get there, to the life you want that has a balance, that also allows you balance, without going through this.

You need to get skilled at recognizing the discomfort that's coming from patterns that don't serve you. Then sit with it and process it and breathe through these urges to buffer against it, with doing this or with self-deprecation or working more, or whatever else takes the sting off.

How good are you really willing to let it get? These are the kinds of things that I think are really important to start working on, sooner rather than later. I always help my clients start very early on, because I attract a lot of high achievers and they need extensive felt experience to settle into this new normal.

But wherever you are, start now. Even just in little bits. It will help you when you get to this stage. I'm sure you've heard this before, but work on treating yourself the way you would treat your best friend. Work on talking to yourself the way that you would talk to your best friend. And then slowly, you'll stop creating the circumstances that are recurrently making life difficult, that don't allow you to relax.

I have a client who is heavily in this work right now. She's created a four-hour workweek. What's happened, she's realized, is after having that luxurious time to really disconnect from business, and ground and center herself, she comes back with such clarity that she realizes her old patterns would have created so much more work for herself. Now, she comes in and sees how that's not necessary. It condenses her work, but raises her productivity so significantly.

We know this. We know this is how it works on a logical level, and we're always being provided with opportunities to learn these damn lessons, which are so hard for us because of how we've grown up and everything we've experienced. No shame.

But unfortunately, some of us just keep repeating and repeating, because that patterning runs so deep, rather than doing the work to create change. Especially when our nervous systems are just sounding the alarm and putting out fires, it's hard for us to step back and get that clarity about what's going on.

We often live our lives thinking that we're swimming in the ocean of possibility. But really, we're in a fishbowl in the ocean, and that fishbowl is our mind, right? The fishbowl is all of the ways of thinking that keep us actually limited in our possibilities.

I had a client who wanted to expand her retail store, but found that she was always so in the weeds with her workers, that she really had no availability to do that and to think strategically. As we worked together, we realized that truthfully, she was afraid of the responsibility of thinking strategically. She really felt in her zone, and very, very competent, being in the weeds. And so, that was her fishbowl, right?

She really couldn't see the possibilities for creating space and creating time for herself, and even seeing what an amazing, visionary thinker she was, and how she actually did have these strategic thinking skills, because of this container that had been created.

These are topics that I work with my VIP private clients on. When we are reinventing. When we are absolutely changing who we are. When we're changing from just another one of the retail workers to somebody that is the CEO of a national brand. Or somebody that is the overworked, best-kept secret to someone who was extremely valued for her insights, and knows that that's enough.

Getting there requires that you see it for yourself. You understand what it's costing you to be here, what's available to you on the other side, so that you can commit to the process of reacclimating yourself to a new normal, and going through all of the discomfort that exists there. And also seeing yourself as worthy of it. Worthy of support, worthy of abundance in this beautiful life, even if some alarm bells are ringing on a primal level.

This is the work that changes our world. I am so passionate about these topics. About not recreating old toxic patterns that have kept us living sub-optimally. And I really hope this episode has touched you and will serve you so deeply.

All right, you all, remember, you know who you are, and each day, you're stepping further into what you're here to create. Have a great week.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in The Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #61: My Uncommon Story: Lessons in Life, Love, and Simplicity in Spain

Episode Summary

Jenna continues her Uncommon Story series, unpacking the slow life, romance, and the wisdom of other cultures.

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Show Notes

In the last episode of this series, I hinted that when I made the decision to not leave Spain and go instead to Seville, that one decision was going to really change my life. This is how decisions are. So often, you can never imagine the ramifications that could come from one simple decision.

This week, you're going to start to see how this was so true in my life. My Uncommon Story picks up in Spain, hitting the Eurail and all that goes along with improvising as a poor college traveler. This is a rag-tag story of youth, beauty, love, and learning.

Lean in and learn about my first love, travel stories, and the hidden gems I learned along the way. Discover how living in Spain led me to question the traditions I was raised with, the comfort zones I was used to, and my perceptions of other cultures.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How my perception of Americans evolved.

• My experience of being immersed in Spanish language and culture.

• The surprising normalization of drug use across social classes I observed.

• What I learned (and loved) about simple living.

• How I realized I didn’t need as much as I thought to survive.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way everyone. I hope you are enjoying your September. When we first began this series, it was meant to be just a few episodes that you could listen to when you were on the beach or having some downtime. It was just going to be a summer series but it hasn't turned out that way. So, I guess these will be, I don't know, spicing up your fall, heating up your winter. We'll see. I'll continue to drop a few here and there.

But this is a special episode. I hinted last time that when I made the decision to not leave Spain, after studying in Alicante, and go instead to Seville, which is where we left off last time. I hinted that that was going to really change my life, that one decision. This is how decisions are. So often, you can never imagine the ramifications that could come from one simple decision.

You're going to start to see how this was so true in my life, in this episode. But before we even get to Seville, I had some time to kill in between semesters. This is a time when transcontinental flights were still very expensive, and my mom grudgingly conceded that it probably wouldn't make sense for me to fly all the way home just for a week or two.

So, I decided I would stay in Europe and just use the Eurail pass that my parents had gotten me when I first went over there. I don't know if they still exist, probably, but it gave me pretty much carte blanche to go anywhere that I wanted to via train. I had a friend who was an exchange student in my high school back in Washington who lived in Germany, so I figured I'd go visit her up there.

But I had something else up my sleeve, too. Which is, what we didn't know back in the States, is that in Europe they were really getting into the charter. There was a very big charter flight industry. And so, I had found a charter flight that flew from Madrid to New York, I think it was every couple of weeks, and I decided I was going to go back and surprise my parents.

I want to say I had seven days to kill, or a little less. So, I thought, “Oh, perfect. I'll just go see my friend, and then I'll take this scenic train trip through the Alps, come back to Madrid, hop on the flight and fly out.” Meanwhile, there was a person who was a coordinator for our exchange trip in Madrid who would always meet the group when they got off the flight and get them all to Alicante.

So, I asked him if I could leave my suitcases at his house and then take a travel suitcase that would be more convenient. He said, “Sure.” But there was a little hiccup when I got to Madrid, because he wasn't home. I had a train to catch to go up to Germany. Mind you, there are no cell phones in this day and age, there was really nothing I could do.

So, guess what? I just left my bags outside of his house. Now, he lived in an apartment building, so I had him leave them straight on the streets of Madrid. But I did have to wait until somebody was exiting the building, and then basically sneak into the building, get up to his apartment, and just leave the suitcases right there. Hopefully they’d be there when I got back.

I made it to the train station, hopped on a train, and I was the only person in my compartment. It was like a six-seater compartment. I saw a young man walk past the door, and then come back a minute later. He came and sat in my compartment as if that's where the seat was. He was very handsome. We got to talking.

In the middle of the night, we had to transfer trains because the train tracks in Spain were a different size than the train tracks in France, so we had to get onto another train. It must have been something about the late-night hour, but when we got back on the other train, something sparked up and we just started kissing and cuddling.

Now, there was a conductor walking by so it wasn't going to go any further than that. But I did find it all very romantic and exciting finding romance on this international train in Europe; very much fit the schoolgirl fantasies. Luckily, we exchanged numbers but it never went anywhere after that, and I'm really glad because there's more fun stories coming up.

I remember the trip in Germany being so fun. Then was time for my Alps adventure. So, my train went from Germany down to Paris. In Paris is where I would catch this loop that would go through the Alps.

This is before the Euro; I'd mentioned that before. And so, every time that you were in a different country you had to exchange money, and you always lost money on the exchange. I didn't have that much money. Remember, I pretty much spent everything for this flight to get back to the States. So, I changed the minimal amount that I could.

I walked around Paris, looking for something to eat that I could afford, that would be the most bang for my buck. Something warm, and hopefully hearty, to hold me over. You all, I have to confess, the best thing I could find was a Burger King burger. Yes, that was my first time in Paris and what I had was a Whopper. But I figured, that's okay, I'm about to have the true experience on this beautiful train through the Alps.

But I had a couple miscalculations about this. One, is that as the train went through the Alps, it was passing through several different countries for which I did not have currency. So, I actually wasn't able to eat on this train trip. I mean, I could have, but I was so stubborn. I didn't want to lose any more money in the exchange fee. And so, I didn't.

The second miscalculation was that it was winter break in the Alps. The trains were packed skiers. I, of course, had bought the bargain basement ticket. You all can see, right? I hope you're understanding now, my journey from complete scarcity towards abundance. The way I talk about money now, you would never imagine, right? But this was me. This was me.

I was the poor college student saving every single little cent that I could, or peseta, or whatever currency I happen to be in at the moment. So, I had bought the bargain ticket, and there were no seats for me. So, not only had I not eaten, I'm wearing this big backpack traveling around, but I was having to stand up on the train going through the Alps.

But at least I got to see the Alps, right? Wrong! Because guess what else happens in winter? It gets dark so early. By the time we actually got into the Alps, it was after four in the afternoon. It was so dark; I couldn't see a thing.

What happens, later in the night as we're going through, I faint. Yes, I faint, probably from dehydration. And so, someone has to move aside, give me their seat, and bring me back. Nowadays, they probably would have called the ambulance or something. But back in those days, they were like, “She'll be fine. Just give her some water.”

We continued on, I got off in Milan, and I had nowhere to sleep. And so, I just had to kind of hang out in the train station all night until I could get on my train to Madrid, and then catch my flight back to the States; on this charter flight which would bring me to New York. Then from there, I would catch another flight to Washington.

I'm really wondering if you find this as crazy as I do. I crack myself up, obviously, just thinking about my younger years. But for those of you whose thoughts are actually going to my poor parents, I’ll tell you that of course, my mom really never even wanted me to study abroad. We were very, very close and she didn't want me to be away from her.

And so, she was disappointed when we realized that I couldn't fly back to the States for that interim period. I knew that she would be so happy when I walked through the door, so I wanted to make it a surprise. I had a friend from high school pick me up at the airport to bring me home. My friend said, “What will you do if your parents aren't there?” I said, “Oh, they'll be there.”

I guessed that mom would be in the kitchen, and Dad would be watching TV. Guess what? That's exactly where they were. I just walked in and I said, “I'm home.” To this day, mom says it was the best present ever. She was so happy and it was so good.

Now you're caught up to the point where I finally did get back to Seville, to study Economics at the University of Seville. My first order of business was finding somewhere to live. This is not like nowadays where you can look online and get everything all arranged before you actually get to a city. You would never think about going to a city and having nowhere to live.

But back then, especially when you're traveling in Europe, what you would tend to do, you'd get off the train and there would be ladies there that had a room for rent or something. They would just call out “Rooms for rent,” you’d meet one of them and you'd go back to their house. That's where you would be staying for the night, or the three nights, or however long you were touring that place.

I knew that I wanted something more than three nights, so I did not stay with them. I stayed in a hostel at first, and then somebody told me… Oh, I know, it was my friend. I had a friend that I mentioned on the last podcast, who had also studied in Alicante, who convinced me to continue and study in Seville.

He told me that at the university, there was a board where people would post notices of rooms for rent. So, I went there, and there happened to be somebody hanging up a notice right as I got there, and I got it. I went to see this place. Immediately, I fell in love with it.

Now, if you don't know Seville, first of all, is the most beautiful city you've ever set your eyes on. It's just magic, with its little yellow and white buildings. It also has the largest Gothic cathedral in the world, a beautiful plaza, a round plaza with horse drawn carriages, and it's just so picturesque.

Well, this apartment was in a building right on that main street leading straight to the cathedral. We were on the top two floors of that building; with balconies, and I mean, the view was to die for. It was a really fun apartment made up of all different international young people, really. I was paying the most of anyone there so I got the room that was right on this main street, Mateos Gago, looking straight at the cathedral.

There was the woman who had the lease on the apartment, she was a Dutch woman, and she lived downstairs with her boyfriend. Later, it came to pass, that apparently, she was never passing on all of our rent to the landlord. Apparently, supposedly, she had some sort of sexual liaison with the landlord so that he didn't kick her out. But she was, meanwhile, taking all of this money.

Upstairs, there was another American woman who had a Spanish boyfriend, who also lived in the apartment. There was an older American couple. I say, older, they were probably my age now, but they were empty nesters. They were just doing the kind of vacation where you actually learn the language. So, they would come over for a month or so, and were studying Spanish while they were there.

There was another Dutch woman. Boy, was she a character! I had never met somebody so sexually liberated and out there. It just absolutely knocked my socks off. I think I'm forgetting somebody. But anyway, it was a large group of international people all there for different reasons. Such a fun environment.

I remember that once, somebody brought some people from New Zealand over to the apartment. When they met me, the woman said, “Oh, you're American. So, I know one thing about you for sure, and that is that you are way more repressed than I am.”

I somehow had grown up under the impression that Americans were the most rebellious, and the most sexually liberated. That the world thought of us as like little James Dean rebels.

It was so eye opening for me to realize that actually, that's not how most of the world saw us. I have to give it to her; she was 100% right. I was very, very repressed and very conservative at that point in my life, which is probably why kissing on a train felt so naughty. In hindsight, it was nothing. But hearing that and then contrasting myself with this Dutch woman who lived there, who really just seemed to have another man every night…

She was very much like, “I say where. I say when. I say who.” Pre-Julia Roberts. She would do things; she would just have fun being the object of desire for all of the men in the neighborhood. There was a pizza place across the street. You had to take like four steps up into the restaurant. She was famous for sitting there at the first table with a very short mini dress and no underwear… As people would walk by, seeing who would notice this and who wouldn't.

I'm laughing. It's completely inappropriate, and so fascinating for me. All of this is the backdrop to the life that we're living there, my friends and I, as we were able to really get further into Spanish culture. There was this little flamenco tablao that we would go to at night, and we really felt so transported.

What was amazing, was that after hearing that music, when I would come home, I'd go back up to my top floor, have the large windows open… of course, no air conditioning… and I would hear beautiful strains of guitar, flamenco guitar, classical guitar, coming up. I realized that one of the workers in these restaurants down below, one of them played guitar. So, it was like I was getting serenaded. I loved it.

I'd tell all of my friends, “Well, I've got to leave now, because at midnight the serenade starts and I want to be home for that.” Now, I had no idea who this person actually was. Because, movie perfect, the orange trees that line the streets of Seville were in full bloom at this time. And so, not only was I hearing the beautiful music, but there was also the wafting fragrance of orange blossoms coming up to me, as I would stand out on my balcony each night and listen to this.

My friends would say, “Don't you want to know who this person is? Wouldn't you rather hang out with us a little longer so you can actually see this person face to face?” I said, “No. No, that's a terrible idea. Are you kidding? This is the perfect romance right now. I can imagine whatever I want about this person who serenades me, and in truth, I know. He's some abhorrent Spanish man.”

If you've listened to my earlier episodes, you'll have heard that I had some unfortunate experiences in Spain. I had a bad impression about Spanish men, in general. I thought they were uncouth. I thought they were arrogant. Now, if this is not the perfect setup for a romance novel, I don't know what is.

There's one other little detail that I have to tell you about. So, in order for anyone to come into our apartment, because there was no buzzer or intercom, and we lived on the fifth floor, we had a key. These doors are probably 20 feet tall, and made of old wood. This is old Seville architecture. The key was probably four or five inches long; one of these old-fashioned keys. We had that tied to a rope.

And so, whenever anyone would come over, they would have to shout up to us from down below. We would lower the key down on this rope, they'd untie it, use the key to get in the building, and then they'd come up to see us. We'd reel the rope up again and we'd retie this key, right?

All right, one afternoon, I'm walking home from the university. and there are two young Spanish men lounging against a car that's parked outside of the building. As I got closer, I swore that one of them made one of those Spanish sounds.

Now, I've talked in an earlier episode about what was called piropos, about little compliments that people would throw out. One of the most common kinds of sounds to get a woman's attention was something like tut-tut. Now I swore I heard that; he denies it to this day.

But as I walked up to my actual door, he goes, “Oh, you're the girl with the key. You're one of the girls with the keys.” I turned around and I said, “Yeah, that's the only way we could get people in.” He said to me, “Well, maybe one night, you'll lower the key so that I can come up.” I said probably not, “Probablemente, no.”

I walked into the house, shut the door in his face, and locked it. Remember, we're on the fifth floor so I have all these flights of stairs to walk up, and listen to the combatting voices in my head. One of them is saying, “Jenna, you are such a prude. Leslie never would have said that to an attractive man. Why are you like this?”

The other voice was saying, “You know what? Maybe it's time to let loose a little bit. This could be a fun Spanish little fling. Why are you so in your head?” By the time I got up to the fifth floor, something had shifted within me. I walked into the house and I said to my friends, “Why did nobody ever tell me that the father of my children was working across the street?”

I forgot to mention that the reason I knew he worked across the street is because he had said to me, yes, we see you all lowering your key all the time. So, as soon as I burst into my apartment, said this, and I described the person, they said, “Oh, we've told you about him. He's the one that we've said you missed hanging out with a few times, who plays the guitar.”

It was one of those moments where it's like you lose the ground beneath you and you're just sucked into a vortex. It all comes rushing to you so quickly. I realized that that man was the one who had been playing the guitar and serenading me each night. Now, in truth he wasn't serenading me, with the orange trees there, he had no idea I was standing out on my balcony. But in my mind, he was serenading me and it was really a coming together of worlds.

Within a week, we were throwing a party on the rooftop and coincidentally, this was an event that both I and Paco could actually attend at the same time, so we met officially. We were like two magnets. We basically moved in together from that point. Because he was staying with his sister further out of town, and since he worked right there, it just made sense that he started spending more and more time with all of us in the apartment.

Now, because of that, because he was working, he'd need some food, something to eat. He got a little sick of just eating the pizza, from the pizza place that he worked at. I think I had one dish that I had learned to make by that point, which I proudly made for him. It was cooked spaghetti with lemon juice and a lemon pepper sprinkled on top and some parmesan cheese.

My mom is an amazing cook, and she always kind of shooed me out of the kitchen. So, I went straight from her house, to the dorm room, to this place, where luckily the older Americans at least showed me how to boil pasta. But I was really clueless in the kitchen. Paco told me, “Hon, I'm just really hungry for a nice hearty chicken soup or something. Could you make that for me?” I said, “No, I would have no idea how to make chicken soup.”

He wrote me a little list to take to the marketplace, exactly what vendors to go to, and what foods to buy. Then, all I had to do was throw all the ingredients into a pot and boil it, and he'd take care of the rest when he got home. So, dutifully, I did exactly as was told.

I remember watching with horror, when, part of what the butcher was wrapping up was chicken feet. Now, you hear nowadays about nose-to-tail cuisine. The Spanish were famous for nose-to-tail cuisine, historically. So, apparently, they thought the best flavor came from the chicken feet.

I brought these home, I held the package out as far away from me as possible, I undid the tape, and then I kind of plopped it all into the pot. I just thought it was the grossest thing ever. I put the lid on; I didn't want to see anything else about it.

Well, here's something that I didn't know. It sounds so bad, but did you know that you should clean out the chickens feet before you put them in there? Because the chickens have been walking around in a bunch of poop, and you don't just want to throw it into the pot. Yes. How would we have known this? But apparently this is a solid truth.

When Paco opened up this pot, what did he see but a bunch of shit floating around on top of the water. Bless his heart. He kept it together. He let me know how they usually would have handled the chicken feet. He skimmed off the top, and would you believe he still ate the soup, which had been boiling for hours. I'm sure it was okay. But man, if that's not love, I don't know what is.

Our relationship was so sweet and so special. Really, it was my first true love. I remember people saying to him, when they thought I couldn't understand the Spanish… Of course, my Spanish starts getting better and better as I'm in Seville… They would say, “Why are you with her? She's not even sexy.”

You have to remember, this is the 90s, so it was a very kind of androgynous culture and fashion, back in the States. This is pleated khaki pants, big button-down shirts cut very loose with big arm holes and tucked into your pants, and loafers or something. I don't know. It wasn't attractive. Yet, this is pretty much all I knew. I wasn't wearing a lot of makeup. I tended to have my hair up in a bun.

Remember, I'm coming from my very intellectually driven college where we don't care about superficial things. It’s very granola. He would just say, “She's amazing. She's like no one I've ever met.” We were so attached that when that spring was coming to a close, and it was time for me to return home, I didn't want to leave and he didn't want me to leave.

So, he said, “I'm going back to the place where I'm from, which is an island in the Balearic Islands. A very small island called Formentera. I'm going back there for the summer, and I think you should come with me.” I said yes. I decided to go.

Now, my parents freaked out over this decision. You're doing what? You met who? You're living in sin? They were not very religious, but it was that kind of atmosphere, right? It was like, “You guys are going to live together for the summer? What does this mean? You're only 19.” I think I had just turned 20 actually.

In their fear and worry, what they did was they cut off my bank account in an effort to force me back home. I'm a little foggy on the details of this, but somehow, I had already withdrawn some money. Some money just for my initial ferry trip and everything, to go back. But when they saw I was serious they cut off the money, which was a big falling out for us.

I think we still have some of the angry letters, snail mail, of course, going back and forth where I was talking about how they need to trust me now. I'm an adult. All of those things that happen when you're that age, and you make decisions about not coming back and running off with your Spanish boyfriend.

But honestly, you all, it’s one of the best decisions I ever made. Formentera is paradise. It is so special. Years later, when I was a travel blogger, that is the one place I would not write about because I didn't want it to be discovered. I didn't want it to be found out.

Now, it very much has been found out, which is why I'm talking about it. But for years, it was the best kept secret. It's very, very small, and very remote. There's no airport on the island, which is what helped it stay hidden for so long. But it's also right next door to Ibiza, so any of the super-rich people that are coming through on the yacht circuit would obviously know about Formentera, and sail over to Formentera.

So, you got this strange blend of the super-rich, although you'd never know it until they jettied back to their yacht. You had the super-rich, and you had all of these dropped out hippies. They had just decided to drop out of the rat race and leave the corporate culture or academic culture, wherever they were coming from, and just really live the true, simple life on this forgotten island.

You also had these locals that were absolutely lost in time. The older women still wore the traditional black dress, and they drove horse-drawn carriages. They had been a culture that was repeatedly attacked by pirates or invaders from all different cultures; The Romans, the Catalans, all different Italian people. Because of this, they had become a very closed off culture. They were very suspicious of outsiders. It was almost like an Amish community or something. They were just very, very tight.

But for me, who had never seen anything like it, it just fascinated me. Oh, and they lived off a barter economy still. It was like, “Hey, Francesc…” By the way, I couldn't even communicate with them because they didn't speak Castilian Spanish. They spoke a dialect of Catalan. Catalan is the language spoken in the Barcelona region. They didn't even speak Catalan; they spoke their own dialect of Catalan.

It was very much like, “Hey, Francesc, I'll trade you my pine nuts for your wine. I'll trade you wine for cheese. I'll trade you cheese for bread.” Well, probably not wine, cheese and bread, because I think everyone made wine, cheese and bread in their own house; they were all homesteading. But they were definitely trading items for subsistence.

And they were very wealthy, because they owned all of the property on the island, which was now being rented out to tourists. There were tourists as well, and it was very interesting how it was staggered. The Europeans very much tended to go vacation at the same time, right? Then they'd come back year after year to the same place.

So, I remember, June was mostly British. July was German. August was all Italian tourists. My boyfriend and his family were anomalies because they were from the south of Spain. His parents had come over in the 60s when electricity was first brought to the island. It was a big thing. They had recognized a business opportunity, and so they stayed and they opened restaurants there. So, he was very much in between worlds.

But all of these different groups very much had a respect and an easy kind of commingling between them. So, you'd never see a hippie that was best friends with a payas. Payas mean the local people of the island. There was a very large level of acceptance and tolerance, and we're all just living our best lives here.

So, we went to stay with Paco’s parents, and what we were not anticipating was that his mom did not like me at all. She thought that I was putting new thoughts in his head. Crazy things, like maybe using a little less oil when you cook your chicken. She thought that I was after his money because he was a good hardworking man, and I didn't have any money.

It was true, at that point my parents had cut off all of my money. I hadn't worked since I was at that towel shop, back in Washington, before the Spain trip. But really, deep down, her biggest gripe with me was just that I didn't behave the way a daughter-in-law should behave. There was this big unwritten code about how a daughter-in-law should behave, which I of course, didn't know.

So, I should have been the first one up in the morning in the house, helping prepare breakfast for everyone. I should be the last one to sleep. I shouldn't be cleaning the house. I should do everything I could to have my mother-in-law sit down. And I, of course, would be cleaning the dishes or I do anything I could to take any kind of burden off of her. I didn't know that.

I thought I was a guest in her house. I mean, my mom would have freaked out if a guest tried to jump up and start cleaning the dishes back then. “Am I not a good host? What are you trying to insinuate here?” I very politely let his mom do all the work, and she very adamantly thought that that was ridiculous and self-centered and lazy. Yeah, lazy.

So, this finally blew up, to the point where they said, “Get her out of the house.” To the point where she said, “Get her out of the house.” Paco said, “Fine, we're leaving.” She said, “If you walk through the door with that girl, you are never coming back.” And he walked out. He walked out.

We went to scout around for a place to live, because of course, by now it's June and most of the places on this tiny little island are rented out to tourists. Luckily, he knew people. He'd grown up there. He heard that clear on the opposite tip of the island, there was maybe a small house that he could rent.

Now, the way this island formed is that there's a lower half, which is very flat. This is where all of the tourist activities are. All of a sudden, the other half, it's called La Mola, juts out of the sea, and it's this plateau. So, you have to wind up this windy road to get up to the Mola, up to this plateau. And then once you're there, that is where most of the most isolated local people lived.

There was a hippie commune there, as well. At the very tip, there's this lighthouse and plunging cliffs, straight down to the sea. It was so beautiful. Well, the very last house, by the lighthouse… supposedly Bob Dylan stayed in the lighthouse, who knows?... but the last house apparently was vacant.

So, Paco went to talk to the payas, speaking the local dialect of course, and was able to get us in there. Now, like many houses, and most houses up there on that part of the island, this house had no electricity. It didn't even have a bathroom in the house. There was a bathroom outside of the house. There were two little houses next to each other, and that's what they shared.

That's where we were living for the summer. Now, when the payasa inquired about me, Paco tried to tell her that I was a foreigner, that I was from far away. She looked, I remember her head kind of tilting, and she said, “Barcelona?” He said, “No, no, further away than that.” She looked at me again, and she said, “Holland?”

Because they were, in the very beginning, the first tourists that came; there were a lot of Dutch tourists. So, that was stuck in her mind. Like, people that lived really, really far away must be from Holland. He tried to tell her further than that, and she just couldn't conceptualize what that might mean.

So, because there were no other tourists around us… There was one bar where the hippies would go, and some mainland locals that live there, would come up to sometimes. Needless to say, this is when I finally learned Spanish. I mean, really learned Spanish.

Because Paco didn't speak any English, hardly any English, I was forced to learn Spanish. I really think that that is what allowed our relationship to flourish for so long. Because what starts to happen when you both speak the same language, is that you become so attuned to intonation. There are little barbs that you can throw in when you start getting frustrated or annoyed with a person.

Paco and I didn't have any of that. We had the most simplistic language. We had to be very clear with our communication with each other, and it really cut out any of the misunderstandings, I think, that can start to bubble up in other relationships.

The only time I spoke English was once every three weeks when my parents would call. Now, there are no cell phones. Again, there's no landline, no phone coming into our house. So, remember that bar I told you about? They would have to call that bar at a certain time, every three weeks, and the bartender would pass the phone to me so that I could talk to them. I was trying to hear them over the noise.

I was always cognizant of the fact that I was tying up the phone line of the bar for the 10 minutes or 15 minutes when I talked to my parents. My poor parents, in hindsight, they had no idea what was happening with me. But other than that, I was fully immersed.

Now, we had been hoping that Paco wouldn't have to work. By the way, that's not his real name. But we had been hoping that he wouldn't have to work, and I used all the money I had, that I'd taken out of the bank, to rent the apartment, the little house that we were staying in. Which was super cheap because he got the local rate, of course.

But then we had no money for food or for gas to get around the island, and so he did have to get a job. He's an amazing cook, so he started working at a restaurant. He was earning the equivalent of $400 a month. That’s what we had to live on for the whole summer, including our gas, including food, including all the things, utilities, of course.

But it's amazing how far $1, or in this case a peseta, can stretch when you're in love. When you're just determined to make it work. That really was my first lesson in sufficiency. Everything that I thought, the amounts, that I thought it would take to survive actually weren't true. Now, we were lucky; often, one meal of the day, he would bring home food from the restaurant. So, there was that. But still, $400 a month!

Because he was working at night, we would have these really lovely days together. Honestly, just making love, exploring the island, going to the beach, and then eating maybe it at a little… they call them chiringuitos… tiny, little shack-a-boo type restaurants on the beach. They don't necessarily have any electricity; they just catch the fish completely fresh. They have a little gas burner and cook up the fish for you, you have some drinks, and that was island life.

On days that he was off, we would stroll down, at sunset, we'd get a glass of wine, and we'd play some backgammon with the little old men that were playing backgammon around us. But most nights, he would head out in the late afternoon for the 30-minute drive down the island to the main city for work.

I remember my heart hurting; I was worried. What if something happened to him on this drive, especially up this winding road late at night? I remember, we didn't really have a closet. He had gotten a long branch from outside, and that was our kind of our closet, where we hung clothes. I remember just touching his shirts hanging up, so lovingly, so much missing him even for those few hours that he was away from me. I just couldn't stand it.

Then, after midnight, because the Spanish eat very, very late, he would ride home, usually carrying a pizza box for our dinner. Sometimes after that, we’d drive back down again to go out to the bars and clubs that night.

But this really was a whole new world for me. All of these groups of people were not ones that I would interact with back home, and also, to see how they interacted. How the tourists interacted with the hippies and the super-rich out in these clubs was just fascinating. That was really my first exposure to…

I suppose Seville was my first exposure to different sexual mores, but this was really my first exposure to drugs. There was a lot of hash, specifically hashish, being passed around. People would just pull out the cocaine right on the table of the clubs, and cut up some lines and be snorting up the cocaine right there. It was very normalized.

I noticed, what I think blew my mind even more than the fact that the drugs were so normal, was that it crossed classes. I started to come up with a theory about middle-class values, which is that really, the way I had been raised here in the middle class, we lived in a bubble of ‘do's and don'ts.’

Meanwhile, people that tended to be on the lower end of the economic spectrum really didn't live by those same rules. So, there were more drugs. You tended to have more sexual partners. When I looked at the super rich, it was exactly the same; they were doing drugs, and they were switching partners. I started to think, “Huh, I wonder which one is actually more beneficial and is actually more natural for humans?”

But that kind of got blown away when the house next to us, up there on the Mola, got rented out to some people from Madrid. They were what we would have… they’re called pijos… what we would have called yuppies. So, they were kind of well-to-do, had money, had good jobs. So, upper middle class, right?

I expected them to be really aghast right when Paco would be sitting out on the porch smoking a joint. But actually, they're like, “Oh, great. Yeah, we brought some too, you want to smoke together?” I just realized that there was a completely different national attitude around recreational drug use.

Now, I, myself, I didn't enjoy smoking hash, it tended to make me really paranoid. But cocaine, that was fun. The biggest eye opener of all was definitely the way of life on the island. I already alluded to this, or already talked about this in the last episode. It’s just this true desire for the good life, to understanding what is “the good life,” and simplifying down all the things that really don't matter, not stressing so much.

I very much saw that embodied here, even more so than in Seville. There was a character that I loved so deeply; everybody called him Joaquin Francaise. He was actually from France. Supposedly, he'd been a famous journalist or professor, and had finally realized that basically, the modern world was just shit.

He really wanted to drop out of it, so he went to Formentera and just never left. He never really had a job. He did have a house he lived in, but he'd just be eating off… You’d always see him at different dinner parties and things. He looked like the Spanish artist, Salvador Dalí. He had this long, gray, handlebar mustache.

You'd see him on his little motorbike, going down the road, with a scarf wrapped around his neck and flowing in the wind behind him. He was just such a character. Of course, nobody wore helmets. He was such a character.

He told me once, I'll never forget, he said, “Jen, do you know what true freedom is?” I said, “What?” He said, “True freedom is waking up in the morning, stepping out of your doorstep, stretching in the sunlight, seeing that beautiful tree in the distance, and saying, ‘I want to go to that tree,’ and then actually doing it. Yeah, not saying, ‘Oh, I'll do that later. I'll do that someday.’ But actually, doing it then.”

I remember once, this was later but I'm going to bring it in now, in Spain they had a huge Christmas lottery. Everyone played the lottery for Christmas. I remember getting all excited about the big pot of money that was available. I said to Paco, “If you won, what would you do?” Because I knew, chances are you're not going to win, but part of the fun is just daydreaming.

He said, “What do you mean?” I said, “No, what would change in your life? What would you want to do differently?” He just looked at me, and he's like, “Why would I want to change my life?” Oh my gosh, the lessons, the lessons, just non-stop hitting me.

Imagine living life truly the way you want to live, and really not wanting to change anything. It just blew my mind. Right? There was nothing about that, in my hustle striving, get into the best school, to get the best job, to have the best car, to have the best house, kind of life that I had been raised in.

I was also noticing how a lot of the hippies lived. Not just the hippies that were living in the commune raising livestock together and growing fruit and vegetables together. But there was another type of hippie that were vendors. They would sell jewelry and sarongs and things like that to the tourists.

What they would do, was they would sell all of these trinkets during the summer, they'd take the proceeds and they would go to either Goa, up in India, or somewhere in Mexico. They'd buy their inventory over the winter, but they'd also live in a beautiful climate, continue to party, and continue the life until it was time to fly back to Spain for the season. Then they'd sell off all of their inventory, and they'd get the money to travel again.

Oh, on top of that, because it was a socialist country, every two summers that they worked, if they made those six months, then they'd get to collect unemployment throughout one of the winters as well. The absence of striving, and the way that they lived in these premier locations, that other people only vacation in a week or two a year, really opened my eyes to possibilities.

And to the fact that we, back in the U.S., maybe the way we chose to live wasn't the way I really wanted to live. Maybe there was a much better life available to me another way.

The last thing that was happening, there was really kind of a form of anti-intellectualism, and not in the Trumpist way that we have now. But I started to really honor and listen to the local people and the wisdom, the natural wisdom that they'd acquired.

It really, when I thought back to my philosophy professors and the way that we all lived, it really started to challenge my worldview of who is the fit person to teach, right? Who do I really want to learn from? So, it made it difficult, very difficult, for me to even think about returning to college.

I felt so divorced from that world, and so much like I'd found home there in Formentera. I did consider dropping out, but I was afraid. Now, this is pre-internet, of course. There's no way to telecommute or to even think about communicating with your family back home once you leave and move to another country. We'd get a letter in the mail every month or something.

I thought I “needed” that degree, right? That's the smart, adult thing to do. I could die homeless and penniless if I didn't do it now and continue this education. Looking back, it’s so interesting that I considered myself a person who always broke with expectation, and did live such an uncommon life, but here we're really seeing exactly where my rails were.

I could go this far out of the norm, this far out of the comfort zone, but I couldn't really push beyond that. That is the place where I think so many of us find ourselves. Where we're able to go so far, but not really all the way.

So, on the final day, when I was due to leave and go back home, Paco took me to Ibiza, to one of the nicest restaurants to have lunch. I just couldn't eat. Tears kept overflowing. I was having to choke them back. I felt sick in my stomach, and I just couldn't eat a bite.

We were standing in line at the airport and it was distressing him so much to see me like this. I had my arms wrapped around him, and I just wanted to soak up every single second that I could. He finally said, “You know what? I'm coming with you.” I said, “What?” He said, “If I can get a ticket for this flight, I'm going to hop on. I'm going to take you to Madrid,” where I'd catch my international flight. There was a place available for him.

This was a wildly decadent, to buy a plane ticket to Madrid just for a turn-and-burn. But I was euphoric on the plane. We were so in love. It looked like we were probably honeymooning or something. When we got to Madrid, I called my dad, my biological dad, whom I was going to go visit first, before seeing my parents, my mom and stepdad, and then going back to school.

I knew he hadn't seen me in over a year so I knew he was missing me. I said, “Dad, here's the situation. Would you mind if I just stay one more day, and I come home one day later?” I am forever grateful for his understanding. He said, “Jen, I remember being that in love. I remember my first love, I completely understand. Absolutely. We'll see you tomorrow.”

Paco and I had a wonderful night in Madrid. I have very keen memory of us hanging out in the Plaza Mayor, with time just feeling like it was stretching out. The next day, I felt so much more prepared and optimistic. There was something in that token move that showed me that somehow, we're going to make this work even though we come from two different countries and two different worlds.

So, my friends, I will close this chapter here, and wish you the very, very best week to come.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #60: An Uncommon Guide to Maximizing Your Results in Any Coaching Program

Episode Summary

Jenna the key components you need to maximize your results within any coaching program.

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Show Notes

Have you ever wondered why some people get great results from a program and others in that very same program don't? Would you like to know how you can be the person who's getting the great results rather than the mediocre kind? This week’s episode will show you how.

We can be really hard on ourselves when it comes to our results, but the more we believe in our vision, the more likely we are to transform within any coaching program we are part of. This week, I share some of the highlights I’ve learned and discovered along the way regarding results and show you how to amplify your own.

Learn the key components you need to maximize your results within any coaching program. Discover how to support your coaching by taking responsibility, forming a community, and leveraging time, and how to open yourself to think bigger, grow more, and expand to your greatest entrepreneurial expression yet.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to get amazing results from any coaching program.

• Why you need to take personal responsibility and how to do so.

• How to decide whether private coaching or group coaching is more appropriate for your needs.

• Why continuing what works is so important. 

• Why it takes time to assimilate new ideas.

• Why my clients get such amazing results and how the same is possible for you.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

• Ep #55: Setting Uncommon Goals and Taking Uncommon Actions

Full Episode Transcript:

Have you ever wondered why some people get great results from a program and others in that very same program don't? And would you like to know how you can be the person who's getting the great results rather than the “I mean, I think it helped me,” kind of results? We are going to get you there today.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way, everyone. We are currently enjoying beautiful weather here in central Pennsylvania. I hope that you are not stuck in a heat dome at the moment. Of course, we were just watching, with dismay and amazement, so many of the weather patterns that are happening around us, and we certainly experienced it when we were in Spain.

Right here, we seem to be in a little bubble. We have this inverse effect going on where normally our August are just the hot and muggy and bug ridden, and now we're having weather in the 70s. It feels pretty ideal, and I am loving it.

My son Dylan has started kindergarten. My team and I are getting back into the workflow after the slightly chaotic and travel heavy summer that I've had. Specifically, we've got a retreat focus going on; just shoring up those final details for the Clarity Collective retreat that's happening in Mexico in October.

Along those lines, we were having a conversation in our Clarity Collective call the other day, where I asked everyone if they had an intention for the next quarter coming up, the next three months of fall. The first woman who spoke said that she was just looking forward to routine. She just was looking forward to this steady routine to really continue with the work.

I said that's really how I'm feeling, and someone else in the collective said, “That's exactly what I'm looking forward to. I just really am looking for this maintenance and this maintaining. It's going to feel amazing.” I found this so interesting, because I very clearly remember a time in my life where fall was very much about that hyper productive energy.

I would just feel so energized this time of year when the weather started to turn cooler. After the times in summer, where maybe I’d been kicking back more and just feeling the heat and the lethargy. September would roll around, and I would just wake up again. I'd have so many great plans, all these things I wanted to do.

I don't know if this is just a sign of the times, that we are all very overloaded and just generally trying to do way too much and cram way too much in, and that's why we're feeling this way. You'll have to let me know your take on this.

But if you are feeling like a lot of us, and maybe you are looking at your business and thinking about what is next, and what is the right container to support the place that I want to be, the place that I want to go with my business. Where you really are kind of looking at just buckling down, and perhaps working with a coach or joining a coaching program in order to create your results better and easier.

I know for a lot of you when you start thinking that way, then the next set of thoughts is: How do I choose the right one? Will I really get the results that I'm hoping for, or will I beat myself up about it later? This episode is directly, specifically, for you, my friends. Because you have seen how some people in programs do get great results, but others not so much.

If you think about it, it's sort of like when you are in college, or high school, whatever. Some people in that class will get A's and others will get D's or F's. Yet, there's the same teacher or the same professor teaching all of them. So, what accounts for all that? Well, I am the person that my coaches usually invite on to their podcasts or feature on their testimonials page because of the results I get in their program.

Today, I want to peel back the curtain on all of that and let you know what has created that for me, because it definitely wasn't always the case. So, I'm going to share some of the highlights of what I've learned and discovered along the way, so that you can amplify your own results this year.

Because the entire world benefits when women get better results; their families benefit, their communities, their clients. It is such a virtuous cycle, and I want you to understand more fully why my clients get such amazing results. How they are so quickly able to transform and then step into such decisive, grounded, focused, calm leadership in their minds first, and then in their companies.

It's because they learn this skill set of creating great results when they're getting coached. It's just like a muscle you build. I'll be breaking down some of those key components, so that you can apply it for yourself. If you are, maybe, on the fence, wondering about whether you should go with private coaching versus group coaching, I'm going to be addressing that too.

This is a very meaty episode today, it's a one of the longer ones. So, strap in. You'll probably want to listen to it two or three times, because there are going to be some very new concepts in here for some of you. And so, in order for that to sink in, you'll probably need some repetition. Just speed up the playback to 1 ½, or whatever you're comfortable with, to shorten the time, put it on, and enjoy.

All right, first of all, you have got to choose a style or a philosophy that feels aligned. Alignment is the assignment, after all. But also, we want to make things as easy as possible for our brains when we can. So, this is a concept that I'm going to refer to several times throughout this episode. We'll just give it a name right now, so that we can get back to it quickly.

Let's call it “brain honey.” Because I'm thinking of that saying, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” and that's the same concept. When we have the opportunity to make something much easier for ourselves, then do it, lean into it. As you learn more and more about how the brain actually works, you can use this to your advantage over and over again in different ways.

You can find out how to get the brain working for you. Like, when you know a child will resist bath time because of course, the child is having fun playing Legos, he doesn't want to take a bath… Ask me how I know. So, you say something like, “Are you going to take a bath or a shower now?” Because when the shower is what feels best, and it feels like it's their idea and something they can get on board with, the transition is so much easier.

In business, it's the same. You're creating change in your brain every time you sign up for coaching or any kind of business development program. That is hard enough. There will already be resistance in your brain on some level, so the last thing you want is more resistance.

The truth is that every business building method can work if you work at it. You’ve just got to get in there and do the work, on yourself, on your skill set, on your clarity about your offer, your people's wants and needs, your secret sauce, and your zone of genius. So, do that in a place where you're leaning in as much as possible.

There's a tendency, and it's very natural, to say, “Well, I'm weak in this area, so I need to go get slapped around, basically.” Or, “I need to really work with a different kind of coach that complements me,” meaning, they’re way different than me.

I was there myself. The first coach that I ever worked with was someone that I perceived to be super analytical. Very quantitatively oriented, where we were just going to dig into all the little micro adjustments we could make; into a Facebook funnel to look at all the email open rate percentages and all of the link click percentages. We were just going to dial all of these numbers in.

I moved towards that because I thought I was a very big picture thinker and I needed somebody that could help me with my huge perceived weakness. But what I found out is that I flourish, and my business flourishes, so much more when I'm with coaches where I can also lean into the somatic, the body based, practices and the spiritual aspects of my business too.

Am I tuning into my nervous system so that I'm actually tapping into my highest creativity? Or am I falling back into hustle mentality, becoming less productive and missing clues left and right, and ignoring and dismissing my intuition?

I do much, much better when I'm taking a holistic approach to business building. And my clients are exactly the same. Now, it's very rare to find somebody that is coaching in that style and addressing all of those different needs, but it is what I look for now that I know.

So, you might be a person who only wants the quantitative. Or you only want somebody that is talking about your thoughts and your mindset. Or someone who's only talking about the energetics and the “woo.” So, a holistic approach wouldn't really work for you. It would have you going in thought loops because it really doesn't apply to you.

Yeah, maybe that person hit a huge financial goal because they tapped into their intuition, but maybe it's really just because they write really good copy, dammit. All of those thoughts will be slowing you down. Not that you'll never have those thoughts, but you want minimize them. It's the equivalent of yelling at your child, “Put down the Legos and get into this bath, now!” It just won't be the favorable experience that you're envisioning.

Now, small caveat here, there is a time and place for stretching into your growth edge. But when you do that, you want to be in the energy of ‘I really want to see what this is all about. Maybe there's something to it.’ Versus, ‘This other shit hasn't worked, so I guess I need to try this. But it better get me my results.’

All right, the second thing you want to think about is to take personal responsibility for your results, not to outsource them to your coach, and to really focus on the long game. So, back to that professor analogy. It's highly likely that the students getting the best grades are the ones that are taking advantage of office hours and doing extra credit reading, or have built a skill set for themselves of being able to study very quickly and productively, and to retain information.

When you make only yourself responsible for your results, you will see such a dramatic increase in what you're able to accomplish. On my intake form, when people are inquiring about working with me, I say right up front, “The right candidates are resourceful, and they want to learn to figure things out for themselves, with coaching support. Why is this attractive to you?”

This is the same way of thinking behind why I encourage my clients early on, to think of coaching as an operating expense rather than an investment. You invest in infrastructure, right? You're building a bridge, you hire the contractor to build it, the bridge is done.

If you come into coaching thinking you're outsourcing the building of your company to someone else, you're never going to see the results you want. Because nobody but you can build the bridge, my friend. A coach can help you figure out what you want the bridge to look like, your best practices for sourcing materials, etc., etc., but you need to build it.

If anyone tells you they'll build your business for you, you might want to ask them why they're not as rich as Elon Musk, because they've obviously uncovered the best business in the world. They're printing money for other people, and then those people can just sit back and continue to rely on it for the rest of their lives. It just doesn't exist.

But when you think of your support as an operating expense; a smart, ongoing expenditure that is not indulgent, not something shameful that you shouldn't have to pay for if you were smart enough to figure it out on your own…

When you shift away from that toxic thinking, and instead decide that you will always be prioritizing the growth of your mind and the shoring up of your mind because it is your most valuable resource… When you believe in the future success of what you're building so much that you're willing to play that long game, you step into a new sense of power and of seriousness about what you're doing?

You start thinking differently, acting differently, showing up differently, because how you see yourself is different. Then, what gets reflected out is different, and the results you see coming back to you are different. This is key to the success for many, many very successful entrepreneurs, CEOs, athletes, my coaches, me.

This is what I believe has allowed me to build this business, is that I never stopped getting support. I never said, “Oh, this is good enough, I don't need support now.” I was always interested in continuing to grow, and continuing to collapse my timeline for my growth.

When you think of your support as an operating expense, you also avoid pitfalls that you might otherwise encounter that really set you back. So, instead of falling back, you're falling forward. Let's say you're thinking of it as an investment, you get the immediate result that you were hoping for, and then you think, “I'm good, right? Why do I need to continue?”

So, you stop working with a coach. Or maybe you context switch into another program with a mentor who doesn't know you as well now. Then something happens in your business, and the business owner isn't prepared to handle that thing yet, and so it actually sets them back.

I have a client who's an acupuncturist. She said, part of the problem is retention for her, because she does help people get results and then they think, “Okay, I'm good,” and they go off. Maybe later they come back and they have to redo so much of the work that they'd been doing in order to get them back; get their body back into its aligned state again.

It's funny, because another Clarity Collective member piped up and she said, “Oh, my gosh, you're calling me out. Because I was going to acupuncture and I stopped going, and I've been having problems.” I realized that when things are going well that's the sign to continue with what got you there, rather than stopping.

To put this in other business terms, I have a client who really got amazing results with me the first time we worked together. She just couldn't really imagine what was next, why we would continue working together, why she would continue with that operating expense. But she decided to go forward with it, and what ended up happening was that she got to a place where all of a sudden, her main client, the higher-ups, weren't even sure they were even going to continue with that line in their business anymore.

She might have lost everything. She had a couple of tough conversations that she needed to have with people much higher up than the one she had been working with. She was feeling very, very nervous about it. We're talking about hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars on the line here. Just imagine if she had not had the support, and had really been kind of spinning into worst case scenario as she was showing up with those calls.

What we actually identified was that this was an opportunity for her to create even better clients of those same people she'd been working with. To get even the higher-ups to really back this project, and really lend support to it and understand their own roles and responsibilities in its success; a lot like coaching.

And so, in standing her ground and calling on her clients to actually rise up to even a higher level of investment and engagement, she had the opportunity to earn even more money and to have a much more favorable experience working with these clients. Or even to separate now rather than later, before she's months in and realizes that these people were never going to be committed to their results.

These are the kinds of things that you can't even foresee that will come up in your business, and you want to have support when they do. So again, taking personal responsibility for your results, and taking that long-term approach.

I actually have an episode on this, it's Episode 43, called “How to Win at the Game of Entrepreneurship.” If you want more about thinking long term as an entrepreneur, and how to actually do that.

Okay, I'd like to move on to number three. But before we do, if you're noticing a difference in my voice, which you may or may not, I have to tell you the funniest thing.

I actually paused the recording right before this, and then an entire day has transpired during which my son was coming down with a cold, and then woke up in the middle of the night with this cough that sounded like a seal. Apparently, it's called croup, and it has to do with a constriction of the airways. Which would be unsettling for anybody of course, but definitely for a five-year-old. So, we were up for a large portion of the night.

I'm telling you this just because I think it's keeping it real, right? It's so important for us all to remind each other we're all real women, living real lives with ups and downs, and making real moves in our business. So, that said, when you're looking to maximize your results, you need to decide to be the best coachee that you can be.

That doesn't mean that you lose all autonomy and you stop thinking for yourself. But are you keeping an open mind? Are you hungry to get out of your way? Do you actually want to have different ways of seeing your own mind and your own habits and your own ways of doing things? I pointed that out to you so that you can decide if there's room for change, and so that you can gain visibility on something you might not have seen before.

Are you willing to try on new thoughts and new ways of doing things that may not feel perfectly comfortable at first? Are you willing to sit with that long enough to see if maybe it's something you want to grow into? Do you really listen to coaching calls? The brain is amazing at how it will only let in the information that it's ready to receive in that moment. That's why it's important to re-listen to coaching calls.

I have a client now; she is so good about this. She will go back to podcast episodes from six months ago and every time she does, she says, “Oh my gosh, I am just now really absorbing this in such a completely different way.” I'll have clients do the same thing with coaching calls.

I only figured this out, by the way, because once, I was going to a mastermind retreat, and I was reviewing my notes for the year in preparation for meeting up with my coach. I saw that the last conversation that we had just had was pretty much repeated in my notes from almost a year ago.

There's no shame in this, it really is just that our brains need to open themselves, to assimilate, and to then take on new ideas; be reminded of new ideas, integrate new ideas. You can facilitate that. You can accelerate your timeline when you repeat new things to yourself again and again.

One of my greatest personal accelerators is to treat the world as my classroom. So, when I invest with a coach, that is my way of signaling to myself, and my universe, what I want to change or accomplish or transform. But I don't expect it all to come from that container. I know that once I've opened that portal, if I open my eyes and listen, I'm going to receive lessons and learnings all around me.

I'm going to come across that podcast episode that really speaks to me, or explains something in a different way. And that podcast episode might come from a completely different teacher. Or maybe I'll have a conversation with a friend. Or maybe I'll have some event in my life that has nothing to do with business, but absolutely drives home the lesson that I need to learn in my business too.

And so, when you can keep yourself open like that, and be looking for your lessons all around, just think about how much you'll be able to accelerate results. Because you're not just getting it from one place, on a call once a week, or every time you hop into that Facebook group, you are 24/7… it’s going to sound intense to some people. But if you’re a transformation junkie like me, maybe it'll sound great, right? But you, 24/7, are open to whatever needs to happen.

It doesn't mean that you're constantly in a state of needing to be somewhere you're not. It just means that you're talking, listening, and you're looking for it. There is a podcast that I did with my client, Lindy Schmidt, where we were talking about this, because she's very much like me.

She was going to all different resources, and every time we'd get back on a call, she'd be like, “I had this epiphany! Oh, my gosh, I had this thing… This happened to me… I got this download.” I'm the exact same way when I talk with my coaches. It's like, “Oh, what happened? What we were talking about last week? That's so last week, this is where I am now.”

That is really when you start, not just taking responsibility for your actions and your change, but you start sourcing the transformation and the change from everywhere, right? You can't help but become the kind of person that stands out for their results in a group.

Another thing I recommend is to set high goals for yourself. Yes, set high goals for yourself. Except in certain circumstances, but we're not going to go into those right now. But tend to set high goals for yourself, and then don't just push those goals aside and not think about them, but relentlessly evaluate:

Why did this work? Why am I moving towards that? Why am I not moving towards that as quickly as I thought? So that you can learn and grow. We all tend to want to avoid the discomfort of failure, and so we refrain from making goals. Or once when we make the goal, then we really put it aside and we don't think about it anymore, in case we fail, right?

We don't think about it until we've reached that number, for instance, and then we get to celebrate it. But if not, we weren't really thinking about it anyway. But what if you could decide to 5x your investment every time you invest? This is what I tell my clients to set their sights on.

Because the only thing standing between you and setting your sights on high goals are the feelings that you're going to have about yourself, the thoughts you're going to have about yourself, and the way your nervous system is going to react. And so, if you can use those goals as a training ground for all of those things, then you may be able to reach and accomplish goals that are much more exciting than you ever even dreamed.

Now, if you're evaluating carefully, then you'll start to notice when your results are not matching up with your projected goals, and that is the time when you really want to ask your coach whatever you don't understand, whatever isn't clicking for you, and let them know where you're getting stuck.

Again, this is kind of going back to that professor analogy. Are you going to be the person that kind of hides away or disappears? Or are you going to be the client that shows up for it? I want my clients to help me work hard. I love finding out what could I explain even better, right? What could I transmit to them even more clearly, and succinctly? They give me an opportunity whenever they come to me with a question.

At the same time, are you answering your own questions first? So, when you say, “I don't think I'm really getting this,” you're saying, “Here's what I'm hearing… Here's what I'm interpreting… Is it maybe that you mean X…” and then let your coach respond from there. Or, “I'd like to do X in my business now. I'm thinking this will be the way to create that, for X-Y-Z reasons. Do you see anything that I'm missing?”

This is a critical skill. It's something that most of my clients don't come in with immediately. It's something that I help them ease into, because I know that it will benefit them so greatly to really start doing the thinking for themselves. Because figuring things out for yourself is how you learn to grow your entrepreneurial chops.

If you go to your coach saying ‘what's the answer?’ with no forethought, your coach's brain gets stronger at solving entrepreneurial problems, but yours doesn’t, right? You want your brain to grow. When you do this consistently, you can shift into the space of not needing a coach. Not needing a coat.

I want all of my clients to not need a coach, but to want a coach, right? You want a coach because it accelerates your results, and because it stretches you beyond your glass ceiling. But you don't want to have to be dependent on a coach.

So, all of my clients, after one round of the Accelerator, have the fundamentals they need in business, in mind management, in understanding how to accomplish the goals they set and the results they want in life to be successful on their own.

And then, if they choose to continue working with me, it's so that they can accelerate results, avoid pitfalls, and detours; all the things, right? Continue to stretch. Those really are the kinds of programs you want to look for, that are going to facilitate your long-term growth.

You want a place where your coach has high expectations of you and everyone else. Where you're believed to be fully capable, resourceful, smart, intuitively guided, so that you can rise to that occasion, and then surround yourself with others who are also moving through the world in that way.

Speaking of which, let's talk about the fourth thing. Surrounding yourself with like-minded peers is crucial. This is true for whether you're doing private coaching or whether you're doing group coaching. One of the biggest mistakes that I see people make is they decide private coaching must be best because of their own beliefs about how more time equals better results, or things that cost more have to bring better results.

And so, they go into private coaching, but they don't bother to also develop a strong peer network. What they don't realize is that the brain is a tricky thing. Because when your coach goes, “You’re amazing! You could totally do this,” the old negativity bias kicks in. This is something we all have. It's wired into our brains thanks to how we've evolved.

And you end up thinking, “Oh, she's just saying that.” Kind of like when your mom tells you, “You're definitely the smartest girl,” you dismiss it. Of course, she's saying that, she's my mom, or she's my best friend or she's my coach. Right?

When you're stretching yourself into new territory and you're creating new beliefs, you need a preponderance of evidence. You need to be hearing it from your coach and as many others as possible. Your coach is saying, “Yes, you can make $100,000. You can make $1 million.” And your peers are saying, “Yes, you can make $100,000. You can make $1 million.” And every podcast you listen to is saying, “Yes, you can make $100,000. You can make $1 million.”

And then, slowly, your brain will start to relax its disbelief. You'll notice yourself thinking, “Well, maybe it's possible for me.” And then, “I see how it could be possible for me. It is possible.” And eventually, you'll move on to, “Hold on, it's very probable. If I keep going, it's definitely going to happen. I mean, my friends are all doing it. So, I will get there.”

I remember I had a private client who had a goal of making $10,000 in a day. And so, I would suggest that she go out and make $10,000. But what I noticed over time, is that when we would meet back up, week after week, she either had kind of put that goal aside, or we would be talking through her disbelief on reaching that goal.

She was a person who was not choosing to attend to the Clarity Collective calls. I knew that if she were in that group, sourcing evidence from that group, not only would it have been evidence from her peers that it was possible, but it would also have been brainstorming ideas.

It would have been helping her see what she wasn't seeing about the value she was bringing, and how absolutely that would be a no-brainer offer for so many people.” Not at the 10k price point necessarily, but in ways that she had to create that money if she wanted to.

That is what I do not want for you. I want you to definitely rely on a group, even if you are in a private coaching situation. So that you can take advantage of, again, its brain honey, right? So, you can take advantage of the way your brain works. Get your brain working for you rather than against you. Because otherwise it is a drag on your results, every time. So, don't isolate yourself.

This is why both of my programs offer a group component. My programs, they're actually very similar. It's not that one is better in an absolute sense. It's only, which is better for you? Both offer a hybrid of group and private coaching. Because I've been doing this for seven years now, I've seen what really does create results for clients; groups are critical.

Both of my programs are the same length of time. The group, the people you get to interact with, are the same. It's not like if you enter at this lower price point, you're interacting with these people. But if you come into my higher price point, you get to interact with these people. That's not how we do it at The Uncommon Way.

That is a very, very unusual thing in the business coaching space. There are lots of things that are unusual about my programs. But that's me being true to The Uncommon Way ethos. Because I believe on creating really unique offers that make sense to you and make sense for your clients.

What is important to me, is that I keep the group very high level, filled with like-minded women, because that is how you truly mastermind. It’s that meeting of minds, that the group being better than the individual, the coming together, and the amplification. I don't love the name “mastermind;” we call our group the Collective. But it gets to be whatever you call it.

It has to be a place where you can be encouraged and supported and challenged, too. Again, it's one thing if your coach has high expectations for you. It's another if all of your peers do, too. We were on a call the other day and there was one person who was voicing some insecurities.

This is obviously, definitely, the place where you can really show up and allow yourself to be vulnerable. But to the tee, every single other person in the group was surprised by that. They were able to reflect back to her what they see in her. They were able to challenge her to step up into seeing herself that way, and to projecting herself that way.

That is a beautiful thing, my friends. All humans, but especially women, are wired for community. Our ancestors gathered together, they raised children together, they sang and danced and laughed and prayed together. Humans are pack animals. Fulfillment, and even longevity, skyrockets when people have strong personal networks; more than financial wealth or any other marker.

This is why reviews and social proof drives so much of our economy. Because our belief is so much higher when somebody “like” us is experiencing something; and that's positive or negative.

We also benefit from having something repeated over and over. So, whether that's just how people talk, and you're around it and you're hearing it over and over. Or if it's different voices, describing it in different ways, telling it with their own spin on their own story, or how it actually applied to them, how it worked in real life.

Or if you're watching someone get coached on something that maybe you've already even been coached on. But you gain so much by being in an objective space and being able to look at it from afar, that is sinking in for you, as well. It's as if you're getting coached because your brain is in a more receptive, open place when you're just watching someone else get coached.

That is reinforcing those new neural pathways for you. You don't even have to lift a finger; you're just sitting there and watching. But obviously, if you want to amplify your results even more, you should lift a finger. And here's what you can do, you can teach it. It's one thing to hear it, it is another entirely to teach it.

That's one of the big reasons that I have different women in this group; with all different types of businesses, all different levels of business, and all different life experiences. Because as they're learning and growing, they're teaching others that haven't yet integrated that belief. And in so doing, they are reinforcing it for themselves.

There are so many ways that you can take advantage of the groups; you can meet up for coffee chats one to one, you can do peer brainstorming, you can go to ‘in-person retreats’ to develop those bonds. Yes, it's fantastic to have a two or three or five or ten brains, working on your behalf, working on that specific issue in your business, but also developing the friendship and the emotional bonds.

We'll do all that background work for you, of seeing yourself as one of these people. These women who build successful businesses, who build successful six-figure or seven- figure businesses and make a lot of money… but money isn't everything… who do business differently.

They aren't afraid to walk their own path and create new things. Women who are creating more honest, conscious, and healthy ways of being in their business. Who do have full and interesting lives outside of business. Who have businesses that are highly purpose driven. Where it's okay to tune into your intuition, but also have the highest level of mind management and practical, proven, business tactics that all allow you to show up so competently, so resiliently, and to make bold moves.

You become one of those people who does those things, and then it's easy to act like one of those people. At least, those are the Clarity Collective values, right? Every group is different. But bottom line, when you establish those social bonds, it's much easier. It's almost automatic to become like the group.

We had another member in one of our hot seats the other day on a Collective call. She was talking about how she's been offered a job to be a CEO of another company. It’s very tempting for her, it would give her a lot of the accolades. She's under 30, and she'd be the CEO of a company. There would be money involved, there would be options, there would be… There are all of these great things, on paper, that would lead her to do that.

Yet, she is actually feeling pulled to build her own business, to stay with what she's building here, even though on paper it doesn't look as successful as the other opportunity. Again, everyone in the group was helping her build her belief in why that is the choice for her.

They were giving her so many other ways to think of it, that actually made it seem like it would make total sense for her to choose that option. I just love it. I love that you can have people together and develop kind of a culture and a way of thinking, where in any other group, she may be getting completely different feedback. Yet, in this one, the values are so aligned that everybody is like, “Yes, do you! Do that.”

Once you are a Clarity Collective member, you're always one. In the sense that once you have understood and really integrated our philosophy, then you can't unsee it. It makes me want to have alumni parties or something, because I'm still so connected. So many of us are connected to past members of the group.

I know, certainly in my own masterminds, I still have strong bonds with certain members of my groups. These are just the gifts that keep on giving. Also, when I'm meeting with new clients, that helps me screen for ‘What will amplify this group? What will add to this group?’ Because I am very mama tiger about the energy flowing through that.

It is for people who are very committed, and leaning in to creating this new way of being, and creating their business in their way. And so, I only make offers to people that are down with that vision. And also, of course, that I believe will get great results.

So again, this is an opportunity to use this brain honey concept to your advantage, right? We know that, for better or for worse, unfortunately, the brain really wants to become part of a bigger group, right? That's actually what so much of the divide in society and around the world is, right now. It's this exact propensity for us to take on and absorb the thoughts of others around us.

Knowing that, choose consciously. Choose who you want to surround yourself with. I want to surround myself with these kinds of people. I want to help my brain more easily create this kind of self-concept and this identity. I want to be around people who have high expectations of me. I want to be around the women who will rise to my high expectations of them, and rise to that occasion.

I want to be with people who aren't judging my capability based on what is currently happening in my life, or what I've done in the past, but from my potential. What are you capable of? We see your brilliance. We see what's possible for you. You can't hide from us. True friends will tell you some hard truths, and call you out when you're playing small.

And in order to really juice that for all it's worth, you need to create some level of safety, on purpose, about being there and receiving. That can come from your participation in the calls, it can come from the one-on-one calls that you set up with your group members, and it’s definitely amplified with in-person retreats.

I remember, I was having a conversation with a client who was unsure about going to the retreats. She was trying to ask me what exactly are we going to be working on while we were there. Like, “How is this going to move my business forward?” I was like, “Oh, no, that is going to blow you away.” But this is not just about that. Right?

During those days, you get to get out of your day-to-day environment. You get your creative juices flowing. You get to relax your nervous system in this wellness resort, eat that hyper fresh cuisine from those Michelin starred chefs, get your massages, do breathwork rituals and cacao ceremonies, and all the good things.

But this is so much about what's happening behind the scenes. It's about you developing true friendships so that all of this can be working for you. And, who are you when you allow it for yourself? When you're the woman who goes on business retreats and travels like this, accepts regenerative time is important, believes that this stimulates creativity and enhances of her work in the world?

I can so clearly see how the shifts in my business correspond to the groups I chose to make myself a part of. In my first mastermind, I remember seeing people getting amazing results. I realized that prior to that, I really thought that things would just take time. And seeing the evidence of things not taking time blew me away.

I remember the first time I went on a business retreat. I traveled to a business retreat, and it felt so serious. It felt like, “Okay, I am seriously doing the damn thing now, you all. Because I'm flying to New York on a plane, staying in a hotel, and walking to a conference space. Hell yes.”

I remember the first time I went on a retreat that was to a wonderful destination, and had kind of a relaxation component to it. That was a trip to Morocco that we took. It was also a time where I not only allowed that, but I gave my work in the world equal importance with motherhood. They became both forms of my work and my self-expression. I'm not a mom who just fits in some business activities on the side, right?

I had paid lip service to this in the past, that I wasn't just one thing, but I had never fully integrated it. That was evidenced by how I was acting in the decisions I was making. Which is, of course, very normal that we go through this; we've been conditioned. We're probably carrying some ancestral patterning around it.

But when you notice yourself in kind of a black-and-white thinking, where ‘I'm either a mom first, I'm either a good mom, or I'm this cold, hard business person,’ and you open yourself to ‘why can't I be both, a mom and a business person? A wealthy entrepreneur and a good person?’ That’s another dichotomy that we see frequently.

That's when you start to reflect on how the way you've been thinking about yourself has really been driving decisions that don't serve you; A, and don't even necessarily serve the people around you. It all happens very subtly and often subconsciously.

But breaking out of that often requires you to see it being modeled for you. Seeing women who are amazing moms, who are also making moves in their businesses, and growing to six or seven figures, or whatever their interest is.

Again, I remember other masterminds where women were making much more money than I had been used to in the groups that I was in, and that was really helpful for me and my self-concept. I remember masterminds and retreats where it was safer for me to be “woo,” and lean into intuition and be able to say, “This is the direction I'm going with my business,” for no, zero logic, on paper, reason but because this is the next expression moving through me.

So many shifts are directly related to the decisions I made about putting myself into specific rooms.

Another very important way to get results, and this is something that we find out a little bit later for most of us but it's, choose to be a leader. Again, you'll need a network for this. By the way, a network doesn't have to be a paid group, although that can be a smart way to do it because someone else has put in the time, the energy, the marketing budget, to curating a group of great women that you can connect with.

But you can also do it for yourself. You can find people who are as committed as you with aligned values, and then invite them to all meet together regularly. But once you are in there, choose to show up as a leader.

Offer to help people. Start discussions if there's a Facebook group, or if there's a Slack channel. Initiate get togethers. Show up. Lend support. Be vulnerable, sharing your own losses and wins to help others feel safe to do the same. All of this benefits you and it benefits the rest of the group.

You're developing your character, right? Because true leadership isn't something you really turn on and off. It is how you are, it's how you move through the world, and you are going to need the leadership in every aspect of your business; creating safety to buy and a way forward for your clients, your thought leadership, leading your team to carry out your vision. So, what better place to develop that leadership than in a group that offers that kind of safety?

It's like your own laboratory, where you can practice being seen. You can practice taking up space, sharing ideas, coming up with new ideas, and just growing your leadership chops.

Too many of us become so inward focus that we think, “What's in it for me? Unless I'm in a room where everyone's more advanced than me, then I don't want to participate. Oh, if it's not convenient for my schedule, then I don't want to participate if it causes me any discomfort. If I'm shy and I struggle with self-worth or financial discomfort… If I'm going to have to get up early, etc., then I don't want to participate.”

But think about the irony here. You're growing a business that will add something to the world, for the world. And yet, in the growing of your business you're so focused on yourself. How about closing that divide? And to clarify, I am not suggesting that you should devote half of your working hours to group participation.

In fact, some of you do that just to hide out from growing your business. You spend all day in the Facebook group or having coffee chats to avoid having to do the things that feel scary, and feel the feelings that you're resisting. That's not going to get you the results you want, either.

But you can create valuable impact in your world, in your group and your network, without having to be there all day. With getting that one download while you're walking your dog, and then just immediately sharing it with them, rather than holding it back.

And by the way, ask me how I know about both of these; about completely peacing out of the group, or spending all your time in the group to avoid other things. I have absolutely been there.

Again, I just want to help you with everything I've learned because now I'm in a place where I would never join a program that didn't have a group component. I'm always looking to amplify my results, and I've seen the power of a group to decondition my limiting beliefs and help me become more of the CEO I want to become; and it just feels better, dammit.

I'm so grateful for the amazing women I know, and how often I've turned to them, leaned on them, how they’ve supported me, how I've learned from them, and how they've given me their best practices that they've learned with other coaches.

Whenever you are teaching somebody or helping somebody else, giving them a leg up, I mentioned before, that you get to teach them. That you get to integrate that for yourself more fully. But also, you get to see how far you've come and where you aren't anymore.

That is truly important, for us to recognize our own progress. Because we don't naturally do it. We don't tend to do it. The brain will always focus on what we haven't done yet, and where we should have been by now. It's such a gift and an opportunity to be able to say, “I was there, too. Here's how I then started thinking about it, and what changed for me. Here's how I got out of that situation. Here's how I handled my Facebook ads account getting shut down. Here's what I suggest...”

You get to reflect, “Damn, they figured that out. The ‘old’ me would have thought of it that way. The ‘new’ me thinks of it this way.” I could go on and on about the benefits of groups, but this is already running long.

So, I'm going to move on to the final point, which is understand what true results are. True results are growth and transformation that leave you better prepared and more likely to continue creating the life you want in the future.

Now, that's very different than… How many of you think of results? For a lot of you, even though you say money's not everything in your life, money is everything. How much has my business brought in? What is my monetary ROI on this investment? Now, not to shame anyone, because my own brain offers me up those old thoughts and I have to redirect it.

I mean, we have been conditioned to believe that money is directly tied to our security, that it’s our only security, really. And even though very few of you are actually at a subsistence level, that patterning runs deep. You might even be carrying ancestral trauma, who knows?

So, survival is a primary need, and biology is driving you to bring in more and more. But luckily, we have an advanced reasoning part of our brain that can help us see that right now we don't have the same survival insecurity that our ancestors did, and actually, money isn't everything for us.

Balancing our lifestyle, creating strong bonds, taking care of our bodies, relaxing our nervous systems, finding fulfillment, doing work that truly matters to us, there are so many more results to create in your business growth containers than money.

Of course, many of us also carry guilt over almost any business expenditure. We're so afraid of making a “bad” financial decision that you can only live with yourself if there's an immediate monetary ROI. And if your business is profitable from day one, even though really that is an exception in the business world, not the rule, most successful businesses leverage debt strategically.

Now, I'm not saying all of this because I don't help my clients get financial results. Great financial results often go hand in hand with holistic business results. I've helped clients that spent years trying to get to $10k months, finally get to $10k months after just a couple of months. I've helped people create greater levels of profitability than ever before. I've helped people create their first $100k business, their first seven-figure business.

But what I'm saying is that you need to expand your ideas about results, because there is so much more in life and in your business. So many skills that you'll need to build, and so much resilience, aka mental toughness, also known as mental cha-chas, if you're in my world. So much of that to build, so much unpatterning and unraveling of beliefs and mindset that keep you from your greatest potential.

When you make decisions about your next growth edge based solely on the quickest financial return, you're short changing yourself. Let's say I came to you and said, “I'm going to build you a Facebook funnel that will bring in $10,000 months,” or $30,000 months; whatever you want. And then I do it, I start selling water to people in the desert and they buy, but you still need to deliver on those results.

Can you handle all those clients? Can you manage the team and the back end? What about when you realize those clients are actually a total pain in the ass? Can you pivot your messaging to draw in a different type of person? Or you decide you're just sick of helping people with that service, and you feel so unmotivated that you start distracting yourself with the dust bunnies under your sofa?

What about when the market changes? Which it will. People move away from Meta and they go to TikTok or to some new platform. Or people decide that water is passé and they want something else. Do you have the skills to pivot? Do you understand how to dig deep within to find what really moves you long term, and create an offer that people will bang down your door for? And get to understand your people so well that you can articulate the value of your offer with ease?

Can you weather the storm during recessions, or a team member who suddenly leaves? Or if you get a sudden influx of business and cash, can your nervous system handle it? Or will you spin out and self-sabotage?

It is a beautiful thing that building a business requires so much growth, because it's the greatest personal development, and maybe even spiritual journey, if you let yourself go there, that you'll ever experience. So, in that spirit, give yourself credit for the results that you are creating in so many different realms of your business and your psyche.

Open yourself to what you're achieving every day. Because what this generation of women is accomplishing is truly extraordinary. It is groundbreaking. It is glass ceiling shattering. If you're trying to wrap your brain around what I'm talking about here, I really recommend that you check out Episode 55.

We just released it as a ‘most valuable episode’ because my clients and audience have said that it was so valuable. But it's called “Setting Uncommon Goals and Taking Uncommon Actions. I'll give you one snippet from there that you can walk away with today, which is, if you look back on this point in your business journey, what was this time all about for you, really? What do you want it to be about?

Is this when you finally broke with hustle culture? Or is it that you learned to become comfortable with sales? Or become the woman who actually accomplishes the to-dos that she says she's going to accomplish? Just think about how those skills, and so many others, will benefit you over the lifetime of your business.

How it will ripple out into other areas of your life, and what will that mean for your revenue in the long term. Now, if what really is calling to you, is to set a goal that says ‘this is the time in my life when I really leaned in and reached that revenue goal,’ that one that seemed elusive, then more power to you. I love me some financial goals. I love supporting my clients who want to achieve them, as long as they aren't discounting or railroading over all of their other grows.

Okay, my friends, that is it for today. If you are looking for your right group to join, and you want to take your business to the next level, and are committed to doing so, then it's worth it for us to talk about whether the Clarity Accelerator is right for you.

We have our retreat coming up in October; it is going to be amazing. So, there is no better time to join us then right now. And I mean, now. You need to get on my books for this week, if it would be possible for us to enroll you and get you the information for attendance in time.

I have a very limited amount... I think I have one or two openings in the week after this is due to be released. Those might have filled out by the time you listen to this. If so, shoot me an email, and I'll see if I can work you in.

Regardless of where you go next in your business, I wish you so much success. Remember, you know who you are, and every day you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #59: Behind the Scenes of Our Upcoming Retreat (Dos and Don'ts of Retreat Planning)

Episode Summary

Jenna offers special tips for developing your own retreat!

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

Show Notes

Have you ever thought that a retreat may be a great way of enhancing connection with your clients? If so, this is the episode for you. Organizing a retreat takes scheduling and thoughtful planning, but it doesn’t have to be wildly overwhelming. 

A retreat amplifies the power of your community; it's all about connecting with your clients. In this episode, I share how I planned my Clarity Collective Retreat, why retreats are so important, and how I am setting myself up for success.  

Discover how to leverage the skills, power, and knowledge of your client base. Learn how to create a retreat that builds up your community, deepens your teachings, and allows you to shine with easeful upfront planning.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• The power of collective thought.

• What the goal is for my Clarity Collective Retreat.

• How I manage the cost of the retreat.

• Where to host a retreat, and how to choose the most suitable destination for your goals.

• How to create a retreat that will greatly benefit your clients.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

• If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

• Click here to sign up for my newsletter and find out how the Connect The Dots Method has helped clients in all stages of their business.

• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator.

Full Episode Transcript:

You're listening to Episode 59 of The Uncommon Way where I'm going to be taking you behind the scenes of our upcoming Clarity Collective Retreat, and talking through the exact things that I was thinking through in developing the various components of the retreat, so that you can use the same kind of framework going forward, if you decide to host your own retreat.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, my friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I am really excited about this episode because I get to debrief for you and for me all of the details about our upcoming retreat, which I'm so excited about. Also, the thought process that I use to make all of the decisions about the retreat.

I know that a lot of you are also thinking about holding retreats, or you're just curious about what goes into them, and so this is really going to provide that framework for you, as well as some good do's and don'ts. Or at least, in terms of The Uncommon perspective do's and don'ts, the way we do things around here and the way we don't do things around here.

I thought I would start off, with the first point being, get buy-in from the people that you will be inviting to the retreat. Now, I know that a lot of business owners believe that ‘if you build it, they will come.’ And yes, but if you have access to the actual people that you want to invite to the retreat, definitely talk to them about it.

Find out what they're really hoping for, what they really love, because chances are, they're going to surprise you with some absolute brilliance that you hadn't even considered. Doing so, and engaging in this very act of listening with your people, is the basis behind the philosophy of the collective.

So, for those of you that are new, the Clarity Collective is the larger group of my clients that include both the members of the Clarity Accelerator, which is an ongoing group and one-to-one hybrid program. And also, my private clients that also will join in on some of our group calls. Because we believe so fully in the power of the collective that I would never want to offer any type of program that didn't at least include some group component.

But I don't really love the term “mastermind;” I love the term collective. Collective very much speaks to the power of all of us using our combined brilliance together. And in order to actually walk that talk, you've got to believe that your people have that brilliance that will absolutely amplify your own.

The core principles of building a service business in The Uncommon Way is that you know yourself, you know your people, and then you just speak about how those two things connect.

It really is about creating connection. I would not have been able to do that with this retreat if I hadn't listened to my people, if I hadn't had some really good, in-depth conversations and listened actively to what they were saying, and what they weren't saying, so that I could curate this experience that would just go above and beyond what they were hoping and dreaming about.

Now, let's talk about cost. When I was thinking about a cost for the retreat, I first had to get clear on my objectives. Again, that's the first principle of what we do here, is to know yourself. So, my objectives for this retreat are, of course to amplify my clients’ results, that's always at the forefront of my mind. But it was also to continue to build the bonds, the social bonds that are within this collective, within this group, because they are amazing.

My clients, they reach out to each other on the side. They get together for peer coaching. They help each other out. They brainstorm ideas. And that's just with seeing each other on an hour long call every week or every couple of weeks. We already have that culture in our program for how we're different and why we're choosing to do business this way, why we're choosing to do business differently, and how beautiful it is that we've all met up to do this together.

However, I know that if they could spend concentrated time together in person that they'd have even more of an opportunity to know each other like I know them. I know that they haven't even scratched the surface of what each of the different group members can do for them, and how those people can complement their own strengths and weaknesses.

But I also believe in my heart of hearts, that a rising tide lifts all boats, and the stronger they are as a group and as a collective the more they will all be able to thrive.

When I was thinking about cost, I wanted to make this such a no-brainer, and to be able to clearly articulate with integrity the value of them coming to this retreat and why we were doing this retreat. So, I decided to make the retreat completely free. My clients will pay for their airfare, they will pay for their lodging, but there will be no additional charge for the extra value they're going to receive while they're there.

But let me tell you what else needed to happen in order for that to be a good idea. I needed to know my people very well. I needed to be able to discern whether they would actually be aided by paying some sort of entry fee, or some fee, in order to come. If that would actually help them put more skin in the game, take this more seriously, if it would uplevel their soul in some way, to see them as the type of person that goes on retreats.

If that had been the case, then I might have considered some sort of fee. But that does not describe my clients. My clients are extremely committed, that is part of who they are. My programs aren't cheap, so they do pay a significant price when they decide that they are ready for this type of high touch coaching.

When they come into my programs, I'm very selective about who I let in. And when my clients join, they're rolling up their sleeves. They're like, “I am ready, let's dive in.” So, it made a lot more sense for me instead to say, “Hey, collective, let's get together. We've all enjoyed hanging out here. Let's nurture that and let's take our businesses to the next level in this amazing space, in this amazing time, and create some really magical memories.”

We had the cost decided, and we had the location decided as well, because that was a decision we made as a collective, with people that would be going to the retreat. We decided we wanted something that was near nature, potentially with water, or a beach element there.

We knew we wanted a location outside of the United States that would help us really get out of our day to day, out of our fishbowl as I like to call it, and help inspire new creative ways of thinking. We knew we wanted there to be some sort of ability to move our bodies and be out in nature and not just be sitting in a conference room. We knew that we wanted to nurture both body and mind.

So, I took all of that information and I started doing my research. I looked around, I reached out to people that I trust asking for recommendations for wellness retreats, and unfortunately, we weren't able to find too many that were at the standard that I was hoping for outside of the United States. There were plenty inside the U.S. but it was challenging to find outside.

We could find some places that were maybe serving great macrobiotic food and would give you lots of exercise classes, but nothing that really was combining mind-body-spirit. But then I found it, and I just knew it was our place.

So, we have managed to find a wellness resort that is on a beautiful isolated stretch of Mexican coastline. It's totally all inclusive, and includes amazing healthy farm-to-table meals prepared by Michelin starred chefs. There are so many wellness opportunities, like Sunrise yoga and stand-up paddleboarding.

As well as so many healers and spiritual leaders that are brought into the space to host cacao ceremonies for opening the heart, and sound bath experiences to really open us to our next most creative inspiration and to clear out any blocks that have been keeping us from moving fully into who we are here to be and what we're meant to express next.

I also have some favored vendors that I'll be having either pipe in over Zoom, or potentially, even come in person, some extra little surprises in store for my clients. Oh, and did I mention all of the spa rituals? We also get discounts on spa activities.

The reason I’m mentioning all these things is because I stopped to think through, again, what are the objectives here and where do you really get the most value from a retreat like this? I know that for my clients to get the mega results that they're hoping for, the mega boost that just turbocharges them, they are going to need to get out of their fish bowl, like I mentioned. We need to get out of our day to day and start seeing things differently.

I know that you need to relax your nervous system, you need to tap into your higher self or the universe, or the most creative part of your cerebral cortex, however you want to think about it. And that you need to be in a space of potential and ‘why not’ and ‘watch me.’

Those are some of the key components for allowing clarity to really surface, allowing your most powerful self to surface, and allowing all of the downloads and intuitive hits to surface. I know that those things are created, of course, like we mentioned, getting outside of the country, or outside of your typical routine, but also with downtime. And so, I made sure that when I'm thinking about this schedule, there is plenty of downtime.

That they will have time to get a massage. That they'll have time to journal or even just sit on the beach watching the waves, and integrating whatever we have activated or whatever new ideas have been coming to them. I also know that so much of the value will just be them digesting everything that's been coming up with their fellow sisters in the collective.

Really been able to talk through your experience reinforces and helps you integrate, and fully understand, what's been happening. And to remember it as well, so that it doesn't become just one of those times where you had a great couple of days, or a few days, and then you were back to real life and you forgot all about what you learned.

That really comes through talking about it and through understanding it on a deeper level. Sometimes having people challenge you on a certain direction that you're heading, and you being able to talk through your rationale for why, is helping you build up that huge reserve.

That huge bank of thoughts and beliefs that will propel you forward so that a month or two from now you're not saying, “Oh, I don't know, maybe I should do this instead. Maybe I should have done that,” and you're going through all the FOMO and all the second guessing.

No, we do not want that around in The Uncommon Way. We want to get very clear on our deepest knowingness. Then, we want to cut out all of the extraneous stuff, and be able to take very decisive, methodical steps towards our future that we know is inevitable. That is how we create the business and life that we want, our way versus some other way that somebody thought might be good for us.

This is a new way of business, making decisions from this place and then moving forward in this way and daring to do things your way. It gives me chills. It is such a privilege to get to support my clients as they're doing this; as the ground breakers they are. And of course, to see the incredible results that they manifest because of it.

Alright, the next point is, don't overthink it. It can really be as easy as finding an all-inclusive, this wellness resort that fits your needs. Or if you're not going to a wellness resort, finding the venue that fits your needs. Knowing your objectives, knowing your people, and then calling and asking for a group discount.

I just compare this to so many stories I've heard from mentors of mine that have talked about extensive contracts that they would get into with a different vendor, and how if enough of their clients don't come it costs them such financial hardship. That they would do it here but then they can't bring in the vendors that they want to. That there are all of these problem areas that come up around trying to run a retreat.

I think that keeps more of us from doing it. Which is unfortunate, because, especially for women, being together, in person, and building really strong bonds, is everything for our business. Our brains will integrate on such a deeper level when what's going on is just part of how people are.

When our brains start to believe, “Oh, this is just how it's done, right? It's very normal for women to make money. It's very normal for women to step into their power. It's very normal for women to be taking risks. It's very normal for women to be making large purchasing decisions on behalf of their business. It's very normal for women to be excelling and succeeding, and being able to still have lives outside of all of that.”

A coach could tell you all of that until they’re blue in the face. I can sit here on this podcast and be like, “Seriously, girl, it's so possible, just go after it.” But until you are in an environment where everyone is eating and breathing and shifting this stuff out, it won't feel real in your brain. It will still seem like something that you hear about over there, rather than who you are and who you are going to become.

And so, I want more of you, if you're interested in holding retreats and get-togethers and having in-person events, I want you to be doing them because it's so powerful for us, all of us. Most of us listening to this podcast, are interested in bringing some sort of change to the world.

So, I didn't go for any of the fancy contracts. Now, that meant that I had to give up some control; I didn't know exactly how many rooms would be available. I just had to tell my clients, “Here's the opportunity, go ahead and call the hotel using this discount code,” and when the hotel runs out of rooms, that caps the size of our event.

And I was okay with that because I fully believe that whoever is meant to be at that retreat will be at that retreat. At the time of this recording, there are still rooms available.

All right, here's my next point. Allow yourself to be supported. Allow yourself to be supported. Allow yourself to find a venue that can support you so fully in this way that you really just get to show up, and then lead the retreat. Allow yourself to go to the slightly nicer venue that is going to have your needs well accommodated for. Allow yourself to rely on your clients to figure out their transportation, to be able to call the hotel, and to support you in supporting them.

Allow yourself to believe that your family will support you while you go do this thing that's so important for you and your business. Allow yourself to believe that you will find the money, that you will be supported, and/or recoup the money, by what you're able to do there. Related to this, but I do think it's a separate point, is to manifest it.

So, this is why it came together so seamlessly and effortlessly for me. It's because I allowed myself to lean into the vision of it long before it ever came about. Also, I allowed myself to experience other retreats. I'd probably been on six or seven business retreats, in all different places, and I kept doing it until it felt so normal to me that it just felt strange to not be running these myself. I do not recommend trying to sell something that you haven't experienced for yourself.

I remember I spoke with a woman the other day on a call, who was talking about how she's wanting to move into group programs at some point. But when I mentioned the group component of my program, she said, “Oh no, no. I only want to do one-to-one. I'm not interested in showing up on a group call.”

I thought that was so interesting, that she would be thinking about moving into group. How would she be able to sell that to her people with integrity, if she herself doesn't believe that she can get great results, even better results, from a group than she could with one to one with a coach?

So, because I believed that retreats are so normal, because I experienced retreats, because I went to all different types of retreats to see that there's no one way of hosting a retreat, I was able to lean into the vision of what would make my retreats different. How I would want to do retreats. And I was able to feel it so clearly, that when it came time, it was really just like putting those pieces in place.

There wasn't a question of “if.” It was only, “Okay, how?” Oh, and I'm just realizing, I said that I don't recommend selling something that you haven't experienced yourself. You may think, “Well, you're not actually selling it, Jenna, because it's free.” But actually, I'm selling them on the idea of this and the time that they're going to give.

So, even if there's not a financial cost, there is always some investment that your clients are making. You have the opportunity to sell them on why. Why it will be so transformative for them?

Last but not least, decide it is perfect. That it's going to be perfect, ahead of time. Just decide, right now. Release your expectation and open up to whatever magic is going to occur. I don't know if you're like me, but I am a woman with very high expectations and high standards. And those can kind of get in the way sometimes, when the reality turns out differently.

And I really enjoy the opposite experience of not having any expectations, and just deciding ahead of time that it's going to be wonderful. If we can truly get into that place, wouldn't that wipe out so much of the fear that we have? So much of what holds us back from actually moving forward?

It may not be a retreat for you, it may be some other big type of thing that you're planning in your business. But you have these expectations, and what if the expectations don't come to pass? But I know it's going to be amazing. I'm pretty lucky, I have pretty amazing clients. And so, even if we were just hanging out all the time drinking, I don't know, pineapple juice or margaritas or whatever, even just the conversations that would flow will be amazing. Then we add on all the other things we're going to be doing.

And yeah, I really, really don't have to worry about this one. This retreat is happening the week of October 9th. If you have been thinking about joining us, there has never been a better time. This retreat is only open to members of the Collective. So, those are my Clarity Accelerator clients, and my private clients.

This will be an experience of a lifetime, opening you to deeper levels of clarity about where your business is going, and how, matched with, down and dirty here on the 3d plane, business tactics that will propel you forward and accelerate your timeline.

You will be creating your plans here, with my help. Making the hard decisions about what to cut out, or what to lean into, and activating that confidence and that knowingness that will allow all of this. Allow you to simplify. Allow you to be supported by your business. And to cut out all the things you don't need, so that you can gain massive traction where it counts.

You'll return so deeply grounded in your body, and your nervous system will feel so safe and supported after a week of luxury and pampering… or three days, however long you choose to join us… that you'll be able to make major moves on whatever you've been holding back on. You’ll show up to your audience and your clients and your teammates, your family, friends, everyone, in an entirely new and powerful way.

I love this analogy of ‘the ramp versus the steps.’ So much of our change and our personal development, it's as if we're going up a ramp. We go up a little bit, and then we slide back down. And then we go a little bit further, and we slide back down. It's kind of this very fluid back and forth.

But sometimes you get a step; you take the staircase instead of the ramp. That will happen when you've had some kind of epiphany or awakening. Something clicks, and you take that step up. And because it's a staircase, you can't slide back down. You can never see reality the same way again; there's just no way for you to ever go back.

It's like when you've been dating the loser, you finally see the light, and there's just no way you're ever going to date someone like that again. You've so clearly identified where the red flags were that you completely ignored, and it's just not going to happen again.

This retreat will be one of those staircase moments. And on top of it all, you will get the bodily experience of retreats like this, so that you can more easily manifest yours. Or you can more easily manifest more supportive times like these in your business.

All right, my friends. That is what I've got for you today. I hope it was helpful, let me know. You can always reach me in the DMS, on any of the socials, at The Uncommon Way. You can write a review of this podcast.

And if you would like to book a call, to talk about what it would be like for you to join the Clarity Accelerator and what that would do for your business, you can do that at TheUncommonWay.com/schedule.

Remember, you know who you are, and every day you're stepping further into what you're here to create. Have a great week.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #58: The Top Shift to Make in Your Business NOW

Episode Summary

Jenna shares methods to move from indecision to action.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

Show Notes

Do you feel like you don’t know what you're doing? That you're not original enough? Maybe you find yourself waffling over options when you need to make a decision. Falling into periods of indecision is normal, but detrimental if left unchecked.

This week, I share methods for working through your indecision, how to get clear about your business, and the process of clarifying. I explain why your business will have its own unique needs and creative problem-solving that only you are able to discern.

Discover how to find your Uncommon Way and the importance of it for your business's success. Learn 4 paths for overcoming indecision, when to ask for help, and a simple nudge toward reclaiming your power and action.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to identify your business’s needs.

• Why getting clear is different for everyone.

• When a coach is necessary.

• 4 actions to overcome indecision.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

• If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

• Click here to sign up for my newsletter and find out how the Connect The Dots Method has helped clients in all stages of their business.

• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator

• Ep #2: The Decision Tree

Full Episode Transcript:

Do you sometimes feel like maybe you don't really know what you're doing in your business? And that maybe other women are better business women or they have better info or more original things to say? That you must be focusing on the wrong things or people or just not doing it right, because otherwise business would be much easier and you'd be much further along right now? Today, we are going to shift your thinking around this and create much different results because of it. Ready? Let’s go.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I guess I should welcome myself back. We are back from our month in Palma now, where we've been looking for our international base. For years, we really thought we would want to split time between the U.S. and somewhere in the Mediterranean.

Each year we'd been scouting out a different location, and now I think we found it. Majorca really checks all the boxes for us, having a cosmopolitan city, and just 20 minutes away you can be in beautiful nature. There are tons of international schools. There's a bustling airport that will help us get home quickly, and to just travel quickly. It was fun.

When I was there, I was rebranding, and my photographer said she leaves every month on a discount flight somewhere in Europe, just to get a different breath of fresh air, inspiration, the whole thing, and then come back and resume or shooting. So, on the one hand, it is a happily ever after story. But on the other, I want to be real about the fact that it was a very hard a month.

These months are always challenging because of the full time childcare. My son really functions best with a lot of routine. So, travel is challenging. Each year it is getting so much better. But at five, it's still emotionally draining on all of us, him included, of course. So, for those of you who are parents, think about your child's crankiest times. When they are hungry and tired, they haven't exercised, they've been pent up, and when they're very disappointed over something.

Think about how they are, okay? And now, imagine that lasting for a month. And to really exacerbate the situation, let's just crank it up a little, right? There was a heat dome over southern Europe when we were there, so it was over 100⁰. It was so hot; we just couldn't leave the house except in the mornings or the late afternoons. And so, we were all on top of each other. We were in a pressure cooker, literally.

Now, of course it was punctuated by some great moments. They often coincided with saying yes to candy or pizza or an iPad. Or maybe right when my son had woken up from a nap and he was so cuddly and sweet. But overall, he was quite annoyed about everything.

He's very articulate for a five-year-old, and he does not hold back when it comes to telling you exactly why he is dissatisfied; what you're doing wrong and how it should be done so much better. And that just wears on you day after day, or it was wearing on me I should say, day after day.

In the midst of it all, he decided that he didn't like my mom anymore, and he was being quite mean about it. She eventually started getting upset and sad, and so now I'm busy thinking about how I can help her feel better while I'm trying to mitigate my son's mood, and trying to show my husband the best of Spain and keep spirits up because, of course, I want us to choose Spain.

I finally just lost it. I had this huge cry fest. I just started bawling. I went outside into our little courtyard and I just sat there and sobbed and felt so much better afterwards. I realized a couple things were going on. I had been trying to manage everyone's emotions. Funny how your life coach training can go right out the window in times of stress, right? I forgot that I can't control everyone's emotions.

And then two, I had really snapped back into the kind of hypervigilance and anxiety that you have, or at least I had, when you have a newborn. So, it was very much like all of your attention’s going to, have they eaten? Have they eaten well? Is it time to eat again? If he hasn't had enough sleep, when do we fit in the nap? How do we get him to take the nap? He's going stir crazy. He needs exercise.

Trying to be emotionally supportive of him while he was obviously having a difficult time, and even while he's hurling insults at me. It just became exhausting. To let you know, the last part of the trip got much better. We had planned in advance to spend part of the time in the country and part in the city. And once we moved to Palma, the heat dome dissipated. So yay, we could get out throughout the day, and there was tons to do.

There was a park with a playground right across the street. By then we were over the jetlag, we'd figured out how things worked around there, and it was a much better experience. So much so, that Dylan and Ben both say that they want to live there now. So, stay tuned for that next summer.

The reason I'm telling you all of this is not to elicit your sympathy, but it's for a few reasons. One, is that I hope you've been following me on Instagram. I still have more content from Spain that I want to get out to you all, but everything you see on Instagram is not the truth.

I know you know this, we're all sophisticated consumers at this point. I just find it helpful myself, when anyone I see on Instagram tells me this isn't the whole story. And so, I'm just telling you all, it's not the whole story. I'm going to be saying that on Instagram too, but you're hearing it first.

Another thing that's so helpful to hear, and that I want to continue to say as well, is that when we're building our businesses, we do tend to think that when we get to some certain magical level… and it's different for all of us, we have this number in our head… and when we get there, everything's going to be better. Life is just going to be so much easier. When truthfully, what happens is we exchanged problems for different problems.

We still have human brains that create negative experiences for ourselves. Obviously, money is life changing at a certain level, but most of the people in my audience already have a fair amount of financial security, more than we all want to admit. And so, we're just going to continue having human experiences.

That is why we should just learn to love the exact stage and the exact place we're at, because you’re skill building, and you're bringing that into the future so that you can enjoy the totality of your life more no matter what is happening.

The other reason that I want to tell you this is because, just because it's hard, doesn't mean it's not worth it. Every year, when we go overseas… and for those of you who have been here for a while, yes, we've been looking for the place that we’re going to live in Europe.

But also, even before we were really thinking on that level, I was committed to having Dylan growing up where he couldn't even remember when he first started traveling, and couldn't remember when he first started being a part of other cultures and seeing how other cultures lived. It has gotten easier each year.

But those are tough months for us when we do that. But just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not worth it. Every single client of mine has a moment when they ask, is it really worth it? Is this whole building a business thing really worth it? I still think those thoughts, too. We all think those thoughts. And usually, the assumption is because it's so hard. But so what if it's hard? Embrace the hard if it's moving you towards what you want.

Because when you do, there will be a moment when you look up and you realize that your family has just enjoyed this amazing dinner with fresh fish caught that day, and the dinner was filled with laughter and love. And now you all are strolling along through the beautiful paseo, the beautiful boardwalk by the sea, and the moon is shining on this beautiful ocean.

All the families, the Spanish families, are out and about; their children, their grandparents. Everyone's greeting each other and saying hi. The temperature is just perfect.

And you feel your heart swell, knowing that you're living in this exact moment. One of those moments that you will remember for the rest of your life. Your son just happens to be the perfect age, and because he's the little rebel that he is, he has snuck into a playground they're still building and had cordoned off, but he's managed to find his way in there. He's swinging gleefully, laughing and throwing his head back, and swinging as high as he can.

People are stopping to just smile and shake their heads, and you're living it. I'm tearing up. You're loving it, in that moment. And so, you've probably already felt that in business, as well. You felt the moment when the client is so thankful. You've felt the moment where you've reached a financial goal, you've signed your first client, you have successfully launched your program, you've received some sort of accolade or award. Whatever it is, those moments sneak up on us.

They shouldn't be discounted. They should be grasped with both hands, and squeezed for every ounce of life and magic as it's available, because they're so worth it. Alright, I had an epiphany while I was there, another one, and I wanted to share it with you, because I think it really relates to what so many of you and my clients are going through.

It was when I felt myself sink into indecision. For those of you who've been with me for a while, my husband is retiring from the military next year, and we have been considering where we were going to move. And we were thinking we would have a house in the U.S. and a house in Europe. Then over time, as we spent more and more time in Europe, we'd maybe be able to transition to full time life there.

But I have been longing to live in Europe again for about a decade, and that was coming out more and more when we were actually there. Of course, right then, I'm just oh, loving so many aspects of that lifestyle. Ben and I started wondering, do we even want to move to Durham like we had been planning or do we want to just go straight to Spain?

That is when I felt myself sink into indecision, weighing all the pros and cons, trying to do all of the analysis that we've been taught to do. And for those of you that have not heard my early podcast episode called “The Decision Tree,” you might want to go back and listen to that.

Because weighing the pros and cons is not how I recommend we make the majority of our very important decisions. I believe that most often, deep down, clarity already exists for us. It's already within us, and we have to be the ones to take that leadership position in our brains, remind ourselves that we do know, so that we can transition into decisive action, and stop doing all the spinning and the staying up late or waking up in the middle of the night, or the exhausting back and forth, and the anxiety spirals.

And so, I'll tell you now what my epiphany was and how it relates to business. I realized that the most urgent shift that I needed to make in the moment, and the most urgent shifts that I know so many of you need to make, is the shift from ‘I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do,’ to ‘I know what I need to do.’

Think about all of the focus and momentum and traction you'll gain once you're in that place. I know what I need to do. Now, let's talk about how to get there.

Sometimes the shift is just like a snap of your fingers. It's like an optical illusion that needs to happen, where you focus your eyes in a different way. You kind of cross your eyes, and then you're able to see a different picture. But what if you weren't clear? If you were just taking your best guess, what would it be? What would the answer be? I can't tell you the brilliance that comes out of my clients’ mouths. Sometimes when I ask this, often what ultimately reveals itself is, I do know what to do. I'm just not doing it.

Maybe you don't want to do that, it's not that you didn't know. Not knowing was a convenient way to keep yourself from examining the fact that you could do it but didn't want to. Maybe you're afraid to do it. Or you don't want to be wrong or miss out or whatever.

But once you identify that, at least you now know what to work on. I know what I need to do. I need to work on that… I need to work on that fear. Once we know, we can actually make a plan and do things. You can't accomplish anything in life without some direction and focus.

It's like the GPS analogy. You know you want to go to a certain town but you don't have your GPS turned on. And so, you have two options. You either ride around aimlessly, or you just sit there. But it never pays for you to stay stuck.

Now, those of you who have been with me for a minute know that I am not just a ‘randomly throw out different actions and see what works. Just start heading out in any direction, and maybe you'll end up in New York.’ No, but you can use all of the information at your disposal to at least make your best educated hypothesis about the direction New York likely is.

But sometimes it's not just a matter of shifting your mind. For instance, you really don't know how to grow your business. Or like for us, we really don't know some things about moving to Spain. We really don't know about tax implications and visa restrictions and whether we’ll like the schools and many other things.

So, sometimes you just don't know what you don't know. And in that case, you work with someone who can help you get clear. Notice that I didn't say tell you what to do. I said, “To help you get clear.” Because, yeah, you may need additional info so you can see the full picture. But get clear on your truth, the way you want to build your uncommon business.

Everyone's business is different and built differently. There are no two people that have taken the exact same path building their business, because every one of us are different. So, we are hiring some legal, tax, and relocation people. We're not turning our life over to them to make our decisions for us, but they're going to help us clarify our choices.

When you look for a cookie-cutter template, even if you've tried to implement it perfectly, it just won't turn out the same as the thing that you were starting from, as the original model, because that template wasn't created for you and your audience and your offer.

It's like my very a wise travel loving photographer said to me. Before I got there, she asked me to browse Pinterest to get an idea for what kind of poses I'd like and what kind of shot angles I would like. But once I had them, she was basically like, “Throw it all away. It was just a clarity exercise.” My words, not hers. I'm paraphrasing, but that was the gist of it.

She said, so often people spend so much energy trying to recreate something they've seen, like the perfect Instagram pose that others have done, but it never really looks the same. Instead, they could have been putting that same energy into creating, rather than recreating. To create something new and original and unique and beautiful.

That is what Anna and I did together, my photographer. We created some beautiful art and visuals; I'm beyond excited. I can't wait for you to see them. Your business is your own work of art. Even though right now it might not feel that way. It might feel like a hot mess. It might feel like a stagnant plateau. It might feel like this runaway beast that you have no control over; depending on what stage you're at.

But by the way, the first shots Anna and I did together, they were so clunky it reminded me of a Will Ferrell movie. My husband loves comedy of any kind, and there's this movie called Talladega Nights where Will Ferrell, he gets instantly famous as a racecar driver. As he's being interviewed, he keeps doing these really awkward things with his arms and his hands.

You see him as if you're watching on a newscast, and you have this closeup of his face, but his hands keep floating up. Finally, he goes, “I'm sorry, I don't know what to do with my hands.” And, it was just like that. It was like, “I don't know what to do with my hands.”

But even that stage, that clunky stage, was me getting into me. It was finding out what I do want to do with my hands. What I do know feels like me. What does feel like something I’d do and what doesn't. That is the precursor, and the good stuff doesn't happen without it. If I had spent the whole time recreating the other poses, I wouldn't have found my way to me.

If Anna had been directing me the whole time, I wouldn't have found my way. She and I are very similar, we believe in our clients. We believe in their brilliance. Now, I never hold back giving my clients all the info, so they can decide. In fact, I'm often really broadening their minds with things they've never even thought of.

But I do not make their decisions for them. I always trust their intuition. But when I look around at the entrepreneurial space in general, I unfortunately see too many people becoming carbon copies of someone else. Maybe you're recreating the website or the way of talking or the business model, and then you cry because you don't stand out. Why aren't I standing out? Why aren't clients coming to me?

People are price shopping between you and others, and you aren't known for anything specific and you haven't stepped into your thought leadership. Or maybe you're upset that you aren't highly respected, and you know you're a good coach. But of course, you really never did the work of finding you, of finding your uncommon way.

Your business needs to become the creation you're here to create, with the ideas and opinions you're here to share, and the process and products that you're here to work with. You need to find your uncommon way or it will end up being an awkward copy of something else rather than something truly yours.

Find a group of women who can support you to be more you, rather than wanting you to conform to some kind of group think. Find a mentor who can help you clarify your path, rather than feeling insecure that you don't do it her way or his way; maybe that means that they don't know what they're doing.

Find the flashes of clarity and belief that you can lean into, that can help you shift your mind away from the very toxic and unproductive thought, “I don't know what I'm doing.” That is a position that way too many women have been conditioned to believe about themselves for far too long.

Shift into, “I know what I need to do,” at least in your next step. “I know I need to try putting my hands this way next, so I can feel into whether this is right.”

And if you need help learning to feel your intuition, learning to tap into your brilliance, and unearth your clarity, then you must join the Clarity Accelerator because it is the only program of its kind. We not only build amazing and interesting and successful businesses, but we use business as a training vehicle for our growth.

That is why my clients all experience such profound transformations. “I'm like a new person,” I hear that often, almost every day. “I'm like a new person; decisive, calm, knowing, strong, capable, powerful.” Those are the words that my clients use to describe their before and after. You can hear, if you listen, you can hear that frequency transmitting through their voices on this very podcast.

People have remarked on it to me. They're like, “Your clients are amazing. How do you find them?” And yes, they are forces of nature. And their clients are too, because they're vibrating at such a high level that it's magnetic. That confidence and that certainty, it attracts.

So, what are your next steps? Is it to hire the expert? Is it to work through the real fears holding you back so you can finally spring forward? Is it to just do the thing you've been avoiding? Or declare the thing you've been holding back from declaring” Or start moving and feeling into your intuition?

Do it. Whatever it is, do that now. Don't waste another precious moment spinning in circles. It serves no one. It certainly doesn't serve your future clients, and it doesn't serve you. Whenever we play small, on some level, we know it. And then we end up beating ourselves up about it.

So, get clear, get focused, and get into decisive, calm action, and weed out all of the extraneous crap that you don't need. Focus on the simple essentials that matter until you master them, so that you can create what you're here to create and do what you're here to do.

I think maybe I've just spoken The Uncommon Way manifesto. Dare to dream big, and dare to live your own uncommon way, in business and in life. Take responsibility for working through all the bits in your circumstances, and in your own mind, that are keeping you from walking that walk.

My friends, I wish you a week filled with insights and epiphanies, and very exciting surprises. Remember, even if it's clunky, you are heading in the right direction. You know who you are, and each day you're stepping further into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #57: My Uncommon Story: Hustle Culture, Feminism, and the Marrakesh Express

Episode Summary

Jenna unpacks her college trip to Spain and the unexpected along with it.

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Show Notes

Welcome back to "My Uncommon Story," where I share moments from my life that have defined my path. This week, I speak to my experience traveling in Spain and Morocco during college. I reflect on sexism, moments of beauty, and life on the edge while traveling.

Traveling in Spain in my early 20s was a defining time, I witnessed life outside of high-pressure American models and cultivated my feminist roots. Join me as I discuss the challenges of the trip, how it excited and encouraged me, and a fork in the road that changed my life forever.

Learn why travel is so helpful for putting your life in perspective. Discover how gumption, being open to new experiences, and creating friendships with people who challenge your sensibilities can help you move beyond your comfort zone and towards what truly resonates with you.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• Why travel is so fulfilling.

• How to travel with gumption.

• The power of friendship.

• What to expect when you’re open to new experiences.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• An American Girl in Italy

Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, this is a new series where I'm giving you the context behind what I share in this podcast. I.e., what went on in my life to get me here. Think of this as part entrepreneurial mindset building told through stories, part historical nonfiction, and part audacious, salacious, beach read. I hope you enjoy.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hi, everyone, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. My family and I are just back from our month in Spain, just this week. I'm back in my closet, my recording studio, and I'm really excited. I'll tell you about Spain in a future episode, about this recent trip. But in this episode, I'm going to be talking about the first time that I was in Spain, when I was studying there as a college student.

I really wanted to record the episodes in Spain. I thought that would just be so fun, but it didn't work, for reasons you'll hear about in another episode. But I still feel that the Spanish vibe. And so, I'm really excited to be talking about it full circle, about the first time I went there.

So, when we left off, I told you that I was taking my sophomore year of college to study in Spain. The scene opens with me going to a vending machine at the hotel in Madrid, I'd flown in the night before, and I wanted to get some water out of the vending machine. A voice behind me says, “Are you American?”

I swiveled around and I said, “How did you know?” Which is so laughable to me, in hindsight, especially at that point in time. Nowadays, Europeans dress a lot more relaxed, a lot more like Americans. But back in the day, you would know if someone was American. We tended to dress in a more relaxed way. But also, imagine everyone in the U.S. is wearing white socks with their tennis shoes, and everyone in Europe is wearing black socks with their tennis shoes. I mean, it was that striking of a difference.

But I had dressed up. I had dressed up for this excursion in Spain. I laugh because it's how history repeats itself. Because that's kind of what happened just now, when I was going to Majorca and I had my photo shoot. I was upleveling some pieces of my wardrobe.

I do see it very much, as I've been feeling this moving through me, as I'm stepping into this new phase of life and this new phase of business. I'm just feeling called to quality pieces of clothing that feel a bit more, I guess, chic, rather than the mom of a toddler life that I've been living here. But anyway, I digress.

So, I was dressing up in the same way there, thinking of this as a grand adventure, and I remember I was wearing an Ann Taylor dress. An Ann Taylor dress, which ooh-la-la, for a college girl was very expensive and really adult. I was really adulting for this trip.

And so, I was kind of shocked and a little miffed maybe, that I was called out on being an American. Although, like I said, in hindsight, it was glaringly obvious. And also, I do think that I was very carefully counting my change. Which by the way, wasn't euros. Y'all, we're talking dark ages here; it was Spanish pesetas. The European Union had not formed yet, at this time.

So, I was in Spain, counting my pesetas, and trying to put them into the vending machine to get my water. The boy says, “Are you American?” I spin around asking him how he knew, and I was confronted with this sight, which was so out of place in Spain. He was covered in piercings, and covered in tattoos. Again, early 90s.

I mean, back then, yes, Hells Angels had tattoos, but it definitely was not like today. Maybe punk rockers had some piercings, but he was covered in piercings and tattoos, and was very, very tall and very pale. He was just very much, Josh. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. When I think back, it’s about how pivotal it was for me meeting him, and then becoming such good friends and spending so much time with him. He really was so much of the uncommon way of life that I wanted to live.

When I think about the earlier times, yes, my life was uncommon. I had been at parties in Greece and sheep farms in New Zealand. And it wasn't typical for the people I was living around. But everyone that I was with in each of those environments, were very much living like the world they were in. So, I was flitting in between worlds observing everything, but they were all, really, in their own world.

Like, that's just how teenagers were in Greece. They drink when they're 14, they go out, and there was nothing really uncommon about how any of them were living. Josh was the first person who was very uncommon within his own world; with the way he thought, with the way he chose to express himself and look, and with the decisions he made.

So, just in case I don't get to tell you the story later. He was a Crit Theory major, Critical Theory, in the States. Very cerebral, very, very intellectual, and you easily could have seen him just going off and staying in academia. He ended up falling in love with Spain and dropping out of school. He dropped out of college, and to this day has not left Spain. He still lives there, has a daughter, a happy life.

I didn't know anyone else... I was the closest I knew to anybody that was making decisions like that, just daring to think differently. But Josh was ahead of me in this, and I was enraptured, enthralled. I wanted to know all the things and just pick his brain and know everything.

So, it was wonderful that I made those connections right away. There were other really wonderful Americans on the trip, as well. We were all going to Alicante, to study there in the university. We were from different schools in the U.S.

While that was wonderful, the effect of that was that we didn't really learn a lot of Spanish. Except for Josh. He was smart. He went and made an effort to hang out with a lot of Spanish speaking people. He even had a Spanish girlfriend. So, he was able to really immerse himself. But I remember being so shocked and baffled…

There are many Americans, as you all know, that only grow up speaking English. And so, maybe they have a few years of language instruction at a school and they feel like they're fluent, right? Other Americans might consider them fluent because they can converse with their teacher when they pass them in the quad.

But what they don't realize is that that teacher is slowing down their speech by about 75%, and that they're talking about topics they practiced in the classroom. Then you get there and everyone's speaking so quickly. Back in those days, hardly anyone spoke English. It was a little humbling. But don't worry, I will learn Spanish, it's just further on in my story. Probably not in this episode.

One of the other things that was different than I had expected was, again, this topic of how Mediterranean men behaved in that time. So, I've already talked about when I was in Greece, the Greek boys are saying to me that they thought foreign women only came in the country in order to have sex and then go home.

At that time, in Spain, there was, unfortunately, quite a bit of sexism. Spain had been living under a fascist dictator for many decades; Franco. It really kept Spain decades behind some of its European counterparts. So, when I got there, they were just a couple of decades out of that. The people that were living there still very much remember those times.

Part of what I did love about Spain, I'll talk about that more, but I think because of that there was very much a drive to better themselves, really. To expand their minds, to catch up, and to become “modern.” It felt like an amazing energy. When a city is just starting to take off, for instance, and there's really this feeling of, ‘we are creating ourselves.’

But there were some lingering things that were still kind of dark ages. One of those were, in my opinion, the way men behaved. I had my first flasher experience in Spain. Actually, first and only, now that I think about it. Thank goodness. It wasn't just young boys. I remember once when my Spanish was starting to come online, I was walking along and I passed what I thought of as a very sweet little old Spanish man.

I passed him on the street and he said something to me. I took a second, he'd passed me already, and I registered what he said, which is that he wanted to suck on a very specific body part of mine. I was horrified and immediately distrustful of anyone and everyone.

There was a practice called piropean. And so, piropo is like a compliment, or a sound that you can make or something to describe this. It was even a verb. You could piropear; you could compliment someone. But it's almost flirty. Groups of men, like when you would pass… You know, in the old days, the stereotypical passing by construction workers, and all the construction workers would turn and whistle. That's how it was.

If you've ever seen the very iconic photo called “An American Girl in Italy,” it was taken in the 50s, and it's an American girl walking along and the sport of Italians following her. That is actually what it was like in Spain in the 90s. It would often define my whole day. The direction that I would walk to the bus stop. Or asking someone to walk with me home. I hated this feeling so much of being ogled.

I think that's a normal thing to say nowadays, but at that point, in Spain, it was considered a little strange. So, I remember, one day Josh's girlfriend got on the bus. We were all happy to see her but she was a little down. We said, “What's up?” She said, “I didn't get a single piropo on the way to the bus today.” That was like a self-judgment that she must not look, I don't know, appealing enough.

That started a conversation. I perceived that it would be so difficult to grow up in Spain. And she was really puzzled. She thought it was just a nice flirtatious way that men appreciated women. If you read about this iconic photo, “An American Girl in Italy,” it was published in Cosmo in the 50s, and what was underneath the photo was this:

“Public admiration shouldn't fluster you. Ogling the ladies is a popular, harmless and flattering pastime you'll run into in many foreign countries. The gentlemen are usually louder and more demonstrative than American men, but they mean no harm.”

Forty years later, that was still the prevalent attitude. These kinds of experiences, growing up with being told that I could never be a pilot like my father because I was a woman, and obviously women can't do certain jobs that men can do, women need to be protected, women should stay in the house and be commented upon on their husband’s evaluation reports...

Experiencing these kinds of situations in Spain, and also at home sometimes, this is very much what has fueled my feminism and my determination to help women achieve both financial but also emotional and life independence.

To really help us be our own women, be able to make our own choices, live the way we want, and create an equitable society. So, if I seem a little vehement at times about that, you're now getting the backstory and to everything that built up.

Now, in tandem with all of this, our fall break was coming up. I wasn't the only person, many of us had an interest in going to Morocco, but there was a perception that Morocco would be even more difficult than Spain. That they had even more sexism there. And for that reason, none of the men on our trip, the college students, would go with us, would go with any girls.

They didn't want the girls with them. They considered it a huge liability, and didn't want to have to be protecting us through the whole trip. A friend and I found this so frustrating that we finally decided to go alone, just the two of us heading into Morocco. What's funny, on the way there we stopped in the port town of Algeciras, which is on the southern point of Spain. It's the closest place to catch a ferry to cross the Mediterranean and go into Morocco.

A man came up and he said something in Spanish, held out his hand, like to shake hands with my friend, she put her hand out and he used that opportunity to brush past her hand with his hand and cup her breast. Then kind of laughed and walk away. What's funny is we had that experience in Spain, right before going to Morocco.

In Morocco we had the most enchanted experience, with seemingly very respectful and gracious and kind men. When we came back, and we told our stories, we just couldn't believe that Morocco got such a bad rap. Now, who knows what they were saying in Arabic? It was like my Pollyanna perspective of those sweet, little Spanish men. Who knows?

But what I will say is that the contrast between the two countries, I think led us to really let down our guard. Now, don't worry, nothing bad happens on this trip, but it definitely could have. So, we were so caught up in this sense of safety and invincibility, that we had just gone out on our own.

We were on a train, we'd arrived in the port town of Tangiers, and we were catching the Marrakech Express to go straight to Marrakech. In this train cabin, there were the two of us, a Japanese woman that was traveling by herself, go girl, and two Moroccan men.

We all started talking, and they suggested that we not go to Marrakech, that we instead get off the train at the stop in the town where they lived. And then they would show us around and we could have dinner at their mom's house.

Looking back, I'm so grateful for whatever angels were watching over me. We were so naïve. Of course, no cell phones in that day, no geo tracking devices, nothing. And no parents have any idea where we are.

We're just getting off the train without telling anyone and following these people through the medinas, through the soucks, which are these winding, tiny, little streets of vendor stalls and marketplaces and going into strange places we never could have found our way out of.

And yet, it was such a beautiful experience of really seeing something that most people don't get to see. We really got to see how the locals lived. I remember we stopped in this plaza for mint tea, and it was all men; I'm sure the women were home caring for children and cooking and doing all the things.

But the sweetness of that tea and the beautiful weather and just hearing the calls to prayer, you can tell I'm so exoticizing all of this. But it was very, very fascinating and beautiful to me. And then, sure enough, they did, of course, take us to some of their friends, their vendors, that were selling things to see if we wanted to buy anything.

Then they took us to their mom's house for dinner, just as they had promised. She was so kind and sweet. We had this feast, I mean, just this beautiful meal sitting in the home, sitting on the floor, eating with our hands; the whole experience. Then they brought us back to the train station.

I remember looking, and I saw this man galloping on his horse towards me. It really looked like something where you would see a man galloping across the Sahara. We paid them handsomely, gave them a tip, and we got on our train and headed off to Marrakech. It was just a beautiful memory.

It was something that I prided myself on for years. For being so daring and to see people live their lives so scared they don't get to experience these moments. Now that I'm a little older, I understand how that could have gone south. Mom, if you're listening, I'm very sorry to tell you this story. But everything turned out okay, and I did end up falling in love with that country.

That was the first of now three visits to Morocco. I love so much about it. I love the architecture. The architecture is something that I get to experience in Spain, as well. But I was fascinated by the idea that Arabic art, which is mostly geometric patterns. It’s really meant to allow your mind freedom to dream and imagine, and to become closer to God, of course. They're very religious.

It would be considered too constraining to paint, for instance, a picture of a landscape or a picture of a still life or anything that would kind of lock your mind into seeing what the artist hopes you will see. I also loved the idea of these very plain looking outer walls surrounding gorgeous courtyards filled with tiles and fountains and plants and birds, and not needing to showcase all of this to the world around you.

Contrast this with America, where I'm coming from, just having lived through the 80s and excess and lots of bling, and I'm here and I'm just seeing people that choose to keep it all private.

Here's something else I loved. So, we were actually there during Ramadan; we didn't know that we would be doing that. And so, everything was very sleepy during the day because they're fasting, and then at night everything comes alive. It's like Morocco on steroids during Ramadan at night.

Everyone would be out. We were in Marrakech and we were all in the medina area. And oh my gosh, it was crazy. Yes, snake charmers, of course. But there were also dentists. If you need a tooth pulled, you go into the big crowded plaza, to the dentist, and he'll pull your tooth right there.

What really captured my heart, to this day, is that the most crowded performer or vendor, whatever you want to call it, in the marketplace, in the plaza in the middle of the night, was the storyteller. He wasn't speaking in English for the tourists, he was speaking in Arabic.

People would gather around to hear the storyteller tell the stories, and then would tip him at the end. That was how he earned his living. Oh, gosh, how can you not love this? I'll tell you such an interesting thing. When we got home and told everyone about our experiences, those guy groups that refuse to travel with us, they had a completely different experience.

One of them got their backpacks robbed. They ran into people that they felt were kind of hostile and in their face. I have a feeling they went in so defensive and so scared that, who knows… Their experience, it was night and day. Maybe they should have hung out with us girls. Maybe they would have had a different experience.

Returning to Spain, I've already told you the influence of the architecture and certain ways of thinking. There were so many things that I did love about Spain, despite the neanderthal men. Just to clarify, I think that Spanish men are amazing.

Nowadays, just even in this last trip, I saw so many dads spending one-on-one time with their kids. There's a love of beauty there, of history, of really understanding what matters in life; the simple life, family, good food. There's obviously rich history and traditions.

I find that people are very conscientious and worldly. They know a lot more about world events than Americans tend to. They know a lot more about a music, popular music and culture. They're extremely warm and family oriented.

And the number one thing, besides natural beauty, of course, is this joie de vivre. If you ask someone, and I was talking to someone in Spain, who was saying this is still pretty much true. But especially back then, if you asked someone what they do, they would tell you what hobbies they like doing. It would never occur to them to define themselves by their work.

This was such a radical concept for me. I had come from working my tail off to get into the best college that I could get into, so that I could get the best job I could get, so that then I could keep climbing the ladder and keep struggling. And there, the most coveted job was the postal worker. Yes, my friends, the postal worker. Because the postal worker works the fewest amount of hours and gets the most benefits.

Later on, I did try living this life and found out that it wasn't for me. But there, I could not deny a deep awakening and a deep yearning inside of me that told me there was something here that I really needed to learn about and integrate into my life. That somehow there had to be a better way than the model I was being brought up in; and children, really, at my school, committing suicide because of the pressure.

Wouldn't you know, right about then my friend, Josh, was also falling in love with Spain. He was not going home at the end of the semester. He was transferring to a different Spanish city, to Seville. The more that he talked about it to me, the more I realized that I wanted to go too.

As soon as I said that, you know that he was like full court press, with the perfect logic; I told you he was really smart; for all of the reasons that I most definitely should not go home. That I was just beginning this awakening. It was so true, and I just needed more.

I felt like a veil was lifting and I wanted to see what was on the other side. So, that's what I did. I called home. I broke my mama's heart. I told her that I was staying for a year. But it turns out it would be much less expensive for me to study there than to go back to my ivy-covered private college. Also, my parents were still struggling to get back on their feet, so I got the permission.

It turned out to be such a life changing decision. I know I keep saying this, but really, you'll never guess what happens next. In fact, it's probably the last thing you'd guess based on what I've told you so far. But I will tell you about all of that next time. Be well, everyone, have a great week.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach!

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #56: Finding Our Way Out of the ‘Ick’ with Kat Haugh

Episode Summary

Jenna and Kat Haugh get honest about business by identifying thoughts that hold them back and sharing tips for moving beyond false limitations.

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Show Notes

Life as a female entrepreneur can be exhausting, especially when a wrench is thrown into the mix. Our brains can keep us feeling low while unbalanced expectations of our business run rampant. This week, Kat Haugh shares her perspective on negativity biases, getting honest with our emotional roots, and much more.

Kat Haugh is a client of mine and the founder of the Convive Collective, a learning and strategy partner to social good organizations. Kat comes on the show to share some of her current challenges within her business-life balance and how she's been able to work through her negative self-talk.

Learn why your negativity biases can help you identify boundaries and the core values of your business. Discover tools that Kat uses to get honest with shortcomings, shift quickly, and celebrate where she is in her entrepreneurial journey.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to reverse negative biases.

• How to be honest with shortcomings.

• Tools for addressing your perspective.

• How to celebrate micro-wins.

• When to pause and check-in.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Katherine Haugh: Website | LinkedIn | Instagram | Twitter

• Ep #26: Becoming the 7-Figure CEO with Kat Haugh

Full Episode Transcript:

Having a business can be an emotional roller coaster. Let’s just call it like it is. And one of the hardest things is that as women with powerful visions of what this business could be, the reality of where we are now compared to that can bring up a lot of dissatisfaction.

And those negative thoughts and feelings get in the way of your current enjoyment and the way you show up for your audience, your clients, your team members. And it blocks you from manifesting more of the good things you want. It is a vicious cycle.

Today, we’re talking about how to reverse it. No, really, I mean, really, what are the secrets to reversing that brain tendency? My guest has some great answers.

You’re listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching podcast. The only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own uncommon way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here’s your host, top ranked business coach and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hello, my friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Big treat for you all, today my friend and client Kat Haugh is back on the podcast to share amazing pieces of wisdom with us. I say us because you’ll hear me later on getting my own epiphanies based on her words. And I did not throw her a softball topic, I asked her to come on and talk about nothing less than reorienting the human tendency to see what isn’t working, instead of what is.

Kat calls this being in the ick. And we’re talking about managing our brain’s negativity bias, which is an inherent part of our biology that has been a helpful bit of our evolution, but also keeps us in the experience of seeing the glass half empty instead of half full and all of the dissatisfaction and inner critic bullying that comes with it.

Now, previously on the podcast I’ve told you that I see a distinct difference between the results of clients who are beginning the work of rewriting this negativity bias, meaning their brain still tends to go to the negative, versus clients who have been doing this work for a bit more and can be okay or even excited about the present. And I want to help you be one of the people seeing better results. So let’s talk about this.

Now, what I don’t want is any shaming around where you are on this journey. There is nothing wrong with you, it just means you have a working brain. Kat and I really want to normalize this for everyone, we were talking before we started recording.

I remember being so dissatisfied in my corporate job and having people say, “Why can’t you just be happy with all of this that you’ve created?” And so on top of beating myself up for not having the life I wanted, I was beating myself up for not being grateful. And that was not serving me.

So the point of this episode is just to offer some helpful tips and advice. It’s women giving other women a hand from a place of I have been there too. And for any of you in the Clarity Accelerator listening to this, please don’t go the route of not talking about your doubts or dissatisfaction or other negative thoughts because you either want to look like a good student or you want me to approve or whatever.

Gaslighting ourselves and slapping happy sounding sound bites into our experience when we don’t really feel it will just delay the process of creating change. Kat is where she is and how she is because she’s willing to get real and then do the work around it.

So yes, this is not a softball topic, but I knew Kat would be up to the challenge. Not only because she walks the talk herself, but because she’s used to taking complex ideas or situations and distilling the learning and the wisdom from it.

For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of listening to Kat’s first podcast, she’s the founder of The Convive Collective, which offers strategic partnership and coaching to philanthropies and investment agencies that are investing in social or environmental good. Convive works at the intersection of evaluation, so evaluating how well different social good projects have worked, at that intersection of evaluation, strategy, visual storytelling and organizational design.

And that lets her see all of the moving pieces within those organizations that no one else can see in order to help them make better decisions about funding and even to implement cultural change within the organization itself so they can step into the vision of the organization that they want to be, and be even more effective and create even more change in the world.

So Kat did a fantastic job of breaking down for you how she’s been able to shift our mindset. And then shortly after we recorded this, I had the happy surprise of receiving a voice note from her saying that there was something else she’d remembered. So I’m going to share that with you now, and it’s the idea that the difficulties we’re going through right now might be our treasure later on.

She said that of all the podcasts and female entrepreneurs that she listens to, the stories she’s most drawn to are about how they’ve overcome something and then turned that into their passion. So wellness coaches that struggled with emotional eating, or financial coaches that struggled with managing their money.

So based on all of that, the secret hack or the advice she came up with would be to zoom out and really think about how all the pain points you’ve had in the past have really led you to the brilliance that you have today. I love that so much and I know you are going to love this entire episode. Enjoy.

Jenna: Kat, thank you so much for being here again.

Kat: I’m so excited. Thanks for having me on again.

Jenna: So I’m realizing that there’s a big disconnect between the last time you came on the podcast and now. And, of course, I know it because I get to see it every week, but not everyone else does. So I just thought it would be fun to quickly go back in time and remind both of us that when you came on last time you were a freelancer that was wanting to grow into something different, but you were wearing so many different hats.

I remember you described it that way. And it was difficult for you to synthesize for yourself, let alone go forth and talk about it to clients. And you didn’t really know how to talk about the work you were doing. And I think there was also a component of you feeling like you might make the wrong decision and spending a lot of time in your head talking things over with different people trying to get other opinions.

And then also until recently, and that’s what we were talking about on the podcast, you hadn’t understood that you could choose the kind of clients you wanted. And so you were just talking, you never knew who to say yes to who to say no to. And so you were just saying yes to everyone.

Kat: Yep. Yeses everywhere.

Jenna: It’s fun to look back on that. But just to now let people know, kind of catch them up, you do have an agency model now. You are providing a much broader service to your people and you know what it is that you provide.

Kat: Yes, absolutely. I was even looking back at my messaging document this morning and rereading my words and being like, wow, I have so much clarity on paper about what my company is and who we serve and what we do and how we do it. So it was really affirming to read that back this morning.

And I’m really grateful to have had the time with you on the podcast before, because I think you really caught me at a moment in time in my transformation where it’s exactly as you described, going from freelancer who didn’t quite have the words to describe what I do and why I’m such a badass, to now really running my own company and building my own team.

And it’s really an awesome opportunity to have this moment to reflect with you too, as I’m very much in the thick of it, as we’ll discuss in a moment, like kind of the good, the bad and the ugly.

Jenna: Yes, yes. And so I love that segue, that’s exactly where I wanted to go because I want to stay away – We’re going to be talking about basically a really challenging thing for any human, which is overcoming our negativity bias. And actually being able to be really happy with where we are in the moment and use that moment very constructively to build the future, an even better future than what we have right now.

But I don’t want people to make the assumption that it’s because of the good things you’re bringing into your life right now, in the business. I want to really get real about the challenges that are in your business right now. Because I know six months from now we’ll look back and we’ll think, oh yeah, that was a tough time where you are now.

And capturing it, but still really being able to dissect how it is that you think differently than so many other people, I think, will be so helpful. Because I’ve seen over and over again with my clients a pretty big distinction in terms of how the brain works, right, where they are in their journey of managing their mind. And then how that translates into results.

And so it’s so important that we can help accelerate that journey for anyone else going through it because it’s only going to be a net gain for them.

Kat: That’s so great. I love that.

Jenna: So let’s dive in and let’s just talk about all the things that are challenging in your business right now.

Kat: Well, the list is long, I will say. There’s lots of things that are challenging me. I think the thing that comes to mind first, and that we’ve been speaking about, is really that I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. And this looks like working really long hours, sometimes even working on the weekends or late into the evening.

But also, in reflecting on it, doing a kind of a lot of like energetically or intellectually draining work that’s oftentimes really rewarding, but asks a lot of me. To come to meetings with an agenda prepped, to really facilitate workshops or things like that with an extra personal touch that’s signature to my company. And so that when I reflect on how I’m spending my time and my weeks, it’s very much, yeah, a lot of my energy and time is going to my work.

And the downside of that is that I often have less energy and capacity for the people in my life. So oftentimes, even now, I struggle after work to go hang out with friends and feel that I can be my energetic, curious, available self. I’m usually like, I have to get home and go to bed soon because I have had such a crazy day.

Similarly my relationship, like having the capacity to even ask my partner like, oh, how was your day or what happened today to you? Usually, when I have been overworking a lot, it’s been more like just trying to survive. Not to be dramatic, but being like, what are we eating for dinner? And we have to respond to that message from your mom or something, and less time for spaciousness and spontaneity in our relationship too.

And I think in my lower moments it has made me feel less of myself because I feel so tired and so spent when I’m not working that, yeah, it’s made me question in moments like, wait, why am I working this hard? I wanted to set up a freelancer lifestyle and my business also to help me live the way that I want to live with more spaciousness and slowness and relaxation.

I think another big thing maybe folks who are listening will key into or could relate with is my nervous system kind of always being in overdrive when I’m working like this. So I’m drinking coffee, I’m doing lots of HIT workouts, I’m pumping my body full of kind of like, I don’t know if it’s adrenaline or what, but I’m psyching myself up for my days. Or starting my day sometimes with dread, not necessarily about what I have to do, but the amount that I’ve put on my plate. That, I think, has been a key continued pain point and challenge.

I’m experiencing a bit of a reprieve right now, mostly circumstantial. A lot of my clients are off on holiday or are retreating, they’re on a retreat this week. So I’ve had kind of a normal week this week to step back and re-remember what it’s like to live with a bit more balance. But I know that in the coming weeks I will likely be pressed to maintain my wellness and work life balance goals that we’ve been talking about.

Jenna: Right, right. And I also, you know, when you think about the structure of your company as well, you have some people that you’ve brought on, but there are still some big holes in areas that could be filled. And that is contributing to the fact that you’re having to take so much on yourself and kind of do project management and organize everything and also be the client-facing person and also be the genius.

Kat: Yeah, everything is coming. I’m my own bottleneck in my organization right now because I have about five consultants that work with us who are outstanding, but they haven’t really been client-facing. And I haven’t learned the skills or I don’t feel quite confident and comfortable yet in having them take the lead or, for example, do something kind of different than I would have done it.

So I’m kind of everywhere in addition to my bookkeeping, my taxes, and my financial advising. I joke with people, I’m like, I’m head of marketing, I’m head of finance, I’m like all the heads in my company right now. And while I can see that this is a pressure point of growth that I’m in right now and I am devolving more, I guess, ownership to the consultants that I’m working with and kind of training them and giving them feedback Convive style and coaching my clients on how to work with us, not just how to work with me.

It is definitely a pressure point right now that I can see I’m very much in the thick of it of being an octopus and having like eight arms. That’s what it feels like a lot of times.

Jenna: Right, right. And I think maybe something else as well, that if we’re looking forward to kind of the ideal business and how it will be. Right now there’s also a bit of financial insecurity, even though you’re earning well, you’re bringing in. But there’s the idea that you can’t necessarily bring in more clients right now because of the capacity that you have to fulfill that. And then what happens if you lose a client or two? Talk about that.

Kat: Absolutely. I’ve brought in a huge client this year doing work that I really want to do at the intersection of all of my skills. So that’s been a really happy mirroring, as we’ve discussed, of my clarity and my ability to speak about what we do and then clients coming to us for what we do. So that’s been a really happy match.

But because they’ve been such a significant client for my company, that also presents, while it presents some kind of like awesome financial return, a bit of stress or insecurity as well. Because I’m bringing on more consultants to support that work, as you mentioned. That also, I think, in planning and making life decisions makes me feel insecure or out of control sometimes thinking about how much of my income and the income of Convive is contingent on one client.

So I think it’s a blessing in some ways, but also presents some challenges in others. And I think I haven’t quite nailed my level of calm and confidence that I’d like to have with my own financial planning for Convive of looking at my numbers, enjoying that process.

I’ve started to enjoy that a bit more. But I think I’m also evolving quite quickly from looking at projects and thinking like, okay, how much would I charge? And now I’m thinking like, how much would we charge with multiple people’s costs embedded? And, yeah, trying to find the right way to do those kinds of projections is definitely a growth edge for me right now.

Jenna: Yes. Yes. And so if I were hearing a different client talking about the exact same thing, I might also in tandem be hearing things like, I’m never going to get out of the grind. I’ve always been in the hustle. Is this what it’s going to be like? Why can’t I ever get some peace? Why can’t I ever get to the point where I feel like I’m secure financially? Why isn’t this working? Why aren’t I further along by now?

And these, I just really want to normalize these thoughts because one of the things that we have to be careful of in having this discussion, which we really want to use to help people, is to watch out for building more shame for people, right?

So if someone’s already thinking, my business isn’t where I want it to be and I’m having thoughts and feelings about that, and now Kat and Jenna are telling me that I should actually be happy and positive about that, then there’s even more shame. I’m doing it wrong in yet another way now. And that’s not where we want to go at all because we are wired with a negativity bias.

And so the brain is constantly scanning all the ways in which we’re not content just to make sure we can optimize. And I think that it’d be really helpful, Kat, if you could just help us normalize by talking about some times in your life previously where you also were kind of having that pattern, that very normal human pattern that we all have.

Kat: Well, I can say at least some of the thoughts that you just mentioned, I definitely still have those now.

Jenna: Okay.

Kat: So I don’t have to search that far into the past for like, oh yeah, I used to feel that way sometimes and now I’m evolved and all as well. I definitely still struggle with a lot of the things that you mentioned. Sometimes wondering like, oh, this should be moving faster, or I wish that I was better at this or kind of like getting down on myself sometimes.

One thing that I am struggling with recently, of the many struggles we’ve discussed, is actually my comfort in trusting other people to lead the way and stepping back. We’ve spoken about this, even with my clients I’m like, okay, let me do this for you. Let me finish this. I’ve got this. Don’t worry, you can sit back and relax.

And I think that actually is parallel to my personal life of having some reluctance or resistance to receiving being taken care of or letting other people control like, okay, this is what we’re going to do tonight or you sit on the couch and relax and I’m going to cook dinner or things like that.

So that’s one example of a very present struggle for me that I sometimes think like, why am I the way that I am? Why can’t I just trust people or let them lead the way and kind of let go of control? So I’m sure that will be coming up more and more in our forthcoming sessions.

But I can definitely think of, I mean, two examples beyond that in the past, the recent past come to mind. First is something that I was struggling with and still sometimes struggle with in our work like a few months ago, where I was really hell bent on proving to myself and others that I was credible and legit enough.

You may remember I was like, I need a website so people know that I’m legit. I need to go to Harvard Business School and get a certificate in business so people know I’m legit. And even I had said something to you recently about, oh, we are similar to McKinsey, so people will think that we’re legit. And so I think that that’s something that is very revealing to me now about my own thoughts about my legitimacy and credibility as a person.

And I think I can see now in retrospect how that was holding me back. Kind of this level of desperation or choose me or prove myself energy that I brought to calls or meetings or when people asked for information about my company. So I think that’s in the recent, like the past few months I’ve definitely been struggling with that.

And maybe about a few years ago I was working at a company that had a five year contract with USAID and it was closing down. And at the end of it we kind of found out that some people from the team got selected to basically be on the next five year contract and other people didn’t. And I was not selected and that bruised my ego.

I was so upset, I just could not understand. It felt like not being chosen for the kickball team and standing there and being like, why not me? I work so hard. And feeling really lost and confused. And what made it worse was that of the remaining folks who were with me in that kickball line that weren’t chosen, they were also getting job offers from other companies. And they were like, oh, well, don’t worry because I actually already have this job offer with this other company.

And I was like maybe the last one or two of people who didn’t have a job offer and I had to go out and find one with extreme desperation at that time. And I think, I mean, that is a very obvious, I think, struggle. It’s an obvious struggle, it’s not a great experience for anybody. But reflecting on that time and what I thought about myself was very, very negative.

Like what I made that experience mean about me. I was like, I’m dumb. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not legit. People don’t want to hire me. And I think it potentially seeded some new thoughts there, like the reason why people want to hire me is because I’m a relentless hard worker. I will put in the hours, I will work on the weekends, I will work on the evenings, not because I’m brilliant and I have my own zone of genius.

So I ultimately ended up finding a job and kind of my life moved forward from that point. But I distinctly remember that time of being like, this is a terrible situation, I don’t see it getting any better. And being really the breeding grounds for some pretty negative self-talk that I think I’m still undoing.

Jenna: Yeah. Yeah, thank you so much for sharing that and for being vulnerable because I know there are moments like that, that we all can relate to. But especially in business, that actually translates so well to business where you’re thinking, why aren’t they hiring me? And why are other people seeming to have it so easy and I’m not, right? And when will it get to the point where it just comes easily and I’m the one getting all the job offers? And so, yeah, it’s so, so applicable.

So let’s go now and kind of then jump back in time to the future. We’ve already laid the groundwork for the challenges that you have now. And let’s just start talking then, and I want people, A, I want them to hear how you think now because when we don’t know what’s different, it’s just hard to know what we don’t know.

And it’s so helpful to hear other people’s thoughts and to start playing with those for yourself, right? And be like, I guess I could think of it that way. And then let’s kind of dissect why you’re able to think of it that way. So yeah, so how are you thinking about your current situation?

Kat: Well, I think one of the things that I have been doing lately is really thinking of my business as separate from me and my worthiness as a human. I think reflecting on that time in my life where I couldn’t find a job and nobody was choosing me.

Which I think I’ve also had other experiences in my dating history where I’ve also had moments where I was like, no one’s choosing me. And what I chose to make that mean about myself and how I responded, ironically, very similarly, with kind of like overworking and trying to meet as many people as possible and bringing even more desperation energy. Just reflecting back on those kinds of experiences in my life.

I think a trial by fire learning is really that if folks are coming to me for work or not, it doesn’t make me, as a person, any less worthy, any less brilliant, or less legit. So I’ve kind of separated, what’s happening in my business and who I feel and how worthy I feel as a person.

So I think that’s been, yeah, a maturity in me that I feel happy about thinking about the future because I’m like, no matter what happens, it’s just information for me. And I can take it in and consider it as like data or information that I’m like, oh, that’s interesting, this person emailed me. Or like, oh, that’s interesting, that person never emailed me back, that’s interesting. Where I’m not like, oh, they didn’t email me because I suck or my email sucked.

Jenna: That is huge. That is huge, taking all the experiences just as data and stepping back from it. That is so huge, and we’ll talk about kind of how you got there. But that’s so good. What are some of the other ways you think about the situation?

Kat: I think one thing that I was reflecting on and preparing for this conversation was about the level of faith that I feel about the future. Where this happened to me recently, and I think as we’ve been talking about, this is kind of like nascent thoughts that I’ve been having, so it’s a great moment in time to capture this.

And I think recently I’ve had some experiences where I’ve been working on things and I’ve just been so absolutely sure that what I can see in my mind’s eye about what my company will do and what’s possible for my clients will absolutely happen.

And in a weird way, it’s allowed me to kind of let go of the need to make sure it will happen or needing it to happen on a specific timeframe where I’m just like, that will happen and I’m so excited, and it will happen. Like I just trust the process, which as you know me very well at this point, I’m not really a trust the process kind of gal. I’m like a plan for it and execute it and control it kind of person.

Jenna: Right, right.

Kat: And we can probably get into that a bit more, like the thoughts undergirding that. But that’s been a new transition of the faith in the future.

And I think the one last thought that I have now that’s been different is that the future state won’t be any better or worse than my current state. I feel like even in my life, where I am in my life, this applies to my personal life. Sometimes I’m like, oh my gosh, it’s going to be so fun to have a family and have small kids running around and to be a homeowner and to do all of these things.

And sometimes I have to catch myself and remember that when I’m there, I might miss where I am now, of being without children right now, being able to travel, having lots of free time, lots of time and energy. Not that that’s not true when you have kids, of course. I’ll probably have to like uncouple that in my own mind, but just like how joyful and amazing my life is now and holding them both in tandem.

I think that thought, like, I will miss this someday. I will miss where I am in life one day. And that I think also helps me feel not like I’m reaching towards a desired future state, but more like that’s going to be so fun and I’m also so psyched about what I’m doing right now.

Jenna: Oh, that’s so good. Yes, because in the future, also, you’ll have more opportunities for that negativity bias to take over in that situation, too, right? In that future you could be thinking, oh my gosh, it’s so hard having these kids and I never, right, whatever, whatever, as many people have already heard me do on the podcast, so no shame if that’s how you are.

But noticing that really it’s about the way we’re thinking about our present and that’s how it’s going to be in our future as well. And so learning to love where you are, the sooner we can do that the better.

Kat: Yeah, I think I used to think, especially when we first started working together, I was really fixated on the future. I was like, and then in the next couple of months I’m going to be here and then the next couple of months I’m going to be here. And I almost had moments where I couldn’t tolerate the presence because it gave me the ick. I was like, I just don’t want to be here anymore, I just want to be there.

Jenna: Yes.

Kat: And I felt that a lot. All of the time. I think even one time I told you, I was like, I think I’m in a dark place because I just, the ick was sometimes, yeah, really overwhelming and the desire to exit the present moment and be like, this sucks, I hate this. Yeah, just feeling really down or overwhelmed, really committed to getting out of this and getting there.

And I think in reflecting on that time and even what I’m experiencing now, I think my key reflection is asking myself, what do I hope I’ll feel in the future? So the legit-ness is a thing, like, oh, well, once I get this client, or I make this amount of money, or I have a website, or I speak at a conference, then I’ll be legit.

But I think it’s like, I’ve been on this path long enough to know that none of those external things sometimes happen. And just those things alone, obviously, didn’t change my mind about how legit I am or how good enough I am. I used to be in a pretty negative cycle, and I think I can still go there with ego and money and setting certain financial goals.

And I think I remember telling you never knowing where the ceiling was for myself. Where I would set certain financial goals, and then I would reach them but I would just keep going. Like this not enough bottomless pit feeling, which is very much related to my own feeling of feeling not good enough or not legit enough and needing external validation in either how much money I’m making or otherwise.

So I think asking myself like, oh, what do I hope I’ll feel? And then feeling that now, feeling it ahead of time and being like, I am legit. And having you look at my work and talk to me and be like, you are legit. And me being like, I am legit and I actually believe that, I think has been a game changer for me to decrease the haste and desperation and the focus on the future.

Jenna: If you can tap into how you already have that now.

Kat: Yeah.

Jenna: And help your brain see because the brain won’t just naturally bring up all that evidence for you of the ways in which you are legit, because it’s so busy helping you prove that you’re not legit.

Kat: Yeah, absolutely.

Jenna: So when you can start to direct your brain to start picking all the supportive evidence, right, then you will create a different narrative for yourself.

Kat: The other exercise that you helped me do that I think has been helpful, and I didn’t even realize that I have now been doing it a little bit more, is the kind of like when you think of all the positives and you think of all the negatives and then you flip them.

Jenna: Yes.

Kat: Because I think that even as we had just talked about, we’re working with a large client who’s paying our company a significant amount. You might think, oh my gosh, that’s such outstanding, fabulous, success. But also the other side of it is that it presents a lot of volatility and scarcity. And it’s also more paperwork, invoicing, like there’s maybe like eight sides to every story.

But kind of seeing one thing from multiple angles, I think also has helped me help my brain see that even if I got this thing that I wanted, I’m not 100% convinced that it would make me happier. For example, I might be like, oh, actually, if we did win that contract I don’t even know that we could say yes because I might want to prioritize my wellness, or that actually might not be the thing that’s going to make me happier.

It could actually, like I think I sometimes I’m like, oh, that would be awesome. And then I’m like, wait, but it could also not be that great. And actually doing that reversal with myself, I think, has been really useful.

Jenna: Yes. Yes. So that’s a great point because in the podcast before we’ve talked about choice neutrality, which is in The Should I Say Yes or Should I Say No podcast. But there’s also circumstance neutrality that you can create with your brain.

So if you’re really wanting that client or that, I don’t know, that contract to come in, you can create some neutrality around that by looking at what would be best possible, maybe if you didn’t have that client and you had more space to then bring in a different kind of client. There are different ways that you can help your brain detach from its hooks into that particular thing that you think you want so much.

Kat: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We’re looking to buy an apartment, I think I mentioned this to you. And one of my friends, I was telling her, she was like, oh, it’s such an emotional roller coaster buying an apartment. And I was kind of like, I don’t know, I think it’s because of the work that we’ve been doing. I’m just like, again, like if it’s meant for us, we’ll find each other.

I’m just like, yes, I love that apartment. Let’s put a bid on it if it’s right. And I just, I don’t know, I think because I can see both sides and I’ve developed this kind of like faith in business, but also in life, that’s like what is meant for me and when my energy is right it matches, that I’m less, I guess, up and down volatile myself. I’m like, oh, we didn’t get that house. I’m like, okay, that just means that it wasn’t our house. Like it’s not our home, great. We self-select.

So I hope I can listen back to this mantra if I need it in the future. Maybe when clients are a little bit sparser or I’m feeling a little bit less sure about my future and the right things coming. But I have seen it show up in other areas of my life.

Jenna: Yes, yes, thank you for sharing all of those and all the hacks and tips you’ve been using. I’ll say there’s one other thing I’ve noticed that I consider some of our most important work, and I’ve been seeing you do it. Which is in the moment of ick, or in the moment of frustration when our brain could go negative, I see you analyzing that for what it’s teaching you and the skills you’re building.

And you get so excited. You’ve left me voice messages saying this shitty thing just happened and I’m so excited because it’s really helping me see that X. And that is the difference, I think. It’s such a huge difference. So talk about that, please.

Kat: Thank you for bringing that up. Even just thinking about it makes me smile and makes me want to laugh because, honestly, I think it’s like the best coping mechanism that I have found for navigating life’s negative shitty twists and turns sometimes and having circumstances where, for example, I have to disappoint someone or I’ve had a tough conversation or things just don’t go my way or clients don’t respond or like all sorts of things are always happening.

And I think I’ve developed that muscle, I think it’s like towards self-development and self-reflection. Because I’m like, where’s the fun and, as my partner calls it, the golden lining?

Jenna: Oh, nice.

Kat: So it’s not the silver lining, but what’s the golden lining of this? And I love that, I think I’m very much a person who I value, I think, finding that golden lining and the positivity and learning and self-development. I can think this is so shitty, but I’m going to grow and I’m not going to have to experience this again. And then I see myself communicating more clearly with the next consultant that I hire.

And I’m like, wow, look, I did not have to experience that again because I really sat with the negative feeling or the experience and I learned from it. So I think that in all honesty, it’s my way to kind of cope and evolve so I don’t have to feel shitty and then keep feeling shitty because I’m not learning or really allowing myself to say this was an absolute disaster and I don’t want to experience this again.

Jenna: Right. So often clients will say something like, I just wish I were at this level of income, right, bringing in this many clients. And I’ll have to ask, is your business prepared for that? Could you really handle that if you brought that in? Would you know how to manage that? How would you feel about the fact that you weren’t there to have the control with each client making sure they were getting the results? Are you mentally prepared to step back and let them get their results?

There are so many pieces that go into it, into creating that goal. And if we can understand as we’re doing it exactly why we’re doing it and the capacity we’re building, I think it just helps us ease our minds around the situation.

And for you, a perfect example is, well, first of all, last time we talked you were having a problem, a difficulty with one of your contractors with some work. And now you’ve learned so much about how you want to set up your contractor relationships and the people that you hire and bring in so that now you’re in a place where you’ve seen the difference and you’re having really, really wonderful, creative and supportive experiences with the people working with you.

Kat: Yeah, absolutely. It is really amazing to see the other side of it and to think I actually had a very similar thing happen as what happened in the past. And I was like, oh, this is my approach and my feelings about it are totally different and I really could see it very distinctly. Like, wow, I’ve actually really grown because I’ve been presented with the same situation and I feel completely different, much more calm and respectful and less reactive than in the past.

One thing, I’m not sure if you would agree with this or not, that I have been reflecting on is, I think sometimes it’s also helpful for me to hear other people’s perspectives that helped me do that thought reversal. So I think I mentioned to you that one of my friends here also owns a business and she has employees. And she mentioned like, oh, I actually am not sure that that’s the right model for us anymore. I think I want to go to having consultants for XYZ reasons.

And I just thought that was so fascinating because I had built in my mind having employees would be good for XYZ reasons, the exact opposite. And she was basically saying like, oh, basically, your situation, the way you have it set up is I think where we want to go. And I was kind of like, I’m kind of coming for your situation.

So it was a fun moment to actually reinforce that neither is better, you know, like, oh, well, I’ve arrived at success or happiness once I have employees or this much money or a website or whatever. And I even heard other freelancers who have been like, I haven’t wanted to start my own business and my own team because I really enjoy these elements of earning at a cap, maybe this amount, specifically earning less or taking more time off or being more intimately involved with clients and managing everything.

And that has also made me think, like, yeah, that’s such a good point. I could also go down this journey of building my own team and realize, oh, actually, I don’t know that I like this as much as I liked freelancing and be like, okay, guys, I’m going to roll it back.

So I think it’s a good reminder for me, again, also in friendships and other circumstances that no one situation is better than the other. And I won’t necessarily feel better just by changing something in my business. It’s really, what am I seeking? And how can I feel that already now with what I’m experiencing?

Jenna: Yes, yes. And noticing all the things that are going right, that are wonderful. All the really positive interactions you’re having right now. And I know we mentioned earlier, we started the podcast talking about how you are working so much and you’re the bottleneck, as you described it. But there’s a reason for that, too.

And the reason is that you’re doing it yourself first, so that you’re more able to build out that team and see exactly what the players would be and what people would be doing.

And so I hear that a lot when you’re talking to me. This situation helped me see both where I want to draw my boundaries and why that’s important to me and I’m choosing to be okay with it, even if my clients are disappointed. But also, I’m understanding better how I am going to build that future, which I feel so certain about. And you’ve talked about how your belief is so high, and now you’re just putting all the pieces together.

Kat: Absolutely. I think it’s also for folks listening who may be in a moment where they’re in the ick or they’re kind of experimenting a lot with things and learning. I think the small wins are really important to me in noticing I got marginally better at this time. Or like I had that experience and now I know how to bill better, or I know how to recruit for somebody who’s aligned better.

Just the very small wins, because I think that keeps me going. So really paying attention to, yeah, even if it’s marginal like, oh, I now know to offer this as an option to this client, where a few weeks ago I wouldn’t even have thought of that. So I think that helps me find the golden lining while I’m evolving and while there’s a lot of challenges to me right now and a lot of like pain points that I’m feeling in my work.

I think the other piece that keeps me having faith in the future, I think, is a shift that I have noticed in myself and my thoughts about my work being about me and my ego and me being like, I need to go out there and prove that I’m legit. I need people to hire me so I know that I’m legit. And I need to show them what I can do.

And something has shifted, I think pretty recently, maybe in the past month or two where I’m like, I’m just so convinced, kind of like Georgeanne said, I love my company and I love our offer. And I’m just so deeply convinced of its value and the need for it in my field, that I’m like, I’m going to be on this journey for a long time. I’m going to be working on this for a very long time.

And I think that commitment also helps me feel a sense of faith in the future where I’m like, the world needs this. I’m creating it. I can see, I’m like, I’m going to have this training and even I’ve told you, I want to write a book. And I’m like in due time, because it’s not about me and my ego. It’s about my brilliance, of course, and my zone of genius, but it’s like the world needs this and I’m seeing a gap. And I’m like, we’re going to be filling in.

And I think that is much more deeply motivating. It’s like a gravitational force than what I felt previously, which was maybe like a small engine of my own individual ego. I feel pulled by something rather than pushing my way in there.

Jenna: Ah, what a great metaphor. I love that so much. And I just love seeing the power of clarity played out in real-time like this. That level of belief. And we think that, so often we get into the trap of thinking we either are or aren’t there, rather than realizing we build that shit.

Kat: Yeah.

Jenna: We create those thoughts and that belief for ourselves by eliminating all the baggage and crap. And then also really doing the work to understand it more fully for ourselves, so that then we can go out and see it in the world and help others see it too.

Kat: Absolutely.

Jenna: And what you were saying before, I’m so glad you brought it up about seeing the micro wins and the small shifts. That is the key to manifestation. And so, again, not to shame anyone for the negativity bias that they may be experiencing in the moment because, just like you said, I experience it too. And it’s just I don’t spend as much time there as I used to, is really what it comes down to.

But when we can start shifting into this other energy, it just makes the manifesting happen sometimes at warp speed, right? We start seeing the shifts and the changes so quickly. And that has certainly been your experience, which I can see from the outside. And I see that direct connection to the way you’re thinking, right?

But it’s hard when you’re not there to see it. And that’s why I wanted to bring you on the podcast, is to help people see the difference and to give them a roadmap for what they can start implementing themselves.

Kat: Yeah, I love that. And I think I was just reflecting on this this morning because I was back in my company’s messaging document, just looking back there. And I thought, you know, reflecting on some of the values that I put down there, one thing that I have kind of, I guess, built in myself is a practice of appreciation, of noticing the small wins and appreciating myself.

But I notice that when I do it for others, it generates, like it mirrors back into me. So when I notice, for example, or give appreciation that’s from a genuine place, not a people pleasing place or notice like, oh wow, you really up-leveled or this got even better of the people that I’m working with, it strengthens the muscle and the attention to that.

So I think that thinking about my future self feeling stuck or caught up in the ick or feeling like why can’t I just get this right? I definitely have sticky points with my financial management or my boundaries with work and relaxation that continue to come up for me.

But when I’m in those moments I think I would like to give myself and other people listening the advice or tactic to try to like when you mirror it and exercise it because sometimes it is easier to see it in others. And I think that the practice of doing that is very generative. I think it leads to really healthy and beautiful relationships.

But I’ve noticed that the more that I do it for my consultants, the more I do it for myself where I’m like, oh my god, Kat. I can be very self-congratulatory in the best way because I’m seeing that I’m exercising the muscle with the people that I work with too.

Jenna: Wow. Okay, I love this so much. You just gave me the big epiphany of another reason in which coaching is such healing work. Because you’re right, I’m doing that all the time for my clients, helping them see the micro wins that they don’t necessarily see themselves. And you’re right, that’s strengthening my muscle, my ability to do it. I never thought about that. A great benefit.

Kat: I definitely hear your voice a lot in my head, especially on the deeper thoughts where I’m like, I’m not legit. And I hear you being like, but you’re so legit. And I’m like, I am so legit. So you being there as a champion for me in the micro wins and the fact that I can voice note you and be like, the shittiest thing happen and do that with laughter and being like, okay, but this is going to get better because I learned.

This is such a tremendous value to me that has really encoded itself in my brain. I don’t know that I would have had this revelation had we not been working together. So I’m glad that my epiphany also mirrored an epiphany for you.

Jenna: Right, right. So symbiotic, as all of these relationships should be. And as everyone listening, I want you to also have this with your clients, regardless of if you’re a coach, or a web designer, whatever you do, right? Feeling like you know why you’re doing this, who you’re doing it for, why they love you, why you love them, how clear it is for you to talk about it and be joyful, and why you’re doing it. And then just start reaping the results.

Kat: Yeah. And the last piece on that is sometimes we’ve spoken about in the past I can have the tendency to judge my clients where I’m like, why don’t they have their shit together? Why is this such a mess? And I think that is very much an extension of my own tendency to judge myself, like why don’t I have my shit together? Why am I such a mess?

And I think that probably one of the reasons why noticing the micro wins is beneficial and mutually reinforcing is really because it shows you kind of like what you’re thinking. So I noticed that even with my clients where I’m like you’re nailing it, you did an incredible job on this. I don’t know that they always expect to hear that from people that they’ve hired. And actually, when you speak to people’s brilliance, I think it just reinforces that they then kind of say like, but you’re so awesome at this.

And I really do believe that that creates a mutually reinforcing dynamic where I just now, through our conversation, noticed I don’t struggle as much with judging my clients. I find kinder ways that are more understanding and empathetic and more real because I’m like, I also don’t have my shit together sometimes or I also had times where I was the last to be chosen or I didn’t know what to do. And I think that’s very humbling and very magnetic for the clients.

Jenna: Yes, absolutely. And I too needed to learn the skills. And that’s why now I’m going to help you with these skills and I’m going to lead the way so that you also don’t have to be burning the candle at both ends, right?

So good. So good. Kat, it’s been amazing, as always. Thank you so much for coming on again and sharing all of this evolution. I know it’s going to be so impactful for people.

Kat: Thank you so much for having me on. I love being on your podcast. I’m your number one podcast fan, number one fan in general. So thank you so much.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I’ll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this. Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you’ll ever learn from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can’t wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business in life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #55: Setting Uncommon Goals and Taking Uncommon Actions

Episode Summary

Jenna invites you to craft goals and take actions with uncommon thinking in mind.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

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Show Notes

This week, we revisit two of my previous episodes back-to-back. I share ways of pursuing uncommon goals alongside tips for taking aligned actions. Together, these two podcasts feel like a secret recipe for success.

In both episodes, we look at our needs as individuals and entrepreneurs to set goals and take actions with efficiency and grace. We tap into unconventional thinking as we check in with our methods and unpack unnecessary beliefs.

Discover how to develop goals and take actions that celebrate, challenge, and grow you alongside your unique entrepreneurial journey.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• What makes a goal common and uncommon.

• How to develop your goals.

• Why your goals are not tied to the past.

• Two types of actions.

• Methods of viewing growth.

• Questions to ask yourself to align your actions.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

• If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

• Click here to sign up for my newsletter and find out how the Connect The Dots Method has helped clients in all stages of their business.

• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator

• Ep #13: Allowing Yourself to Receive

• Ep #16: Business Minimalism and Why We Overwork

• Ep #17: The Power of Decisions with Ale Garnica

Full Episode Transcript:

Hello, my friends. Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I am speaking to you from sunny Spain. I have so much to tell you, and I've been getting so much inspiration. But in the meantime, I'm just going to say, definitely come follow me on social media because I'll be putting out a lot of behind the scenes here in Spain. I'm rebranding my website. I have been already halfway through part of a photoshoot, and I have another day coming up.

I'll be sharing little tidbits about where we're staying and what our life is like here. So, it's just a lot of fun stuff; it's eye candy and beautiful scenery and things like that. It'll be a good time. In the meantime, I have something special for you. This podcast has now been airing for a year; big celebration.

I polled everyone on my newsletter list. If you're not on my newsletter list, I put out distinct content there, sharing very quick little tidbits. So, I recommend that you get on there. You can go to my website on the homepage and select any of the opt-ins, any of the little freebies that you want, then you'll be subscribed.

So, I polled everyone on my newsletter list, my clients, and some people on social. I asked everyone what episode was the one that they would want to either hear replayed again, that they considered their favorite, or that they would share with their friends.

It was very evenly divided between two specific episodes. One of them was called Uncommon Goals, and the other was Uncommon Actions. I think those two things fit together so well, and it would be really helpful to hear them back-to-back so that you can see how they build upon each other.

As a special treat we are combining those two episodes. I know that when I listened to it, I got so much more out of it, hearing it again. I really hope that you do, too. Alright, without teasing this anymore let’s get down to it.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

It's November, everyone. It's an exciting time, right? We tend to not be just cruising along this time of year, right? It's not same old, same old. I love any time when we are off autopilot and when we're really paying attention. So, maybe we're reflecting on the year or we're prepping for the next year.

In the Clarity Accelerator, this specific time is pretty magical. It's an eight-week journey, so when you enter now, you're perfectly set up to hit the ground running in January. I love that for my clients. You finally know what to put on your vision board to really take advantage of that new year energy. You have clarity around your people, your offer, the work you're doing. It's always powerful work, but it's extra now.

But let's be real, right? There are some other emotions, besides excitement, that tend to show up this time of year. I don't know about you, but my brain can start to offer up some scarcity thoughts. We have this ritual at the house where we all get together the first day of the month and we turn over the calendar page together.

Each year, I make this calendar for all of the relatives with pictures of Dylan, so every calendar month has a picture of Dylan from the year before. Of course, it's themed to the month and everything. The grandparents love it.

But the favorite part for Dylan is I pretend to be really, really sad. It's not that much of a pretend thing, you know? I pretend to be very sad when the calendar page turns over. I'm saying, “Oh, I'm going to miss seeing that picture, so much. That was such a special time. I remember that,” when we did X thing.

Then he flips the page, and I go, “Oh, I love that picture. You know, I'm going to be so happy to see it for the rest of the month. I loved when we did that.” It really is emblematic of what we're leaving behind and what we're remembering, and being joyous.

But there's something about November/December, and I know there's only two pages left in the calendar. Which reminds me, I really need to start making the next one. Anyway, there's only two pages left. For me, there’s that feeling of ‘where did the year go? Another year. My baby's growing up,’ all the things. So, that's what my brain does.

But how about you? What does November bring up for you? Maybe you're having thoughts come up about goals and what you expected for your business this year? Why don't I have the business that I thought I'd have by this point? Or, if you surpassed your goals, why did I play small with that goal? Why was I playing small, again?

Or, the rush is beginning towards the holiday, so how will I get everything done? I don't have time to make my year-end goals. Or, you know what? Game over. I don't even want to think about the business or my goals. I'll try again next year. I'm just going to give myself some grace and focus on what truly matters, my family.

Having personally worked with well over 100 women to grow their businesses, and being a woman building a business myself, if you're having any of this come up, you are so not alone. This is such a natural product of how we commonly set goals and what we make our goals mean.

Unfortunately, that can sabotage our results, just like so many New Year's resolutions that are unsuccessful. If you're showing up too dejected or frustrated or just totally checking out, that's not your highest energy. It’s not a place you want to hang out for long, otherwise it is going to get in the way of your potential.

Luckily, there are uncommon ways to set goals, feel a lot better, and generate more growth; business and personal growth. I'm very passionate about this topic. I know that this one thing, just getting women to set uncommon goals, can start to unlock everything else.

A goal is an intentional statement about what you've decided to believe is possible for yourself. When you can do that, as the captain of your own ship, tuned into your inner guidance and doing things your way, it's very powerful.

Of course, that is what the Clarity Accelerator is about. It’s helping you get clear on that within yourself, and then own it confidently. You heard my client last week, Ale, being an example of that and how confident she was in her decisions.

So, in this episode, I'm going to tell you how to spot a common goal. I'll tell you what's typically being left out when you set common goals. Then, I'll share some mindset perspectives that support uncommon goal making, and what those goals might look like so that you can either set a really fantastic goal for yourself for the next two months, reinvigorate your existing goal, and/or set yourself up for success in 2023. That is my wish for you in the new year.

Let's just dive right in. Here are some common characteristics of common goals. I'll list them off first: They're made in a very fixed way. They're reactive. We have an unintentional relationship with them. We're highly attached to the results. We don't do thorough planning for actually accomplishing the goal, or managing our minds after the goal. Even if we do evaluate our results afterwards, we don't do it constructively.

I mean, yuck. This is why lots of us don't even set goals. On my intake form or when people book a call with me to talk about coaching, I have several questions for them to answer. I recommend going to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule to look those questions over, because just reflecting on them will give you insights about yourself and your business.

Anyway, I ask; What results do you want to create in the next six months? And then sometimes, on the call, I get curious; what goal setting have you done around those? What steps are you taking? There are people that say, “Well, I haven't, yet. That just kind of came to me when I was filling out the form.”

So, they think that question is kind of their wish list. It's about their wish list, right? Which they can then give to their coach to make happen, rather than a check-in about where they are when it comes to actually manifesting those results. But I digress.

Anyway, let's break down common goals a little bit. They tend to be made in a very fixed way, typically. It's the same way you've done it in the past, or it's based on what someone else is doing. “You know, I've always set revenue goals. My coach is telling me to set revenue goals. This other person is setting revenue goals so I'm going to set a revenue goal.”

They also tend to be reactive, in that it's either a stretch goal or an incremental goal. All based on the meaning that you've created, and the emotions you’ve felt, from past goals or circumstances, right? We let that past then dictate our goals for the future. So, maybe we tend to have 15% growth, and that's our goal, another 15% growth.

Another thing we see is the relationship with that goal. It's unintentional. It tends to follow really fixed patterns, as well. Because how you do one thing is usually how you do everything. So, if you have the ingrained belief that you have to work really hard to get your results, then the goal, the relationship with that goal… The goal represents your taskmaster, it's driving you to work harder. That's the relationship you've set up with this goal.

If you tend to use things as a way to beat yourself up, your goal here is to show you the ways you're failing; that's the role of your goal. If you tend to postpone your success, believing that things take a long time, then your goal will be that far off carrot dangling in the distance. It's that elusive thing, that's too far away.

If you tend to procrastinate and put things off, then the goal is that thing you dismiss or ignore, and you show that it's really not that important. We do that with our dreams too often, unfortunately. “Oh, I want to create this new thing, but I'll do it later. I'll do it after the holidays. Yeah, January, that'll be a really good time to start the project or work with the coach,” whatever.

Look, if this is you, I'm saying this with love, your dreams don't care about the ways you're inconvenienced by them or the drama your brain will try to create around the fact that you're taking action on them. They just know that the reason you haven't materialized them yet, is because you're dismissing them, you're de-prioritizing them.

What if you really believed your dreams were worth it and they were imminent, what would you be doing? What I notice here, a lot, is black-and-white thinking. Where either it's the dream or some other part of my life. “I can either build my business or enjoy the holidays. I can either build my business or have some self-care.”

What if going after your dreams is self-care, the greatest self-care, and it doesn't preclude other forms of self-care to think of it in that way. Learning to build a business that exists within your life. And I mean your real life, not the life when there's this convenient lull after the holidays, or you've whipped yourself into self-loathing during the holidays and now you have this fire under your butt. But all of your life; your integral, whole life.

That, then, is a real sustainable business. Right? Definitely listen to the episode on “Business Minimalism” for a refresher on working smarter, not harder. Your dream wants you to be like, ‘You matter. You belong here. Welcome into my life. I'm willing to manage my mind around the self-created overwhelm in order to welcome you into my life.’ Okay, off my soapbox.

People are typically highly attached to the outcome of common goals. They make a result mean everything about them; about their worth as a person, about their prospects for the future. There's lots of pressure on these goals, so you're not going to plan for managing your mind after the goal time frame.

It's almost like we don't even want to think about the goal not coming to be, because then we'll jinx something. Or, it's a sign of weakness or disbelief or something like that. But I’ve found, over and over, that this step is what lets you make peace with whatever happens, right?

It creates more neutrality, and then, you put all that brain space into actually accomplishing the goal. That way, by the end of the timeline, it's not like you're tired of thinking about it and so you don't want to evaluate it. You do; you want to learn and grow.

So, when people are making common goals, here's what they don't stop to consider. You can use this as a list for yourself, and ask these really powerful questions before your next goal. Which of the unlimited possibilities for a goal do I want to pursue? Maybe it's revenue. Maybe it's a number of clients or consultation calls. Or, it's some form of action goals like, I'm going to have this many webinars. There is an infinity of options.

Ask yourself: What's the “why” behind my goal? What's driving me to make it? Is it scarcity; “I need five clients”? Or, is it growth? Is it something that you want to learn to do? Some way that you want to prepare yourself for the future? What do I need to first clean up in my mind about past results and events? How can I set this goal from a clean place?

People rarely stop to intentionally create the relationship in going forward with that goal. What is my relationship going to be with this goal? What will fuel my results, rather than sabotage them?

A goal isn't the benchmark that you measure your failure against; the goal is here to serve you. It's your partner. It's not the goal’s responsibility to make you feel happy or accomplished, only you can make you feel that way, from within. But a good relationship with a goal means that it can definitely serve you.

How am I going to achieve that goal? Some people don't have any kind of plan. This is something we do, in detail, in Module 10, which is called “Your Success Plan”. We talk all about goals and intentions, and it includes a lot of the material I'm sharing here. But as we all know, setting the goal is just the tip of the iceberg.

How are you going to create success? I'll tell you this, it's far more than just the actions you take. We break it into five essential categories. With common goals, you also tend not to ask; what would need to be true for me to detach from the outcome of the goal?

Here you want to think about; how can I both go all in on these results and detach from the outcome? You can ask; what are all the things in my power that I want to focus on related to this goal? Notice I said, “In my power.” Looking at it from this perspective is how you nurture the power within yourself.

With common goals, you're probably not deciding in advance; how am I going to treat myself after the goal, if I have the desired result and if I don't? Or, what about, you do get the desired result but it doesn't happen the way you were expecting? What will you allow yourself to celebrate? Will you actually allow yourself to celebrate? By the way, you can celebrate regardless of the goal outcome. I know, so different from how we've been brought up, right?

Okay, now let's talk about uncommon goals. Uncommon goals are more tailored to you, independent of others, and in service of your highest potential. First, they're not tied to the past. I know that's how we're taught to think, that the past predicts the future, but that's far from true when it comes to human ingenuity.

Your next goal has nothing to do with the results of your past. But if this is a stretch, then at least tell yourself a creative story about your past that fuels you instead of tearing you down. One way to do that, I'll let you know, is to get creative with time.

I have a client who had a goal of signing five new clients by the end of the year. “But I've had no consults in the last two weeks,” she told me, and there was this very dejected look on her face, as if that really meant something. As if that statement really meant something. But really, it has nothing to do with what can happen over the next months.

But our brains want to establish worrisome patterns, right? If they can decipher the danger ahead of time, you stay alive. Or, in this case, you won't have to deal with disappointment, right? “I'm not going to sign five clients, so I won't get my hopes up.”

When we dug around a bit, it turns out in the last two months she'd brought on three clients. So, she could just as easily choose to tell herself, “If I just keep doing what I'm doing, being how I'm being, there will likely be three more, right? Why wouldn't there be if nothing changes?” So, instead of looking at the timeline of the last two weeks and using that against her, she can choose to look at the timeline of the last two months and how much that serves her.

Or, you could look at the rate of change compared to last year. “Oh my God, at this rate, it's very possible that I'll be booked out by early spring.” Or, “Who knows? It could happen overnight. Things are obviously accelerating.” So, the moral of the story, if you're going to hang out in the past, then at least use the past for you, rather than against you.

Feel the energy difference between, “Ugh, I'm not getting any people booking in for consult calls. I'll never make my year end goals.” And, “This is so exciting. I'm sliding right into being booked out. This momentum, it's just rolling.” So, of course, then that's what we tend to create, either of those two.

This does not have to be bypassing. It's not Pollyanna positivity, it can be intentional. “Oh, I see that negativity bias at work. I also see how the other is equally true, and I'm choosing that one.”

Alright, we've talked about how uncommon goals are not tied to the past. They're also highly individual and self-determined. They're totally up to you. They're here to help you become who you need to become in order to have that result. I know this is a mind bender, but the result of a goal is secondary. Again, they're here to help you become who you need to become in order to have that result.

The learning that happens, the transformation that happens, that's the true reason for the goal, and once the growth has happened, you'll have your results. But you don't know when that will actually happen. You've never done it before; how can you know? You don't know what mindset blocks will come up that need to be worked through or what life events will happen.

I've mentioned this before, but my business grew less quickly than might have been expected, on paper, given other things I'd accomplished in life. But I don't regret it. I had some stuff to unpack that I probably wouldn't have done if my business had just taken off. There are things that I still see people working through that have far larger businesses than me.

I am very grateful for where I am, and when I think back, I realize I might have had an idea for how my business and my life should go, but that's not necessarily the best thing, right? I believe we have a higher intelligence guiding us. So yes, you get to set the goal you want, in the way you want to set it. It really is possible to set sparkly goals all of the time; goals that make you feel excited and lit up. Why not choose that experience?

You can choose however you want to feel, so feel amazing about this thing you're working towards. Do the work you need to do to feel amazing. “Why aren't I feel amazing about this goal? Oh, interesting. Good to know. Okay, well, that's where my work is. How different will it be when I'm no longer carrying that baggage around.” Just imagine! It’s a game changer! This is going to be so good.

Okay, I'll give some examples of these in a second. But after first talking about how the goals are not tied to the past and how they're very individual and self-determined, I just want to go into how they have a very strong, intentional ‘why’. That step of creating that ‘why’ really helps you detach from the outcome.

Because if your goal is just 10 clients, you're failing all the way up through nine clients. But if your goal is 10 clients this year, so that…, among other things, you vastly refine your messaging and your understanding of what helps your people feel safe to buy.

Because your goal is to one day help 1,000 women create this change in their lives, right, and 10 is the stepping stone to get there. Then, every time a new piece of your messaging locks into place, you’re like win, win, another win. Who you're becoming, is a woman who confidently owns her value and expertise, and can articulate it.

So, it's not that you lose the desire or intention for the 10 clients, but the attachment has completely shifted. Of course, you need to figure this out for you. What it is that feels real to you and is exciting enough to help you detach from the result? It's different for everyone, as it should be.

I always say, no two businesses are alike because no two people are alike. But again, the only purpose of a goal is what that goal’s going to do for you. Who will you become in the process of trying to achieve it? Once you become that person who achieves those results, the actual results come.

I'll say that, again; once you become the person who achieves those results, the actual results come. Take away the business of a billionaire, and they'll build back to that level more quickly than you or I will because that's just who they are now.

So, where is your growth? Is it in stretching yourself? Is it in maintaining? Is it something different? Stretch goals are great for helping us think outside of the box, and about accomplishing something that blows our mind, just to see what's possible. “Now that I've doubled, or exceeded doubling, my business revenue in a year, that doesn't seem far-fetched to me anymore. That was great growth for me. I was willing to fail, and willing to have a relationship with myself if I failed, in order for that growth.”

I can remember, in December of last year, I was so deep into my goal and I was paying such attention to my drivers. What was really driving my emotions and my thoughts about all of this? I uncovered lessons that far exceeded the value of that goal, right? I remember saying, “If I'm not meant to achieve this, then it's okay. Because this other thing is worth so much more, I will sacrifice that to have finally understood this about myself.”

I think it was about recognition. There was some recognition I was craving and I needed to give recognition to myself first, or something. It was really deep at the time. I can't remember it now because, hey, the entrepreneurship game is just one lesson after another. So, I can't remember if that was a specific one, but it was very deep.

I do remember I was in tears. I remember exactly where I was. I was across the stream behind my house in another field, and I was throwing the ball for my dog. I remember kind of just having one of those moments where it's like the earth stops and you finally gain that awareness. It finally clicks and you're like, oh, oh, it was so good. It was so good.

So, where was I going with that? Oh, right. Okay, so I was saying I was willing to fail and willing to love myself through that failure, in order for that growth that I knew it would take to get me there. So, once you set a stretch goal, then you stretch yourself, in order to stretch your mind and your belief.

Maybe your growth for this period isn't about revenue or clients. Maybe it's about stretching your visibility. Maybe it's to desensitize yourself to doing Facebook Lives. I had a client once that did 30 straight days of Facebook Lives because it scared her to death, and afterwards, it didn't scare her anymore.

So, your goals do not have to be revenue or client based. Who says revenue or clients should be the main measure of success? We get to choose before we get to choose. I've had clients come to me who were making seven figures, and they didn't really know what they wanted to do. They did not feel successful because of the revenue. They wanted to feel self-actualized. They wanted that personal growth rather than monetary growth. I honor that.

Now, you know me, I do think there can be both, right? But if in this period of your life, you're giving your full attention to one, great. Your growth may be in setting a maintaining type of goal, right?

“I'm going to maintain exactly what I've been doing because my growth is to believe this is just how I do now. This is my new normal. My growth is to work through my judgment about that, about me not striving. How will my nervous system react to me not doing more and more and more? Can I allow myself to really stretch in something outside of business maybe, and not stretch so much in business right now?”

That was, for me personally, another period of personal growth; I did that. Now, as you'll see, as I've been explaining this with maintaining goals, none of this is to help you get out of challenging yourself. Right? I love challenge. I think good stress is great for all of us.

There can still be challenge within the maintaining. There can still be growth within the maintaining. All I'm saying is that sometimes the real challenge is not in setting a bigger goal, especially if that's what you're used to doing. The truly uncommon thing is following the beat of your own drum, rather than striving to reach someone else's benchmarks.

You could even choose to throw out the whole idea of yearly or monthly goals. You can just decide, “My goal is my one next client. It could happen today. As quickly as it can, surprise me Universe. I'm bringing in my next aligned client, and it will feel like we've known each other for ages.”

Some of us create far bigger results. We really blow our minds when we're not setting specific, smart goals. Our nervous systems can relax, and we aren't sabotaging our goals with our brain drama. If this is where you are, do what works for you. Allow yourself to show up amazingly well, and see your results compound, not diminish, because of smaller goals.

There all sorts of combinations of the above. Maybe, “I want to maintain revenue while not feeling stressed.” Or, “I want to grow revenue while working fewer hours per week.” You get to play with all of this. You purposely leaning into your true growth, knowing it will be a challenge, is such a gift to your future.

There are so many people that just stay with what's working, even if they know it's not good for them. Then, over time, their problems just compound or something new happens. They have a much bigger business and they aren't prepared, so they go through a really rocky time. I encourage you to play with all of these different types of goals and really see what works for you. Because this is you testing how you manifest.

Yes, there are some universal principles. Obviously, if you're in a really negative place and you're having to show up in front of people, that's probably not going to work for you. But really, only you can figure out the specifics for you. I love helping people figure that out.

It is so fun when you see somebody really starting to feel out their groove and get their groove. Like you heard Ale last week, right? Just a really lovely level of self-knowledge.

Okay, so we talked about uncommon goals not being tied to the past. We talked about them having a strong, intentional ‘why’. We gave examples of how that ‘why’ will fuel different types of goals. And now, you want to decide the relationship you'll have with that, ahead of time. Right?

This isn't my taskmaster. Maybe, this is my lighthouse. For instance, when I think of my goal, I imagine her shining through in foggy moments, being like, “This is the way. You can reach me.” Then, you decide, holistically, how you're going to accomplish the goal.

I said before, we zero in on five things in the Clarity Accelerator. For instance, you know your brain pretty well. You know what it might start saying to you part way through when it's feeling doubtful. Or, in what ways it might try to distract you from actually creating that success and inviting in all that dangerous change. So, what are you going to do when those things happen? What's your plan?

That is a plan on how you're going to accomplish the goal. It's a plan to avoid self-sabotage. That's just as important as, “I'm going to do 10 webinars.” Far more important, I'd argue. You also decide in advance how you're going to treat yourself with different outcomes.

Your brain likely will forget when the time comes what you decided, by the way. “Oh, I just forgot to celebrate and reward myself. Oops, I just forgot not to beat myself up.” No, you go back to what you wrote down at the very beginning. You, as the CEO of your brain, as the adult in the room, you need to intentionally set up a positive feedback loop that tells your brain, “See, brain? Going after big goals, or slowing down to focus on true growth goals, this feels good. We like this, let's do even more of it.”

So, to recap: The way we commonly set goals is far from the only way to set goals. Uncommon goal setting is more powerful and far less painful. To get there, you've got to put the past aside. You've got to get clear on your ‘why’; use that to determine your goal. Establish a healthy relationship with your goal. Then, plan in advance for how you'll accomplish it and how you want to treat yourself afterwards, given all different possible outcomes.

That will help you detach from the result itself, fall in love with exactly where you are, and then you'll probably be surprised with what you call in from that place. But even then, you still want to evaluate them. You want to get clear on how that happened so that you can replicate it.

Circling back to what you want to accomplish in the next couple of months. Or, if you're listening to this after November, whatever you want to accomplish next. If you made your current goal from a clean, aligned place, then stick with it. We don't want to reactively change goals, ever. We want to hold beliefs throughout. We want to keep learning until the end, and then evaluate afterwards, so we can 10x our results next time.

Now, if you didn't make a goal, or if you don't like how you’ve made your goal, if this discussion’s opened you up to a different way, then change it. You're your own boss; don't wait another day not walking your uncommon way in your business and life.

As entrepreneurs, we can do a lot of spinning, right? We spin in action, we are spinning wondering why our actions fell flat, or spinning as we scheme about the next actions we need to take. In this episode, I want to help you categorize your actions into two categories.

We've got our traditional or common actions, and then our non-traditional or uncommon actions. I'll show you why relying on common actions is holding you back, and we'll deep dive into this concept of non-traditional actions so that you can see how they'll amplify everything else you're doing. So much so, that you'll never think about actions in the same way again.

So, our first line of thinking is when there's some gap, right? There's some gap between what we have and what we want to create. We start thinking, “Okay, what do I need to do?” In order to create different, you need to do differently or be differently; something has to be different.

But let's break it down a little. What is “do” exactly? What do we mean when we say “do”? Usually, especially for entrepreneurship, we think about actions like, “Okay, I'll add in another webinar. I'll write a post more frequently on social media.” I do encourage my clients to think out of the box ideas when it comes to these kinds of actions, right?

Because who says we have to do what everyone else is doing? So, even with the common traditional actions, there can be uncommon ways of doing them. But there's another type of action that I want to focus on today that isn't usually considered at all, and I'd argue is far more important.

So, the last episode was a podcast on uncommon goals, and one of the things I asked you to do there is to get clear on where your growth is for the next period. In this episode, I want to ask; what if your real growth isn't about stretching into higher revenue through, like I said, increasing your visibility with webinars or whatever? What if your real growth lies somewhere else? What if there is plenty of room for you to bring on more clients just doing exactly what you're already doing?

Sometimes I'll talk to someone and they're like, “Well, I need to do this thing. I need to add something in.” I'll say, “Okay, well, how many people are on your list?” They'll say, “About 300. That isn't working, people aren't buying from my list.”

Okay, so maybe we just need to keep doing what we're doing, and enhance how we're doing it. There are 300 people, and you're looking for one client. But in order to lean into that, you really have to believe that there's plenty of room already, right?

Even just through social media there is plenty of room to call in that one next client. Some of you are blogging, even through that there's room to call in your one next client. Really, “If I just work on that belief, I will show up in a different way, and that will create my result.” We'll go into these a little further on.

But another idea is, what if it's just increasing your capacity to receive and finally dealing with that nagging feeling that this just feels too easy or too good. Right? What if you finally tackled that over the next six months, or whatever the period is? What if it's practicing not thinking this one thought, that one thought that always sends you spiraling into a pattern of unhelpful behaviors which then show up in your output and results?

“What if this is where I'm learning not to default to that thought?” How would that change things for you? Sometimes, when I broach the subject with new clients who aren't used to the work, they say, “So, what, I just sit around and my business results are just magically supposed to happen?” No, friends, this is work.

This is work. This is far harder, in many ways, than busy actions that we take, than keeping a buffer between our conscious brain and what you're really feeling because you're so busy with stuff and thankfully, you don't have time to feel. Since it's harder, few people really do it. If this were more common, the world would be a very different place. We'd be much calmer, kinder, and less self-sabotaging if we were working on ourselves.

So, just stretch your brain with me here. This doesn't have to be what you adopt. But just for the next, I don't know, half hour that we're on this podcast, just start playing with; what if those are actually the best, most productive things I could do for my business?

I can't tell you how many of my clients have finally given themselves some time off. They've taken a vacation or something; maybe you’ve felt this too. Then they just come back supercharged, and that proves that their growth, their true growth, is in giving themselves a chance to rest. Because what would they be capable of if they were always in that state? What kind of thought leadership, what kind of contribution would they be bringing to the world?

When you're at that level you can't help but attract interest. You know, what if you take today off, and then within a day or two, you whip out this really inspired newsletter? You just sit down and just comes right out. Versus spending a week writing and rewriting, forcing yourself to push through, but your brain’s feeling like molasses and you just can't seem to formulate your ideas.

I mean, I don't have any personal experience with that myself. Of course, a friend told me about it; just kidding. This was the story of my life for the first years of my business. But what if the “do” of the ‘what do I do to call in my next client’, what if that action you need to take is, work on myself? There are some people that spend too much time working on themselves, and they aren't taking any action.

That is not who I'm speaking to, right now. I'm speaking to y’all that are always trying to do-do-do, even if it's coming from desperation, and sometimes even if it's not really stretching you. So, let's open up to the idea of uncommon actions or non-traditional actions. They’re actions, just like any traditional action you might be used to. I said, in the “Goals” podcast, the only purpose of a goal is what's that goal going to do for you? Right? When you look back on this period in your life, how can you say, “That's the time when I was learning to X.”

Right now, pick a random year of your life. Let's just take the pandemic, because we can think of that quickly. In hindsight, what were you really learning or accomplishing in your life, or doing then? “That's the time when I was learning to be more truthful in relationships,” Or, “That's the time when I was learning that there was a completely different way of working than I'd ever imagined. That everyone would be fine if we telecommuted.”

“That's the time when I was learning to really be with my fear of the future.” Or, “That's the time when we were changing cities. We decided to make this change. And then, I was really getting to know this new city during that time.” You can do the same thing with this period now in your life. What is it really about? Think that through for a second for yourself, about the pandemic. I'll give you a second.

Okay, now continue that connection with your highest knowing when you ask: What is this next period in my life really about? What am I needing to learn on behalf of my future self that's far more valuable and important than the actual result I'm shooting for?

How will I be able to look back and say, “That's when I was learning to do X, when I was really improving my copywriting. I was doing it then, in order to bring in X number of clients. But I had no idea then, that that skill was really what was going to allow me to bring in millions of dollars of revenue. That's what it was really about in that moment.”

Okay, I'm just going to run quickly through some ideas. This list is not complete, obviously. Stretch your brain to see what you really need. As I'm reading these, just feel in your body for a little hit of acknowledgment, of knowledge, of recognition; like, yeah, I do need to work on that.

One is, I've mentioned before, increasing the capacity to receive; I have a whole podcast on that. So often, the reason that we're not receiving our results is because of all the stories we have around what it will mean if we do actually accomplish that thing. And/or it's just so unfamiliar to us, and it feels so scary.

Maybe this is a time when you really work on your decision making. You really learn to just make a decision, and then feel it in your body. Go with your intuition; trust it, move forward, learn from it, evaluate. You're just practicing making a lot of decisions and firing up that muscle; that self-knowing muscle.

Maybe this is a time when you're really clearing old baggage and conditioning. Maybe you're building a new belief, like, “I am the right coach for my clients,” or “I don't need to do anything more.” Maybe you're working on the belief that more time doesn't create my results; I do. I do, through my brain and thinking up ideas. I create results.

Maybe you're growing your self-concept, right? You're starting to see yourself as that business owner or as that coach, rather than whatever it is you used to do. Maybe you're practicing noticing what it is that you really want, and then giving it to yourself first. Right? What is that thing? Is it you want more downtime? You want more recognition? How can you give it to yourself first?

Maybe you're breaking bad habits. As many of you know, I've been breaking the bad habit of overworking. Maybe you're breaking a bad habit of an unhelpful thought, or an unhelpful way of thinking, right? You're catching that and you're redirecting it. Even if you can do this with just one unhelpful thought, it could be the most important thing that you'll do for your business right now.

For me, one thought that seemed completely innocent was, “I'll just do this first. I'll just do this first,” and then, I would get involved with something; time would run away with me; I would let time run. I would then not have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish.

So, just working on catching that one thought, if I had spent three months doing that and that was my primary focus, that would have paid off so much in the long run for my business. In fact, it did, because I got it. That's what I ended up doing.

Recently, with a client, we caught a really unhelpful thought of hers. She didn't even realize that she was disqualifying her audience. Her thought was, “I don't think they want to work with me.” So, she was going in to give a presentation, but she'd already decided these weren't actually the people that were going to buy. So, what did she create? She created these people that didn't buy. No one bought.

We realized that if we could just work on that thought, like really believing that, actually, someone here either wants to buy or knows someone that wants to buy; like, this is working. If she wasn't disqualifying anyone, that that could have a massive impact.

Or, sometimes the underlying thought is, “I don't think they know they need this. I have to show them how much they need this.” Well, why would you sell to those people who don't want it? Who don't want you? This is the work we do in phase two of the Clarity Accelerator; “Know Your People”. You have to get very, very clear on who you're actually speaking to.

When I say ‘your people,’ it's not just the broad or even the specific niche, right? There's so much variation and nuance within that group. Within the niche of, I don't know, physicians that want to be more present for their kids. There's a huge variation of what we in the marketing world call “psychographics.”

What is that psychological makeup that brings you the best clients? Speak to them. Maybe your work is about leaning into the work that you are teaching specifically. So, if you are, I don't know, teaching time management, how can you, yourself, better manage your time?

Maybe it's tuning in and really listening to yourself, your higher self, and seeking internal guidance, right? You tend to just kind of go fast, go furious, and you don't really do those check-ins. What if you started doing those check-ins throughout the day? How would that change things for you?

Maybe it's practicing rest and enjoyment. I had a client, and she was reflecting on this because she knew this was her work. She was saying, “It's hard to believe that that is the challenge.” I think of challenge, the word challenge, is something that doesn't let you enjoy life. But now actually, my challenge is to enjoy life.

It's hard. We say, “I haven't reached X goal, how can I enjoy life yet? I’ll enjoy life when X.” But really learning to do the work of letting yourself rest and enjoy where you are, that’s work. These things, all the things that I just mentioned, tend to be very supported energetically.

First, it behooves humankind that you work on these kinds of things. That you then radiate that out for the benefit of everyone. Also, you're a higher vibe, and so you attract different things into your life. You, in your highest vibe state, it makes sense that the universe would want to connect people with you.

It would know that you'd be able to help other people take that step closer. Because when you start to do these things, you really show up differently. We've talked about this in the past. I mean, just think about it. A person who gets really inspired and shares on Instagram. That's a completely different energy than someone who's thinking, “I need to put out this many content pieces in order to trip the algorithm and get this many clients.”

What's really going on there, is that that form of communication is just what you do; it's just a reflection of who you are. You felt, you are a person who's inspired, from that inspired feeling you decide to share with people, and they receive it from that place. It's so different than, “I need to put out three pieces of content a week, even though I don't really feel like doing it.”

Now, I’m not saying that we always have to feel 100% inspired in order to take action. What I'm saying is that your traditional actions can be a reflection of who you are. Another thing is that your nervous system’s relaxed, right? Your mental state is in a different place, so you have access to all sorts of thoughts and creative solutions that you normally wouldn't. You move into this expectation of ‘how could it not work? It has to. So many people need this. This is so exciting. This is so good, I'm almost tingling.’

Really, your identity is shifting in that process. Who are you? You are a person that leads with your ideas. So, the big punch line of all of this, is what we think of as those common actions, the webinars, whatever, they're actually just the byproduct of the real work; they're the result.

For those of you that are LCS coaches, or you're familiar with the model, try taking the webinar or whatever action, out of your A-line, out of your action line, and put it into the result line. The webinar is the result of what? What do you have to be thinking and feeling, for the natural result of that to be, “Oh, my gosh, this is so good. I must call these people together. Let's just do a live training,” as an example.

I'm not a big webinar person; there are infinite ways to grow a business that don't involve webinars. I'm just using that as an example because it's something we tend to think about. The results that come from the thoughts you put into the webinar, are reflection of who you are and the work you've done on yourself.

It's just occurring to me, about this podcast for instance, I put off having a podcast for years. Really, this podcast was just a reflection of the work I'd done on myself. Of me believing that I did have the time in my schedule for one. That I would just hire this out and get support, and that I could be supported like this. Also, that my ideas were ready to go.

I think I used to have this thought that I might be changing my ideas in the future about what I wanted to talk about. Therefore, I didn't want to have anything out there that I then look back on and think, “Oh, what was I thinking? How was I leading people down the wrong path?” I don't know, this was, now that I'm remembering, this was a big fear of mine. Right?

So, the work I've done on myself, of believing that everything I have right now is meant for someone right now, and that it's okay for me, in the future, to say, “Hey, you know what? I used to think of it this way. Now, I think of it this way.” That that all was perfectly okay; perfectly okay.

This podcast then was a reflection of that. This podcast has never been about, “I need to create more clients. I'm going to do it this way.” It was very much about, “I've got all of this great stuff. We're doing all this great stuff over here, and I need to let other people know. I need to let them know about this other way of doing business.”

So, before we sign off, here is what I suggest you ask yourself: How would I show up if I truly believed that everyone needs to hear this? Would it be, “Hey, we all need to get together for a big webinar?” Or would it be something else? And then, what action? What uncommon action am I going to take in order to grow into that belief?

All right, my friends, that is it for today. Remember, on a certain level, you know who you are, and each day you're just stepping into what you're here to create.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #54: How to Feel Totally Prepared to Start Your Business with Amanda Popovski

Episode Summary

Jenna and Amanda discuss how to feel prepared to launch or grow your business.

Join us in the Clarity Accelerator by scheduling a call here.

Enjoy the show? Leave a review to help other like-minded entrepreneurs gain clarity in their businesses.

If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

Show Notes

Sometimes it takes bravery, time, and experience to take your business to the next level. Alternatively, you might be a ready-to-launch leader but haven't yet honed in on your offering. No matter which camp you fall into, today’s discussion will show you how being prepared will allow you to step into your greatest entrepreneurial self.

I’m joined by a member of my Clarity Accelerator, Amanda Popovski. Amanda is a coach who helps people who are ready to climb the ladder in their careers find out if their current ladder, their current line of work, is leaning against the wrong wall. Her time in the Clarity Accelerator has shown her the power of preparation as she grows her business.

Together, we unpack Amanda’s experience and how she discovered her true desires in business and life. Amanda shares how she has prepared herself to achieve her dream of coaching, and how she trusted her intuition and committed to her next-level life. Learn why coaching is a partnership, how to go big, and methods for building support into your growth.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• Why things that are meant for you come back around.

• Why coaching is a partnership.

• How Human Design is woven into the Clarity Accelerator.

• Why you’re not so weird after all.

• What the Clarity Accelerator can do for you.

• When pressure can be helpful.

Listen to the Full Episode:

Featured on the Show:

• If you'd like to talk about working together, book a call here.

• Click here to sign up for my newsletter and find out how the Connect The Dots Method has helped clients in all stages of their business.

• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator

• Amanda Popovski: Instagram | Website | APCS | Little Miss Minimalist

Full Episode Transcript:

Do you feel prepared to create the kind of business you’re going after? If you were about to scale a mountain, are you ready? Or are you more like, “Hmm, wait. I should probably bring some food and water. But I’m not sure exactly what kind. There are probably a lot more things I’ll need that I don’t even know about. Also, am I a good enough hiker? Which trail should I even take to get to the top?” Today, we’re talking about what goes into creating the feeling of readiness for yourself. You ready to get ready? Let’s do it.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome to The Uncommon Way. I have my friend and client, Amanda Popovski, here with me today to share her secrets and advice about what it takes to create a situation where you feel fully prepared to launch or grow your business. Amanda is a coach. She helps people who are very driven and ready to climb the ladder, but they suspect that their current ladder, their current line of work, is leaning against the wrong wall.

She helps them figure out what they're truly about and supports them to create that different life. But a few months ago, Amanda didn't know if she wanted to start a business or if she just needed some objective help to find a better fit career, in the way she was able to help other people do for themselves.

She certainly wasn't feeling prepared to start and then succeed at creating her own uncommon business. So, I wanted to have her on because by retracing her clarity journey, between there and where she is now, which is feeling fully prepared, and by letting her share the insights that she now has about that transformation, I know this is going to be wildly helpful for those of you who are also toying with starting a business.

But it will also be helpful for those of you that have a business, and yet, still feel a bit like you're winging it most of the time. Because not everyone gets to start off their business dialing all of these core pieces in at the very beginning, like Amanda has.

I know because I was one of them. This is definitely the perspective that I would have loved earlier rather than later in my business. So, let's dive in, and go ahead and welcome Amanda.

Jenna Harrison: Okay, Amanda, thank you so much for coming on.

Amanda Popovski: I'm so happy to be here. Thanks for having me.

Jenna: The reason that I wanted to have you on is because of something you said in a recent call. It was a while ago, maybe a month ago. You said, “I just feel so well prepared now after going through the Clarity Accelerator to start my coaching business.” What does that mean to you? What does prepared mean to you?

Amanda: Prepared, to me, means, and I think of this analogy of like a backpack and a trail. So, me having the success that I want, that I see for myself, and that I know I'm meant for it's kind of like the top of this mountain, right? I feel like for the past year and a half, or since I learned about coaching and knew I wanted to be a coach deep, deep down, I've been kind of walking the base of the mountain not sure where to start.

ut the Clarity Accelerator gave me all of the things that I need in my backpack. I got my granola bars, I got my extra socks, I have everything that I need to get up the mountain. Now, it's okay, so now I'm building the trail. It's the most prepared than I've ever been to really let myself make this a profitable business.

Jenna: Oh my gosh, I love your metaphors, so much. That was so good. Just the way you speak is always so colorful. You always bring in such fun ways of saying things that it just humanizes you immediately. Which is what I want everyone to experience when they're listening to you. Because for other people in this position, I want them to know they're not alone.

I also think that so often, when we are at the base of the mountain, we're like, “I just don't even know where to start. It's going to take me so long. There are all these things.” Or they'll think, “Oh, yeah, this will be a breeze,” and then they get into the real time aspects of it and they're like, “Oh, what just happened?”

I really want to help people see that for you this has just been a matter of a couple months to get you from ‘I'm not sure. I'm not even sure if coaching is for me’ to ‘now I feel completely prepared for a coaching business.’ So, let's go back in time. Let's rewind a bit.

When we spoke on our discovery call, you weren't 100% sure that you even wanted to start a business. You just wanted some help with clarity, right? So, tell us about that.

Amanda: Yeah, I had spent, at that point, almost a year and a half in corporate, coming from owning my own digital marketing business. I was like, “Okay, something is not working here. Maybe I want to jump into the startup life. Or maybe I just need a different full-time position, or something like that.” Owning my own business, I kind of shoved it in the back of my head, because I didn't think that that was possible for me, or that I would be “successful.”

Then, when we actually came onto the call, you would ask some really insightful questions about, “Well, if we take it to the grand scheme of things, are you going to actually be happy if you're in a full-time job working for someone else?” And I was like, “No, absolutely, not. Definitely not.” Then, you said something along the lines of, “Okay, let's keep going with the mindset that you maybe do want to own your business.”

That was really helpful for me, because it allowed me to unlock the permission within myself to be like, “Oh, yeah, I do want to own a business. I just don't know quite what it is yet.” Over time, when I came into the Clarity Accelerator, I was like, “Yeah, I really want to build out my digital marketing business.” But something, still deep inside, was like, “Not want you to do.”

I remember specifically posting in the Facebook group about this. This realization that I had of… I'm sure a lot of your audience can relate to trying to make something feel right, or trying to want to want something, and that was what I wanted to want. It was this massively successful digital marketing agency. I knew that I was capable of it, and I knew that I could charge top dollar because that was so experienced.

But every time that I tried to give it a full body yes, it just was a full body no. So, I started to play with and entertain the idea of, okay, if I was totally honest, if I was #SorryNotSorry, which is something that you taught me, what would I actually do? It was 100%, integrated, full body, life coaching. And, that was it.

There was no other information. My intuition just gave me that little nugget. I was like, “Jeez, if I only live once, and the first 25 years have flown by, then this is something that I definitely have to do.”

Jenna: Yes. Oh, my gosh. Thank you for sharing that, that fear that ‘maybe I just won't even be successful at my own business.’ I remember having that, as well. I remember being like, “Maybe I'm not one of the chosen ones. Maybe you have to be super savvy at marketing,” which you are, but those were my thoughts.

“Maybe you have to be super savvy at marketing. Or maybe you have to be really, really lucky. Or maybe there's some secret thing that I don't have, that would keep me from this ever been buyable. So, I'll just spin my wheels for a few years and waste my time, and then wish that I had just not been such a dreamer. I don't know,” that thought. So, I love that.

I also think it's important for us to go back even a little further and say that you had thought about a coaching business and really gotten burned. I think a lot of people can relate to that. Like, “I did hire a coach before, right? I have had this experience, and it really was negative. So, I'm really gun shy about taking that leap again.” Can you talk about that?

Amanda: For sure. Yeah. I first got interested in coaching after receiving a self-help book in college. After I read that self-help book, and I started to see more coaches on social media and everything, I was like, “Oh, my gosh, this is amazing. This is what I want to do. I feel really called toward it.”

The first coach that I hired was more of, I guess, what you would call a “talk therapy” kind of thing. Where we would meet and talk about my goals, but there wasn't necessarily this actionable-ness behind it that I've seen in the Clarity Accelerator. But I didn't know what I didn't know. Right? I didn't know that there were other options out there. I thought that life coaching was just talking one on one with your people.

So, I got burned, in the sense that I felt so ashamed of the decision that I had made to invest in coaching without the result, that I was like, “I am never going to hire a coach again. It's just something that I won't even consider again, because I feel like I made a huge mistake.”

But as these things often do, if you're meant for something, it's going to come back around. So, when I met with you the first time, we actually had our first discovery call about a year and a half ago, or two years ago, and I was still kind of one foot in, one foot out with coaching. I was like, “Okay, this is something that I really want to do. But I'm,” like you said, “Still gun shy. I feel so like burned by this experience.”

You were really great in just saying, “Hey, you can take your time with this. This doesn't have to be something that you decide on right now. If you want to be a coach, you can. If you want to do marketing, and then it kind of leads into coaching, that's okay.” I kept that in mind, and a year and a half later, here we are. I signed up for the Clarity Accelerator.

Jenna: Yeah, yeah. What do you think shifted between then…? What are your thoughts about that year and a half? Just for anyone else that also, not necessarily has had a discovery call with me, but with a coach. They're considering it, but they're still feeling gun shy. Was that helpful for you to take that year and a half? Would there have been different thoughts that would have helped you move forward?

Amanda: I honestly think that it was helpful for me to take that year and a half. Because the person that I was then, was still thinking in a very small-minded way, I guess. I didn't have the self-belief that I have, and I didn't have the experience of the antithesis yet, which would be corporate work or a full-time job. I didn't have that experience, yet.

So, I didn't have that fuel, that motivation, that sense of ‘Oh, my God, I don't want this for myself. I don't want this for my kids, I don't want this for the people I care about.’ That year and a half, what I really did was, I started to be okay with who I was as a person, and not necessarily relying on an external source, which is what I had done a lot during my coaching years.

It was like, “Okay, my coach is my idol, I want to be them. I want everything that they have. I want to escape my life right now.” I think that's a really unhealthy mindset for anybody to go into with a big decision.

So, the next year and a half was about really working on my mindset, my self-love, and respecting myself enough to know that a coach is a guide, and a helper and a mentor. I couldn't imagine my life without a coach. But it's also really a two-way street. It's a partnership. It's really up to me to make those decisions and to utilize every single resource that I can.

Jenna: That is so, so, so good. As I'm listening back to you, I'm like, “What might I have been able to help Amanda with if we'd work together sooner?” And, “What wouldn't I have been able to help you with?”

There's one thing you didn't mention, which is, when you had invested the first time and made a go of a coaching business, there were some people around you also saying, “See? You shouldn't have done that. That wasn't a wise decision. We kind of told you.” So, I think there was also healing that occurred in that year and a half, from that experience, in order to then be able to make the decisions that you've made now.

That might have been something I could have helped you accelerate, those feelings. Those thoughts and beliefs about what had happened, why it had happened, what that means about you, what your future could be. But that part that you said, about really tasting the other side, in order to give you this fuel, to then make sure that you can make it work, and the certainty that this is the right decision for you, that I couldn't not have helped with.

I could have sat here, and all the Clarity Accelerator members that had worked in corporate could have told you this is the best, but until you experience it and feel it in your bones, and make the decision for yourself… Because for some people, that is the right way to go, staying in corporate.

Amanda: That's something that I learned that was bolstered by Human Design, which is something that we work with in the program. It’s that the person that I am, I just can't take people's word for it. I just have to experience the thing myself. That Human Design piece is one of the most helpful things that I've found. It's not even a central part of the Clarity Accelerator. It's just a really nice cherry on top to validate everything that we do in the program.

Jenna: Yes, yes. I love that self-understanding. It's exactly that thing that helps you just drop in and give yourself permission to be like, “Yep, that's exactly how I have to do things. I have to find out for myself,” which is ,oh my gosh, so, so, so good.

So, we talked again a year and a half later. Two things. One, is that I think sometimes when people aren't used to speaking to coaches and aren't used to making really powerful decisions for themselves and investment decisions for themselves, there can be a little bit of fear getting on the phone with somebody. Like, “Oh, they're going to twist my arm and make me do this thing.” That is the last thing in the world I want.

I want people to be chomping at the bit and longing and yearning to join this program. I remember you even said to me, at the end of the call, “This is amazing value. Thank you so much, Jenna.” That's how I want my new clients to feel, like this is so win-win. So, there's that thing.

The second thing is that I did have a little bit of an ace in my back pocket, because I remembered you so clearly. You were one of those people that I always kept thinking about in my mind. “I wonder how she's doing? I wonder what she's up to?” So, when you reached out to me again, I had all of our notes from our first call.

On your intake form, you said, “I'm not sure that I want to start a business. I just want some clarity.” It was actually the VIP Mindset Coaching page that had really intrigued you. It was about just absolutely knowing you were meant for more, and knowing that there was this thing inside of you, but you weren't quite sure what that was or how it would be expressed in the world. That really called to you.

I brought the old notes from our first call, and on those notes you were so clearly talking about what you wanted, and what you wanted your life to be. I did approach it from a place of curiosity. I thought, “I wonder if her thoughts have changed? Or if this is what was deep down and then it's just the adulting and the fear and everything, that's covering up that truth?”

I sent you all those notes to kind of prep you for our call, so we could take it from there, which was so fun.

Amanda: Reflecting on those notes was such a great way for me to prepare for the call, as well. Because I had all these things in the back of my mind, and I guess we often just forget, in the hustle and bustle of life, who we are at certain points. It was so great for me to take a look at what I had been thinking the first time that I reached out to you because it was so similar.

It was really a gotcha moment from the universe. Like, “Yeah, you think you're going to move into this one thing, but Amanda, it's been talking to you your entire life. You do want to own this business. You do want to do coaching.”

Even at the time at our second discovery call, the most recent one, where I was like, “I don't know what I want to do,” rereading those notes that you had taken was like, you kind of do know what you want to do.

Jenna: I was open to it. I remember when you first got on the call, I was like, “I have no idea where this will go. Let's just talk.” In fact, I was thinking of referring you to a different person, perhaps, if you didn't want to start a business. Because now I'm only working with people that want to start a business. But I was more than happy to refer you to somebody else.

Luckily, it just all gelled in that conversation, and we both got to a ‘hell yes.’ We were like, “Yes, let's do it.” Which is so fun. I love it. Okay, I think that really sets the scene, because there's so many parts of that story that different people can relate to and can feel within themselves.

Now, let's talk about what happened over the next couple of months, and how it is that you feel like you have the granola bars and the water bottle, all the things you need.

Amanda: Okay, so when I got into the program, I felt so excited. Something great that you have us do is write down 10 reasons why we’re super excited when we signed on. That has been a great life lesson for me because as we both know, the brain does not like change, and it'll try to throw all kinds of things towards you. So, to have that buoy of, ‘these are the things that you were really excited about when you signed on Amanda, they're still true.’ That was great.

When I first got into the program, like we had established, I kind of had coaching in the back of my mind, but I was more like, “I think I want to do digital marketing. Digital marketing is going to make me really successful,” those kinds of things. All in all, I just knew that I wanted more, and I knew that I wanted to be a business owner.

So, I very distinctly remember the moment, and I talked about this at the top of the interview, but I very distinctly remember the moment of being just completely accepting of the fact that I wanted to be a coach. It was kind of an awesome moment for me, because instead of seeing my life purpose as a burden, it started to become an ‘oh my god, I’m really meant for this? That’s so amazing.”

As we've discussed in this interview, there was a lot of baggage around that word “coaching.” There was a lot of stuff that I had to get through; some shame and guilt.

Jenna: You're right. I remember, once, in the Facebook group, you posted and you're like, “I'm just having these thoughts of, why did I have to choose such a weirdo profession?” I'm like, “Actually, it's the number five top-growing industry, according to LinkedIn. It's not so weird. Lots of people are doing it.”

Amanda: Exactly. You followed up on that with this awesome story, or analogy, about farm fresh eggs. I don't know if you remember this.

Jenna: You want to share it?

Amanda: Yes, please, I'd love to. You had said something along the lines of, “Okay, let's say that you're just living in your town, doing your thing. For some reason, you just really want to start eating farm fresh eggs. You don't want to have the regular eggs, they’re not good enough. You just want to have the farm fresh eggs. Everyone around you is like, ‘Why are you doing that? That's so weird. Just eat the regular eggs. What are you doing? You’re crazy.’

Then, let's say that you fly or travel to a different city and everybody loves farm fresh eggs. It’s all that they use. They use organic, whole grain, all that kind of stuff. If you move to that city, or you were in that city, you would feel like, ‘Oh my god, I'm totally normal. This is totally awesome.’ So, the moral of that story was that even though you're in an environment where what you do may not be acceptable or normal, it's where you are, it's not who you are.” Did I get that story right?

Jenna: Yes, absolutely. It’s so funny that that popped into my brain, the eggs, but that's actually a true story of mine. I remember, when I was younger I was feeling that way. Then, I went to my yoga teacher training, in Venice, California. This was, I don't know, 15, 20 years ago. All of a sudden, every single restaurant that I went into was serving cage free, organic eggs. It was just a little note on their menu. Like, of course, these are all cage free, organic eggs.

I remember being blown away. Here's an entire city of people with the same value. But I had never experienced that. I was always the weirdo. As we get into these worlds, where we think that the thing we're thinking about is so strange, until we get into programs like the Clarity Accelerator.

We see that other women also want to have a multiple six-figure or seven-figure business, right? That this is also important to them, to define something that's completely unique to them, and create their way in the world and blaze the trail. Then, they talk about all the other people they know that are doing the same thing.

Then, you start thinking, “Maybe I've just been in the wrong community, or a different community. Maybe there are tons of people out there doing that.”

Amanda: Exactly. Like we've talked about many, many times with the mindset and the brain function, the brain doesn't like it when you're the only person in the room, when you're the lone wolf, because of the whole being on the savanna thing that you always talk about. So, it totally makes sense that I would feel that way.

That's also something that I've been learning from you, and learned from you in the Clarity Accelerator, is the idea to just have compassion and say, “Of course,” when your brain is feeling a certain sort of way. Just like, “Of course, you're going to think that way. That's the water that we swim in. That's the conditioning that we have. That's the brain’s tendency towards negativity bias.” That's been really helpful, too.

Jenna: I love it. Okay, so the first bit that goes in the backpack, of course, is feeling completely grounded, certain, and clear about exactly what you are doing, and why and who. Then, what are some of the other things that you think your brain needed to feel prepared?

Amanda: The coaching that I did before, kind of felt like throwing spaghetti at the wall. It was coming from a place of following trends and giving my power to external sources. The best of Clarity Accelerator, the thing that I absolutely love about it and was so blown away by, is not only the breadth of content that you cover, but also the fact that you build, piece by piece by piece, a strategy that is based on me, based on science, based on marketing, based on business best practice.

We take this amorphous blob that is my soul and my spirit, and what I want to do, and I have all of these abstract thoughts in my head, and I know that I want to do something, but I don't know exactly what it is. Then, we put it down on paper, step by step, week by week, and we build the foundation of this business strategy, that is based entirely on this shining diamond crystal within.

So, we've taken all of that stress off, we've pressurized them into a diamond, and now I'm standing so much in integrity and calling in my people. Because it's not just the feminine, it's the masculine action that supports the feminine.

That is now giving me the tools to be like “Okay, I know exactly what I want to post on social media. I know exactly what my next steps are in my business. I know how to launch this puppy. I know what my people are thinking and what my people want.”

That was absolutely huge. Because before, when I started my coaching business, like I said, I was kind of just posting random stuff and reacting to random things. But now I feel like I have a really thoughtful strategy that's going to call in the right people.

Jenna: Huge. There you go with your amazing metaphors, again. The diamond, I won't be able to get that out of my head. But I love that idea. I love the idea of we're taking all these little, almost like carbon, floating through the universe, and then somehow it comes together on this planet, in this way. There's the right conditions of pressure and heat, and then, wow, there's the diamond. The components were there all along. We just couldn't put them together.

Amanda: Yeah, exactly. You showed me how to apply the right pressure in the right places, and just get this beautiful, sparkling thing out of it.

Jenna: Oh, I love that. Yeah. It's interesting, because there's always room for us to ease off the pressure and give ourselves a little bit longer. But I did build the container specifically so that there was a certain amount of constraint, i.e., pressure, that helps our brains make the decisions that they normally wouldn't make.

The only way that I've seen that come is when you finally lock into this inner knowing. You get down to the wire, and you're like, what is it Jenna? Or what is it Amanda? Then, you're like, “Obviously, it's this. Shit, that's going to be really hard.”

Amanda: Right. Stealing thoughts out of my own head. Yeah.

Jenna: So nice. So, is there anything we've left off? Is there any other bits of advice that you would give now that you're on this side, that you'd give to kind of the earlier you about, I don’t know, anything?

Amanda: I would say that in my previous coaching experiences, the packages were longer. So, I'd find a nine-month coaching experience, and it was great. I learned so much from it, of course. But I have to agree with you, that that reduced time, with the Clarity Accelerator being the 12 weeks that it is, it really forced me to make really big decisions.

That very first decision was born from getting on the phone with you again, even though I was shaking in my boots. Even though I was terrified. The part of me that I was shedding was really scared and like, “Oh my god, if I go into coaching again, I'm going to be seen as a freak, super vulnerable, just this total weirdo.”

But the part of me that we both, you and I, Jenna, knew was inside of me was like, “Now it's time to play the game. This is it.” So, I would say to my earlier self, to just really keep trusting. Even though I was so nervous to get on the phone with you, I'm so glad that I trusted my intuition over any doubts or fears that I had. Because I wouldn't be here three months later, starting what I really want to do.

Jenna: Yes. Just to clarify, when you're talking about the 12-week container of the Clarity Accelerator, that's actually the curriculum portion where we're making these decisions. It's a six-month container now, where people can really come in to the mastermind and start to apply the work.

Which is so wonderful, because that's yet another reason I don't want to bring people into the program who are like, “Oh, I'm not sure. Okay, great, I'll do it. I need to prove this to myself,” by paying this money. It's because the women in here are so committed and so amazing, and I just want to make sure that we keep bringing in that energy of people who are like, “I am here to win it! We are going all in.”

None of this, “Maybe I don't even want to be doing it anyway.” Even though that's a human thought. It's not a big deal to have the thought, right? But we don't want to be in that space all the time, and bringing that uncertain energy.

We want to create this beautiful home, I think, which is really hard to find in the real world. Where all of these women are joining together, and just give full permission to each other to live the biggest versions of themselves, and create the biggest dreams for themselves, and not have to hold that and not feel weird about it.

Amanda: That’s 150% right. That's such a great point. Very similar to the cage free egg story that we talked about, nobody in my community, or where I live, is really digging into this work. Or is really thinking about, “I want to live the best, most massive life.” I'm surrounded by a bunch of normal, adorable, amazing people, and I love them.

Also, I wanted to respect myself and say, “Okay, I want to do this, and I also want to be surrounded by other women who have this on their mind too. So that I can take the initiative to normalize it, and not rely on just the people in my community to make it normal for me.”

I have to say that being in the Clarity Accelerator with these other women has been such an unexpected gift. Because I'm a very, get it done, do it yourself kind of person, but to kind of relax into the sisterhood and be like, “Okay, I have something to offer you. You have some amazing insights to offer to me,” that's been a beautiful deconstructing of the shell of a tense, anxious, get it done person.

Jenna: Oh, yeah. I love hearing you all say, “Oh, I was on the call and Gabby helped me see that. Amanda helped me see that.” I just love that there's that ability to pool resources. We all get so much higher together than if we were just working in isolation, really.

Another thing occurred to me to ask you. You're now thinking about moving forward and continuing the work even deeper. Like you said, you have everything in your backpack, and you're going to go up the mountain now. Yet, you're still here to be part of the sisterhood, you're continuing with us, and we still get to be with each other as we're building the business.

So, tell me about that way of thinking. Because a lot of people think… I mean, not a lot, but I've definitely seen people. Actually, I was one of these people whose like, “Okay, I got my clarity. I'm good. That was the hurdle I needed to get over, and now I'm good to go.”

You have a different way of thinking about it. I don't know, I don't want to put words in your mouth. Let me hear what are your thoughts?

Amanda: I think it's really tempting to think that way. I certainly felt that way, at first, when I first received that clarity is coming to a close email. Like, “Oh, this has been awesome. Now what?” I was kind of thinking, “Oh, okay, well, what do I want to do?” Then, I started thinking, “Well, do I want to focus on my Instagram strategy with this newfound clarity?” Which is totally something that I could have done.

But a bigger part of me was, in order to hold myself accountable, I need to stop hip-hopping from one place to another place to another place. I just want to see if I can build this business to six figures within this container. I had a very playful and inquisitive kind of energy with it. I just want to see what I can do.

More importantly than that, it just felt like the next right step. Like we talked about before, there wasn't any part of me that was, in order to build a six-figure business, I need to work with Jenna again. There was no need. There was no attachment. I knew that I was perfectly capable of doing that over time.

But I knew that to accelerate my timeline, and to give myself that real edge of being like, “Well, what if I did do it again? What kind of results could I create?” I knew that this was the right next step, and that I just wanted to keep following my intuition and taking great action.

Jenna: I love it. Love it so much. I'm so glad that we'll get your presence for another six months in the group. Amanda, thank you so much for coming on, for just being vulnerable, and being able to share the thoughts and the ups and the downs. I really think a lot of people will be able to relate to your story.

Amanda: I'm so happy to hear that. I'm just beyond proud and grateful to be on the other side. So, if I can help someone make that decision for themselves, I'm happy to do it.

Jenna: So good. Okay, I'm sure people will want to find you and hear more of your amazing metaphors and wisdom that you dropped left and right as if it's nothing, all the time. You're just so fun. It's so fun to be in your presence and your energy and see the fun ways that you talk about things and describe things. So, where can they find you?

Amanda: Of course. My Instagram is @AmandaPopovski. Kind of a mouthful, so you can check the title for my full name.

Jenna: Yeah, absolutely. We'll link to you, directly to your Instagram in the show notes too.

Amanda: Perfect.

Jenna: All right, Amanda, thank you so much. Bye.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #53: My Uncommon Story: Getting Off Autopilot, Outsider Insecurities and Spreading My Wings

Episode Summary

Jenna shares influences from her teen years and how travel, moving to suburbia, and heading to college impacted her perspective.

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Show Notes

Welcome back to my Uncommon Story Series, where I share experiences from my youth that helped shape my perspective today. This week is all about my teenage years: parties in Honolulu, a summer in Greece, finding my independence, a shocking move to Washington State, and my college experience.

My teen years were a collage of experiences that, in some way, challenged and changed me, causing me to dull my light and stay quiet. At the same time, my college years questioned my identity and pushed me to adapt as a small fish in a big pond.

Discover more about my background and the roots of my Uncommon Perspective on life and business. Unpack moments of my impressionable youth, days of rebellion, adventure, and hardship.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• The importance for grounding into your “why.”

• How travel opens your perspective and builds confidence.

• How to identify programming rooted in childhood experiences.

• Why words matter.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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Full Episode Transcript:

Hey, this is a new series where I'm giving you the context behind what I share in this podcast; i.e., what went on in my life to get me here. Think of this as part entrepreneurial mindset building told through stories, part historical nonfiction, and part audacious, salacious, beach read. I hope you enjoy.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Welcome back to The Uncommon Way. I am recording this just a few days before we leave for Spain for the month. In fact, when you're listening to this, I think we'll still be on our way, maybe our second flight, from Paris to Majorca. So, we are in the midst of the last-minute packing. My brain is telling me that this is hard and that there's so much to do, which there is.

But it reminds me a lot of what I see in business, with myself and others, where our brain just likes to have an opinion about it. It's my job to just direct it back into why I'm doing this.

Really grounding into how it is to be raising a son, that from his earliest memories, is learning that how we do things here isn't how things are done everywhere else. That there are pros and cons for everywhere. That paying attention to those details, and holding that truth, helps you make decisions about how you want to live your life.

See? Even just saying that out loud, which is why we do this in our mastermind, The Clarity Accelerator, we ground back into our “why,” and to what we are clear on and what we do know. Even just saying this to you all is making me feel excited about the trip. So, thanks for being on the listening end.

That whole topic about getting intentional about how you want to live your life, it's just the perfect place to hop back into my story. Last time, we left off where I had gone to New Zealand. I'd had my mind opened, and from there was able to make decisions about what were truly important to me.

One of the things that weren't important to me, were logos, anymore; clothing logos, brands of clothing. From there, all material goods; cars, zip codes. In releasing that, I was becoming more intentional about what I like. Asking myself, “What do I like?” I was really a changed person, and that showed up in a lot of different ways.

One, was that I had a new group of friends that last year. I'd already mentioned to you my Italian boyfriend, who was just beside himself that he couldn't impress me with material things. That really was part of the fun spark of our relationship. That I was just so over it, and he was so aghast and determined to prove to me, at least, why his Italian brands were very much worth paying attention to.

Now, my parents were pretty beside themselves about this boyfriend, or at least my dad was. My mom just swooned every time he came to visit. But I was raised in a very strict environment. I've already mentioned growing up on the military base, and how everybody knew who I was. All of a sudden, it's like you have tens of parents and older siblings.

My parents had told me that I couldn't single date until I was 18. I couldn't go on group dates until I was 16. When I met my Italian boyfriend, I was 15, so that was a problem. Especially coming back from New Zealand, that felt very, very restrictive to me. Because in New Zealand, we'd been going to parties, we'd been drinking alcohol, and I missed that freedom.

But I did have a little ace in my back pocket. Which is the fact, that ten years ago, when I was five years old… Yeah, we're going there. Ten years ago, when I was five years old, there was a time where I didn't get my way about something and I was extremely disappointed.

My mom was lying in bed with me that night, and she said, “Okay, you know what, honey? Tomorrow, we'll do what you want to do.” Even at that age… I was always a very strange child… I thought about it and I realized that that promise would have so much more value to me when I was older than it would at that age.

So, I said, “Actually, I want to be able to do it for my 16th birthday. On my 16th birthday I get to do whatever I want to do.” She said okay, assuming, who would remember that all those years later? That way, she got out of having to cater to me the next day.

Except that I didn't forget. I had this amazing memory back then. I would keep reminding her of this throughout the year. So, it was something that grew and grew. My boyfriend, by the way, was a senior. Wouldn't you know, that prom was coming up right around my birthday? So, I told my parents that that is what I wanted for my birthday, I wanted to go to prom.

Not only did I want to go to prom, I wanted to stay out all night with all the other friends that were renting hotel rooms down in Honolulu. Because that's where the prom was being held, at a hotel down there. I wanted to stay there and hang out with them all night. Somehow, my mom convinced my dad that, yes, she had to maintain this promise that she had made.

But I remember the rule is, I think I had to call home every hour throughout the night. As if that would stop anything. But bless their hearts. Being a parent now, I'm seeing the other side of the story. But it was such a magical night. I just felt so free. I had so much fun.

You know when you're one of the younger kids in high school, then you show up at the senior party, and all of a sudden you're seen in a completely new way? That's really what was happening. I just felt so old and mature. That led to another event, which was soon after that, because I was now part of this group that could party together, right? Friends that party together, stay together.

My boyfriend and I were invited to another party that was happening one night, and it was on the North Shore. So, I lived close to Pearl Harbor. This was going to be across the mountains. For those of you who are familiar with the geography of O‘ahu, we would actually be going through the Likelike pass, so it was not a really safe drive. Something that my parents never allowed me to do, especially at night. Especially after being at a party.

Now, there were four of us girls who were best friends. We were all pretty much on the same wavelength, except for one of us, who was the good little girl out of the group. We knew we couldn't tell her about this party. The other three of us decided that we were going to have a sleepover at someone's house whose parents really didn't care what she did or where she went. I think she was older than us. We weren't going to invite our other friend.

Now, everything was going well, and nobody would have been any the wiser, except that the friend that we didn't invite, just happened to call my house that night and ask for me. My mom, who is the consummate people pleaser, was just devastated that we would leave her out of a party that we were having.

She decided to call my friend's house and have a conversation with me about it, right then and there. Not wait until the next morning, but to actually talk about it then because she felt so bad for my friend. Well, when she called she got the news that we weren't there, and all hell broke loose.

I still remember driving up to my friend's house, and her parents came straight out and said, “Jenn, your parents want you to go home immediately. Here are your things.” That's definitely the most trouble that I'd ever gotten myself into. My parents grounded me for, I think, a month.

This happened to be exactly when, not only were a couple of my friends graduating, including my boyfriend, but we were all splitting up. So, my dad had by then retired, and we were going to be moving to Washington State. Of course, my boyfriend was going back to Italy. A couple of my friends were moving away. So, this really was our last month together.

We'd had just such a great year, and I couldn't participate in any of it. I couldn't see my friend get awarded as valedictorian. Couldn't go to any of the final parties, of course. I remember being so devastated. But I really only had to endure it for a month, because I had already lined up my second exchange trip for that summer, going to Greece.

So, I had mentioned in an earlier episode, that my mom had not allowed me to do a yearlong exchange trip. But if I were able to find financing and work everything out for myself, they would let me do two shorter exchange trips. I already had this other exchange trip lined up to Greece, and so while they were in the process of moving from Hawaii to Washington, that's where I went for the summer. Off to Greece, just a newly minted sweet 16.

That's where finally I could stretch my legs a bit. By legs, I mean, screwdrivers and peanuts for breakfast at an outdoor café, before hitting the beach. Because there was an interesting situation going on with my host sister, in that her parents were also very restrictive. She also had a fairly significantly older boyfriend, and her parents were very against this relationship.

What she had done on her end, hooking up with me, I was like her governess. For some reason, her parents would trust me going out with her during the day, when really, she would just drop me off at the cafe in the morning, and then go off with her boyfriend. Then, we'd meet back up to go home in the afternoon.

So, I was left hanging out with all of her boyfriends, friends, and some of the other Americans on my exchange trip. Also, another American who was traveling through Greece with her grandmother at the time. It really became just a golden summer.

I just have such vivid memories of… Well, in fact, this is one of the pivotal memories when I think back over my timeline, and the strange little things that really sunk in and make you wonder, “Why did my brain focus on that? What was really going on?” One of the ones that I always refer to, so that my clients can see what I'm talking about, is this time where I was on a city bus in Greece, and I was feeling so elated.

When I think back about that memory, I just have to wonder why. Why would I be so elated on a city bus? What was it about it? Then, I remembered the steps getting there were that I had to use my limited Greek to try and accomplish this thing on my own. Ask people the way to the bus stop and buy the bus ticket. Talk to food vendors in order to buy food; I was going to the beach.

So, I was buying peaches, a loaf of freshly baked bread, and a bottle of water, because I didn't have a lot of money; I guess spending it on alcohol. But that was what I just loved to eat for lunch. I'd finally made it. I was on this bus by myself, 16 years old, which I wouldn't be doing back home. I felt so elated. When I think back, yes, it was the freedom, and it was the accomplishment. But really, what it came down to for me, is that I was so awake and so alive.

I couldn't help comparing that to times when you're driving down the street, and you honestly can't remember if the stoplight you just passed was red or green. You just assume it was green, because these are the things we do on autopilot. But you're not fully in the moment. In that moment, I was fully in the moment.

When you're traveling, especially back when no one spoke English, you just had to concentrate on everything. Oh, interesting. Yes, I think I was feeling a little heartbroken or something from my Italian boyfriend. I think that might have been part of this, as well. There were times where I'd be waiting; did he write today? Did he write today?

In that moment, I wasn't thinking about any of that. I was just there, and it felt so delicious. There was also a lot of learning going on. I was with my host family; we were taking trips around Greece. They were amazing hosts, in that regard. I really got to see how they lived and how they traveled and be inside their minds.

I came up against some ways of thinking that absolutely floored me. Like these friends, of my host sister’s boyfriend. They would tell me, looking me dead in the eye, that foreign women only come to Greece in order to have sex with Greek men. I was so dumbfounded. I'm like, “Not for the history? Not for the architecture? None of that? Just to be with you guys?”

They would say yes. Now, of course, this is not representative of all Greek men, but it will play into something I'm going to tell you about later. They just seemed really confused about why I wasn't having sex with them. I had never been exposed to casual sex before, and I found that idea really interesting. Not something that I wanted to engage in at that point, but just really fascinating to even think about.

Another fond memory was the first time I went to the beach with my host family. We all peeled off our clothes, I was in my bathing suit, and I remember them kind of looking at me, looking at my body, and saying, “Oh, wow, you'd have a really great body if only your hips were a little bigger and your breasts were smaller.”

I remember being really caught off guard, because back in the 80s, before JLo ever came around, really small butts were kind of the right thing that you wanted, and large breasts. So, just in the same way that New Zealand had taught me that so many material goods and material things that I'd taken for granted were completely arbitrary, I started to understand, oh my god, ideas of beauty are completely arbitrary as well.

As I looked around at, for instance, magazines… Oh, that's fun. Because even just the little weeklies, that would come in the weekly newspaper or whatnot, would have topless women on it. I'd never seen that before. But even Playboy magazines, sure enough, there would be these women on the covers that kind of looked like the body of Venus de Milo.

Apparently, the perfect breast size was like a champagne glass; not a flute, obviously. But a glass with much thicker hips. Then, the big, big eye-opening experience for me, of course, was just the freedom that teenagers had in those countries.

There was no drinking age. People were always out and about on their motorcycles. I remember many evenings where I'd be with these friends, and they'd say, “Oh, you have to come check out these special little doughnuts that this one little town makes over there.”

So, we'd hop on the back of their motorbikes, and we'd go for, I don't know, half hour in the dark, driving to who knows where little town, in order to get these special little things they made there, these special little pastries. That was just the way kids spent their time.

I never saw a Greek person drunk. Never saw a Greek person drunk because they all grew up with wine and alcohol. They just learned to manage it from a very young age. Now, us Americans, we got a little sloppy, I have to say. I remember people looking at us in a rather shocked and unfortunate way.

That served me so much, because by the time I got to college, I just really felt like I had it all under control. At a party, maybe I'd have a couple of drinks, and then pretty much be done. But anyway, I'm setting up the scene for you so you can see the life that I was living there at 16.

Then, cut, frame, to Issaquah, Washington. A little town outside of Seattle, which is where my parents had decided to move. Now, this area has grown up a lot. It's actually where Costco is, and Microsoft is right on the same lake as Issaquah. But back then, it was pretty sleepy.

Every one that I met there; I was so amazed because they had communal memories. They would all remember the same things that had happened when Johnny fell down and broke his leg or something. When they were all in first grade, and they could all remember that. As military kids, none of us had communal memories.

One of my first nights there, we were heading up this hill into the mountain where we lived, and we saw something rolling down the street past us. Then we saw another thing rolling down, and we thought, “What in the world is going on?” Well, it was a small enough town, that every week they would print the police report in the newspaper.

We were reading that, the next, whenever it came out, I guess it was Sunday or something, apparently some teenagers had been caught rolling cantaloupes down the hill trying to hit cars. Now, first of all, that's the kind of fun the teenagers were getting into there. Second, who can afford to buy all these cantaloupes to roll down the hills?

I think that's a great story to really set up the sheltered environment that my parents had moved me into, and the privilege, like white bread privilege, that was there. In fact, on the first day, when I went to register for high school, I was standing in line looking around and noticing how white everybody was.

I said to somebody that I was talking with, standing next to, “Wow, this town is really white bread.” She looked at me and said, “No, we have five black people.” Which, in and of itself, is a thing. I told you that I'd grown up in Hawaii with racial diversity. Then, in the military community, there's so much racial diversity.

So, this is the first time that I had ever been anywhere in the US where there was so much whiteness, and where somebody would think that five black people constituted a diverse community. But here's the real kicker, four of those people were Filipino, it turns out. So, there was this homogenous culture. There was a high standard of living. There were these wholesome kids, and a very, very low crime rate.

For the first time, my parents are like, “Be free, young thing, you're free. You can date. You can do whatever you want.” Because there was nothing to do. The worst trouble that I could get into there, and it wasn't really trouble... The worst thing that I kind of shouldn't be doing but I was doing, was friends and I would drive out to Snoqualmie Falls. Which is where the show Twin Peaks was filmed, a cult classic back in the day. I don't know if you've seen it.

But we would drive out there at night. We knew a special pass to get down to the bottom of it. We'd walk along, and we'd go sit at the rocks at the base of the falls, they were always lit up at night, and we just sit there and talk and have fun.

Not drink, though, because the people there didn't drink alcohol, and they didn't swear. It was a really strange environment, I think, for any teenagers I've encountered anywhere else. It might just be that point in time, maybe things are different today. I know that so many young people are a lot healthier, they are drinking less alcohol. But from what I had seen, in that point in time, this was way outside the norm.

There was this thing in Seattle; this is pre grunge. This is right around… I think “Smells Like Teen Spirit” came out when I was in my senior year of high school. There was this attitude, in Seattle and the surrounding areas at the time, that our kind of coolness or hipness is displayed by our type of humor; the way we talk and the kinds of jokes we make.

I mean, they're just the pre hipsters, right? So, the ironic music that we listened to, that is kind of what defines us as cool. But drinking alcohol and swearing, and any of that, is definitely not cool. So, I really think of this time here in Issaquah, as the most challenging cultural immersion, in all of my travels.

There's this movie called Keeping Up with the Joneses with Gal Gadot. They're CIA agents, and they've had to travel all around the world and fit into different environments, and not be noticed or seen. But she's saying to her husband, Jon Hamm, “You don't know, this is suburbia. You don't know how hard it is. The women here are vicious.” I think that's what she says.

Here, when I was getting to know people, they would ask me questions about myself, I was introducing myself, and I had already accumulated so many stories, lived in so many different places that it seemed like a divide between us. I noticed that when those stories were over, there was really nothing left for us to talk about. And/or we'd created too much of a divide for them to perceive that we would have more to talk about.

Sometimes, with things I would say inadvertently, that would come out of my mouth, I'd see a couple of the girls kind of look at each other and then kind of raise their eyebrows and laugh, and think it was just something very strange and weird for a person to say.

I've mentioned this on other podcasts, how I didn't lean into that difference. At that point in my life, I did the opposite. I made sure not to really talk about myself, not to talk about any of my past experiences, and to make myself really as vanilla as I could.

I actually continued that when I went into college. I'd have to trust somebody in order to start telling them these things about my life. I had to trust them as a friend first. That reinforced, in my brain, that this was a sound strategy. That really, it was better not to shine, and not to stand out.

On one level, I got over that, to a certain extent, fairly quickly in my 20s. But on another level, we all know that we have this complexity. It’s something I'm still working on. In fact, here I am now, sharing these stories with all of you, many of you for the very first time. But it kind of worked out well that I didn't have a strong social life there. I wasn't dating anyone.

Because by that point, I was full on positioning myself for college. I was working all the time. I had student council, different clubs, and had a job. My very first job was $3.85 an hour working at a chocolate factory. I remember they had us wear…

It was in an area called the Issaquah Alps, because it's very reminiscent of the Alps. This was an Austrian chocolate factory. The place was built to look like a little chalet in the mountains. They had us wearing these dirndls. The things that you see women wearing at Oktoberfest, where there's kind of a corset that cinches them up, and a little white blousy thing covering their breasts.

Looking back on it, oh my God, horrible. But this is just what the girls wore who worked at this chocolate factory. By the way, yes, we could eat as much chocolate as we wanted to. It was really delicious. It was really good.

Of course, I was in the most difficult classes that I could get into. Definitely in math, because, like I mentioned in the last episode, I had taken a class in summer school specifically so that I could finish calculus as a junior, and then not have to worry about math my senior year. But that was the only accelerated class that they would let me take.

Because in Hawaii, if a child excelled, they would very easily and quickly and supportively move them up into any class, any grade the that they were capable of participating in. But in this school, they had a really strong level of academics at the median level. So, everyone was doing really pretty well. But no one was doing great, because they wouldn't allow people to move out of their grade level.

So, they made me retake classes. I had read the exact same curriculum of books, and I had to retake the same classes again. That was true not just of English, but other subjects as well. To this day, I just have such a problem with rules for rules’ sake.

But I was still working just as hard as I could. I've never been a very fast worker; I've always been a very determined worker. So, I think I went both of those years with just about four or five hours of sleep a night. It was noted. In the end, I was voted Most Likely to Succeed. Which, actually, came back to haunt me very soon, and I'll tell you more about that.

I really couldn't wait to get away from this town. I'd set my sights on going back to the east coast for school. I'd grown up in the west coast and in Hawaii, and I really wanted to see the other part of the country. People asked me why, “Why Swarthmore? Why did you choose that school?”

To be completely candid with you, at the time, it was the number one liberal arts school in the country. That meant a lot to me. I've talked earlier about the life of the mind, and how frustrated I'd been, over and over again, when I couldn't stretch my legs academically or intellectually. I was longing for the hardest school that I could get into. I had a big ethic; still do. Still breaking it; that working hard equals success. That working hard equals my value. I've done so much work on that topic.

But the other thing I liked, was the very broad approach to academics that liberal arts gives you. They really promoted themselves as a place with a lot of diversity of thought. There was a story I remember, about two best friends on the same hallway. One was the head of the Young Democrats, and the other was the head of the Young Republicans. I just thought that was really cool.

I loved the history of the school. It was one of the first co-ed schools in the country. It was founded by Quakers, who believed from the beginning that women should be educated just like men. So, I applied early decision, and I got in. Which, on the surface, is great news.

It was certainly great news for me. I felt like I had been working my entire life to get there. Even since third grade, if you listened to the last episode. But most of my family, except for my mom, and my biological dad and stepmom, most of my family were not really happy about this.

My parents had fallen on some hard times financially when my dad retired. Because they'd always lived on a military base, they hadn't accrued equity in a house. So, they'd had to put all of their savings into a down payment for a house, thinking that they'd be fine with dad's retirement and any new job that he would get then; because people retire so young in the military.

But what happened just at that time, is that when President Clinton came in, they did a huge contraction on military spending. So, all of the defense contractors were losing bids and couldn't afford to hire people like they used to. Now, I have no problem with that. But it did affect us very hard.

There were many people that thought I was being extremely selfish by going to this expensive liberal arts school. But another promise that my mom had made me, and this one she made over and over and over again throughout my life, was that if I worked hard and studied hard, I could go to whatever school I wanted. Once again, she determined to hold that promise.

I remember, I did get a third of the tuition in scholarships, and we did a third in student loans. But then, for what was left over, it was split half between my mom and stepdad, and my biological dad and stepmom. Even making that part of the payment was so difficult for my mom. I remember, she sold all of her beautiful jewelry in order to afford that. Talk about a mom’s sacrifice.

I loved my college experience. I was so grateful to her for making that possible for me. But it wasn't just my family, it was everyone in the community too. They just couldn't understand why I would go so far away. Every four or five years, someone would end up going to Stanford, and that was somehow accepted and understood. But every other person stayed local and went to state universities or colleges.

We didn't have the money for me to go back and visit all of these schools that I was considering. I remember a friend's mom asking me, “But what if you get back there and you don't like it?” I just looked at her and I said, “I've just decided that I'm going to like it.” I probably said, “I've just decided that I'm going to love it, I just will.” She tells me that story to this day, it made such an impression on her.

I love how, even then, somehow, I had figured out that power of the mind to create our experiences for us. I found it so interesting, because my roommate had a very different experience. So, she had grown up in New York City. When she went to Swarthmore, she found it very provincial, very difficult, and isolating.

I could kind of see what she meant, because she and I would go back sometimes, for some of the shorter holidays that I couldn't afford to fly home for, like Thanksgiving, I would go with her to New York. So, I got to live that experience with her. This was back when New York was still pretty gritty. I just thought it was a blast. I thought it was so fun.

We had certain little bars that we could get into. I just remember it being so dark, and so different, than the brightly lit New York that I think of now. As I would interact with her, her friends, and her parents, there was just a different type of conversation than ever would have happened in Issaquah. So, I could see why she didn't need Swarthmore to fulfill those, I don't know, those buckets of yearning, like I did.

But for me, having that personal freedom, and that intellectual freedom, the ability to use the biggest words that I wanted to and be around people that really cared about these ideas that we were discussing, and where there was absolutely no shame. In fact, there was extreme competition to be the person that can synthesize these concepts and most clearly articulate them. It felt thrilling. For the first time in my life, I felt so free.

Except that it was also quite hard. Not just because the curriculum was hard, but because I was no longer the smartest person in the room. Or knowing what we know now about all the different types of intelligence, I was no longer that book smart person. I had gone from a small pond to a large pond, where I was just an average fish. It really rocked my self-concept, and sent me into years of spirals of self-doubt.

Looking back, I can clearly see what a fixed mindset I had. I'd grown up being told, “Oh, you're so smart,” and I'd attached my identity to that. If, in fact, I wasn't smart, or I wasn't the smartest, then what was I? Who was I? There was no room for growth. I had no idea.

When Carol Dweck did the study at Stanford, about the people that could succeed and be resilient and go on in life to figure things out and do new things, I was the one that really floundered. If I wasn't good at math, I just wasn't good at math. If I had been proved to not be the smartest, then I just wasn't as smart as I thought I was going to be. Or I just wasn't as smart as I thought I was.

We really didn't have a lot of personal development work in those days. There wasn't a lot of interest in it. I remember there was a book called My Mother My Self, that my stepmom had told me about. But the only people that were really talking about this in the mainstream, and for instance, going to therapy, were kind of either neurotic New Yorkers, or really disturbed people went to therapy.

So, the only way that I knew to cope with that was to have tremendous self-doubt, a very strong inner critic, and to work my ass off. I also, especially in this first year, had not learned yet to work smarter, not harder. So, I was reading every single thing on the curriculum that I could, trying to do all the work.

We had a computer center on campus. There were a few students that had their own computers, but that was a big deal. Most of us didn't have our own computer. So, I was having to do my work at the computer center. It closed at 3:30 in the morning, and I was there closing the place down every night, and then taking a shuttle back to my dorm.

I survived, again, on four or five hours asleep for so long. Which, of course, didn't help my academics. But again, no personal development work. We didn't know any of this stuff. It wasn't that I was going after the A's. Because A-, and even B+, were badges of honor at that school.

There was a big problem, or it had been brought to light, how many schools were undergoing grade inflation. So, we were all very proud of the fact that a B+ at Swarthmore was like an A at another top school.

In fact, people from other schools would transfer to Swarthmore because they wanted a more rigorous and challenging academic experience. We were all just little gluttons for punishment. We wanted to work really hard, and prove that we were working harder than anyone else. But what I really wanted, was just to hold my own in discussions with people, right? To hold my own in these classes, as we were debating, as we were discussing.

The students around me, it seemed they'd come in so much better prepared than me. They had such a breadth of knowledge. I remember, my boyfriend and my roommate, they knew so much about art history. They had already studied economics in high school. They knew so much more about social issues.

When I was there, my first year, that's when the Rodney King riots broke out. We were in New York at the time, all of us. We were in a place in Long Island, very close to the city, where the riots were getting closer and closer, and it was a very fearful moment.

But in discussing this, in the weeks that followed, both with them and on the Swarthmore campus, there was just such a different perspective on what the riots were and why they had happened. Specifically, on the level of understanding about the rage that was bubbling up to the surface for Black Americans.

So much of what we talked about during George Floyd, is what we were talking about in these campuses, back in the 90s. But I certainly hadn't been exposed to it growing up, and I wouldn't have been if I weren't at that school. Understanding that words matter, that was a big one as well. I remember my parents laughing at me when I would say something like firefighter instead of firemen.

I just want to share here, that anything that you feel passionately about or strongly about right now, and that maybe some people think you're making too big a deal over in your community, chances are that very thing, 20, 30 years from now will just seem so normal. Or maybe with the way information spreads nowadays, and the Internet, maybe it will only take a decade.

You just happen to be on the tip of the spear, right now. But that's what social change takes. It takes enough people making the same types of decisions, saying the same type of things, around more and more people, for those changes to become accepted on a broader level.

Okay, so travel was still a huge priority in my life. Now that I was an adult, I really did want to take that full year and live abroad. So, I ended up going to Spain in my sophomore year. It's interesting that I chose Spain because I assumed that I would spend most of my career in Latin America. I was an economics major. I really wanted to work in the fields of micro lending. That was just so cutting edge back then, though it's become such a successful model now.

I thought if I were going to be spending my life in Latin America, and I would need to be speaking Spanish, wouldn't it be fun to just go play for a year in Spain, and learn Spanish there?

Also, I had had this dream ever since I was a child. I used to love to ride horses, I was riding competitively, and I dreamed of being in the Olympics. That all came to a halt when my dad retired and we hit hard financial times. But I still dreamed of wanting to go back to the Barcelona Olympics in ‘92. Even if I couldn't ride there, I at least wanted to watch it.

So, I set myself up, in order to be studying that year and going forward. But I couldn't actually make it to the Olympics because I had to earn money. Instead of being in Barcelona that summer, I was in Issaquah, Washington, working in a towel shop folding towels all summer long, listening to the Olympics. Which was a good character builder, as my dad would say.

Let me tell you, everyone, that Spain trip changed my life. It was such a huge fork in the road, and such a great, great story that I am so excited to tell you about next time. Have a great week.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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Ep #52: How Clarity Helps You Safeguard Against Burnout

Episode Summary

Jenna shares why, when you're edging toward burnout, taking things away isn't always the answer. Finding clarity is.

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Show Notes

Burnout always stems from a deeper place that strict rules cannot solve. Your tactics of keeping burnout at bay by setting hard limits, holding back, and bringing more and more people on are not efficient or inspiring. They don't even guarantee less work!

In this episode, I reflect on a conversation I had with my client, Rachel Hale, in which we talked about burnout. I break down how I worked with Rachel to unveil the mechanics of finding clarity and, in the process, safeguard against burnout.

This week, I show you how to identify the root cause of your burnout. By building clarity within your business, you cultivate confidence and allow all that is unnecessary to fall away. When your boundaries are clear, you can stay in your flow state longer and become the calm, grounded entrepreneur you want to be.

What You’ll Learn From This Episode:

• How to avoid burnout.

• Why black and white thinking or endless rules won't help.

• What burnout stems from.

• How to get out of inner-critic habits.

Listen to the Full Episode:

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• Follow me on Instagram for behind-the-scenes content and daily value bombs!

• Click here to learn more about the Clarity Accelerator

• Ep #1: The Clarity Gap

• Ep #47: Safeguarding Against Burnout with Rachel Hale

Full Episode Transcript:

If you are overworking or have a tendency to overwork, you might think the answer is to remove something, to take something out of your business. But I've found that when that's happening, the truth is my clients are actually missing some key essential. And so, it's actually about putting something into your business. Because then, all of that unnecessary stuff starts to fall away naturally.

You're listening to The Uncommon Way Business and Life Coaching Podcast, the only podcast that helps you unlock your next level in business and life by prioritizing your clarity and your own Uncommon Way. You will learn to maximize your mindset, mission, messaging, and strategy in order to create a true legacy. Here's your host, top-ranked business coach, and reformed over-analyzer turned queen of clarity, Jenna Harrison.

Hey, friends, welcome back to The Uncommon Way. Though I am recording this episode before we leave for Spain, I just wanted to keep you updated that we will be having weekly episodes. I've prerecorded most of the content because while I'm there, I, of course, will be enjoying my time with family and friends in Spain.

But there's also very little that I have scheduled in terms of work. So, I'll be maintaining our mastermind calls, and I do have a few individual private client calls scheduled, but really my main focus is going to be Instagram. I really love the idea since I'm not usually on Instagram. Which, any of you that have already looked me up there probably know. But I really love the idea of doing so when I can make it very playful and fun, and I have nothing else on my plate.

Who knows what I'll actually be sharing, but I imagine it'll start off showing you all the clothes that I have ordered for this rebranding photoshoot that I'm going to be doing. I live in the middle of nowhere. Well, we definitely have Targets, and if I wanted to, I could get to a Macy's, and that’s about it. So, I've had to order everything in. Which means, I try it on, it doesn't work, I send it back. I think I have become every online retailer’s worst nightmare.

But it does make for a fun story. And who knows, maybe you all could help me pick out final decisions on outfits. I can be showing you the houses we're staying in, and what the lifestyle is like.

Listen, you all, if you have any suggestions for me or any pointers, please write. I will not be offended, at all. This is not my zone of genius. So, if you just want to drop in and be like, “Hey, you should put in a question box and ask people will blah blah blah. Or have them ask you questions. Or you should try doing this. Or I'd really like to see, show me when you guys do this thing you talk. Do a video of that or something.”

I don't know, I'm open to everything. Like I said, this is just going to be a time to play. I hope that you all come along with me on this fun trip for a little taste of ‘la buena vida’, which means ‘the good life’, right? The things that really count and make this life so magical and special.

I did an episode recently, with Rachael Hale. As we were recording it, my mind hadn't crystallized on what I now think is the biggest takeaway. By the way, that episode was called “Safeguarding Against Burnout with Rachael Hale”. You can find it at TheUncommonWay.com/47.

Now, it's a really great episode, I think a lot of us can relate to it. But I probably would have structured it a little differently if I were trying to help everyone see what I see about how this work does safeguard against burnout. So, I wanted to just come back in and give this short, quick episode where I kind of break it all down and dissect it.

Because I realized I was so clear about the mechanics of how this work really helps safeguard, but if you haven't been through it, you wouldn't know. You wouldn't see the connections, let alone see them glaring and obvious like I do.

So, I'm going to give you the behind the scenes of what created a such a different business for Rachel, and such a different experience of her business for her. It'll then, hopefully, make sense to you how those of us in this mastermind are able to do business so differently. How we're creating really unique, uncommon businesses and lives. It'll make sense why you hear them coming on the podcast to talk about how everything changed for them, you'll see those connections.

Overworking is such a problem in our society. And usually, when we try to solve for it, we think of taking things away from our business. So, I have clients that come to me who have a history of burnout, and they really, really want to make sure that they avoid it.

They're attracted to the language that I have on the website about really doing things their own way. They tell me, “Look, I just don't want to build a business if I could even get close to burnout again. So, I have made this decision, I will not let myself work past five. I'll make sure I don't push myself too much. I'll just hire someone to do that for me. I don't want to know anything about how to message to my audience, Jenna, because I just want to hire that out to a copywriter.”

I totally get this way of thinking. I'm an overachiever, myself. I have reached burnout several times in my life. I've tried all sorts of things to keep it from happening again, like the ones I just mentioned. But do you really want to live like that?

I was sharing this the other day with the people on my email list. I'm like, do you really want to be setting punch-in and punch-out times like you had in your corporate job? Because that's how you learn to fill the time, rather than working smarter.

Do you really want to be holding back, be hesitant and worried because of “what if?”. You may miss out on a lot of great opportunities when you're in that energy. Or do you want to be bringing on a bloated team and having to keep track of a bunch of contractors? You create more work and you lose profits. Especially when it comes to your messaging, you don't develop the muscle of really communicating effectively with your people.

So, no, of course not. You don't want those kind of hard and fast rules and black-and-white thinking. Above and beyond that, the sad truth is that those things don't even stop the burnout spiral. That comes from completely different things, like working within your zone of genius, and feeling confident that there are enough clients who value what you do so much that you can comfortably meet your income goals.

I get that all you ever really wanted is a business that runs so well that you don't have to feel like you're always stressed and striving or putting out brush fires. So, that your brain can go, okay, we've got this under control, we can relax. But that kind of business, it doesn't come from holding back, strict structure, or overspending.

Which is why safeguarding against burnout isn't necessarily what you take away from your business, although in some specific cases it is, but that's really a topic for another episode. But first and foremost, 90% of the time, it's about what you put into your business.

Like the time to sit back and look at the big picture. The work to deeply understand your people. The discomfort of identifying and then truly owning your secret sauce. The consistency of rewriting those brain and body patterns that got you to burn out in the first place.

That's what Rachel committed to putting into her business, temporarily. She said that it really wasn't as much work as she'd expected. She even went back and did a couple of the modules twice. But by doing that, afterwards, so much naturally just fell away, fell off of her plate.

Her business is cleaner. Her outreach and her sales are clearer. Her days are freer. Plus, the way she spends her free time now, I don't know about you, but I would definitely want to buy a plane ticket and just follow in her footsteps. Except, maybe, I'd be boating around Greece rather than the Bahamas, But, you know, twist my arm, I think I could handle it.

So, if you, my friend, are the kind of person who overworks or fears burnout so much that you keep yourself from working, I'm here to suggest that maybe what's going on is that you never got to the root issues of the problem. And that's why you keep repeating the patterns.

What's really going on is that you're lacking clarity and confidence in your secret sauce, your people, your offer, your messaging, or how to take leadership in your mind and body. Clarity is the answer to all of those.

You just realize, “All that extra hustle and bullshit and overdoing, I was compensating. I was compensating for insecurity and uncertainty. It made me feel better to be doing things, even if that made me depleted or annoyed. Even if those things weren't truly helping anyway, it felt better.”

I've been doing this interval training thing lately, and the instructor will always say, “Make sure you're not using these muscles, instead of this muscle. Make sure you're not just using momentum. That you're actually using that muscle to lift. Because if not, that muscle that we're targeting, isn't fully developed and you're compensating by using different muscles. But all that does is lead to overexertion and muscle strain.”

That alignment that you need when you're in that specific exercise or pose, and the mind-body connection, makes all the difference with how quickly you see the transformation. That's what happens. We have kind of a weak muscle in a certain area of our business and we don't want to exercise it. So, we overcompensate using a bunch of different muscles, a bunch of different skills that we have, but it doesn't really build that core competency.

Then, we're like, “Ow, why is my back always hurting? Why is my back always hurting?” Well, this is why. So, if you notice you feel like you need to be all the things, to all the people, that won't happen when you're clear on what you do and for whom. And you actually believe that that's enough.

If you're constantly proving that you're worth their investment, that won't happen when you understand just how valuable your services are, and you have actually talked to real people who say they'd give anything for help with that.

If you're constantly doing 10 times the sales calls and seeing so many rejections, that doesn't happen when you talk about what you're doing succinctly, you filter the people coming in to make sure they're fit, and you're confident in your delivery.

The same with promoting yourself, you'll be doing 10 times the work when you feel like you have to try all the things, rather than just getting very clear on what your people need and want to hear and focusing on that. I could drone on for an hour about how all the ways we overwork in our business comes down to some basic lack of clarity or confidence. But I don't want to do that to you.

I hope these examples lay out the argument in a way that hits home for you. By the way, the reason that I could give so many examples is because I know them well. Because I've been there. I'm always one step ahead of my clients, in terms of finding one more sneaky little way that my brain starts slipping something in.

Perfect example is this podcast. I realized I’d been spending quite a bit of time preparing. It finally occurred to me, I finally got outside of myself, to say, “This is interesting. This is a pattern that I recognize in myself. What's really going on here?” I started thinking, what would happen if I really believed that just me sitting down to talk to you all was enough?

That I have enough in my head to share that I could just sit down and talk or quickly bullet out some points, whatever, and that that would be highly valuable for you. It's interesting, because I've actually done that in the past. There were a couple of times where whatever had been going on in my life, I just had very limited time to create the episode. Those episodes have been really well received.

I remember when I was in Italy last year, I did one on the number one skill for entrepreneurship. It was on emotions; being able to tolerate and manage emotion. Yeah, that one was really well received. So, I have the evidence.

My brain just doesn't want to see the evidence because it really wants to stay in the energy of doing more. Spending more time helping my inner critic feel better that this will actually be a valuable episode for you. The way that I do that, is by spending hours and hours going back and adding more points or refining the language or just all sorts of things that really aren't what is actually helpful for you. I don't think.

I think that really, the clear message and a different way of thinking about things is helpful. Actually, even shorter episodes can be really helpful, right? It can be just enough for that to sink into your brain on that day, without too much extra stuff, to really make an impact.

So, I do have some prerecorded episodes that are still coming out. But you'll see, in a few episodes, I'm going to talk about how I'm changing that and doing some different things. You'll just have to let me know, right? You’ll just have to let me know what you think. It's all a learning pattern.

But I did notice myself going down kind of an old grooved pattern in my brain, and I caught it. Those are the kinds of things now, that when I see my clients starting to do it, I can say, “I'm just curious, if you believed that what you had to say was enough, just sitting down in front of the mic, how would things be different for you?”

So, if there's something else going on in your business, where you're thinking right now, “No, no, none of the examples you gave are me. I'm actually busy because of X,” feel free to write me, or DM me, about it. I do want to help you and I'll just tell you what I see. Maybe I'm completely wrong.

But I have been in this game for six years, seven years now, and I've worked with everyone, from people just starting out to seven-figure business owners. Usually, it’s something that's like a light bulb; when I just ask them one question. One question like, “What do you think you'd be doing differently if you really believed blah blah blah. If you really knew, blah blah blah?” Blah blah blah is the thing I've identified about the specific clarity gap that's getting in their way.

If you are asking what is a “clarity gap”, I have an episode for that. You can go to TheUncommonWay.com/1, because it was my very first episode. That's why it's #1.

Like I said in the intro to Rachel's episode, which was #47, again, if you want to go back and listen to that. By doing the work to understand her zone of genius and the value of what she's offering, she has set herself up for success both financially and when it comes to safeguarding against burnout.

Because it's hard to burn out when you're staying in your flow state, you aren't letting other people's desires infiltrate your boundary, and you're bringing in clients who value what you do so much that you can comfortably meet your income goals. But this is available to all of us.

We just need to stop spinning long enough to put in some high-level work, that will really make a difference. We need to think like CEOs rather than like little hamsters that are on the wheel. We need to shift into our calm, grounded, confident, kick-ass self so that our lives can start looking like the lives that belong to a calm, grounded, and confident woman.

Now listen, if you want to safeguard your business against burnout, like Rachel has, there is no better time than right now. I would love to help break that cycle for you. I would love to break it for every woman on the planet.

And if you're just starting out, let’s set your business up so you never even go there in the first place. You can join me and the other amazing women inside the Clarity Accelerator, who are rewriting how business and life is done by focusing on what matters; your clarity.

Because what you desire, that life, that business, those clients, they desire you too. They're just waiting for you to get clear, and your uncommon way is waiting for you.

All right, my friends. Remember, you know who you are, and each day you are stepping further into what you are here to create. See you next week.

Hey, if you want true clarity about your secret sauce, your people, your best way of doing business, and how you talk about your offer, then I invite you to join us in the Clarity Accelerator. I'll teach you to connect all the dots, the dots that have always been there for you, so that you can show up like you were born for exactly this.

Come join us and supercharge every other tool or tactic you'll ever learn, from Facebook ads to manifestation. Just go to TheUncommonWay.com/schedule and set up a time to talk. I can't wait to be your coach.

Thanks for joining us here at The Uncommon Way. If you want more tips and resources for developing clarity in your business and life, including the Clarity First Strategy for growing and scaling your business, visit TheUncommonWay.com. See you next time.

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